[personal profile] 7rin
Links to threads that have exploded, and which demonstrate aptly the attitudes displayed towards adoption and adoptees.

The Skeptical Mother's Page posted a picture of a very young bmom with her newborn baby daughter, just before she hands her over to the adopters.
[personal profile] 7rin
The main page is @ https://www.facebook.com/JusticeForGrayson

The note I'm sharing with you is @ https://www.facebook.com/notes/justice-for-grayson/rachels-statement-to-sheriffs-dept-for-kidnapping-report/127354994081660

Rachel's statement to Sheriff's Dept for kidnapping report
by Justice for Grayson on Tuesday, October 23, 2012 at 5:02am

I would like to make a Missing Children’s Report and report a kidnapping.

July 30, 2012
Before noon – I contacted adoption agency for information only by email. I was weighing out all of my options and had not decided on anything. Agency owner emailed me back and asked for my phone number and she called me after 5 minutes of me providing her my number. Agency owner asked me to meet with her. She brought Agency employee with her and did not tell me Agency employee would be coming too. I met with them the same day about 40 minutes after the phone call. Their office is 40 minutes from my house. They came to my house to pick me up and took me to McDonalds to talk. Mostly Agency owner spoke and asked what information I wanted, what I wanted, what I was looking for, they asked me about my doctor, they said they had a really good one, they said that the doctor I had didn’t sound that great, they could get me in that week to meet with one of their doctors, then they asked me if I wanted to do that, then they gave me some information, it was a booklet or something which I threw out that same week because I had decided at that time that I didn’t want my baby adopted.

Read more... )

Why I didn’t call the police:
I was under the influence of drugs.
I trusted Agency owner was telling me the truth.
I was exhausted, and after standing in the parking lot for 2 hours just couldn’t take any more.
I didn't know my rights, and agency owner was VERY convincing.
[personal profile] 7rin
I'm gonna try to tidy this up to make it more readable, but I suspect if the thread continues, it's gonna wind up being dumped in comments too because I'm gonna run outta character spaces.

How do you feel about adoption?

Jennifer Randazzo Good.

Gloria Orange-Barnett The gift of a safe and loving home to a child in need is truly a gift to oneself.

Lynn Early Brown It is truly a blessing...I was adopted as an infant and my husband and I have adopted both our children thru foster-to-adopt! It is amazing and a gift from God!

Liz Larson-Shidler The best alternative.

Linda Wallin Thrilled! My son comes home from India today with his new son!

Angela Jensen Dunigan We are in the process of my husband adopting my daughter, which will legalize what has already existed for the past nearly 6 years - their father-daughter relationship. I love that she will now have our name too. She's 13 and I can think of no more critical an age for her to have this security of a loving, legal father. I also have loved ones with children whom they adopted at birth. I'm a fan of adoption.

...and then the adoptees start answering )
[personal profile] 7rin
July 12, 2011 @ 11:26am · Posted by Tara · Filed under Adult Adoptee, Birth/First parents, Talking about Adoption
From Guest Blogger Tamera Slack, birth mother and adoptee

Don’t refer to our children as “gifts”

Gifts are something you “create or buy” with the intention to give away. Read more... )
[personal profile] 7rin
by Heather Lowe

One of the things I hear most frequently from parents who have recently lost children to adoption is, "If ONLY I had known." People in a crisis pregnancy are especially prone to denial, and it's very hard to accurately imagine what adoption will be like. I am posting these items in an effort to share the things I wish I had known when I was considering adoption (and was stuck in major denial myself.)
Adoption might well be the best thing for you and your child, but in order to be a truly good thing, it needs to be a well-considered decision, and you need to hear the negative aspects as well as the positive.

This list will likely change and grow as input from other first parents is received. Please visit the guestbook on my website if you are a first parent wanting to add advice to this site.




Read more... )

Note: The terms "unwed" mother, "birthmom", "biological" parent make a parent appear to be less than the mother or father they are. These terms dehumanize and limit the parent's role to that of an incubator. Using the honest terms "mother", "single mother" or "natural mother" help the public to understand why real family members must not be separated to obtain babies for adoption.
[personal profile] 7rin
Originally found @ The Not-so-daily Herald, which has since been deleted, so re-snagged from Pearl Jam Community.

Adoption or Parenting Not Always the Best Choice

Despite the claims of protesters, adoption or parenting may not be the best choice. There’s recent evidence that refutes the protesters’ claims to “Wait another six months and you’ll grow to love the child” or “Give your baby up for adoption. You don’t have to kill it.” In an excerpt from Kornfield and Geller, the authors write the following:

Kost, Landry, and Darroch (1998) found many negative consequences for mothers and children of carrying such a pregnancy to term, including late presentation for prenatal care, a decrease in health promotion behaviors during pregnancy, continued alcohol and nicotine use during pregnancy, premature delivery, low-birth-weight infants, infants that are small for gestational age, inconsistent or no presentation for well- baby care, and a lack of breastfeeding. An unwanted pregnancy increases the likelihood that the infant’s health will be compromised (odds ratio, 1.3; Kost et al., 1998) and it also shows poor outcomes for maternal fetal bonding should the birth mother keep and raise the child (Barber, Axinn, & Thornton, 1999). These authors also point out that poor mother–child relationships are not specific to the unwanted child; all of the children in the family suffer when the mother has given birth to a child as a result of an unwanted pregnancy. Many mothers with unwanted pregnancies deliver low or very low birth weight infants (Kost et al., 1998), which has been associated with higher levels of maternal psychological distress including depression, anxiety, and obsessive compulsive behaviors (Singer et al., 1999).

