[personal profile] 7rin
By GINA KOLATA
Published: September 5, 2012

Among the many mysteries of human biology is why complex diseases like diabetes, high blood pressure and psychiatric disorders are so difficult to predict and, often, to treat. An equally perplexing puzzle is why one individual gets a disease like cancer or depression, while an identical twin remains perfectly healthy.

Now scientists have discovered a vital clue to unraveling these riddles. The human genome is packed with at least four million gene switches that reside in bits of DNA that once were dismissed as “junk” but that turn out to play critical roles in controlling how cells, organs and other tissues behave. The discovery, considered a major medical and scientific breakthrough, has enormous implications for human health because many complex diseases appear to be caused by tiny changes in hundreds of gene switches.

The findings, which are the fruit of an immense federal project involving 440 scientists from 32 laboratories around the world, will have immediate applications for understanding how alterations in the non-gene parts of DNA contribute to human diseases, which may in turn lead to new drugs. They can also help explain how the environment can affect disease risk. In the case of identical twins, small changes in environmental exposure can slightly alter gene switches, with the result that one twin gets a disease and the other does not.

Read more... )

A version of this article appeared in print on September 6, 2012, on page A1 of the New York edition with the headline: Study Discovers Road Map of DNA; A Key to Biology.
[personal profile] 7rin
By JUDITH SHULEVITZ
Published: September 8, 2012

MOTHERHOOD begins as a tempestuously physical experience but quickly becomes a political one. Once a woman’s pregnancy goes public, the storm moves outside. Don’t pile on the pounds! Your child will be obese. Don’t eat too little, or your baby will be born too small. For heaven’s sake, don’t drink alcohol. Oh, please: you can sip some wine now and again. And no matter how many contradictory things the experts say, don’t panic. Stress hormones wreak havoc on a baby’s budding nervous system.

All this advice rains down on expectant mothers for the obvious reason that mothers carry babies and create the environments in which they grow. What if it turned out, though, that expectant fathers molded babies, too, and not just by way of genes?

Biology is making it clearer by the day that a man’s health and well-being have a measurable impact on his future children’s health and happiness. This is not because a strong, resilient man has a greater likelihood of being a fabulous dad — or not only for that reason — or because he’s probably got good genes. Whether a man’s genes are good or bad (and whatever “good” and “bad” mean in this context), his children’s bodies and minds will reflect lifestyle choices he has made over the years, even if he made those choices long before he ever imagined himself strapping on a Baby Bjorn.

Read more... )

Judith Shulevitz is the science editor for The New Republic.
[personal profile] 7rin
Please sign the petition I've created:
Allow adult adoptees to be repatriated into THEIR OWN families
@
http://epetitions.direct.gov.uk/petitions/38120


Responsible department: Ministry of Justice
Adoption, as it currently stands, is irrevocable. However, if adoption equates to child protection (as the Gmt seems to think), then adopted adults should be able to annul, revoke, divorce, or otherwise abort THEIR OWN adoptions, which would naturally result in repatriation of the adult back into THEIR OWN family.

Adults can *choose* to get married, and then *choose* to get divorced. Adults can *choose* to live as their binary opposite gender and get a new "birth certificate" showing this - yet adoptees are forced to remain legally grafted to a family of strangers.

If adoption is truly about child protection, then at 18, the adoption should be able to be terminated by the adoptee if the adoptee so chooses.
[personal profile] 7rin
Repost of http://sonofasurrogate.tripod.com/blog/index.blog?entry_id=1536490 'cause tripod kills my browser. C'n'p'd 31 Jul 2012.

Wednesday, 9 August 2006
Love isn't all you need
Mood: incredulous

Jason. My partner, my friend, my advocate and sometimes, my rival. We've been through so much together that sometimes i feel like i have known him all my life.

Jason is a Saggitarius, so of course we are going to clash cuz i'm a water baby, but at the core level, we are so similar that it is scary. Jason is an adoptee. I don't know if I was drawn to him because of that or this was an experience i knew subconsciously that i needed to have. Me being an adoptee too (cuz that's what i am even if i was only adopted by the amom being a surrogate child) you can only imagine the issues that abound in our little studio. 2 adoptees, 3 shrinks, 4 mothers, 5 bottles of non-aresol hair spray, 1 bed. God help us.

Jason is a year younger than me and he actually had a family adoption. You wouldn't think it would be as bad seeing that he always knew who he was and where he came from. His uncle adopted him and raised him with his wife who was infertile. Or maybe it was his uncle that was. Who cares. They couldn't have kids was the point. So when Jason's mom got pregnant at 16, the family decided that Jason would go to his uncle and they would then be known as mom and dad. Sounds good in theory, doesn't it? Win-win, right?

So Jake and Roberta (Robbi) raised J with all the love and care you would expect his real parents would have given him. They provided him with every opportunity, every material possession he could want, a good education and a very stable home. J loves them like there is no tomorrow and will defend them until their deaths. He always knew who his real mom was and she loved him too. Happy-happy. Joy-joy. All is well, right?

Then came the time last year that J's real mom had her second child. Bev was 35 or 36, somewhere around that. I have never seen the boy unravel quite like he did that day. After we returned from the hospital, Jason and i sat beside each other on the bed. I knew something was wrong because when J chews the inside of his mouth, something is bothering him. I just didn't know how deeply it went for him.

I innocently asked, "So J, whaddya think of Connor? Isn't he an absolute doll?" The dam burst, the levy broke and the floodgate blew apart at that moment. J, sobbing the hardest I have ever seen anyone do, flung himself across my lap, clutched my knees, and wept into my stoneblast Levis. "WHY DIDN'T SHE KEEP ME?! WHY DIDN'T SHE WANT ME?!" he wailed. Over and over he repeated these two things until the dam broke inside myself. I was taken back to the time when I first met my siblings and how badly that stung. Seeing the family photos, all happy and smiling, but I wasn't there. I was missing. I knew exactly how J felt. My mother didn't keep me either. My mother didn't want me either. No matter how much our other parents did, our real mothers did not.

I bent over and sobbed into J's tee shirt. 2 barely grown men transformed back into the raging, grieving infants taken from their mothers and replaced with substitute mothers. No matter how much love we were given, it wouldn't take away the pain of losing our 1st mothers. I felt a connection to J that superceded anything physical or mental. It was a spiritual connection with a grieving brother.

Something horrible happened to us at birth. We lost our mothers. They did not die, but they might as well have been dead because we lost them in the capacity of mother and to a tiny baby, that feels like death. They are all we ever knew and suddenly, they were gone.

How ignorant it is for us to think that babies don't feel or don't remember. Study after study comes out to reveal how aware we really are and how bonding begins before birth.

I feel for J in what he has had to go through this last year and will have to go through for some years more. I remember how it was for me at 17 when it all came down. After years of "I am happy to be adopted, my parents love me, they are my parents and I am so grateful to my real mom for making the best decision she could by giving me to my parents" the shit finally hit the fan and he was covered from head to toe. Oh yah, he alway had the classic adoptee issues. What? I saw it. He just never associated it with his adoption. Abandonment issues, rejecting before you reject him, you just can only get "so close". Christ. Can you imagine with the two of us like this? It is a wonder that we have stuck together. I almost think its some sort of adoptee alliance that gets us through. Stick together because we are the only ones who understand what it is like to be us.

I don't know why I have started writing about this again. I wanted to give it up, but got encouraged when I had been contaced by some others in my same shoes. Hella pissed at some of the e-mails I get. Some of them are just downright cunt-ish. Why is it that I get blasted for being the child of a surrogate and an adoptee? Because I am not grateful? Cuz I don't kiss the ass of surrogacy and adoption? Kiss the ass of the industry?

It must threaten you. I must threaten everything you are and everything you stand for to make you write some of those bitchy things to me. I must scare the piss out of you to get so damned defensive. It also hurts, because you care nothing for the feelings of the person these arrangements affects the most - the child.

If my mother was killed in a horrible accident on her way home from the hospital or if she perished in childbirth, I would get all permission to grieve I needed. When I expressed my rage against the forces or thing that killed my mother, you would all give me all the sympathy in the world. I would be allowed for me to grieve, be angry, to rage. Well my mother died as my mother when the forces that be took me away from her. However I am not allowed to grieve because that force was called surrogacy and those people who took me away were called Intended Parents. It's becoming like a sacred cow. Poor poor infertile couples. Ungrateful adoptees. Acquiring that chikd by any means available is far more important to what is actually DOES to the child.

