[personal profile] 7rin
@ http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/7889302.stm

A child is removed after its parents are accused of abuse. The child is adopted and settles with a new family. If the parents are then cleared, should the child be returned, ask ethicists Rebecca Roache and Barbro Bjorkman.

Mark and Nicky Webster have lost a bid to overturn adoption orders on three of their children.

The children were removed in 2005, following concerns over injuries incurred to one of the children.

Subsequent investigations revealed that the injuries may have resulted from a medical condition, and that the Websters may not have harmed the child after all.

However, with the children now settled with their adoptive families, senior appeal court judges have ruled that while the Websters may have suffered a miscarriage of justice, it is not in the children's interests to overturn the adoption orders.

Assuming that the Websters are indeed innocent of harming their child, has the court made the right decision?

Read more... )
[personal profile] 7rin
Some family court rulings are impossible to understand
By Christopher Booker4:41PM GMT 16 Mar 2013


As our social workers continue to break all records in the number of children they remove from their parents – the latest figures for England and Wales show that the number of care applications is this year likely to rise above 11,000, approaching three times their level in April 2008 – our Education Secretary, Michael Gove, is determined to increase the comparatively small percentage of those children who then go on to be adopted. In support of this policy (Mr Gove was successfully adopted, and his new Children’s Minister, Edward Timpson, was brought up with two adoptive siblings), their department commissioned two academics, Barry Luckock and Dr Karen Broadhurst, to produce a report that purports to show that, bar one or two minor criticisms, the process of removing children for adoption by new parents is working well.

Read more... )

This month, in a last desperate bid to get her daughter back, the mother appealed to another judge to stop the adoption order, relying on the rule that such an application can be granted if the mother can show that her “circumstances have changed”. When she yet again, I gather, produced medical evidence, going back several years, to show that she had never been a drug addict or an alcoholic, the new judge apparently accepted this as convincing. But, astonishingly, the judge went on to rule that, since the mother had never been either of these things, her circumstances could not be said to have “changed”. The adoption must therefore still go ahead.

Almost as chillingly, the mother was then allowed to see a small part of the report the social workers had prepared to be shown to her daughter’s new adoptive parents. This not only contains a string of simple factual errors; it still paints her in the most damning light as having, despite the judge’s finding, “a history of drug and alcohol misuse”, adding: “It is reported that she has attempted suicide on nine occasions.”

This may all help to convince the adoptive parents that they have rescued the new member of their family from a fate worse than death (the report is even anxious to record that the mother is “a smoker” and “wears high heels and make-up”). And no doubt if Mr Gove’s academics had been given an account of this case by the local authority’s solicitor, it might have seemed another success story for the adoption process. But to anyone who has followed just what this mother and child have been put through since they were torn apart in 2010, and who is aware of just how dysfunctional so much of our “child protection” system has become, I’m afraid this story is not just yet another shocking travesty of justice; it is an almost unbearable tragedy.
[personal profile] 7rin
I didn't write this, unfortunately.

http://minnesota.publicradio.org/display/web/2013/01/14/trenka

January 14, 2013

By Jane Jeong Trenka

@ MPR News

Jane Jeong Trenka was adopted from Korea to Minnesota in 1972. She is author of the memoirs "The Language of Blood" and "Fugitive Visions," and coeditor of the anthology "Outsiders Within: Writing on Transracial Adoption." She is studying for a master's degree in public policy at Seoul National University and is president of TRACK (Truth and Reconciliation for the Adoption Community of Korea).

Hey, kids in foster care. You might be wondering why Americans are raising a stink about Russia banning adoptions while you are still waiting for a family. You might feel like no one wants you.

And why wouldn't you feel that way?

There are 58,000 of you living in institutions, 104,236 eligible for adoption and 400,540 in foster care. But I can recommend some ways to make yourself as precious and loveable as one of those Russian orphans. Take some tips from an international adoptee! Here's how:

1. Be young. You have no value if you are older than 5. I know — you're 12. But maybe people won't notice if you act young. They'll think you're big for your age. If you expect to be adopted as a preteen, forget it. At that point, all you are is a looming college tuition bill.

2. Be white. That's what the Russians had going for them. But if you can't do that, you can at least not ask to be adopted into a family that speaks Spanish or Laotian or whatever it is you used to speak at home. Language classes are once a week, and culture camp is once a year. Don't confuse tourism with real life. Got it?

3. Be alone. Nobody wants a band of kids that is already a family unit. They are trying to integrate you into them, not be integrated into you. So why are you telling people you have not just one — but two or three siblings? Say goodbye to them and send the youngest ones off to fend for themselves. They probably won't even remember you later. Maybe you can find them in adulthood through Facebook if you're sentimental.

