[personal profile] 7rin
http://www.the-broad-side.com/adoption-a-different-option

by Rebekah Kuschmider on September 12, 2013

For many years, anti-choice activists have suggested that adoption is the kinder option than abortion. They argue that babies deserve life and there are families who will adopt unwanted infants. Recently, conservative pundit S.E. Cupp intimated it that it was a moral obligation of pregnant women otherwise considering abortion to instead carry babies to term so that families seeking children could have the opportunity to be parents. It seems like a winning combination: unwanted baby, family who wants a baby, woman absolved of responsibility for the baby.

Adoption should be an option. Only, I’m not talking about the babies-to-be. I’m talking about the mothers-to-be.

I do not wish to minimize the strength of character it takes for a woman and an adoptive couple to reach terms that allow a baby to be given the best home possible. That’s an admirable course of action. For a woman who is not in circumstances to raise a child, finding an adoptive family for an unborn baby can be a blessing of invaluable magnitude. But why should the mother give up a baby whom, studies suggest, she would undoubtedly love? Why should the mother continue to live in circumstances that preclude raising a child when her circumstances could be changed by the act of adopting…her?

Anti-choice families who wish to see women carry, birth and raise babies should bring those women into their homes. They should treat them as they would treat their own pregnant daughter. Provide them with food, clothing and shelter. Enroll them on their insurance plan and get them the best prenatal care. Find a school for the women to attend if they need education, assist them in finding work if they need work. Give them a car. Give them emotional support. Take them to church and social events. Make them a part of the life that they lead – a forever life, not just the duration of the pregnancy.

After the baby is born, give mother and baby the same shower of love, support and material goods that they would a grandchild. They should offer assistance with childcare so the mother can work or attend school, maybe subsidize an apartment if they want to have their own place. They should read stories to and play tag with the child as he or she grows, and welcome mother and child beneath the Christmas tree and at the Thanksgiving table every year.

Make having a baby possible. Make raising a baby possible.

Too often I read about Crisis Pregnancy Centers that counsel against abortion and offer pregnant women rudimentary help. Cast-off baby goods. Diapers. A sheaf of papers they can use to apply for housing or medical aid. But how much of a difference does that ultimately make? Does it break the cycle of poverty? Elevate women to true self-sufficiency? Does it prevent the next unintended pregnancy? Or is it a band-aid on a larger issue, measures meant to make sure babies are born? But what happens after? What happens to mothers who raise their babies within our limited safety net? What happens to mothers who relinquish their babies to adoption?

Yes, adoption is an option and no one is saying it shouldn’t be. But as a student of the nature of unintended pregnancy, my conclusions after reading about who the women who seek abortion is that it isn’t their babies who need to be whisked off to a better life. It’s them.
[personal profile] 7rin
by Heather Lowe

One of the things I hear most frequently from parents who have recently lost children to adoption is, "If ONLY I had known." People in a crisis pregnancy are especially prone to denial, and it's very hard to accurately imagine what adoption will be like. I am posting these items in an effort to share the things I wish I had known when I was considering adoption (and was stuck in major denial myself.)
Adoption might well be the best thing for you and your child, but in order to be a truly good thing, it needs to be a well-considered decision, and you need to hear the negative aspects as well as the positive.

This list will likely change and grow as input from other first parents is received. Please visit the guestbook on my website if you are a first parent wanting to add advice to this site.




Read more... )

Note: The terms "unwed" mother, "birthmom", "biological" parent make a parent appear to be less than the mother or father they are. These terms dehumanize and limit the parent's role to that of an incubator. Using the honest terms "mother", "single mother" or "natural mother" help the public to understand why real family members must not be separated to obtain babies for adoption.
[personal profile] 7rin
Originally found @ The Not-so-daily Herald, which has since been deleted, so re-snagged from Pearl Jam Community.

Adoption or Parenting Not Always the Best Choice

Despite the claims of protesters, adoption or parenting may not be the best choice. There’s recent evidence that refutes the protesters’ claims to “Wait another six months and you’ll grow to love the child” or “Give your baby up for adoption. You don’t have to kill it.” In an excerpt from Kornfield and Geller, the authors write the following:

Kost, Landry, and Darroch (1998) found many negative consequences for mothers and children of carrying such a pregnancy to term, including late presentation for prenatal care, a decrease in health promotion behaviors during pregnancy, continued alcohol and nicotine use during pregnancy, premature delivery, low-birth-weight infants, infants that are small for gestational age, inconsistent or no presentation for well- baby care, and a lack of breastfeeding. An unwanted pregnancy increases the likelihood that the infant’s health will be compromised (odds ratio, 1.3; Kost et al., 1998) and it also shows poor outcomes for maternal fetal bonding should the birth mother keep and raise the child (Barber, Axinn, & Thornton, 1999). These authors also point out that poor mother–child relationships are not specific to the unwanted child; all of the children in the family suffer when the mother has given birth to a child as a result of an unwanted pregnancy. Many mothers with unwanted pregnancies deliver low or very low birth weight infants (Kost et al., 1998), which has been associated with higher levels of maternal psychological distress including depression, anxiety, and obsessive compulsive behaviors (Singer et al., 1999).

