[personal profile] 7rin
http://www.the-broad-side.com/adoption-a-different-option

by Rebekah Kuschmider on September 12, 2013

For many years, anti-choice activists have suggested that adoption is the kinder option than abortion. They argue that babies deserve life and there are families who will adopt unwanted infants. Recently, conservative pundit S.E. Cupp intimated it that it was a moral obligation of pregnant women otherwise considering abortion to instead carry babies to term so that families seeking children could have the opportunity to be parents. It seems like a winning combination: unwanted baby, family who wants a baby, woman absolved of responsibility for the baby.

Adoption should be an option. Only, I’m not talking about the babies-to-be. I’m talking about the mothers-to-be.

I do not wish to minimize the strength of character it takes for a woman and an adoptive couple to reach terms that allow a baby to be given the best home possible. That’s an admirable course of action. For a woman who is not in circumstances to raise a child, finding an adoptive family for an unborn baby can be a blessing of invaluable magnitude. But why should the mother give up a baby whom, studies suggest, she would undoubtedly love? Why should the mother continue to live in circumstances that preclude raising a child when her circumstances could be changed by the act of adopting…her?

Anti-choice families who wish to see women carry, birth and raise babies should bring those women into their homes. They should treat them as they would treat their own pregnant daughter. Provide them with food, clothing and shelter. Enroll them on their insurance plan and get them the best prenatal care. Find a school for the women to attend if they need education, assist them in finding work if they need work. Give them a car. Give them emotional support. Take them to church and social events. Make them a part of the life that they lead – a forever life, not just the duration of the pregnancy.

After the baby is born, give mother and baby the same shower of love, support and material goods that they would a grandchild. They should offer assistance with childcare so the mother can work or attend school, maybe subsidize an apartment if they want to have their own place. They should read stories to and play tag with the child as he or she grows, and welcome mother and child beneath the Christmas tree and at the Thanksgiving table every year.

Make having a baby possible. Make raising a baby possible.

Too often I read about Crisis Pregnancy Centers that counsel against abortion and offer pregnant women rudimentary help. Cast-off baby goods. Diapers. A sheaf of papers they can use to apply for housing or medical aid. But how much of a difference does that ultimately make? Does it break the cycle of poverty? Elevate women to true self-sufficiency? Does it prevent the next unintended pregnancy? Or is it a band-aid on a larger issue, measures meant to make sure babies are born? But what happens after? What happens to mothers who raise their babies within our limited safety net? What happens to mothers who relinquish their babies to adoption?

Yes, adoption is an option and no one is saying it shouldn’t be. But as a student of the nature of unintended pregnancy, my conclusions after reading about who the women who seek abortion is that it isn’t their babies who need to be whisked off to a better life. It’s them.
[personal profile] 7rin
http://offbeatfamilies.com/2013/09/adopting-a-teenager#comment-133879

On September 11th, 2013 at 8:07 PM
Krista said
I was unofficially adopted at 18 by one if my teachers my senior year and her husband. They didn't have any children of their own yet (biological or otherwise) so I was it. The most important thing they did for me was make me feel wanted. I ate dinner with them and was welcomed to their family parties, get togethers, and outings. They spoke of me as their own and bought me things that parents buy kids – clothes and little surprises here and there. They took the time to know my likes and dislikes and they engaged me in conversation. When they had a baby three years later, they involved me in her life (and now, 9 1/2 years later, I am someone's beloved Sissy!). They gave me boundaries and rules while I lived with them. They tried to understand my dreams and encourage me in pursuing them. They encouraged me to maintain contact with my grandma, to whom I was very close. And they loved me, regardless of what I did or said in my hurt and pain that came with needing new parents at 18.

Reply to this comment over @ http://offbeatfamilies.com/2013/09/adopting-a-teenager#comment-133879
[personal profile] 7rin
@ http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/7889302.stm

A child is removed after its parents are accused of abuse. The child is adopted and settles with a new family. If the parents are then cleared, should the child be returned, ask ethicists Rebecca Roache and Barbro Bjorkman.