4. Be an orphan. Do you really expect to be adopted you if want to maintain ties with your birth family? People fear your mother showing up at their front door. That is why they like to adopt kids from as far away as possible! "I am a poor orphan. I am a poor orphan." That is your new mantra, and do stop talking about your mother. Not only should you obliterate your memory, but you should also ask your social worker to burn any records that suggest you may have difficulty making adults feel loved and needed in exchange for a home.

Adoption is not about what you want. It's about what adopters want. Get it straight, kids!
[personal profile] 7rin
The comments section on KSL.com article after this picture...



...demonstrate clearly the forces of socialisation that work against the adoptee for the entirety of the adoptee's life. This is what we grow up hearing. Even if it's not in the immediate family, the wider world tells us this, and it's not something you can shield us from because it's endemic in English speaking society[1].

Yet people still fail to see how this impacts our perspectives of ourselves as adoptees. Why?
Genealogy is a massive industry, so why wouldn't adoptees want to know who and where they come from?

This is why we shouldn't be losing contact totally in the first place.

People shouldn't NEED to be putting begging pictures up on Fakeblag because they've run out of other options. This information should never be lost to us in the first place.

Even if it's not safe for them to know who and where we are while we're children, as adults that information should be available to us so that WE can decide what we want to do with OUR lives.

Not knowing who you're from is a complete mind-fuck.

[1] I don't know enough about all other societies to be able to say, but I'm sure it's a topic @TransracialEyes is likely to have information on).

A Good Deed

Nov. 3rd, 2012 06:15 pm
[personal profile] 7rin
Perhaps the most valuable resource I ever happened across was the information on creating a Deed Poll FOR FREE @ gorge.org. Unfortunately, the site now appears to've vanished, thus I'm snagging the info. from Google's cache while it's still available, just in case the site never returns.

This is (a copy of the sources of - somewhat edited and reformatted) Google's cache of http://www.gorge.org/experiences/deedpoll.shtml and http://www.gorge.org/experiences/deedpoll-wording.shtml. It is a snapshot of the pages as they appeared on 24 Oct 2012.

Page One - The Explanatory Text )



Page Two - The Deed Poll Wording bit )
[personal profile] 7rin
Lifton, B.J. (1994) Journey of the Adopted Self: A Quest for Wholeness. New York: Basic Books. pp259-260
During a trip to Hawwaii, I met a therapist who had been invited to work with a group of adoptees who were in various stages of search and reunion. The adoption experience was new to him, but he was no stranger to grief and loss and pain. He was an empathic man, and he seemed puzzled. He said that the adoptees in his group, and the ones he has begun to see in his private practice, seemed traumatized. They do not shed their symptoms like his other patients. Their trauma seems deeper, as if it were very early - almost as if it were cellular.

Trauma is earlier for adoptees than for most other people, I told him. It begins at birth, with separation from the mother. And it's more persistent because adoptees have no pre-traumatic self. And then I explained what I meant by this.

We know that when adoptive parents have been traumatized by not being able to conceive a child, they already have adult selves that can absorb and work through the shock. So too, the birth mother may have been young when she was traumatized by her unwanted pregnancy, but she had a self to fall back on as she continued her life. But the adoptee, who experienced separation and loss early in life, usually at birth, has no previous self - no pre-traumatic self - from which to draw strength.
[personal profile] 7rin
Do we need a law against incest?

The European human rights court has upheld a German ruling against sibling incest, but some questions remain unanswered

Paul Behrens 15 April 2012

The European court of human rights is no stranger to controversy. Last Thursday, however, Strasbourg played it safe and did the expected. The court ruled it was all right to have a law against incest.

The man who brought the case was Patrick Stübing – a young German, who was separated from his family as a little child. When he was in his 20s, he looked for and found his biological mother. He also found his sister, with whom he fell in love. After their mother's death, the siblings began a sexual relationship, which produced four children.

It is not the only case in which biological siblings met only later in life and began sexual relations. One of the theories to explain the phenomenon is that the absence overcomes the "Westermarck effect" that usually applies: kids who grow up together tend to become desensitised to mutual sexual attraction.

