[personal profile] 7rin
http://www.the-broad-side.com/adoption-a-different-option

by Rebekah Kuschmider on September 12, 2013

For many years, anti-choice activists have suggested that adoption is the kinder option than abortion. They argue that babies deserve life and there are families who will adopt unwanted infants. Recently, conservative pundit S.E. Cupp intimated it that it was a moral obligation of pregnant women otherwise considering abortion to instead carry babies to term so that families seeking children could have the opportunity to be parents. It seems like a winning combination: unwanted baby, family who wants a baby, woman absolved of responsibility for the baby.

Adoption should be an option. Only, I’m not talking about the babies-to-be. I’m talking about the mothers-to-be.

I do not wish to minimize the strength of character it takes for a woman and an adoptive couple to reach terms that allow a baby to be given the best home possible. That’s an admirable course of action. For a woman who is not in circumstances to raise a child, finding an adoptive family for an unborn baby can be a blessing of invaluable magnitude. But why should the mother give up a baby whom, studies suggest, she would undoubtedly love? Why should the mother continue to live in circumstances that preclude raising a child when her circumstances could be changed by the act of adopting…her?

Anti-choice families who wish to see women carry, birth and raise babies should bring those women into their homes. They should treat them as they would treat their own pregnant daughter. Provide them with food, clothing and shelter. Enroll them on their insurance plan and get them the best prenatal care. Find a school for the women to attend if they need education, assist them in finding work if they need work. Give them a car. Give them emotional support. Take them to church and social events. Make them a part of the life that they lead – a forever life, not just the duration of the pregnancy.

After the baby is born, give mother and baby the same shower of love, support and material goods that they would a grandchild. They should offer assistance with childcare so the mother can work or attend school, maybe subsidize an apartment if they want to have their own place. They should read stories to and play tag with the child as he or she grows, and welcome mother and child beneath the Christmas tree and at the Thanksgiving table every year.

Make having a baby possible. Make raising a baby possible.

Too often I read about Crisis Pregnancy Centers that counsel against abortion and offer pregnant women rudimentary help. Cast-off baby goods. Diapers. A sheaf of papers they can use to apply for housing or medical aid. But how much of a difference does that ultimately make? Does it break the cycle of poverty? Elevate women to true self-sufficiency? Does it prevent the next unintended pregnancy? Or is it a band-aid on a larger issue, measures meant to make sure babies are born? But what happens after? What happens to mothers who raise their babies within our limited safety net? What happens to mothers who relinquish their babies to adoption?

Yes, adoption is an option and no one is saying it shouldn’t be. But as a student of the nature of unintended pregnancy, my conclusions after reading about who the women who seek abortion is that it isn’t their babies who need to be whisked off to a better life. It’s them.
[personal profile] 7rin
http://poundpuplegacy.org/node/19123

David and Samuel Briggs (David and Samuel Filipache)

In October 2000, less than four months after arriving in County Armagh, 14-month-old David died in the care of his adoptive parents Gwen and Geoffrey Briggs.
The Assistant State Pathologist for Northern Ireland, Dr Michael Curtis, failed to examine X-rays which showed multiple fractures on David's body when he carried out an initial post-mortem. Later his body was exhumed and a second post-mortem examination revealed 27 partially-healed fractures.

Two weeks after the death of David Briggs, his 14-month old twin brother Samuel was brought to hospital with a fractured skull. Geoffrey Briggs had punched the child for refusing to take some medicine. Unlike his brother Samuel survived the attack.
Geoffrey Briggs received one year imprisonment for the attack on Samuel and was released after six months when he was being attacked by fellow inmates, after which the couple fled to Scotland. For the death of David no-one was ever charged. The Briggs were former overseas missionaries.
The boys were adopted from Romania, where there parents were unaware of their adoption.
Date: 2000-10-01
Placement type: Adoption
Type of abuse: Non-lethal physical abuse, Lethal physical abuse
Abuser: Adoptive father

http://poundpuplegacy.org/node/15494

John Smith

John Smith, died with 54 bruises, including three adult bite marks, on his body. The boy, was seen with injuries in four of the six months he spent with his prospective adoptive parents Simon and Michelle McWilliam. His penis was cut, his face burnt and his body bruised from head to toe, injuries seen by social workers who never once sought medical help for him.