Mark and Nicky Webster have lost a bid to overturn adoption orders on three of their children.

The children were removed in 2005, following concerns over injuries incurred to one of the children.

Subsequent investigations revealed that the injuries may have resulted from a medical condition, and that the Websters may not have harmed the child after all.

However, with the children now settled with their adoptive families, senior appeal court judges have ruled that while the Websters may have suffered a miscarriage of justice, it is not in the children's interests to overturn the adoption orders.

Assuming that the Websters are indeed innocent of harming their child, has the court made the right decision?

Read more... )
[personal profile] 7rin
Some family court rulings are impossible to understand
By Christopher Booker4:41PM GMT 16 Mar 2013


As our social workers continue to break all records in the number of children they remove from their parents – the latest figures for England and Wales show that the number of care applications is this year likely to rise above 11,000, approaching three times their level in April 2008 – our Education Secretary, Michael Gove, is determined to increase the comparatively small percentage of those children who then go on to be adopted. In support of this policy (Mr Gove was successfully adopted, and his new Children’s Minister, Edward Timpson, was brought up with two adoptive siblings), their department commissioned two academics, Barry Luckock and Dr Karen Broadhurst, to produce a report that purports to show that, bar one or two minor criticisms, the process of removing children for adoption by new parents is working well.

Read more... )

This month, in a last desperate bid to get her daughter back, the mother appealed to another judge to stop the adoption order, relying on the rule that such an application can be granted if the mother can show that her “circumstances have changed”. When she yet again, I gather, produced medical evidence, going back several years, to show that she had never been a drug addict or an alcoholic, the new judge apparently accepted this as convincing. But, astonishingly, the judge went on to rule that, since the mother had never been either of these things, her circumstances could not be said to have “changed”. The adoption must therefore still go ahead.

Almost as chillingly, the mother was then allowed to see a small part of the report the social workers had prepared to be shown to her daughter’s new adoptive parents. This not only contains a string of simple factual errors; it still paints her in the most damning light as having, despite the judge’s finding, “a history of drug and alcohol misuse”, adding: “It is reported that she has attempted suicide on nine occasions.”

This may all help to convince the adoptive parents that they have rescued the new member of their family from a fate worse than death (the report is even anxious to record that the mother is “a smoker” and “wears high heels and make-up”). And no doubt if Mr Gove’s academics had been given an account of this case by the local authority’s solicitor, it might have seemed another success story for the adoption process. But to anyone who has followed just what this mother and child have been put through since they were torn apart in 2010, and who is aware of just how dysfunctional so much of our “child protection” system has become, I’m afraid this story is not just yet another shocking travesty of justice; it is an almost unbearable tragedy.
[personal profile] 7rin
Quoting kamio over at AAAFC

{quote}
It doesn't matter to me whether I am better off adopted, or if my life with my bmother would have been crap. It does not shift the deep longing and pain inside.

This is what non-adoptees don't understand. You cannot apply logic to emotions. They can tell me over and over that it's best to be in a stable environment, etc.

Does that cancel out the anxiety, depression, fear of abanonment, interpreting everything as rejection, the poor self-esteem, bad impulse control? Hell no! They are embedded deep within my psyche, from childhood.

And because of their assumptions about why adoption is better etc, this leaves no room to understand the emotional issues, or create therapies for it. Because that would mean rethinking adoption.
{/quote}
[personal profile] 7rin
The following's the question I asked over on the AAAFC General Discussion forum (on 26 February 2012). I'm reposting the question here in case anyone wants to share, 'n' also because it's an interesting thread to link to in its own right.

{quote}
I do wonder how many of the adoptees out there just lack the language available 'cause it's not acknowledged by the general population (i.e. adoption fucks you up), rather than so many people being said by others to be "happy" with their adoptions.

Ok, this is that new post that sprung out of my head when I was finishing typing ^^that.

How many people know how you actually REALLY feel about adoption and all that it entails?