Read more... )
[personal profile] 7rin
Genetic sexual attraction

You're 40, happily married - and then you meet your long-lost brother and fall passionately in love. This isn't fiction; in the age of the sperm donor, it's a growing reality: 50% of reunions between siblings, or parents and offspring, separated at birth result in obsessive emotions. Last month, a former police officer was convicted of incest with his half-sister - but should we criminalise a bond hardwired into our psychology? Alix Kirsta talks to those who have suffered the torment of 'genetic sexual attraction'

The Guardian, Saturday 17 May 2003

At first, Ivor Lytton's emotional predicament seems unremarkable, no different from the woes that make up any agony aunt's weekly column. On Sunday October 4 1998, Lytton, an Edinburgh public relations consultant, met the love of his life. The meeting took place at a dinner party at a fashionable country inn. Rita Meadows, who lives in South Africa, was on holiday in Scotland. Describing their meeting, Lytton's words overflow with sentiment. "From the moment we met, I was smitten, and continued to be drawn to her like a magnet. As I got to know her, I felt she had given me a life transmission. She put a smile in my heart and a spring in my step." Each October for the past four years, he has sent her a card to commemorate the date of their meeting.

What Lytton didn't know was that the consequences of that love would plunge him into the most devastating crisis of his life. Read more... )
[personal profile] 7rin
Forbidden love of the brother and sister
Last updated at 15:43 01 March 2007

Had it stopped at an appropriate point, the story of Patrick Stuebing and Susan Karolewski could have been poignant and moving.

Separated by adoption in their native East Germany, the siblings met for the first time in 2000 when Patrick tracked down his birth mother and the younger sister he had never met.

If their mother, Ana Marie, were alive today, however, she would, in all likelihood, be wishing her estranged son had never found his way home.

Because for the past seven years, brother and sister have been lovers. In that time they have had four children together - two of whom are mentally and physically disabled and all of whom are now in care.

Read more... )
[personal profile] 7rin
Get your bargain basement baby from Ever-Lasting Adoptions...

{quote}
In recognition of November as National Adoption Month and in an effort to help all of our prospective adoptive parents in these difficult economic times of today, we have made the decision to lower our fees for the BI-RACIAL THROUGH CAUCASIAN program to $5000 total and the FULL AFRICAN AMERICAN PROGRAM TO $3000.
{/quote}
[personal profile] 7rin
http://www.adoptioncrossroads.org/SmilingAdoptees.html

Happy Adoptees
By Julie A. Rist


I am not the happy and grateful adoptee that you want me to be. Don’t get me wrong. I was happy and grateful for almost 45 years – or so I believed. Had you asked me then how I felt about being adopted, you might have heard something like, “Great! I am so grateful to my (adoptive) parents for all they did and, no, I am not interested in finding my ‘real’ family. My adoptive family is my ‘real’ family, thankyouverymuch, and they are a wonderful family. I’ve had a wonderful life. Of course, I am grateful to my natural mother for giving me life. Oh, you’re adopting? How wonderful!”

I enthusiastically expressed that view all those years because I needed to convince myself that my life was normal and right and that I was okay. I did it because everyone else wanted me to feel that way, too. And I thought I would die if I ever looked deeper.

Happy children

You’ve seen adopted children who seem to be perfectly happy, too. They smile and have fun just like those whose families are intact. They act happy and, occasionally, they are.

Yes, adopted children smile and laugh. Did you stop smiling after you lost a loved one? Didn’t you still laugh when someone said something funny? Weren’t you still capable of having some fun?

Did you ever smile and act happy to hide your grief?

Of course you did. But even when you smiled, those close to you knew it didn’t mean you were happy. Those close to you accepted and expected your pain and sadness. They did not expect you to be happy about your loss. They gave you something most adoptees do not get: acknowledgement of, empathy for, and permission to express your grief.

What grief?

Read more... )
[personal profile] 7rin
Adoption Issues From a Strengths Perspective
By Deborah H. Siegel, PhD, LICSW, DCSW, ACSW
Social Work Today - July/August 2008 Issue - Vol. 8 No. 4 P. 34

Birth parents, adoptive parents, and adoptees face predictable crises given the life-changing nature of this event. Idealized or deficit approaches don't work, but a strengths perspective does.

Sam is a bright, energetic, enthusiastic 12-year-old boy. His mom and dad, Mary and Mack, love him dearly and are earnest, skilled parents who conscientiously create a nurturing home. Sam thrives; he has a best friend next door, gets Bs in school, attends weekly religious school and prayer services, walks his dog every day after school, and enjoys riding his bike and playing his electric guitar. He and his parents often go on hikes, attend sporting events, and take day trips as a family or with friends. It appears that Sam is doing well because he is adopted.