John died on Christmas Eve 1999 from a severe brain haemorrhage, which experts testified was caused by blows normally seen on battered boxers.

Date: 1999-12-24
Placement type: To be adopted
Type of abuse: Lethal physical abuse
Abuser: Adoptive father, Adoptive mother

http://poundpuplegacy.org/node/46488

Nilanthie Perera

13-year-old girl adopted from Sri Lanka by Samson and Dammika Perera, was murdered by her adoptive father. Parts of the Nilanthie's body were hidden under the floorboards; others were secreted in pot plants and a coffee jar. Samson Perera was given a life sentence, while Dammika Perera was jailed for helping him cover up the crime.
Date: 1985-01-01
Placement type: Adoption
Type of abuse: Lethal physical abuse
Abuser: Adoptive father
[personal profile] 7rin
http://www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/news/greater-manchester-news/children-abused-and-tortured-by-adoptive-mother-866098

By Pete Bainbridge
21 Jul 2011 11:45

Leading scientist Dr Jill Newcombe-Buley assaulted and bullied her kids for a decade, making their young lives a misery. She slapped and suffocated the youngsters and even stamped on one with a stiletto heel at their affluent Cheshire home. Dr Newcombe-Buley was jailed for four years after admitting the child cruelty last year. But a serious case review into the care has revealed that the abuse was "both predictable and preventable".

Three children who were tortured and abused by their adoptive mother were "repeatedly let down" by schools and social services, a damning report has found.

Leading scientist Dr Jill Newcombe-Buley assaulted and bullied her kids for a decade, making their young lives a misery. She slapped and suffocated the youngsters and even stamped on one with a stiletto heel at their affluent Cheshire home.

Dr Newcombe-Buley was jailed for four years after admitting the child cruelty last year. But a serious case review into the care has revealed that the abuse was "both predictable and preventable".

The probe found that:

There were TEN missed opportunities to investigate the abuse
They were "badly let down" by all four schools they attended over the decade.
The children's teachers had repeated concerns about their home life, but did not raise the alarm.
The children should never have been placed in care with Dr Newcombe-Buley and her husband.
Many of the social care staff who spoke with the children "let themselves down professionally" and failed to fully investigate abuse allegations.
David Mellor, the independent chair of Cheshire East Local Safeguarding Children Board said the three youngsters were "repeatedly let down by the agencies supposed to protect them".

The agencies involved in the children's care were Cheshire Police; Cheshire East Community Health; Cheshire East Council; Cheshire East Primary Care Trust; Cheshire and Wirral Partnership NHS Foundation Trust; East Cheshire NHS Trust and Staffordshire County Council.

Mr Mellor apologised to the children, and said: "All the agencies involved have clearly let these youngsters down by failing to take action. On behalf of these organisations, I would like to offer sincere and heartfelt apologies to all three children for this.

"The nine-year period of this review - starting with a flawed adoption process – shows a series of failings by a number of agencies.

"It is clear that teachers had concerns but never recorded or escalated those concerns to raise the alarm. One of the children repeatedly tried to report the abuse, which all the siblings had suffered, to social workers and police. Time and time again they were let down.

"This has been a particularly difficult case for everyone, not least because of the disguised compliance of the adoptive parents, which staff in many agencies were unwilling to challenge.

"We are taking action to ensure that failings which occurred will not be repeated in the future. I would stress that the children are now safe, being protected and helped to recover from their terrible ordeal."

Jill Newcombe-Buley, 45, from Prestbury, near Macclesfield, pleaded guilty to 15 charges of child cruelty and was sentenced at Liverpool Crown Court in October, last year.

She sobbed as she was jailed for four years.