F'r instance, would your amom's cousin describe you as "well our I's adopted daughter's turned out just fine, and isn't at all bothered by her adoption"? Or does everyone that's anyone know that "well, L's daughter was adopted, but she's entirely unhappy with the fact that it happened, and would counsel anyone contemplating the thought against it"?

Those of my families that're on FB probably can't help but be aware that I'm most definitely not a "happy adoptee", given how much I post on the subject. Not sure how much the rest of my families know of my opinion on the issue. I don't think amom's cousin'd describe me as "happy with adoption" any more, but icbw.
{/quote}
[personal profile] 7rin
Adoption Loss is the only trauma in the world where the victims are expected by the whole of society to be grateful - The Reverend Keith C. Griffith MBEPlease sign the petition I've created:
Allow adult adoptees to be repatriated into THEIR OWN families
@
http://epetitions.direct.gov.uk/petitions/38120



Posts within this community are under-going over-haul in an effort to make the information contained within them easier to find.

Sadly, the process of over-hauling is likely to cause those visiting from previously posted links to either encounter information they are not expecting to find, or possibly even dead links. I apologise to any visitor who encounters such difficulties, and ask that they refer to the community tag reference page in order to more easily find the information they were originally seeking.

During the course of time, the administrative staff of this community have been saddened to find that some of the valuable information that has been previously linked is no longer available from whence it originally came (perhaps it got surprise adopted? ;)), thus, as a ward against the loss of valuable information, many posts will now be replicated in full. If you are the original author of such works and oppose its replication on this site, please contact the administrative team on 7rin dot on dot adoption at gmail dot com.

The administrative staff of this community thank you for your time.
[personal profile] 7rin
Adoption Issues From a Strengths Perspective
By Deborah H. Siegel, PhD, LICSW, DCSW, ACSW
Social Work Today - July/August 2008 Issue - Vol. 8 No. 4 P. 34

Birth parents, adoptive parents, and adoptees face predictable crises given the life-changing nature of this event. Idealized or deficit approaches don't work, but a strengths perspective does.

Sam is a bright, energetic, enthusiastic 12-year-old boy. His mom and dad, Mary and Mack, love him dearly and are earnest, skilled parents who conscientiously create a nurturing home. Sam thrives; he has a best friend next door, gets Bs in school, attends weekly religious school and prayer services, walks his dog every day after school, and enjoys riding his bike and playing his electric guitar. He and his parents often go on hikes, attend sporting events, and take day trips as a family or with friends. It appears that Sam is doing well because he is adopted.

This description accurately summarizes Sam's life, and so does this: Sam was born with cocaine, marijuana, and alcohol in his tiny body. Sam's birth father, incarcerated shortly after Sam was conceived, has never seen him. The state child welfare agency removed Sam from his mother's custody shortly after birth, and in the first two years of life, Sam lived in four different foster homes before he was legally freed for adoption. Sam's behavior is often impulsive, hyperactive, and inattentive. His classmates tend to steer clear of him because he bumps into them, grabs their things, or blurts out rude comments (e.g., "You're stupid!"). Homework is a daily struggle, as Sam finds it hard to sit still and stay on task. He often forgets, loses, or partially completes his assignments. Lately, his behavior at home has been especially irritable; when his parents prompt him to do a task he doesn't like, he yells, "You're not the boss of me!" and stomps away. He's spending more time alone in his room. It appears that Sam is struggling because he is adopted.

Read more... )

- Deborah H. Siegel, PhD, LICSW, DCSW, ACSW, is a professor in the School of Social Work at Rhode Island College, a clinician specializing in adoption issues, an adoption researcher, and an adoptive parent.
[personal profile] 7rin
http://angela-krueger.suite101.com/attachment-and-bonding-in-adoption-a59892

Helping Adopted Kids Feel Secure in Their Adoptive Families
Jul 9, 2008 Angela Krueger

Understanding the concepts of attachment and bonding, as well as the attachment cycle will help parents create positive and enduring connections with their adopted kids.