It's bullshit. Pure garbage. Its disenfranchized grief and it is self-perpetuating. No wonder I just don't "get over it'.

So John and Paul were wrong and Aretha was right. Love isn't all you need. You need respect, too. And respect is something I never got. Neither did Jason. The first disrespect came when you took us from our mothers and you gave us a substitute. AS IF we had no feelings. AS IF we wouldn't notice.

Well, we did notice. We'll notice for the rest of our lives.

"Adoption loss is the only trauma in the world where the victims are expected by the whole of society to be grateful" - The Reverend Keith C. Griffith, MBE

Posted by sonofasurrogate at 6:48 PM EDT
Updated: Wednesday, 9 August 2006 9:17 PM EDT
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[personal profile] 7rin
May 2012

By ADELE AMI SANDERS

A Dissertation

Presented to The University of Salford in partial fulfilment of the requirements for the degree of BSc (Hons) in Sociology

Introduction

Adoption, where children are legally and irrevocably transferred from one family to another is generally viewed as a positively beneficial societal function, providing a family life for children who cannot live with their own biological parents, improving their social, behavioural, educational, and employment outcomes relative to the alternative of long-term foster care. It also provides children for childless couples and helps birth parents who feel, or are deemed unable to parent their children (Triseliotis
2002).

However, this dissertation will consider legally sanctioned ‘forced or contested adoption’ where birth parents completely disapprove of the adoption, and often contest, or oppose it in court, but their approval is lawfully dispensed with as their children are compulsorily adopted most often to strangers (Ryburn, 1997). The topic was chosen as I helped found an internet family support group in 2005 for people experiencing adoption and similar issues. This generated an awareness of the experiences and rising number of birth parents and grandparents whose children and grandchildren were being forcibly adopted. I feel this invites sociological investigation, and leads one to ask whether the State is actually socially engineering families through adoption as a form of social control to construct more compliant, socially acceptable families? However, it must also be recognised that children have a fundamental human right to be immune and protected from abuse and ill-treatment, and are legally protected by domestic and international laws. Therefore in certain extreme cases of genuine neglect and abuse, adoption serves as a necessary way of liberating children from harm, helping and supporting them to fulfil a stable family life (Pardeck, 2006).

Chapter One provides a historical context of adoption, and considers how and why adoption has increasingly been used as a permanency option for children in care (Ball, 2005). This is followed by a brief historical contextual summary of key adoption legislation and past/current political positions. Chapter Two consists of a detailed literature review, with analysis from a critical realist epistemological perspective. This will examine grand theories such as Donzelot’s (1979) ‘Tutelary complex’, Weber’s (1991) theories on ‘Rationalization’ and Foucault’s (1997b) concept of ‘Governmentality’, in relation to contested adoption. Consideration of feminist literature will follow highlighting how patriarchal social and legal constructions of motherhood disempower, control and marginalise birth mothers. Subsequent to this will be an analysis of the interactionist theories of Goffman (1968) regarding social stigma and its relation to forced adoption. Lastly there will be a critique of empirical studies and literature, exploring the impact of contested adoption on birth mothers, and their subjective experiences of this.

Contested Adoption: The Social Engineering of Families (Negotiating stigma and social exclusion) (Full Dissertation - PDF 237KB)
[personal profile] 7rin
Lynne Wrennall; John Moores University, UK.

Abstract
This paper belongs to an embryonic body of scholarship that documents the camouflaging of political, economic and commercial agendas under the rhetoric of Child Protection. The Trojan Horse theory of Child Protection, as this scholarship may broadly be termed, alleges the misuse of Child Protection powers for ulterior motives. Years of struggle against the Law and Order, Psychiatric and other discourses have won a raft of Civil and Human Rights protections. Bypassing these protections, Child Protection provides a rhetoric that disguises surveillance and disarms opposition, because a justifiable and apparently benign pretext has been found in the ostensible and entirely laudable, aim of protecting children. The paper collates widespread evidence of how the pretext of Child Protection has been used to extend surveillance and disarm populations. Through the discourse of Child Protection, children are propelled through various constructions from ‘child in need’, to ‘child at risk’, to ‘potentially delinquent’, to ‘delinquent’, but in each case, transgressions of ever more restrictive and constantly morphing laws, regulations and expectations are used to infiltrate techniques of information gathering deeper into more intimate parts of the social body. Child Protection is now used to penetrate where orthodox policing can no longer go. Throughout the process of criminalisation, whether children are constructed as victim or transgressor, pretexts for expanding power and increasing profit are developed. Transgression by, or against, children, is used to further the economic, political and commercial interests in surveillance. To fully understand the relationship between surveillance and Child Protection, it is necessary to interrogate the information-sharing model that is built into the major Child Protection frameworks. The paper explores the manner in which Child Protection has been structured by the information- sharing model, to benefit the sectional interests in surveillance and the detrimental consequences that this has for children and young people.
[personal profile] 7rin
Lifton, B.J. (1994) Journey of the Adopted Self: A Quest for Wholeness. New York: Basic Books. pp259-260
During a trip to Hawwaii, I met a therapist who had been invited to work with a group of adoptees who were in various stages of search and reunion. The adoption experience was new to him, but he was no stranger to grief and loss and pain. He was an empathic man, and he seemed puzzled. He said that the adoptees in his group, and the ones he has begun to see in his private practice, seemed traumatized. They do not shed their symptoms like his other patients. Their trauma seems deeper, as if it were very early - almost as if it were cellular.

Trauma is earlier for adoptees than for most other people, I told him. It begins at birth, with separation from the mother. And it's more persistent because adoptees have no pre-traumatic self. And then I explained what I meant by this.

We know that when adoptive parents have been traumatized by not being able to conceive a child, they already have adult selves that can absorb and work through the shock. So too, the birth mother may have been young when she was traumatized by her unwanted pregnancy, but she had a self to fall back on as she continued her life. But the adoptee, who experienced separation and loss early in life, usually at birth, has no previous self - no pre-traumatic self - from which to draw strength.
[personal profile] 7rin
UPDATED: 11:30, 5 November 2011

You could say I’ve lived a lie all my life.

One in which my wife and the Prime Minister are complicit. They call me Michael and apologise for my appalling manners by explaining I’m a dour Aberdonian.

They excuse my waist-busting appetite, saying my father was a fish merchant and that’s why I’m a gannet.

The deception doesn’t stop with them. Michael is the name on my passport, bank card and driving licence.

But if I’m honest, it is an assumed identity. I was not born Michael, but Graeme.

I call Aberdeen my home, but that’s not where I’m from. And the man who brought me up was, indeed, in the fish trade, but he’s not the man who fathered me. I have no idea who that is.

I was born to a single mother in an Edinburgh hospital ward in 1967 and then taken into care. After four months, I was adopted by a child- less couple, into whose home I arrived just before Christmas.

Read more... )
[personal profile] 7rin
http://www.mind.org.uk/help/rights_and_legislation/nearest_relatives_under_the_mental_health_act_1983

The purpose of this legal briefing is to explain the term "nearest relative", show how a person’s nearest relative is identified and outline the rights and powers that a nearest relative has.

The briefing uses the term ‘patient’ when referring to the person using mental health services. This is the term used in the Mental Health Act 1983 (MHA), the legislation which covers the formal detention and care of people experiencing mental distress. The briefing covers the following:

1. Nearest relative and ‘next of kin’

2. Identifying the nearest relative

3. Rights and powers of the nearest relative

3.1 Admission to hospital under the Mental Health Act 1983 ("sectioning")
3.2 Powers concerning discharge of the patient
3.3 Right to information on admission and discharge
3.4 Planning for aftercare
3.5 Supervised community treatment (replacing Supervised discharge)
3.6 Treatment

4. Can a nearest relative be changed?

4.1 Delegation of role by nearest relative

5. Further Information

Read more... )
[personal profile] 7rin
By ANDREW PIERCE
UPDATED: 22:58, 23 April 2010
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/election/article-1268403/MICHAEL-GOVE-My-birth-mother-knows-I-Ill-try-track-down.html

Read more... )

In the heady atmosphere of preparing for a job in government, Gove will, inevitably, think about another woman who has been watching from afar his remarkable rise from humble beginnings. She knew him as Graham, not Michael.
She is Gove's birth mother.