Newcombe-Buley – who was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder – also plunged the children into ice-cold baths and smothered them with a pillow. One child was hit over the head with a dustbin, causing a gash.

Her husband, top chemist Dr Nicholas Newcombe, admitted child neglect after he failed to report her to the authorities.

Newcombe, 43, of London Road, Hazel Grove, Stockport, admitted three charges of child neglect. He was given a 12-month sentence, suspended for a year, at the same hearing, last October.

He had been aware of ‘a small fraction’ of the abuse and did not witness it, the court heard.

The children, who cannot be named for legal reasons, were assaulted and neglected at the former family home in Prestbury between 2001 and 2009.

Newcombe-Buley, a doctor of chemistry and high-flyer in pharmaceutical research, became the ‘main carer’ while Newcombe worked for pharmaceuticals giant AstraZeneca.

The court heard the eldest child ‘courageously’ alerted the authorities.

There is no suggestion the abuse was sexual.
[personal profile] 7rin
@ http://www.policymic.com/articles/52449/adopting-a-black-baby-is-cheaper-than-adopting-a-white-baby

By Evangeline Furton

When Minneapolis native Caryn Lantz and her husband, both white, decided to adopt, they were open to adopting any child, regardless of ethnic background. According to NPR, the two were shocked to discover that some babies could be adopted more economically than others. They were faced with an uncomfortable truth of American adoption today: it is far cheaper to adopt a black child than a child of any other race.

For a black child, the process of adoption is quicker as well. A social worker at an adoption agency the Lantzes visited explained to them that this was because they had many black children waiting for families. Adopting a Caucasian, Asian, Latino, or Biracial child would take longer because there were more people willing to adopt them. Lantz says “I remember hearing this and just sort of being dumbfounded that they would sort of segregate — to use a loaded term — segregate these children by ethnic background before they were even in this world.”

Another adoptive parent, Dawn Friedman of the blog "Love Isn't Enough," found that the three adoption agencies she looked at charged full price for children of all races besides black, and around half price for black children. When Friedman explained that she would take whatever baby came her way, she was advised by one agency that “You may as well get the fee break. If you are open to adopting a black baby, you will get a black baby.”

There are reasons why this has happened. A study published by the Centre for Economic Policy Research found that the probability that a non-African American child will have interested potential adoptive parents is at least seven times as high as the probability for an African American child. This preference against black babies turns into differing adoption costs. The rationale is that people are more willing to get over racial preferences if they can adopt for less. Some adoption professionals also say that generally there are fewer non-African American infants available, and more demand for them.

"Obviously, any time … somebody brings up the word discrimination, everybody's going to … draw attention to the issue, whether or not there's an issue there," said Sean Lance, the director of American Adoptions, an agency whose price ranging results in parents paying more to adopt non-African American babies, “It's not set up as discriminatory.”

He says that minority mothers often qualify for financial support like Medicaid, which pays for their expenses while carrying babies and sometimes even the cost of delivery. White mothers often don’t, so those expenses are added to the cost of adopting the baby.

For the Lantz couple the cost to adopt a Caucasian child was approximately $35,000. For a full African American girl, it was about $18,000. Lantz says, "When they told me the fees for the white child, I was in a Babies R Us and I remember having to sit down in the aisle and say to myself, 'I don't think we can afford to adopt this child.'"

Some states and agencies are using a different system: instead of making some babies cheaper or more expensive to adopt, they base prices on the incomes of prospective families so that lower-income families pay less to adopt. Other agencies are trying to move towards a system where all adoptive parents pay an identical fee for all adoptions.

There is much to recommend such a system, although not everyone agrees on its practicality. The Economist opined that “No doubt, the idea of placing a lower value on children based on race or sex is repugnant. But if it results in finding a loving home for children, and sparing them years in foster care, it may be the lesser of two evils.”

A question facing adoptive parents of African American children is what they will tell their children when they are older. Doubtless, it will be painful for these children to hear that the adoption agencies their parents located them through gave them up at a discount.