This description accurately summarizes Sam's life, and so does this: Sam was born with cocaine, marijuana, and alcohol in his tiny body. Sam's birth father, incarcerated shortly after Sam was conceived, has never seen him. The state child welfare agency removed Sam from his mother's custody shortly after birth, and in the first two years of life, Sam lived in four different foster homes before he was legally freed for adoption. Sam's behavior is often impulsive, hyperactive, and inattentive. His classmates tend to steer clear of him because he bumps into them, grabs their things, or blurts out rude comments (e.g., "You're stupid!"). Homework is a daily struggle, as Sam finds it hard to sit still and stay on task. He often forgets, loses, or partially completes his assignments. Lately, his behavior at home has been especially irritable; when his parents prompt him to do a task he doesn't like, he yells, "You're not the boss of me!" and stomps away. He's spending more time alone in his room. It appears that Sam is struggling because he is adopted.

Read more... )

- Deborah H. Siegel, PhD, LICSW, DCSW, ACSW, is a professor in the School of Social Work at Rhode Island College, a clinician specializing in adoption issues, an adoption researcher, and an adoptive parent.
[personal profile] 7rin
Sants, H.J. (1964) Genealogical Bewilderment in Children with Substitute Parents. British Journal of Medical Psychology 37(?). pp.133-141

"In 1964, H.J. Sants ... coined the phrase 'genealogical bewilderment'"

O'Shaughnessy, T. (1994). Adoption, social work and social theory: Making the connections. Brookfield, VT: Ashgate Publishing. (p.119)

Adoption, blood kinship, stigma, and the Adoption Reform Movement: A historical perspective @ http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_qa3757/is_200201/ai_n9059070/pg_10/
[personal profile] 7rin
Turski, D. (2002) Why "Birthmother" means "Breeder" [online]. Available at: http://foundandlostsupport.com/birthmothermeansbreeder.html [Accessed 07 December 2010]

<Quote>
I had never heard the term "birthmother" until I reunited with my son. When the social worker who located me referred to me as his "birthmother," my first reaction was to instinctively recoil in distaste. What is a "birthmother?" It occurred to me that perhaps she had merely applied this ridiculous sounding term in an attempt at political correctness, so I ignored it. However, when my son's adoptive mother ...  )



Putting a child up for adoption? @ http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100910110801AALw7r3

As asked by H******:

"Where did this term originate?

"Putting a child up for adoption"

Put up where?
"

... and answered by gypsywinter (amongst others):

"Well people and children have been "put up" for sale and slavery for quite awhile in this country. Slaves were 'put up' on platforms to be viewed Read more... )
[personal profile] 7rin
Posted on Wednesday, December 22, 2004 - 03:54 pm by Aura:

I would like to bring to people’s awareness regarding the many parents who are being labelled ‘unfit to parent’ by social services, just because they have a learning difficulty. There’s no help what’s-so-ever for parents out there with learning difficulties, too many are frightened to ask for help lest they get the same treatment as I’ve received Read more... )
[personal profile] 7rin
UK

Find your original birth or adoption record (DirectGov (UK) site) @ http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Governmentcitizensandrights/Registeringlifeevents/Birthandadoptionrecords/Adoptionrecords/DG_175567

Using the Adoption Contact Register (DirectGov (UK) site) @ http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Governmentcitizensandrights/Registeringlifeevents/Birthandadoptionrecords/Adoptionrecords/DG_175603

Julie's People Search @ http://www.julieg.f9.co.uk/longlinkslist.htm

UK Adoptees - Adopted in the UK #searching @ http://ukadoptees.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=searching

USA

Go join http://www.adultadoptees.org/forum/ 'cause it's THE best place for adoptees to be, and is chock full of adoptees who've searched and know how to search.

If you are in USA @ http://www.aborn.faithweb.com/
Click where it says " Before you begin your search." Next, read "Proper way to search, part 1" and then "Proper way to search, part 2." Located on the right column.

There's also:
Adoption Search Reunion @ http://www.adoptionsearchreunion.org.uk/
International Soundex Reunion Registry (ISRR) @ http://www.isrr.net/faq.shtml
GS Adoption Registry @ http://gsadoptionregistry.com/
Adoption Reunion Registry @ http://registry.adoption.com/

Register and check back with them often.

The State/Country where they child was born and adopted may have it's own registry and access laws, so check that out also.

Also try Facebook, Google, Myspace, Ancestry.com, etc.

General Search Advice @ http://www.adultadoptees.org/forum/index.php?topic=754.0

Canada

Origins Canada Search Registry @ http://searchregistry.originscanada.org/

Pay Sites

The Vitalsearch Company Worldwide @ http://www.vitalsearch-worldwide.com/


War Babies

http://www.liberationchildren.org/

Unchecekd

http://www.birthparentfinder.com/

General Search Advice

http://www.adultadoptees.org/forum/index.php?topic=754.0

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