'I was born in Edinburgh. I was four months old when I was adopted,' says Gove. 'I don't know if I was taken from my birth mother at a relatively early age and placed in the hands of carers. All I know is the process of finding and matching me with Mum and Dad was four months.'

While it's not unusual for adoptive parents to be told details of their child's birth mother, what is surprising is for the birth mother to know all about the child they gave up.

Gove's was a young student who gave up her baby because the prospect of single motherhood in the harsh, unforgiving social climate of the summer of 1967 was too bleak to comprehend.

'When a child is adopted, the birth parent is not allowed to get in touch,' says Gove. 'But I think my birth mother knows enough about the circumstances of my adoption to know who I am.'

Many mothers who have given up a child never get over the sense of aching loss. Some may dread the knock at the door, the letter or telephone call from their long-lost child. Many more pray for the child to make contact.

Thousands of adopted children spend years in a fruitless and often heartbreaking search for their birth parent. But all Gove has to do is ask, and his parents could tell him enough to know where to find her.

Yet Gove, who by his own admission is 'nosy by nature' - which is why he became a journalist - will not do it.

He also loves history. 'You would have thought the combination of the two - my curiosity and history - would have made me incredibly anxious to find out more.

'I think about it often. I wonder what my birth mother thinks. But the people who brought me up are my mum and dad.

'My mother has always said if I want to [trace her] I should. She is equally clear there is no need for me to tell her if I do. I know, though, that she would take it as an indication that I did not feel my life or upbringing was fulfilled. It was. My mum and dad are fantastic.

'I still remember the phrase my mother used when she was explaining to me the circumstances of my adoption. She said: "You didn't grow under my heart, you grew in it." That was it for me.

'She is my mum and I don't question it. My first impulse is to do nothing to upset her or Dad. Respecting their feelings is more important than my curiosity.'

His parents, who could not have children, also adopted a baby girl whom they called Angela, who was five years younger than Gove. To begin with, they all lived in the two-bedroom maisonette in Aberdeen.

'I remember her arriving, being bathed in front of the fire in an old metal bath. The same one I was bathed in as a baby.'

Soon afterwards, they bought a small semi-detached three-bedroom house with a patch of garden at the front and back. His parents still live there today.

Read more... )

Following a brief spell at the BBC, he moved to The Times where he met and married Sarah Vine, a fellow journalist. It was then that his internal struggle over his adoptive background returned to the fore.

'I dwelt on it a lot because I could see Sarah has qualities of her own and is a compound of her mum and dad. Sarah's sister is flesh and blood, mine is adopted,' he says. 'I could see Sarah in her parents. She has met and looked at mine. There is no common genetic background.'

They now have two children of their own, Beatrice, who will be seven the day after the election (Gove hopes it will be a double celebration) and William, aged five.

'In your own children you see traits which come from nowhere and you wonder: where did they get that from?' says Gove.

Does he wonder what his birth mother looks like? 'Yes. I have very odd features.' He adds: 'I have a mental image. She is young. It must have been a wrench. I hope after the decision, which she took unselfishly in my best interests, she was able to get on with her own life.'

As the election draws closer, he is not expecting his parents to stay up to watch the results. 'They are wartime children and grew up in a town where you did not really show your emotions.'

In fact, when he telephones, his mother always asks the same question. It's about her grandchildren. 'She is far more interested in getting a DVD of Beatrice and William at the Nativity play than what I'm doing.' he says. I don't send her Hansard.'

The children are unfazed by seeing their father on TV. 'When we watch Peter Pan, and he flies past Big Ben, they say: "That's where daddy works."'

His life will change dramatically if he goes into the Cabinet. The ministerial red boxes will be a constant companion. One decision has already been taken in advance of victory: he will drop the long title about children, families and schools and revert to plain Education Secretary.

As you would expect, having held the children's portfolio, he has strong views on adoption. 'Some people wrongly insist that children are placed in as close a match to birth parents as possible. They sometimes keep children, especially from mixed race backgrounds, in care for too long.

'Adoption, as I know, is a great opportunity if there are two willing parents. Married and committed gay couples who want to adopt should be given the chance to do so. It's far better to have a child brought up by two people who have made a commitment to each other.'

Gove insists the education post is the only one he wants - that may change if Cameron is toppled after a bad result on May 6. But he cites a school in Liverpool, where only one per cent of pupils passed five GCSEs including English and maths, as the reason he wants the chance to implement his reforms.

'Imagine loving mums and dads putting their children in that school? What sort of prospects do those children have?' he says.

'I want them to have the chance I had. I went to good primary schools and my parents sent me to an amazing secondary school. I enjoyed all the opportunities that came from that.'

Whether becoming an MP is the best use of those opportunities is another matter. But there is no denying Gove's commitment to trying to give disadvantaged children a better start.

'My parents were not incredibly articulate, well connected, sharp elbowed, learned, bookish or middle class - but they knew what they wanted for their children. They were classic aspirational parents who knew what they wanted.

'There are many children [like me] who because of accidents of birth and geography are not given the opportunities they deserve.'

The only time Gove's famed fluency dries up is when I ask: 'What if you receive a telephone call or letter from your birth mother?'

After a long pause, he replied. 'I don't know. It has played on my mind. Until you read that letter or hear that voice, I don't think you know what reaction you would have. It would be very personal. I can't pre-empt it.'

If he becomes Education Secretary, the temptation for the woman who called him Graham to make that contact might just be too strong to resist.
[personal profile] 7rin
On Saturday, I gave a speech at the Child Stealing by the State conference in Birmingham: [Wordpress post link]

https://docs.google.com/open?id=0B7737JgmFdlsV2pJZ3E3ZE1sMGc is the powerpoint that never happened due to lack of pootah equipment

https://docs.google.com/open?id=0B7737JgmFdlsZm9SV2MxVmd4aDQ is the script I was stumbling over

https://docs.google.com/open?id=0B7737JgmFdlsTHYyT3RzNl9XOTg is the Avengers film clip everyone's been ranting about (see http://adoptedintheuk.wordpress.com/tag/the-avengers/ for more details)
[personal profile] 7rin
Adoptive Mother's Feelings Of Betrayal

By vtwisher
01-10-2012, 06:31 AM

I've been searching for more than 3 years for a support group for my particular issue. I hope I've found the right one. However, in reading the many posts here at adoption.com, I've noticed that no one seems to have quite the problem I have.

My son, age 25 and in the Army, was adopted when he ws 3 days old. Yes, we are older adoptive parents, but we have loved our son since day one. Three years ago, while he was deployed to Iraq, I received a one line email from him stating, "can you send me the name of the adoption agency...the search begins....lol". That was the beginning of a very downward spiral for his and my relationship.

Read more... )
[personal profile] 7rin
http://www.examiner.com/article/university-of-southampton-decides-to-stop-teaching-social-work

by Nicolas Stathopoulos
May 28, 2012

Every single day hundreds of additional documents, affidavits, reports, news articles, videos, social media postings along with comments are added to the internet's archive. These uploads seem to continually expose social services, child protection services (CPS), social workers incompetence and testify to much evidence of abuse perpetually practiced against children, their families and individuals targeted for profit, through questionable means.

Today, if we enter the term CPS fraud or a similar request into our search engine, we are likely to receive anywhere between 4 to 13 million webpages on the subject. This is an unprecedented amount of information against any given discipline.

The University of Southampton (UK) with a student population of 17,000 undergraduate and 7,000 postgraduate students announced on February 21, through the University Executive Group that, it will close all major social work courses and related programs by mid-2013, as the last of the current students complete their studies.

Read more... )
[personal profile] 7rin
Babies are being snatched for adoption John Hemming is right, says Consumer Group
Press Release - 29th January 2007

The government is denying that social workers are targeting babies for adoption. Listening to desperate calls from pregnant women or mothers of new babies and toddlers on our help-line would quickly show their denials are not true.

Health visitors are often instructed to give all parents a "risk rating", if possible while the child is still in the womb, or soon after the birth - this is done without parents' knowledge or consent. The questionnaire used is highly inaccurate as a predictive tool, and has a very high rate of false positives. Pregnant teenagers, the unemployed, anyone with a history of mental illness, and so on, are on the watch list - supposedly so that they can get extra support, but it is often simply extra surveillance. Midwives are instructed to report risk factors, and are losing the trust of the women they care for.