Caryn Lantz worries: "I am a little nervous about what we're gonna do when he (her son) starts to understand why someone approached us at Target and thanked us for saving babies.”

Dawn Friedman writes: “I have a friend who is also an adoptive mother in a transracial adoption and who also used an agency with a racist fee structure. She says, ‘My child will NEVER know that our adoption cost less because of his skin color!’ Her argument? Knowing will cut to the core of his self-esteem.” Friedman herself will tell her daughter the circumstances of her adoption. As she says: “It is her right. It is her story.”
[personal profile] 7rin
@ http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/7889302.stm

A child is removed after its parents are accused of abuse. The child is adopted and settles with a new family. If the parents are then cleared, should the child be returned, ask ethicists Rebecca Roache and Barbro Bjorkman.

Mark and Nicky Webster have lost a bid to overturn adoption orders on three of their children.

The children were removed in 2005, following concerns over injuries incurred to one of the children.

Subsequent investigations revealed that the injuries may have resulted from a medical condition, and that the Websters may not have harmed the child after all.

However, with the children now settled with their adoptive families, senior appeal court judges have ruled that while the Websters may have suffered a miscarriage of justice, it is not in the children's interests to overturn the adoption orders.

Assuming that the Websters are indeed innocent of harming their child, has the court made the right decision?

Read more... )
[personal profile] 7rin
http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2013/apr/07/troubled-families-support-cameron

David Cameron has pledged to help 120,000 families turn their lives around before 2015. Amelia Gentleman gains exclusive access to three families on the list

Sometime after midday, Daniel Smith, 19, gets up from the sofa, where he has been sleeping beneath a grey, coverless duvet, and races upstairs to his mum's room, which is open because in a fit of unexplained fury last week he kicked the door off its hinges. The door is leaning against the wall, waiting for someone to fix it. He rummages through some papers on the windowsill and finds an appointment letter for a meeting with the Work Programme, the government's initiative to get people off benefits and into jobs.

When he sees the time of the appointment (11am) he swears and curses the programme officials because he has missed it. His mother, Estelle, who is lying on her bed in a pink leopard-skin onesie, looks at him kindly but doesn't say anything. Tara, the oldest of his three sisters, who is dressed and sitting on the bed, leaning against her mother's knees, stroking the family's black-and-white cat, says maybe he should call to try to rearrange. Daniel shouts that his benefits are going to be sanctioned and stamps downstairs in a fury, but does not make the call.

No one in the house is aware that the family has been placed on a list of the 2,385 most troubled families in the city where they live, Manchester; and among 120,000 across the country. Their key worker, Julie Cusack, is reluctant to tell them they are part of the government's troubled families programme, anxious not to alienate them unnecessarily. She tells them the council has decided to offer "extra support".

Read more... )
[personal profile] 7rin
Some family court rulings are impossible to understand
By Christopher Booker4:41PM GMT 16 Mar 2013


As our social workers continue to break all records in the number of children they remove from their parents – the latest figures for England and Wales show that the number of care applications is this year likely to rise above 11,000, approaching three times their level in April 2008 – our Education Secretary, Michael Gove, is determined to increase the comparatively small percentage of those children who then go on to be adopted. In support of this policy (Mr Gove was successfully adopted, and his new Children’s Minister, Edward Timpson, was brought up with two adoptive siblings), their department commissioned two academics, Barry Luckock and Dr Karen Broadhurst, to produce a report that purports to show that, bar one or two minor criticisms, the process of removing children for adoption by new parents is working well.

Read more... )

This month, in a last desperate bid to get her daughter back, the mother appealed to another judge to stop the adoption order, relying on the rule that such an application can be granted if the mother can show that her “circumstances have changed”. When she yet again, I gather, produced medical evidence, going back several years, to show that she had never been a drug addict or an alcoholic, the new judge apparently accepted this as convincing. But, astonishingly, the judge went on to rule that, since the mother had never been either of these things, her circumstances could not be said to have “changed”. The adoption must therefore still go ahead.