Read more... )

Source:

MENTAL HEALTH OUTCOMES OF ABORTION AND ITS ALTERNATIVES: Implications for Future Policy

Sara Levine Kornfield, MS*, and Pamela A. Geller, PhD

Drexel University, Department of Psychology, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Received 4 August 2009; revised 5 December 2009; accepted 10 December 2009

Elsevier Publications
[personal profile] 7rin
EITHER PARENT OR ABORT!

DO NOT ABANDON YOUR CHILD TO ADOPTION!

Also DO NOT contact anyone on here who's saying "mail mail me, I'll snatch your baby away from you"


Adoption or Parenting Not Always the Best Choice
@ http://thenotsodailyherald.wordpress.com/2010/07/27/adoption-or-parenting-not-always-the-best-option/

Abortion is a simple medical procedure which ends a pregnancy
@ http://www.positive.org/JustSayYes/abortion.html

http://www.prochoice.org/

It is entirely possible to have an abortion and not feel guilt because you knew it was the right thing to do: http://www.imnotsorry.net/

http://shakespearessister.blogspot.com/2009/03/breaking-silence-on-living-pro-lifers.html

Abortion: There is a Consensus: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hsSQiazUvgo


Things I Wish I Knew When I Was Considering Adoption
@ http://www.exiledmothers.com/ adoption_facts/wish.html (close gap in URL)

What you should KNOW if you're considering adoption for your baby
@ http://www.cubirthparents.org/edd/index.php?id=1

Considering adoption? Don't feel you have any other options?
@ http://www.keepyourbaby.com/

Myths told the unmarried mother
@ http://gift-not-choice.tripod.com/myths-about-asfa.html

Adoption Truth
@ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QOZGwqHVnKs

Unplanned Pregnancy without Crisis
@ http://www.motherhelp.info/index.htm


Open adoption is almost never legally enforceable, and many parents have lost access to their children due to broken "open" adoption promises.
@ http://www.mercianeclectics.dsl.pipex.com/adoption/OpenAdoptionWall.htm
@ http://www.bringperihome.com/
@ http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100709095305AAjeM4z
@ http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100830162150AAi478W


Quotes taken from Nancy Verrier's book, Coming Home to Self
@ www.nancyverrier.com/self_book.php

For the adoptee every day is a challenge of trying to figure out how to be, although he probably doesn't understand the difficulty this presents for him. It has been true his whole life and, therefore, feels normal. However, it takes a great deal of energy and concentration. And it never feels quite right. He never quite fits. Therefore he feels as if /he/ is never quite right.
(pg 50)

Abandonment and neglect are reported to be the two most devastating experiences that children endure - even more devastating then sexual or physical abuse. That's why some neglected children do naughty things to get attention. Even though the attention is hurtful - being yelled at, hit, or otherwise harmed - it is better than neglect. /Anything/ is better than abandonment. Abandonment is a child's greatest fear. For adoptees, it is also reality, embedded in their implicit and unintegrated memory.
(pg 102)

It is sometimes difficult to spot grief in children. After all, it isn't as if the child sits in a puddle of tears his entire childhood. As one adoptee said, "Of course I played, laughed, sang. Do people think that if you're not sitting in a corner with your head on your knees, you are not sad? I had happy times, but the sadness was always there, even when I was having fun."
(pg 117)


_____Links supporting families to stay together_____

Single Mom @ http://www.singlemom.com/
Mentor Moms/MOPS/Teen MOPS (support!) @ http://www.mops.org/
Angel Food (food assistance) @ http://www.angelfoodministries.com/
Feeding America (food assistance) @ http://www.feedingamerica.org/
Co-Abode (housing assistance) @ http://www.coabode.com/
Safe Families (for emergency/crisis care) @ http://www.safe-families.org/
Teens @ http://www.teenbreaks.com/pregnancy/pregnancyhome.cfm
Adoption Crossroads® and Adoption Healing @ http://www.adoptioncrossroads.org
Adopted Child Syndrome @ http://www.amfor.net/acs
Origins-USA @ http://www.origins-usa.org
United Family Services @ http://www.unitedfamilyservices.org/
Family Assistance Foundation @ http://www.familyassistancefoundation.com/
Safelink Wireless @ http://www.safelinkwireless.com/

Finally, I suggest you take notice of the fact that adoption does NOT "save" kids:
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080229225608AA9mqS9
http://lubbockonline.com/crime-and-courts/2010-12-22/lubbock-man-arrested-sexually-assaulting-adoptive-daughters

Nor that APs will necessarily care for you like they pretend:
@ http://adoptiveparentsspeak.wordpress.com/
@ http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100106130510AA4Ekce

Good luck!

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