Read more... )
[personal profile] 7rin
http://www.wantchinatimes.com/news-subclass-cnt.aspx?id=20120602000041&cid=1103&MainCatID=11

Wenzhou couple fined record amount for having second child
Staff Reporter 2012-06-02

A couple in China have been fined 1.3 million yuan (US$204,000) for having a second child, setting a record for violating the one-child policy in the city Wenzhou in eastern China's Zhejiang province, reports our Chinese-language sister newspaper Want Daily.

The couple are reportedly wealthy and paid the fine without difficulty. After a businessman in the city was fined 1 million yuan (US$158,000) in 2007, the record for the amount of the fine has reportedly been broken several times. The fairness of the policy has been called into question, with many saying that it is effectively a license for those wealthy enough to afford to pay to have more children.

The amount of the fine for every additional birth is arrived at through doubling to quadrupling the previous year's average disposable income for urban residents or the net income for rural residents, according to the policy. The number of violators in Wenzhou accounts for half the population of the city, and those who paid more than 1 million yuan were employers.



"So if it costs up to $200,000 to keep your second child how can those who adopt from China continue to say that the children they are taking out of China are "unwanted" or that the natural parents "made a difficult decision" (as in... "Oh I have less than $204 k in the bank")." <= asked by someone sane
[personal profile] 7rin
The Secret History of Social Service Crimes: Hitler + today's Social Worker "In the best interest of the child" sounds familiar?
by Cess Ssec - 28 Mar 2011

“In the best interest of the child" - Do you know what this means...?

It was an SS Nazi slogan, now used by today's family courts to determine custody:

It is also... the prime directive of all Child Protection Services.

“Justice denied anywhere, diminishes justice everywhere.” Martin Luther King, Jr.


_______________________________________________________

by Nicolas Stathopoulos
[SSEC] Social Service Economic Crimes (research)
Social service crimes research
cess.ssec@gmail.com
SSEC (research) © Copyright 2011


The Lebensborn program was a Nazi organizational project set up by SS leader Heinrich Himmler, which provided, managed and ran orphanages, social service centers and relocation programs for children.

Lebensborn, for all intent and purpose, was designed to become a human breeding program.

"In the best interest of the child, we are breeding superior Aryan children" (SS Nazi chant)

The Lebensborn program, was founded and created on December 12, 1935, to promote the policies of Nazi eugenics among other interests. One, of the objectives was to perpetrate, an illusion of superiority (of the Aryan race) over all other inferior races.

Read more... )
[personal profile] 7rin
African adoption should be discouraged 'at all costs,' group says
by Hilary Whiteman May 31 2012

Hong Kong (CNN) -- Nyla was just two or three days old, no one really knows for sure, when she was found abandoned in the middle of a field in Rwanda. She was "black and blue," says her adoptive mother, Karen Brown. Her umbilical cord was still attached.

One year later, Nyla lives in a high-rise building in Hong Kong with American parents and a four-year-old sister who is Chinese. She just started walking and has "seven-and-a-half" teeth, though she's too shy to show them.

The bright-eyed baby is one of more than 35,000 children sent from Africa in a surge of adoptions in the last eight years, according to adoption expert Peter Selman from Newcastle University in the UK.

During that time, figures have risen three-fold at the same time as international adoptions from all countries have slumped to a 15-year low, Selman said.

A new report from The African Child Policy Forum (ACPF) entitled "Africa: The New Frontier for Intercountry Adoption," says the trend indicates that receiving countries are turning "en masse" to Africa to meet demand for adoptive children as other options close. It's a trend, they say, that needs to stop.

"It must at all costs be discouraged. It should be a last resort and an exception rather than the normal recourse to solving the situation of children in difficult circumstances, as it seems to have now become," said David Mugawe, executive director of the ACPF in a press statement.

The group says that the lack of regulation combined with the promise of money from abroad had turned children into "commodities in the graying and increasingly amoral world of intercountry adoption."

Read more... )
[personal profile] 7rin
MumsNet Discussion: This fear that social services will come and take your children...

Message poster willsurvivethis Fri 29-Jan-10 15:41:24
...it worries me!

There seem to be so many women out there who are afraid to seek help for depression and other problems out of fear that they will lose their children.

I have just asked MNHQ if they would consider doing something with this. Because surely if so many of us fear to lose our children something is going wrong somewhere! Surely we should all be albe to seek help with confidence?

What are your thoughts on this? I struggle with PTSD and even told my doctor that I tended to keep emotional distance from my ds when he's ill without even considering the possibility of that having repercussions.

Message poster Comewhinewithme Fri 29-Jan-10 15:45:12
Yes I won't go to the GP and tell him that since having my dd I have flashbacks to the awful birth and somedays I feel as though I can't go on because I am scared that ss would somehow become involved .

Message poster Comewhinewithme Fri 29-Jan-10 15:46:09
You are right BTW it does need addressing so people are not afraid to access the help they need.

Message poster FlamingoBingo Fri 29-Jan-10 15:48:25
Yup. I'm afraid to be honest about how I feel sometimes for fear of what will happen to my children.

Message poster JollyPirate Fri 29-Jan-10 16:04:23
Yes this needs addressing. I have recently worked with a young Mum who took ages tp seek help for her terrible PND because her Mum told her that if she was antidepressants her shit of a boyfriend (who physically, emotionally and psychologically abused her) would be able to get custody of their two children . Or that social services would be round.

It took me an awful lot of visiting and listening and discussion before she felt able to seek the help she needed. An awful lot of reassurance that she was brilliant mum doing a fantastic job before she could believe me.

Now she is better - on antidepressants but weaning off.

Definitely needs discussion.

(Read more)
[personal profile] 7rin
If we can stomach another adoption story that begins by detailing someone's infertility, this one was found under "Infertility Stories" www dot eaci.com/infertility/my-biggest-fear.htm

"My Biggest Fear Was...

My biggest fear was that I would never have a baby. It was all I ever wanted. Having suffered with endometriosis for many years, I knew it would be difficult. I never imagined that it would be a four year journey which included 4 laparoscopies, 3 HSG's too many blood tests, countless shots, at least 9 inseminations, 2 failed attempts at in-vitro, and a heartbreaking miscarriage. Then there was emotional pain. Every month I had to endure yet another loss, and somehow find strength so set myself up all over again. I never understood why it was happening to me. The monsters of this world were having babies and leaving them in dumpsters, and I couldn't get pregnant no matter what I did - how can that be? I know the answer now, and I can look back and say it was all worth it because my story has a happy ending - a beautiful little boy name Austin.

..."

As posted by julie j over at AAAFC.
[personal profile] 7rin
"More concern over delicate AP feelings, mostly, although starts out from an adoptee perspective."

As posted by Beth over at AAAFC.

This disgraceful behaviour by a supposedly reputable organisation simply shows once again that adoptee voices are NOT wanted.

The text of the linked Psychology Today post )
[personal profile] 7rin
Do we need a law against incest?

The European human rights court has upheld a German ruling against sibling incest, but some questions remain unanswered

Paul Behrens 15 April 2012

The European court of human rights is no stranger to controversy. Last Thursday, however, Strasbourg played it safe and did the expected. The court ruled it was all right to have a law against incest.

The man who brought the case was Patrick Stübing – a young German, who was separated from his family as a little child. When he was in his 20s, he looked for and found his biological mother. He also found his sister, with whom he fell in love. After their mother's death, the siblings began a sexual relationship, which produced four children.

It is not the only case in which biological siblings met only later in life and began sexual relations. One of the theories to explain the phenomenon is that the absence overcomes the "Westermarck effect" that usually applies: kids who grow up together tend to become desensitised to mutual sexual attraction.