Almost as chillingly, the mother was then allowed to see a small part of the report the social workers had prepared to be shown to her daughter’s new adoptive parents. This not only contains a string of simple factual errors; it still paints her in the most damning light as having, despite the judge’s finding, “a history of drug and alcohol misuse”, adding: “It is reported that she has attempted suicide on nine occasions.”

This may all help to convince the adoptive parents that they have rescued the new member of their family from a fate worse than death (the report is even anxious to record that the mother is “a smoker” and “wears high heels and make-up”). And no doubt if Mr Gove’s academics had been given an account of this case by the local authority’s solicitor, it might have seemed another success story for the adoption process. But to anyone who has followed just what this mother and child have been put through since they were torn apart in 2010, and who is aware of just how dysfunctional so much of our “child protection” system has become, I’m afraid this story is not just yet another shocking travesty of justice; it is an almost unbearable tragedy.
[personal profile] 7rin
Delayed Posttraumatic Stress Disorder Model for Schizophrenia and Depression
(The Unification Theory of Mental Illness)

Clancy D. McKenzie, M.D., B.C.E.T.S
Philadelphia Psychiatric Consultation Service



A combat veteran exposed to a loud noise 10, 20, or 30 years after combat reacts in a predictable way. Any event, sufficiently intense and similar to earlier combat experience, can precipitate a flashback or even a delayed Posttraumatic Stress Disorder. The reaction is understood because the initial combat experience was life-threatening.

Few realize that separation from the mother to the baby can be more frightening than war trauma to the soldier. For 150 million years of patterning of the mammalian brain, separation from the mother has meant death, and thus the human infant is very sensitive and easily overwhelmed by events that would seem non-traumatic to the adult.

To the soldier, a loud noise in the present precipitates a flashback to a loud noise in the distant past. To the schizophrenic, separation from a "most important person" (husband, wife, girlfriend, boyfriend) - or group - in the present, precipitates a flashback to separation from the "most important person" (mother) in the distant past. The author has found that each initial psychotic episode - if the history is known - is precipitated by a separation from a most important person (or group) in the present.

To the soldier, the flashback is to combat experience, behavior and reality. To the schizophrenic, the flashback is to infant experience, behavior and reality. Each piece of bizarre reality and behavior of the schizophrenic matches in some way that of the infant at the time/age of the original trauma.

Read more... )

©1998 by The American Academy of Experts in Traumatic Stress, Inc.
[personal profile] 7rin
Coercion, be it in adoption or abortion, is wrong. Plain fact.

Just don't look at the rest of the site 'cause they're scarily pro-life.

By David C. Reardon, Ph.D.

Since 1980, mental health providers have begun treating an increasing number of women who are suffering mental and emotional difficulties as a result of induced abortions. The best available evidence indicates that on average there is a ten year period of denial during which women who were traumatized by their abortions will repress their feelings.14,15 Therefore, as reported by former U.S. Surgeon General Koop, existing research is inadequate to measure the magnitude of this problem.

But while the number of women who suffer post-abortion trauma is unknown, the characteristics of women most likely to suffer severe post-abortion problems have been identified. Psychologists who work with women suffering from post-abortion sequelae have identified several common factors which can be used to identify women who are at the highest risk of suffering from these problems. In brief, women at high risk are those who:

Feel pressured into having the abortion, or feel uncertainty or ambivalence about their choice.

Read more... )
[personal profile] 7rin
I am hiding the entire article behind this cut tag because it is THAT repulsive )


I have actually made a comment on the article, though I sincerely doubt that it will make it past moderation. This is the comment I left:

What an utterly SICKENING article.

Adoptees have every right to get to know THEIR OWN families, and to read an adopter dismissing OUR OWN families in such horrible ways is horrific!

We are also not ‘gifts’, but actual real people. You actually are heartless as you entirely negate the problem ADOPTEES suffer with from being adopted by describing us as that.