Bonding and attachment are two terms used to describe the process of an adopted child feeling secure in her new family. Often used interchangeably, the concepts are actually differentiated by adoption experts.

Attachment versus Bonding
As described in Raising Adopted Children, bonding is a “process that begins with the biological parent during pregnancy and continues through birth and the first few days of life.” This definition shows why an adopted child can feel a bond to her birth mother, but possibly not feel any attachment to her. Bond can also describe the close relationship kids have with teachers and friends with which they have shared important experiences and emotions.

Read more... )
[personal profile] 7rin
http://angela-krueger.suite101.com/effects-of-adoption-on-young-adoptees-a176032

How Adopted Kids and Teens Feel About Their Adoptions

Dec 2, 2009 Angela Krueger

ADOPTED KIDS AND TEENS ARE AFFECTED BY ADOPTION - SHYSIE FROM MORGUEFILE.COM

By understanding the effect adoption has on children and teens, adoptive parents can help their adoptee address adoption feelings through parental support and books.

As adoption has recently become more child-centred, adoptive parents are concerned about how adoption will affect kids in both the short and long terms. Although each adoption situation is different, there are some common issues that arise and adoptive parents need to know which resources are helpful for their adoptee.

Common Feelings Adopted Kids Have About Adoption
Adults who have not had any experience with adoption tend to think that an adoptive family is admirable for “rescuing” a child and the only complication may be that adoptees have some confusion over who their “real” parents are. However, the reality is that adopted kids and teens often have very complex feelings about their adoption and need help processing their thoughts and emotions. Read more... )
[personal profile] 7rin
http://www.examiner.com/article/my-adopted-child-is-a-serial-killer

FAMILY & PARENTING August 1, 2010
Christine Dellinger

6 consecutive life sentences or 365 years in Attica State Prison was the final sentencing handed down by the judge on June 12, 1978.

It was the final sentencing for David Berkowitz, American serial killer and arsonist.

Berkowitz was convicted of the heinous “Son of Sam,” murders involving the gruesome deaths of 6 (six) people and injury to many others during a killing spree with his .44 caliber beginning July 29, 1976.

“My adopted child is a serial killer,” are the thoughts that could have plagued the mind of David Berkowitz’s father, Nathan, as he sat in the courtroom that humid New York morning.

Read more... )
[personal profile] 7rin
It's entirely possible to help someone parent without snatching their child away from them: Each One Help One @ http://www.values.com/your-inspirational-stories/1306-EACH-ONE-HELP-ONE

This is how the adoption industry finds out the best ways to convince people to abandon their kids:
The National Council for Adoption: Mothers, Money, Marketing, and Madness
* Part 1 @ http://www.divinecaroline.com/22095/39669-national-council-adoption-mothers-money
* Part 2 @ http://www.divinecaroline.com/22095/39676-national-council-adoption--mothers--money-

My aparents have had to watch as their kid goes through all of the agony and trauma that comes with being adopted. They have had absolutely no help in dealing with any of this - as all good parents do, they winged it. It's testament to their brilliance that I'm even remotely sane (hush you lot at the back! :p) and a functioning member of society.

Adoption screws kids up. It's not a fact that the adoption mongers like seeing said in public, but it's true. Not every kid, obviously - some on here are happy to've been adopted, but a surprisingly high percentage of us grow up deeply screwed up.

I was abandoned to adoption at seven months old. I honestly and truly wish that I'd been aborted instead of abandoned to adoption, so please be prepared for the fact that any kid you adopt could grow up to be as screwed up as me (I'm almost 40, so legally "grown up" in pretty much everywhere).

I didn't have a bad adoption - my afamily are the best I could ever have chosen... but if I'd been able to choose, and I'd known then what I know now, I'd've chosen to be aborted before birth instead, 'cause at least that way the lifetime of agony I've gone through would've been over in minutes, instead of the decades that I've been suffering for now.