Read more... )
[personal profile] 7rin
Genetic sexual attraction

You're 40, happily married - and then you meet your long-lost brother and fall passionately in love. This isn't fiction; in the age of the sperm donor, it's a growing reality: 50% of reunions between siblings, or parents and offspring, separated at birth result in obsessive emotions. Last month, a former police officer was convicted of incest with his half-sister - but should we criminalise a bond hardwired into our psychology? Alix Kirsta talks to those who have suffered the torment of 'genetic sexual attraction'

The Guardian, Saturday 17 May 2003

At first, Ivor Lytton's emotional predicament seems unremarkable, no different from the woes that make up any agony aunt's weekly column. On Sunday October 4 1998, Lytton, an Edinburgh public relations consultant, met the love of his life. The meeting took place at a dinner party at a fashionable country inn. Rita Meadows, who lives in South Africa, was on holiday in Scotland. Describing their meeting, Lytton's words overflow with sentiment. "From the moment we met, I was smitten, and continued to be drawn to her like a magnet. As I got to know her, I felt she had given me a life transmission. She put a smile in my heart and a spring in my step." Each October for the past four years, he has sent her a card to commemorate the date of their meeting.

What Lytton didn't know was that the consequences of that love would plunge him into the most devastating crisis of his life. Read more... )
[personal profile] 7rin
Couple discover they are siblings: Child courts blamed after strangers fall in love, have a son - and then find out they are half-brother and sister
By Valerie Hanley
UPDATED: 17:27, 30 May 2010

A young couple have revealed how they fell in love after meeting at a nightclub, moved in together, had a child – and then discovered they were, in fact, half-brother and sister.

The extraordinary discovery was confirmed by DNA testing just last month. It has left the couple stunned and shaken – but they are nonetheless vowing to stay together and have more children.

They both blame the legal system which prevented the young man from being told his true identity. He only discovered who he really was long after he and his half-sister had got together and had the child.

Read more... )
[personal profile] 7rin
Forbidden love of the brother and sister
Last updated at 15:43 01 March 2007

Had it stopped at an appropriate point, the story of Patrick Stuebing and Susan Karolewski could have been poignant and moving.

Separated by adoption in their native East Germany, the siblings met for the first time in 2000 when Patrick tracked down his birth mother and the younger sister he had never met.

If their mother, Ana Marie, were alive today, however, she would, in all likelihood, be wishing her estranged son had never found his way home.

Because for the past seven years, brother and sister have been lovers. In that time they have had four children together - two of whom are mentally and physically disabled and all of whom are now in care.

Read more... )
[personal profile] 7rin
May 16, 2012

Time to suspend inter-country adoptions?
by Danish Raza May 16, 2012

{quote}
Mayank and Esha were to get new parents. Their mother, after an altercation with her husband, Ramphal, abandoned the siblings near Kashmere Gate bus terminus, Delhi. A frantic Ramphal traced his children to Holy Cross Social Service Centre- one of the seven recognised Indian placement agencies (RIPAs) in the city. He was not allowed to see the kids, then three and five years old. The agency had started the process to place the children with an Australian couple.

“They said that I should let my kids go abroad as they would have a better future,” Ramphal told Firstpost.

He then moved the Child Welfare Committee (CWC) to stall the adoption process. There he was constantly persuaded to drop the case. Haq Centre for Child Rights, a Delhi based NGO, helped Ramphal in getting a revised CWC order. The kids were returned to their father in February.

In declaring the children legally free for adoption in the first place, the CWC violated a basic principle guiding the welfare of a child – which is to first attempt to restore an abandoned child to his/ her biological family.

Some child welfare experts claim that Ramphal’s case is an example of widespread abuse in international adoptions, pointing to a recent spurt of middlemen who procure children by illicit methods and provide false information about them.

“There should be a detailed investigation into procurement of children through extortion, blackmail, threats and bribery of government officials,” said Anjali Pawar of Sakhi, a Pune based NGO which filed a petition in the Supreme Court earlier this month demanding moratorium on all inter-country adoptions until a new law is in place.

Read more... )
[personal profile] 7rin
May 22, 2008
Customers Leave Note for Pregnant Waitress Asking to Adopt Her Baby
Written by Kristen Gosling

{quote}
A pregnant waitress in suburban Seattle, Washington got more than a tip from her customers. They also left a card asking if they could adopt her unborn baby.

JD Ross and Julie Moore are expecting their first child. The young mom who is five months pregnant was waiting tables at a Mill Creek restaurant Monday night when a table of 12 adults ordered a round of cocktails. After they left she opened the billholder to get the tip and also found this card inside: "We wish to adopt a baby. We are a caring, happily married, financially secure and loving couple. We want to share our joy and love with a child." It included the names of the couple and phone numbers.

Julie said, "I was just shocked because they didn't say a word to me about being pregnant, ask me how my pregnancy is going or ask me if I was pregnant or anything." "I thought it was really creepy," said JD Both of them say it was a rude slap in the face. Julie said, "I don't wear a wedding ring at work for them to assume I'm not married or that I'm working in a service industry that I maybe couldn't afford to have a child. I don't know; I felt there were too many assumptions there. The couple on the card has not returned our calls. We called the attorney's number on the card and asked for "Joan." Then we learned "Joan" doesn't exist.

Seattle adoption attorney Albert Lirhus said the couple handing out the card are his clients. He said "if people call our office ask for "Joan" then the phone answerer knows the call is a priority." And as far as the card is concerned, he said, "We haven't had any negative response to this method."

JD and Julie sympathize with parents looking to adopt but the way this went down troubles them. JD said, "It's way out of bounds it's not right. It's not how you go about it." The attorney said many couples looking to adopt post fliers or ads to get the word out. But he said they usually do not go to specific people and calls this incident "unfortunate."
{/quote}
[personal profile] 7rin
Quoting kamio over at AAAFC

{quote}
It doesn't matter to me whether I am better off adopted, or if my life with my bmother would have been crap. It does not shift the deep longing and pain inside.

This is what non-adoptees don't understand. You cannot apply logic to emotions. They can tell me over and over that it's best to be in a stable environment, etc.

Does that cancel out the anxiety, depression, fear of abanonment, interpreting everything as rejection, the poor self-esteem, bad impulse control? Hell no! They are embedded deep within my psyche, from childhood.

And because of their assumptions about why adoption is better etc, this leaves no room to understand the emotional issues, or create therapies for it. Because that would mean rethinking adoption.
{/quote}
[personal profile] 7rin
From Adoption Advertising

There are many more couples looking to adopt babies than there are babies available. The cost of an individual adoption can vary greatly depending on a number of factors. Living expenses vary depending on the length of the pregnancy and the temperament of the individual birthmother. Keep in mind, some states cap living expenses, some don't. Also, professional costs vary from state to state. It's also important to remember that economy is not always the best strategy. You definitely want to make sure that the professionals handling your case know what they are doing.
The following is a range of total costs and the minimum budget we require to work with us.. It does not include your homestudy, adoptive parent travel costs, and some states birth mother medical expenses, but does include our fee, travel costs for the birthmother, living expenses, social work and legal fees.

Caucasian: $25K - $40K Min. Budget of $25K
Biracial: $18K to $25K Min. Budget of $18K
AA: $15K to $20K Min. Budget of $15K

Of course, everyone wants the most economical adoption possible. We normally give the cases with little or no living expenses to adoptive parents that have had fall-thrus. Last minute situations or those with the baby already born, which by their nature are cheaper, require adoptive parents that are willing to act swiftly and take some risks. There are often unknowns about the birthfather, CPS involvement and drug use. If you are the kind of adoptive parent that wants to know everything about a particular situation then an almost or already born situation is not for you.
[personal profile] 7rin
Teenage Childbearing and Its Life Cycle Consequences
Exploiting a Natural Experiment

V. Joseph Hotz, Susan Williams McElroy and Seth G. Sanders
Abstract

We exploit a "natural experiment" associated with human reproduction to identify the causal effect of teen childbearing on the socioeconomic attainment of teen mothers. We exploit the fact that some women who become pregnant experience a miscarriage and do not have a live birth. Using miscarriages an instrumental variable, we estimate the effect of teen mothers not delaying their childbearing on their subsequent attainment. We find that many of the negative consequences of teenage childbearing are much smaller than those found in previous studies. For most outcomes, the adverse consequences of early childbearing are short-lived. Finally, for annual hours of work and earnings, we find that a teen mother would have lower levels of each at older ages if they had delayed their childbearing.