As an adoptee, I find this article vile and repulsive, and am thoroughly gladdened that my own adopters were nowhere near as callous and clueless as you’re making yourself sound!
[personal profile] 7rin
DSS and affiliates rewarded for breaking up families
By Nev Moore

Massachusetts News

Child "protection" is one of the biggest businesses in the country. We spend $12 billion a year on it.

The money goes to tens of thousands of a) state employees, b) collateral professionals, such as lawyers, court personnel, court investigators, evaluators and guardians, judges, and c) DSS contracted vendors such as counselors, therapists, more "evaluators", junk psychologists, residential facilities, foster parents, adoptive parents, MSPCC, Big Brothers/Big Sisters, YMCA, etc. This newspaper is not big enough to list all of the people in this state who have a job, draw a paycheck, or make their profits off the kids in DSS custody.

In this article I explain the financial infrastructure that provides the motivation for DSS to take people’s children – and not give them back.

Read more... )
[personal profile] 7rin
By Anne D. Slagle, adoptee
Originally found @ http://www.unlockingtheheart.com/A_eight_fallacies.htm

Adoption is one of those subjects that everyone thinks they know something about – and has an opinion on. Unfortunately, many of these opinions are wrong, since most people are not adopted, and have no first-hand experience of the adoption process or the effects it has on the families involved in adoption. There are many fallacies concerning adoption – some of them may surprise you!

One: Adoptive parents make better parents than ordinary people because they wanted a child so badly and went to so much trouble to get one. Read more... )

Two: Happy adoptees, who are completed satisfied with their parents and home will never want to search for their birth kin, only the unhappy and maladjusted will feel a need to search. Read more... )

Three: Adoptees who search are looking for fantasy, the "perfect parents" who will love and cherish them, and they will inevitably be cruelly disappointed when they meet with reality. Read more... )

Four: A searching adoptee poses a real threat to the security and anonymity of the birthparent(s). Read more... )

Five: An adoptee belongs to his or her new family forever – and owes them something more than the ordinary offspring owes his family. Read more... )

Six: Sealed records protect the birthmother from intrusion into her life by the child she relinquished for adoption. Sealed records protect no one, least of all the birthparent. Read more... )

Seven: Adoptees are better off not knowing that they are adopted. They will never need to search, and will not grow up feeling "different." Read more... )

Eight: An adoptee is bound to honor the agreement of adoption and to never challenge the wisdom of the sealed records, he has a right only to the information that others are willing to give. Read more... )

Anne D. Slagle, adoptee
THE ALMA SOCIETY
Adoptees Liberty Movement Association
[personal profile] 7rin
I didn't write this, unfortunately.

http://minnesota.publicradio.org/display/web/2013/01/14/trenka

January 14, 2013

By Jane Jeong Trenka

@ MPR News

Jane Jeong Trenka was adopted from Korea to Minnesota in 1972. She is author of the memoirs "The Language of Blood" and "Fugitive Visions," and coeditor of the anthology "Outsiders Within: Writing on Transracial Adoption." She is studying for a master's degree in public policy at Seoul National University and is president of TRACK (Truth and Reconciliation for the Adoption Community of Korea).

Hey, kids in foster care. You might be wondering why Americans are raising a stink about Russia banning adoptions while you are still waiting for a family. You might feel like no one wants you.

And why wouldn't you feel that way?

There are 58,000 of you living in institutions, 104,236 eligible for adoption and 400,540 in foster care. But I can recommend some ways to make yourself as precious and loveable as one of those Russian orphans. Take some tips from an international adoptee! Here's how:

1. Be young. You have no value if you are older than 5. I know — you're 12. But maybe people won't notice if you act young. They'll think you're big for your age. If you expect to be adopted as a preteen, forget it. At that point, all you are is a looming college tuition bill.

2. Be white. That's what the Russians had going for them. But if you can't do that, you can at least not ask to be adopted into a family that speaks Spanish or Laotian or whatever it is you used to speak at home. Language classes are once a week, and culture camp is once a year. Don't confuse tourism with real life. Got it?