Please bear in mind that the US Passport agency requires that a birth certificate is filed within one year of birth. You may be causing unnecessary headaches for the person, and they may be denied a passport (as many adopted people frequently are!) - the rules differ state to state.

Actually, if you adopt, the kid still won't be your own. You need to be able to deal with the fact that being a parent to an adoptee is NOT the same as being a parent to your own child. It will not elicit the same feelings in you, and your gut reactions will be off because there is no genetic similarity to recognise. Yes, you'll learn it all in time, and if you're a good a'rent, you won't even take out your frustration at not having your own child on the child you adopt instead.

I suggest you read the links and blurb mentioned in the Best Answer (as chosen by voters) @ http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20101114222810AAiOtS3 since that answers your question most thoroughly, and then read back through a few months worth of resolved questions in here http://answers.yahoo.com/dir/index?sid=2115500138

Comprehend that lot, and you'll be about ready to adopt. :)
[personal profile] 7rin
A letter of recommendation for adoption:
Best Answer - Chosen by Voters @ http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20101116132918AAdtKRv

Here is a sample letter:

I have been asked by my very good friends to recommend them for adoption, so obviously I am already biased :)

I know nothing about adoption, but I think that my very good friends would be very good at adoption. They are very good at everything else they do from climbing Mt Everest (only last year) to working with the crud-infected youth from our neighborhood (for a few days before they just got righteously disgusted!). They also throw really great parties and like to kick it in the ‘hood. They know all the in-vogue terms for pot, grass, weed, spliff, etc. (I’ve learned so much from these very learned people – they should be held up as icons of … you know, people). In any case they will be very hip when they’re adoptling reaches the teen years – AND the kid will have responsible parents to party with! Like O.M.G.!!! How cool is that????

I really hope they don’t want to use me as a babysitter all of the time, but you know I guess spending time with someone else’s kid is par for the course in adoption, so maybe I’ll try to humor them. (Whatever!)

But, yeah, you should really consider x and y as a great adoptive couple because, like they really think they know what they want, and like, yeah, it would be cool to have a baby that’s like a blank slate that you can kind of make into anyone you want them to be. Neat, huh?
[personal profile] 7rin
Sants, H.J. (1964) Genealogical Bewilderment in Children with Substitute Parents. British Journal of Medical Psychology 37(?). pp.133-141

"In 1964, H.J. Sants ... coined the phrase 'genealogical bewilderment'"

O'Shaughnessy, T. (1994). Adoption, social work and social theory: Making the connections. Brookfield, VT: Ashgate Publishing. (p.119)

Adoption, blood kinship, stigma, and the Adoption Reform Movement: A historical perspective @ http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_qa3757/is_200201/ai_n9059070/pg_10/
[personal profile] 7rin
Turski, D. (2002) Why "Birthmother" means "Breeder" [online]. Available at: http://foundandlostsupport.com/birthmothermeansbreeder.html [Accessed 07 December 2010]

<Quote>
I had never heard the term "birthmother" until I reunited with my son. When the social worker who located me referred to me as his "birthmother," my first reaction was to instinctively recoil in distaste. What is a "birthmother?" It occurred to me that perhaps she had merely applied this ridiculous sounding term in an attempt at political correctness, so I ignored it. However, when my son's adoptive mother ...  )



Putting a child up for adoption? @ http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100910110801AALw7r3

As asked by H******:

"Where did this term originate?

"Putting a child up for adoption"

Put up where?
"

... and answered by gypsywinter (amongst others):

"Well people and children have been "put up" for sale and slavery for quite awhile in this country. Slaves were 'put up' on platforms to be viewed Read more... )
[personal profile] 7rin
Posted on Wednesday, December 22, 2004 - 03:54 pm by Aura:

I would like to bring to people’s awareness regarding the many parents who are being labelled ‘unfit to parent’ by social services, just because they have a learning difficulty. There’s no help what’s-so-ever for parents out there with learning difficulties, too many are frightened to ask for help lest they get the same treatment as I’ve received Read more... )

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