Received October 1, 2002.
Accepted July 1, 2004.
© 2005 by the Board of Regents of the University of Wisconsin System
[personal profile] 7rin
The following is going to be a catalogue of shit said to - or about - adoptees in public(ish - relatively) places. Feel free to use in evidence. :}

Headline: Kate's adoptive family scrimped to give her idyllic childhood... yet she was still desperate to find the parents who gave her up - no matter who it hurt
  • Kate Hilpern discovered she was adopted aged five
  • At 18 she tracked down her birth family - but found her mother had died at 19, two years after giving Kate up for adoption
  • Mother-of-two says being cut off from birth family had damaging effects on her identity and self-esteem
  • Kate now campaigns for adoptive children to retain contact with biological family
By Kate Hilpern
PUBLISHED: 23:48, 15 May 2012 | UPDATED: 11:57, 16 May 2012

{quote}
Read more... )
{/quote}

And now for those oh-so wonderful and supportive comments...

First, a charming snippet from Whenever Wherever, Somewhere in the Lone Star, 16/5/2012 21:39
this yearning for some stranger who gave you up because of a biological link is a slap in the face ... I have a few friends who are asian who do not share these issues. None of them have tried to find the biological parent. If I adopt, it will be an asian child. Can't be bothered with the rest of this nonsense. Call it silly or whatever, but either you are my child and I your mum, or not. I am not going to love and sacrifice for over 18 years for some child to come inform me as an adult that they want a relationship with the biological stranger parent.
This made me scratch my head... resident, somewhere in America, 16/5/2012 20:41
Further, you rarely find what you'll think you'll find. My sister in law found her "birth family" and they were a mess. I was not happy.
I'm left scratching my head at this one because the author doesn't tell us how the person whose life it actually involves felt about it - only that they, the poster was aggrieved by it.

Tiffany, USA, 16/5/2012 18:13 shares with us exactly who adoptees should call 'real' family (for the record, all of my families're 'real' - if they weren't, I wouldn't exist because my a'rents didn't give birth to me):
Why on earth would someone want to raise a child as their own, make the sacrifices good parents make and give their whole heart to a child who will someday bring an egg and sperm donor back into the picture, and for what reason?? My heart goes out to this woman's REAL parents, and shame on her for not having the sense to call them.that first.
Matilda, London, 16/5/2012 16:46 makes one of my favourite comments of all, proving the the blank slate theory
" The idea that you can uproot a baby from its birth family, place it with adoptive parents and give it a new identity with no ill-effects is ludicrous." ....................... I disagree with this statement. You can if the baby isn't too old and you never tell the child that it was adopted.
Dinah, Bath, 16/5/2012 16:21 shares the long-standing, old favourite:
Ungrateful.
I feel very saddened for anon, worcestershire, 16/5/2012 15:35 who feels that their a'rents happiness comes before their own, since no child should be responsible for their parents' happiness, and no child should owe ANY of their parents for doing their job as parents...
What a selfish girl to think of herself and what she wanted, I am adopted from about the same age and would never have wanted to upset my Mother and Father with such an action,they and they only deserved to organise and be at my wedding,they put so much into raising me and giving me a great upbringing,they were always there for me and never let me down their whole lives.I owe them everything.
Finally ('cause contrary to popular belief, I do have a life afk :p), Twinkle, Twinkle, 16/5/2012 15:34 reminds adoptees of their place - y'know, second best, abandoned, 'n' unwanted...
Red arrow me all you like on this but I am entitled to my opionion. I would not adopt a child if the rules changes allowing them access to their biological Mother. NO WAY. Why would a couple or single person who cant have a child provide all the love and care to be made to feel second best and a carer so to speak because the child had been given up for adoption. ADOPTION - Given away - no matter what the reasons or how you wrap it up.
[personal profile] 7rin
The following's the question I asked over on the AAAFC General Discussion forum (on 26 February 2012). I'm reposting the question here in case anyone wants to share, 'n' also because it's an interesting thread to link to in its own right.

{quote}
I do wonder how many of the adoptees out there just lack the language available 'cause it's not acknowledged by the general population (i.e. adoption fucks you up), rather than so many people being said by others to be "happy" with their adoptions.

Ok, this is that new post that sprung out of my head when I was finishing typing ^^that.

How many people know how you actually REALLY feel about adoption and all that it entails?

F'r instance, would your amom's cousin describe you as "well our I's adopted daughter's turned out just fine, and isn't at all bothered by her adoption"? Or does everyone that's anyone know that "well, L's daughter was adopted, but she's entirely unhappy with the fact that it happened, and would counsel anyone contemplating the thought against it"?

Those of my families that're on FB probably can't help but be aware that I'm most definitely not a "happy adoptee", given how much I post on the subject. Not sure how much the rest of my families know of my opinion on the issue. I don't think amom's cousin'd describe me as "happy with adoption" any more, but icbw.
{/quote}
[personal profile] 7rin
"Adoption Loss is the only trauma in the world where the victims are expected by the whole of society to be grateful" - The Reverend Keith C. Griffith, MBE

ONS

May. 9th, 2012 09:29 pm
[personal profile] 7rin
http://www.statistics.gov.uk/hub/population/families/adoptions/index.html

Office for National Statistics - UK Statistics Authority
Publication Hub
Gateway to UK National Statistics

You are here: Home > Population > Adoptions

Topic guide to: Adoptions
Adoption statistics cover number of adoptions (by type) and age of adopted child. They show figures produced using two different definitions: date of entry into the Adopted Children Register and date of court order.
[personal profile] 7rin
Get your bargain basement baby from Ever-Lasting Adoptions...

{quote}
In recognition of November as National Adoption Month and in an effort to help all of our prospective adoptive parents in these difficult economic times of today, we have made the decision to lower our fees for the BI-RACIAL THROUGH CAUCASIAN program to $5000 total and the FULL AFRICAN AMERICAN PROGRAM TO $3000.
{/quote}
[personal profile] 7rin
Quoting Vertigo in For those who are for adoption instead of abortion ...

I just read this true account. I think it answers your question:

"When I relinquished my baby, I lost a piece of myself, part of my soul; it drained my fundamental sense of womanhood from me. I have never regained that sense. I was just coming into full womanhood at 20; I was not allowed to complete the journey. Some women turned all of this into making careers for themselves. For me, it stopped me dead in my tracks and now, at 58, I flounder alone in my life, having failed at marriage also. I directly attribute this to the loss of my only child. There just don't seem to be words for what I lost and can never get back, can never substitute for. My son is now 37 years old and hates me. What's ironic about all of this is that I loved him so much that I gave him up so he would have love, not understanding that my love was the only love he really needed. And now I understand that his love for his real mother was all I really needed, and both of us have been denied that fundamental and basic life force. I have tried to reach him, but it is too late. How does one make patterns in their life when everything is colored by grief? I've been in intensive therapy for years to find that out. If you find the answer, will you let me know? Does anyone know what heals a first mother of this loss? I don't think there is anything."
[personal profile] 7rin
http://www.adoptioncrossroads.org/SmilingAdoptees.html

Happy Adoptees
By Julie A. Rist


I am not the happy and grateful adoptee that you want me to be. Don’t get me wrong. I was happy and grateful for almost 45 years – or so I believed. Had you asked me then how I felt about being adopted, you might have heard something like, “Great! I am so grateful to my (adoptive) parents for all they did and, no, I am not interested in finding my ‘real’ family. My adoptive family is my ‘real’ family, thankyouverymuch, and they are a wonderful family. I’ve had a wonderful life. Of course, I am grateful to my natural mother for giving me life. Oh, you’re adopting? How wonderful!”

I enthusiastically expressed that view all those years because I needed to convince myself that my life was normal and right and that I was okay. I did it because everyone else wanted me to feel that way, too. And I thought I would die if I ever looked deeper.

Happy children

You’ve seen adopted children who seem to be perfectly happy, too. They smile and have fun just like those whose families are intact. They act happy and, occasionally, they are.

Yes, adopted children smile and laugh. Did you stop smiling after you lost a loved one? Didn’t you still laugh when someone said something funny? Weren’t you still capable of having some fun?

Did you ever smile and act happy to hide your grief?

Of course you did. But even when you smiled, those close to you knew it didn’t mean you were happy. Those close to you accepted and expected your pain and sadness. They did not expect you to be happy about your loss. They gave you something most adoptees do not get: acknowledgement of, empathy for, and permission to express your grief.

What grief?

Read more... )
[personal profile] 7rin
http://lifemothers.com/thewall.html

This was originally discovered at the above link. This link has, unfortunately disappeared, however, I have found a Way-back Machine archived version of this page, which I am thus requoting here in full just in case such valuable information should ever disappear again.