3. Be alone. Nobody wants a band of kids that is already a family unit. They are trying to integrate you into them, not be integrated into you. So why are you telling people you have not just one — but two or three siblings? Say goodbye to them and send the youngest ones off to fend for themselves. They probably won't even remember you later. Maybe you can find them in adulthood through Facebook if you're sentimental.

4. Be an orphan. Do you really expect to be adopted you if want to maintain ties with your birth family? People fear your mother showing up at their front door. That is why they like to adopt kids from as far away as possible! "I am a poor orphan. I am a poor orphan." That is your new mantra, and do stop talking about your mother. Not only should you obliterate your memory, but you should also ask your social worker to burn any records that suggest you may have difficulty making adults feel loved and needed in exchange for a home.

Adoption is not about what you want. It's about what adopters want. Get it straight, kids!
[personal profile] 7rin
From TakenUK
Tammy tells her shocking story to the conference of professionals in London
30th October 2006:-


"In the best interest of the child" that's what the professional's state, but even the professionals and the family courts can be wrong as they were in my case.

Let me explain about my birth family, and myself. I am a young adopted adult; I was taken from my mum nearly 17 years ago on a false allegation, I was seven months old and sitting in my bouncing chair, my mum had gone into the kitchen to make me a night feed. I was happily playing with an activity toy, which I dropped on the floor; I leant forward to reach the toy but the chair followed me arid tipped forward falling on top of me. I sustained a bruise on my cheek. And that's where my life was changed forever.

Read more... )
[personal profile] 7rin
From UNC School of Law
8 June 2010

When Children Become Commodities: Fees at Private Adoption Services Often Based on Race of the Adopted Child

Fees paid by prospective adoptive parents for private adoptions are poorly regulated and, in some cases, are based explicitly on the race of the child, says UNC clinical assistant professor of law Barbara Fedders. Her findings are published in a forthcoming article titled "Race and Market Values in Domestic Infant Adoption" to be published in the North Carolina Law Review, volume 88.

Fedders recently completed a survey of private domestic adoption agencies to better understand factors affecting adoption costs. About 20 percent of the agencies Fedders studied openly advertised race-based pricing, but she says that some adoption professionals believe that as many as half of all private agencies engage in the practice.

"There are a significant number of private agencies that facilitate adoption that charge different fees based on the race of children being adopted," she says.

Read more... )
[personal profile] 7rin
The main page is @ https://www.facebook.com/JusticeForGrayson

The note I'm sharing with you is @ https://www.facebook.com/notes/justice-for-grayson/rachels-statement-to-sheriffs-dept-for-kidnapping-report/127354994081660

Rachel's statement to Sheriff's Dept for kidnapping report
by Justice for Grayson on Tuesday, October 23, 2012 at 5:02am

I would like to make a Missing Children’s Report and report a kidnapping.

July 30, 2012
Before noon – I contacted adoption agency for information only by email. I was weighing out all of my options and had not decided on anything. Agency owner emailed me back and asked for my phone number and she called me after 5 minutes of me providing her my number. Agency owner asked me to meet with her. She brought Agency employee with her and did not tell me Agency employee would be coming too. I met with them the same day about 40 minutes after the phone call. Their office is 40 minutes from my house. They came to my house to pick me up and took me to McDonalds to talk. Mostly Agency owner spoke and asked what information I wanted, what I wanted, what I was looking for, they asked me about my doctor, they said they had a really good one, they said that the doctor I had didn’t sound that great, they could get me in that week to meet with one of their doctors, then they asked me if I wanted to do that, then they gave me some information, it was a booklet or something which I threw out that same week because I had decided at that time that I didn’t want my baby adopted.

Read more... )

Why I didn’t call the police:
I was under the influence of drugs.
I trusted Agency owner was telling me the truth.
I was exhausted, and after standing in the parking lot for 2 hours just couldn’t take any more.
I didn't know my rights, and agency owner was VERY convincing.
[personal profile] 7rin
I'm gonna try to tidy this up to make it more readable, but I suspect if the thread continues, it's gonna wind up being dumped in comments too because I'm gonna run outta character spaces.

