[personal profile] 7rin
I didn't write this, unfortunately.

http://minnesota.publicradio.org/display/web/2013/01/14/trenka

January 14, 2013

By Jane Jeong Trenka

@ MPR News

Jane Jeong Trenka was adopted from Korea to Minnesota in 1972. She is author of the memoirs "The Language of Blood" and "Fugitive Visions," and coeditor of the anthology "Outsiders Within: Writing on Transracial Adoption." She is studying for a master's degree in public policy at Seoul National University and is president of TRACK (Truth and Reconciliation for the Adoption Community of Korea).

Hey, kids in foster care. You might be wondering why Americans are raising a stink about Russia banning adoptions while you are still waiting for a family. You might feel like no one wants you.

And why wouldn't you feel that way?

There are 58,000 of you living in institutions, 104,236 eligible for adoption and 400,540 in foster care. But I can recommend some ways to make yourself as precious and loveable as one of those Russian orphans. Take some tips from an international adoptee! Here's how:

1. Be young. You have no value if you are older than 5. I know — you're 12. But maybe people won't notice if you act young. They'll think you're big for your age. If you expect to be adopted as a preteen, forget it. At that point, all you are is a looming college tuition bill.

2. Be white. That's what the Russians had going for them. But if you can't do that, you can at least not ask to be adopted into a family that speaks Spanish or Laotian or whatever it is you used to speak at home. Language classes are once a week, and culture camp is once a year. Don't confuse tourism with real life. Got it?

3. Be alone. Nobody wants a band of kids that is already a family unit. They are trying to integrate you into them, not be integrated into you. So why are you telling people you have not just one — but two or three siblings? Say goodbye to them and send the youngest ones off to fend for themselves. They probably won't even remember you later. Maybe you can find them in adulthood through Facebook if you're sentimental.

4. Be an orphan. Do you really expect to be adopted you if want to maintain ties with your birth family? People fear your mother showing up at their front door. That is why they like to adopt kids from as far away as possible! "I am a poor orphan. I am a poor orphan." That is your new mantra, and do stop talking about your mother. Not only should you obliterate your memory, but you should also ask your social worker to burn any records that suggest you may have difficulty making adults feel loved and needed in exchange for a home.

Adoption is not about what you want. It's about what adopters want. Get it straight, kids!
[personal profile] 7rin
Links to threads that have exploded, and which demonstrate aptly the attitudes displayed towards adoption and adoptees.

The Skeptical Mother's Page posted a picture of a very young bmom with her newborn baby daughter, just before she hands her over to the adopters.
[personal profile] 7rin
I'm gonna try to tidy this up to make it more readable, but I suspect if the thread continues, it's gonna wind up being dumped in comments too because I'm gonna run outta character spaces.

How do you feel about adoption?

Jennifer Randazzo Good.

Gloria Orange-Barnett The gift of a safe and loving home to a child in need is truly a gift to oneself.

Lynn Early Brown It is truly a blessing...I was adopted as an infant and my husband and I have adopted both our children thru foster-to-adopt! It is amazing and a gift from God!

Liz Larson-Shidler The best alternative.

Linda Wallin Thrilled! My son comes home from India today with his new son!

Angela Jensen Dunigan We are in the process of my husband adopting my daughter, which will legalize what has already existed for the past nearly 6 years - their father-daughter relationship. I love that she will now have our name too. She's 13 and I can think of no more critical an age for her to have this security of a loving, legal father. I also have loved ones with children whom they adopted at birth. I'm a fan of adoption.

...and then the adoptees start answering )
[personal profile] 7rin
Asked by Pip @ http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20121101075109AAmPXkq

I have just read this article http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2220767/X-Factor-USA-contestant-David-Correy-finds-birth-mother-show.html and read the comments. This comment made me shake my head in disgust as the person obviously doesn't get it that adoptees do want to know where they come from and it's no reflection on their relationship with their adoptive parents:
I don't know why people just cannot appreciate the parent's who have raised them. What about his adoptive parents. Why is he running behind this woman like some lost dog when he already has two parents? This is why I will never adopt a child...they are so ungrateful and are just a waste of money.
My answer:
I think it's brilliant 'cause it highlights EXACTLY what we've been trying to tell people for years - that the ADOPTEE doesn't matter, and neither do our genealogical families ('cause reunion's not JUST about our mom).

It demonstrates exactly what people think of us.
[personal profile] 7rin
by Heather Lowe

One of the things I hear most frequently from parents who have recently lost children to adoption is, "If ONLY I had known." People in a crisis pregnancy are especially prone to denial, and it's very hard to accurately imagine what adoption will be like. I am posting these items in an effort to share the things I wish I had known when I was considering adoption (and was stuck in major denial myself.)
Adoption might well be the best thing for you and your child, but in order to be a truly good thing, it needs to be a well-considered decision, and you need to hear the negative aspects as well as the positive.