Read more... )

Source:

MENTAL HEALTH OUTCOMES OF ABORTION AND ITS ALTERNATIVES: Implications for Future Policy

Sara Levine Kornfield, MS*, and Pamela A. Geller, PhD

Drexel University, Department of Psychology, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Received 4 August 2009; revised 5 December 2009; accepted 10 December 2009

Elsevier Publications

Seek Help!

Oct. 1st, 2012 08:09 pm
[personal profile] 7rin
Adoption Truth
THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 27, 2012
Two Kinds Of Help

So, we've all been there. We've all heard it at some point or another . . .

When you dare to talk about adoption outside society's accepted views of rainbows and sunshine, you will be told, more than likely many, MANY times, that you need to seek help. That you are somehow sick and unhealthy for your views and opinions and should seek counseling so you can just be "happy" and accept adoption like everyone else does.

It's ironic, to me, when someone makes such a suggestion because I have actually sought help twice in my life.

The first was when I was sixteen and pregnant and trusted my adoption counselor to help me make the best decision for myself and my unborn child. At that time, I never imagined that their counseling was the same counseling they offered every pregnant mother who walked through their doors.

It was not about my own personal situation. It wasn't about me or my child. It was about how best to convince me to see adoption as a loving, selfless option so I would give up my child to the waiting couple who was willing to pay to adopt him.

I could have been Jane Doe from Anywhere, U.S.A. It didn't matter. The counseling would have been the same. Just as it still is to this very day for any vulnerable, pregnant mother trusting her counselor to help her make the right decision for herself and her baby.
Read the rest of the post over at Adoption Truth.
[personal profile] 7rin
I have given a baby up for adoption, and I have had an abortion, and while anecdotes are not evidence, I can assert that abortions may or may not cause depression - it certainly did not in me, apart from briefly mourning the path not taken - but adoption? That is an entirely different matter. I don't doubt that there are women who were fine after adoption, and there is emphatically nothing wrong with that or with them; but I want to point out that if we're going to have a seemingly neverending discussion about the sorrow and remorse caused by abortion, then it is about goddamn time that we hear from birth mothers too.

Believe me when I say that of the two choices, it was adoption that nearly destroyed me - and it never ends. The only comparison I have is the death of a loved one. The pain retreats, maybe fades, but it comes right back if I poke at it. Writing this has taken me nearly two weeks. Normally, I can write this amount in about thirty minutes, with bathroom breaks. I started to type, and stopped only to reread, then go wail into my pillow. There is no such thing as "over" with this.
This was originally discovered at the above link. This link has, unfortunately disappeared, however, I have found a rawer, more original version of this page, which I am thus requoting here in full just in case such valuable information should ever disappear again.

URL found at: http://www.shakesville.com/2009/03/breaking-silence-on-living-pro-lifers.html

It is preferable that you visit the original site as there is also a comments section that could be useful to peruse.

Read more... )
[personal profile] 7rin
As posted by Lizzy Brew in You know you're an adoptee when ...


Pathological Grief, suffered by mothers separated from their baby, in Submission of Dr G Rickarby, consultant psychiatrist, to the NSW Parliamentary Inquiry - highly recommended read for those wanting to understand the experience of the loss of their 'birthmother':

"Pathological grief refers to distinct and major failure of (the normal grieving) process. After loss of the baby, the first stage of shock, numbness and disbelief may persist because the mother cannot face the finality of loss of her baby and the feelings of rage, guilt, depression that might overwhelm her. The numbness and disbelief are protective against this emotional second stage of grief. This may persist for a long time and may be associated with naive beliefs that the baby will be returned or some `nice' social worker will appear to help the return.

Many find the next stage, which they enter after they accept finality of the loss, produces such anger and despair they revert to the first stage, and I have seen this see-saw between the two occur over two or three decades, and associated with decompensation in Major Depression.

Others stay in the second stage of major feelings: they cannot accept the implications of their loss and thus cannot mourn. This arrest is not understood and people readily become irritated with them as they return to the issues of their arrested grief. At The Inquiry there will be many with this type of damage and their presentations will represent for them the first attempts to look at implications of their loss in the social world. Such damage is to be seen in the context that when a mother loses a child from babyhood to middle age, and the loss is untimely and has other bad outcome features, the most stable and mentally healthy person becomes similarly afflicted.
Others are stuck in the stage of mourning, going back again and again to the same issues where they cannot get satisfactory answers."
[personal profile] 7rin
Turski, D. (2002) Why "Birthmother" means "Breeder" [online]. Available at: http://foundandlostsupport.com/birthmothermeansbreeder.html [Accessed 07 December 2010]

<Quote>
I had never heard the term "birthmother" until I reunited with my son. When the social worker who located me referred to me as his "birthmother," my first reaction was to instinctively recoil in distaste. What is a "birthmother?" It occurred to me that perhaps she had merely applied this ridiculous sounding term in an attempt at political correctness, so I ignored it. However, when my son's adoptive mother ...  )



Putting a child up for adoption? @ http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100910110801AALw7r3

As asked by H******:

"Where did this term originate?

"Putting a child up for adoption"

Put up where?
"

... and answered by gypsywinter (amongst others):

"Well people and children have been "put up" for sale and slavery for quite awhile in this country. Slaves were 'put up' on platforms to be viewed Read more... )
[personal profile] 7rin
Help bring Peri home
My name is Carla Moquin. I am raising two daughters, Alpha (7 years) and Echo (4 years). My and my now-ex-husband's middle daughter, Peri, was placed at birth into what was planned to be an extensively open adoption. Unfortunately, that is far from what the situation turned out to be. This is our family's story. (A two-page summary of the basics can be downloaded here.)

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