The Wall: Open Adoption

Author: Terri Enbourge


Imagine there is a wall.

Enormously high and dangerously slick, it is impossible to scale. Its foundation is barbed deep into the ground beneath it, so attempting to tunnel under the wall is potentially lethal. Seen from a distance the wall appears benign to most, while to some it has become sacred in its external perfection. This wall divides the entire world, and it stands in between you and your child.

On random occasions, an opening appears in the wall. You never know when it will come, so you spend your days walking back and forth scanning the bricks and mortar endlessly, just in case. You never know how large or small the opening might be or how low to the ground, and so you learn crawl and to contort your self to any size or shape, in case you are asked to enter. And you never know how long it will remain open or what conditions might close it, so you learn to be on guard -- careful, so careful of what you say.

Whatever time you may spend on the other side of The Wall remains at another's discretion, so your bags remain packed, carried on your back, waiting for the moment you are forced back through the opening -- back to your side of the wall where your vigil begins once more, wondering when or if The Wall will ever open again.

Imagine years of enduring The Wall: The random openings and closings, the unpacked weight on your shoulders, the contortion of body and soul -- all to stroke your child's hair for a single moment, gaze upon her face for an hour, play a supervised game of monopoly with her every few years, or simply snap a photo of her.

Now stop imagining, because this is the world of countless mothers who have lost children to the system called Open Adoption.

Absolute Power: The Wall's Foundation

Read more... )
[personal profile] 7rin
I have given a baby up for adoption, and I have had an abortion, and while anecdotes are not evidence, I can assert that abortions may or may not cause depression - it certainly did not in me, apart from briefly mourning the path not taken - but adoption? That is an entirely different matter. I don't doubt that there are women who were fine after adoption, and there is emphatically nothing wrong with that or with them; but I want to point out that if we're going to have a seemingly neverending discussion about the sorrow and remorse caused by abortion, then it is about goddamn time that we hear from birth mothers too.

Believe me when I say that of the two choices, it was adoption that nearly destroyed me - and it never ends. The only comparison I have is the death of a loved one. The pain retreats, maybe fades, but it comes right back if I poke at it. Writing this has taken me nearly two weeks. Normally, I can write this amount in about thirty minutes, with bathroom breaks. I started to type, and stopped only to reread, then go wail into my pillow. There is no such thing as "over" with this.
This was originally discovered at the above link. This link has, unfortunately disappeared, however, I have found a rawer, more original version of this page, which I am thus requoting here in full just in case such valuable information should ever disappear again.

URL found at: http://www.shakesville.com/2009/03/breaking-silence-on-living-pro-lifers.html

It is preferable that you visit the original site as there is also a comments section that could be useful to peruse.

Read more... )
[personal profile] 7rin
http://antiadoption.wordpress.com/2008/02/07/you-must-have-had-a-bad-life/

As an adoptee rights activist, one who doesn’t believe that adoptees are treated equally and who advocates and works towards restoring our equality as adopted adults I am often told by people who don’t know me, or my life story that they “assume I’ve had a really bad life.”

I MUST have had a bad life or else I wouldn’t be criticizing adoption to the degree that I do.

Ignorance I tell ya, its a witch!

Every single time someone who thinks adoption is “great” hears that me, an adoptee, is against adoption to the degree that I am, 9 times out of 10 the sentence following that is “oh, you must have had a really bad life.”

Dismiss.

Because what else is the option for them? To question their own beliefs on adoption being overall “good” and potentially have a falling out of everything they’ve put their hope into? Adoption is NOT a band-aid for infertility, childless couples, building families, saving children, abortion alternatives, etc. Adoption needs to ALWAYS be about the child, and the child’s well being overall.

So for all of those people who “think” I’ve had a bad life, because I’m against adoption… this is for you.
[personal profile] 7rin
Adoption Loss is the only trauma in the world where the victims are expected by the whole of society to be grateful - The Reverend Keith C. Griffith MBEPlease sign the petition I've created:
Allow adult adoptees to be repatriated into THEIR OWN families
@
http://epetitions.direct.gov.uk/petitions/38120



Posts within this community are under-going over-haul in an effort to make the information contained within them easier to find.

Sadly, the process of over-hauling is likely to cause those visiting from previously posted links to either encounter information they are not expecting to find, or possibly even dead links. I apologise to any visitor who encounters such difficulties, and ask that they refer to the community tag reference page in order to more easily find the information they were originally seeking.

During the course of time, the administrative staff of this community have been saddened to find that some of the valuable information that has been previously linked is no longer available from whence it originally came (perhaps it got surprise adopted? ;)), thus, as a ward against the loss of valuable information, many posts will now be replicated in full. If you are the original author of such works and oppose its replication on this site, please contact the administrative team on 7rin dot on dot adoption at gmail dot com.

The administrative staff of this community thank you for your time.
[personal profile] 7rin
Adoption Issues From a Strengths Perspective
By Deborah H. Siegel, PhD, LICSW, DCSW, ACSW
Social Work Today - July/August 2008 Issue - Vol. 8 No. 4 P. 34

Birth parents, adoptive parents, and adoptees face predictable crises given the life-changing nature of this event. Idealized or deficit approaches don't work, but a strengths perspective does.

Sam is a bright, energetic, enthusiastic 12-year-old boy. His mom and dad, Mary and Mack, love him dearly and are earnest, skilled parents who conscientiously create a nurturing home. Sam thrives; he has a best friend next door, gets Bs in school, attends weekly religious school and prayer services, walks his dog every day after school, and enjoys riding his bike and playing his electric guitar. He and his parents often go on hikes, attend sporting events, and take day trips as a family or with friends. It appears that Sam is doing well because he is adopted.

This description accurately summarizes Sam's life, and so does this: Sam was born with cocaine, marijuana, and alcohol in his tiny body. Sam's birth father, incarcerated shortly after Sam was conceived, has never seen him. The state child welfare agency removed Sam from his mother's custody shortly after birth, and in the first two years of life, Sam lived in four different foster homes before he was legally freed for adoption. Sam's behavior is often impulsive, hyperactive, and inattentive. His classmates tend to steer clear of him because he bumps into them, grabs their things, or blurts out rude comments (e.g., "You're stupid!"). Homework is a daily struggle, as Sam finds it hard to sit still and stay on task. He often forgets, loses, or partially completes his assignments. Lately, his behavior at home has been especially irritable; when his parents prompt him to do a task he doesn't like, he yells, "You're not the boss of me!" and stomps away. He's spending more time alone in his room. It appears that Sam is struggling because he is adopted.

Read more... )

- Deborah H. Siegel, PhD, LICSW, DCSW, ACSW, is a professor in the School of Social Work at Rhode Island College, a clinician specializing in adoption issues, an adoption researcher, and an adoptive parent.
[personal profile] 7rin
http://angela-krueger.suite101.com/attachment-and-bonding-in-adoption-a59892

Helping Adopted Kids Feel Secure in Their Adoptive Families
Jul 9, 2008 Angela Krueger

Understanding the concepts of attachment and bonding, as well as the attachment cycle will help parents create positive and enduring connections with their adopted kids.

Bonding and attachment are two terms used to describe the process of an adopted child feeling secure in her new family. Often used interchangeably, the concepts are actually differentiated by adoption experts.

Attachment versus Bonding
As described in Raising Adopted Children, bonding is a “process that begins with the biological parent during pregnancy and continues through birth and the first few days of life.” This definition shows why an adopted child can feel a bond to her birth mother, but possibly not feel any attachment to her. Bond can also describe the close relationship kids have with teachers and friends with which they have shared important experiences and emotions.

Read more... )
[personal profile] 7rin
http://angela-krueger.suite101.com/effects-of-adoption-on-young-adoptees-a176032

How Adopted Kids and Teens Feel About Their Adoptions

Dec 2, 2009 Angela Krueger

ADOPTED KIDS AND TEENS ARE AFFECTED BY ADOPTION - SHYSIE FROM MORGUEFILE.COM

By understanding the effect adoption has on children and teens, adoptive parents can help their adoptee address adoption feelings through parental support and books.

As adoption has recently become more child-centred, adoptive parents are concerned about how adoption will affect kids in both the short and long terms. Although each adoption situation is different, there are some common issues that arise and adoptive parents need to know which resources are helpful for their adoptee.