This list will likely change and grow as input from other first parents is received. Please visit the guestbook on my website if you are a first parent wanting to add advice to this site.




Read more... )

Note: The terms "unwed" mother, "birthmom", "biological" parent make a parent appear to be less than the mother or father they are. These terms dehumanize and limit the parent's role to that of an incubator. Using the honest terms "mother", "single mother" or "natural mother" help the public to understand why real family members must not be separated to obtain babies for adoption.
[personal profile] 7rin
From Adoptive Families Circle

Are you familiar with the Portal video games? You play as a a character, Chell, and solve various puzzles as you progress through the levels. As you work on the puzzles, you are challenged by an artificial intelligence character, GLaDOS.
Portal was released in 2007, and Portal 2 in 2011. In the original, it was told in Chell’s backstory that he was adopted.

While playing Portal 2, an adoptive father was shocked to hear two characters teasing Chell about being adopted.

An online character Wheatley says, “Alright, fatty. Adopted fatty. Fatty, fatty, no parents,” which GLaDOS follows up on by whispering to Chell, “For the record, you are adopted, and that’s terrible, but just stick with me.” Click the above link to see this footage from the game.

The father, Neal Stapel, was playing the game with his 10 year-old daughter, adopted from China. Luckily, she didn’t seem to have fully heard this conversation. Her father however was very upset by the character’s conversation.

He is unsure what to do about it. He and his daughter still play the game, but just avoid the level where the adoption teasing took place. He did alert the local media about this part of the game in hopes that other adoptive families don’t have to hear the game’s adoption “jokes.”

What’s your reaction to this?
What do you think should be done?
If you, or your child, has played the game, did you hear these adoption “jokes”?
Why do you think this is acceptable by the makers of this game, which is made to be played by children?
[personal profile] 7rin
"More concern over delicate AP feelings, mostly, although starts out from an adoptee perspective."

As posted by Beth over at AAAFC.

This disgraceful behaviour by a supposedly reputable organisation simply shows once again that adoptee voices are NOT wanted.

The text of the linked Psychology Today post )
[personal profile] 7rin
Adoption Issues From a Strengths Perspective
By Deborah H. Siegel, PhD, LICSW, DCSW, ACSW
Social Work Today - July/August 2008 Issue - Vol. 8 No. 4 P. 34

Birth parents, adoptive parents, and adoptees face predictable crises given the life-changing nature of this event. Idealized or deficit approaches don't work, but a strengths perspective does.

Sam is a bright, energetic, enthusiastic 12-year-old boy. His mom and dad, Mary and Mack, love him dearly and are earnest, skilled parents who conscientiously create a nurturing home. Sam thrives; he has a best friend next door, gets Bs in school, attends weekly religious school and prayer services, walks his dog every day after school, and enjoys riding his bike and playing his electric guitar. He and his parents often go on hikes, attend sporting events, and take day trips as a family or with friends. It appears that Sam is doing well because he is adopted.

This description accurately summarizes Sam's life, and so does this: Sam was born with cocaine, marijuana, and alcohol in his tiny body. Sam's birth father, incarcerated shortly after Sam was conceived, has never seen him. The state child welfare agency removed Sam from his mother's custody shortly after birth, and in the first two years of life, Sam lived in four different foster homes before he was legally freed for adoption. Sam's behavior is often impulsive, hyperactive, and inattentive. His classmates tend to steer clear of him because he bumps into them, grabs their things, or blurts out rude comments (e.g., "You're stupid!"). Homework is a daily struggle, as Sam finds it hard to sit still and stay on task. He often forgets, loses, or partially completes his assignments. Lately, his behavior at home has been especially irritable; when his parents prompt him to do a task he doesn't like, he yells, "You're not the boss of me!" and stomps away. He's spending more time alone in his room. It appears that Sam is struggling because he is adopted.

Read more... )

- Deborah H. Siegel, PhD, LICSW, DCSW, ACSW, is a professor in the School of Social Work at Rhode Island College, a clinician specializing in adoption issues, an adoption researcher, and an adoptive parent.

Portal 2

Jul. 6th, 2011 04:51 am
[personal profile] 7rin
Adoptive parents are selfish idiots part infinity

Recently a new computer game Portal 2 was released. It contains taunting that the protagonist is
fat, stupid, and adopted.
This seems unnecessary, thoughtless and hurtful all round. I don’t think we should be teaching kids that these are okay things to say to people but one set of adoptive parents managed to make it all about themselves. According to Neal Stapel the adopted father of a ten year old adoptee says
that this was "literally the worst thing I could have probably heard."
Really? Mate you have lived a charmed life if that’s the worst thing that has ever passed through your delicate ear canals. The report then goes on to say ...

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