Common Feelings Adopted Kids Have About Adoption
Adults who have not had any experience with adoption tend to think that an adoptive family is admirable for “rescuing” a child and the only complication may be that adoptees have some confusion over who their “real” parents are. However, the reality is that adopted kids and teens often have very complex feelings about their adoption and need help processing their thoughts and emotions. Read more... )
[personal profile] 7rin
http://www.examiner.com/article/my-adopted-child-is-a-serial-killer

FAMILY & PARENTING August 1, 2010
Christine Dellinger

6 consecutive life sentences or 365 years in Attica State Prison was the final sentencing handed down by the judge on June 12, 1978.

It was the final sentencing for David Berkowitz, American serial killer and arsonist.

Berkowitz was convicted of the heinous “Son of Sam,” murders involving the gruesome deaths of 6 (six) people and injury to many others during a killing spree with his .44 caliber beginning July 29, 1976.

“My adopted child is a serial killer,” are the thoughts that could have plagued the mind of David Berkowitz’s father, Nathan, as he sat in the courtroom that humid New York morning.

Read more... )
[personal profile] 7rin
These notes refer to the Adoption and Children Act 2002 (c.38) which received Royal Assent on 7th November 2002

304.
Section 123 is a restatement and amendment of section 58 of the Adoption Act 1976.

Section 58 of that Act restricts the publication of advertisements indicating that the parent or guardian of a child want that child to be adopted, that a person wants to adopt a child, or that persons other than adoption agencies are willing to make arrangements for the adoption of a child. Section 123, which is a United Kingdom wide provision, goes further than this.

It imposes a new restriction on the distribution of such advertisements, on advertisements that a person is willing to remove a child from the United Kingdom for the purpose of adoption, and on the publication and distribution of information about how to make arrangements for the adoption of a child.

305.
Subsection (1) provides that a person must not publish or distribute an advertisement or information to which this section applies.

Subsection (2) provides that this section applies to an advertisement that the parent or guardian of a child wants the child to be adopted, that a person wants to adopt a child, that a person is willing to take specific steps to arrange an adoption, as set out in section 92, or that a person is willing to remove children from the United Kingdom for the purposes of adoption.

Subsection (3) states that this provision also applies to information about how to do anything which, if done, would constitute an offence under sections 85 or 93 and the mirror provisions of the Adoption (Scotland) Act 1978 and the Adoption (Northern Ireland) Order 1987, and to information about a particular child as a child available for adoption.

306.
Subsection (4) defines publishing and distribution.

This provision covers all forms of publication and distribution, including electronic means such as the internet.

Subsection (5) provides that this section does not apply to publication or distribution by or on behalf of an adoption agency.

Under subsection (6) the Secretary of State may by order make any amendments of this section necessary to take into account developments in technology relating to publishing or distributing advertisements or other information by electronic or electro-magnetic means.

307.
Any such order cannot be made without being approved by both the House of Commons and the House of Lords.

Before exercising the power provided by subsection (6) the Secretary of State must, under subsection (8), consult the Scottish Ministers, the Department of Health, Social Services and Public Safety (in Northern Ireland) and the Assembly.

Subsection (7) provides that the Secretary of State may make regulations to prescribe that a body outside the United Kingdom is for the purposes of section 123 to be treated as a United Kingdom adoption agency if it corresponds in its functions to a United Kingdom adoption agency.

As a consequence, such a body would not then be considered to be acting in contravention of section 123 if it were to advertise in the United Kingdom.

Subsection (9) also provides that an adoption agency includes a Scottish or Northern Irish adoption agency.
[personal profile] 7rin
"Borrowed" from http://fightagainstcps.tripod.com/id37.html and speel-chucked to clean it up a bit before re-posting.

Adopted Child Syndrome (ACS) - It's history & relevance today

According to public opinion polls, most Americans agree that adoption is at least a "risk factor" to a child's developmental, behavioral and academic development. The belief that adoption has a psychology of its own is evidenced by clinical studies amassed both prior to and since the late 1940s when the states began making adoptees' origins secret.

Read more... )
[personal profile] 7rin
EITHER PARENT OR ABORT!

DO NOT ABANDON YOUR CHILD TO ADOPTION!

Also DO NOT contact anyone on here who's saying "mail mail me, I'll snatch your baby away from you"


Adoption or Parenting Not Always the Best Choice
@ http://thenotsodailyherald.wordpress.com/2010/07/27/adoption-or-parenting-not-always-the-best-option/

Abortion is a simple medical procedure which ends a pregnancy
@ http://www.positive.org/JustSayYes/abortion.html

http://www.prochoice.org/

It is entirely possible to have an abortion and not feel guilt because you knew it was the right thing to do: http://www.imnotsorry.net/

http://shakespearessister.blogspot.com/2009/03/breaking-silence-on-living-pro-lifers.html

Abortion: There is a Consensus: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hsSQiazUvgo


Things I Wish I Knew When I Was Considering Adoption
@ http://www.exiledmothers.com/ adoption_facts/wish.html (close gap in URL)

What you should KNOW if you're considering adoption for your baby
@ http://www.cubirthparents.org/edd/index.php?id=1

Considering adoption? Don't feel you have any other options?
@ http://www.keepyourbaby.com/

Myths told the unmarried mother
@ http://gift-not-choice.tripod.com/myths-about-asfa.html

Adoption Truth
@ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QOZGwqHVnKs

Unplanned Pregnancy without Crisis
@ http://www.motherhelp.info/index.htm


Open adoption is almost never legally enforceable, and many parents have lost access to their children due to broken "open" adoption promises.
@ http://www.mercianeclectics.dsl.pipex.com/adoption/OpenAdoptionWall.htm
@ http://www.bringperihome.com/
@ http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100709095305AAjeM4z
@ http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100830162150AAi478W


Quotes taken from Nancy Verrier's book, Coming Home to Self
@ www.nancyverrier.com/self_book.php

For the adoptee every day is a challenge of trying to figure out how to be, although he probably doesn't understand the difficulty this presents for him. It has been true his whole life and, therefore, feels normal. However, it takes a great deal of energy and concentration. And it never feels quite right. He never quite fits. Therefore he feels as if /he/ is never quite right.
(pg 50)

Abandonment and neglect are reported to be the two most devastating experiences that children endure - even more devastating then sexual or physical abuse. That's why some neglected children do naughty things to get attention. Even though the attention is hurtful - being yelled at, hit, or otherwise harmed - it is better than neglect. /Anything/ is better than abandonment. Abandonment is a child's greatest fear. For adoptees, it is also reality, embedded in their implicit and unintegrated memory.
(pg 102)

It is sometimes difficult to spot grief in children. After all, it isn't as if the child sits in a puddle of tears his entire childhood. As one adoptee said, "Of course I played, laughed, sang. Do people think that if you're not sitting in a corner with your head on your knees, you are not sad? I had happy times, but the sadness was always there, even when I was having fun."
(pg 117)


_____Links supporting families to stay together_____

Single Mom @ http://www.singlemom.com/
Mentor Moms/MOPS/Teen MOPS (support!) @ http://www.mops.org/
Angel Food (food assistance) @ http://www.angelfoodministries.com/
Feeding America (food assistance) @ http://www.feedingamerica.org/
Co-Abode (housing assistance) @ http://www.coabode.com/
Safe Families (for emergency/crisis care) @ http://www.safe-families.org/
Teens @ http://www.teenbreaks.com/pregnancy/pregnancyhome.cfm
Adoption Crossroads® and Adoption Healing @ http://www.adoptioncrossroads.org
Adopted Child Syndrome @ http://www.amfor.net/acs
Origins-USA @ http://www.origins-usa.org
United Family Services @ http://www.unitedfamilyservices.org/
Family Assistance Foundation @ http://www.familyassistancefoundation.com/
Safelink Wireless @ http://www.safelinkwireless.com/

Finally, I suggest you take notice of the fact that adoption does NOT "save" kids:
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080229225608AA9mqS9
http://lubbockonline.com/crime-and-courts/2010-12-22/lubbock-man-arrested-sexually-assaulting-adoptive-daughters

Nor that APs will necessarily care for you like they pretend:
@ http://adoptiveparentsspeak.wordpress.com/
@ http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100106130510AA4Ekce

Good luck!

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