How do you feel about adoption?

Jennifer Randazzo Good.

Gloria Orange-Barnett The gift of a safe and loving home to a child in need is truly a gift to oneself.

Lynn Early Brown It is truly a blessing...I was adopted as an infant and my husband and I have adopted both our children thru foster-to-adopt! It is amazing and a gift from God!

Liz Larson-Shidler The best alternative.

Linda Wallin Thrilled! My son comes home from India today with his new son!

Angela Jensen Dunigan We are in the process of my husband adopting my daughter, which will legalize what has already existed for the past nearly 6 years - their father-daughter relationship. I love that she will now have our name too. She's 13 and I can think of no more critical an age for her to have this security of a loving, legal father. I also have loved ones with children whom they adopted at birth. I'm a fan of adoption.

...and then the adoptees start answering )
[personal profile] 7rin
Living through today
Some days are good days. And some days you just have to live through. This is my journey through life as a birthmother.


Tuesday, January 8, 2013
How I try to make a small difference

My it's been a long time since I have posted here! My excuse is the holidays. Truth is we are just so very busy and I have been present in the moment with our boys and at work. Thus, the blog took a backseat.

I think so often "I should blog about that", but the moment passes and I don't sit down and get it done. And since blogging is just for me, I don't feel obligated like I do with being available to the children I am parenting and the job I work at.

However, yesterday I told myself that I would find 10 minutes today to talk about something that makes me very happy. It is the small way that I feel like I make a difference in the life of a child, specifically a child that has been able to stay with her family rather than be adopted.

First of all, the potential adoptive parents of this particular little girl are wonderful people. I met them. I liked them. I am even FB friends with the mother. They seem to be genuinely good parents. I enjoyed their company. If we lived closer I believe we would be friends.

But the little girl that they were going to adopt was never placed for adoption. Her mother decided that she just couldn't do it. Sadly I think that she saw my long-suffering as a birth mother and she knew that she didn't want the same fate. I also think that her mother's heart kicked in and she knew that while it would be hard, she could parent this child, just as she had the two teenage boys she was raising.

Yes, I'm talking about my Little Princess. Little Princess (LP for short) is the little girl who I have cared for every weekend since she was 4 months old. Her mother works on weekends as the sole provider for herself and her 3 children. So any hours she can get, she takes. Including weekend shifts.

The truth is, had LP been adopted by the lovely adoptive couple, she would never have a want. She would not need daycare, or weekend care. She would be raised by a very successful work from home mother and successful father. All of her needs and wants would have been met.

But LP doesn't know that. The truth is LP is happy. She has a mommy, two brothers, a daddy (who is crummy, but she doesn't know that yet), and she also has her Lisa and all of Lisa's boys.

If LP was my child, she would have more clothes. She would have plenty of toys. We would never wonder if we were going to run out of diapers before payday. But that does not mean that I should be her mother.

Just because I have more and can give more, doesn't mean I deserve to be her mother.

What it does mean to me is, because I have more and can give more, I should. So when I buy diapers, I buy a big box and give half to her momma. When we go shopping, sometimes I buy her clothes that I send home with her. And when the day comes that she wants to stay overnight at Lisa's house, I will keep her as often as I can. Because I do have the time to give. What is one more in my crazy world of boys?!? And the blessing I get, one more little one to love and to be loved by.

But I am not her mommy. I am also not their provider. I am LP and her momma's SUPPORTER. I love them both.

Because when I say that I believe that families should be preserved if at all possible, then I should do what I can to make sure that happens.

LP is the starfish I was able to save.

Her life will not be perfect. I won't be able to protect her from some of the realities of low income. But you know what she will have, HER MOMMY and HER FAMILY.

She will be able to look at her momma's hair and know that is why she has unruly curls. She will know her two full brothers. When she is only 5 feet tall, she will know that is because mommy and grandma are the same size. She is with 'her people' as my sweet grandma used to call her family.

And when her momma is at work, she will have her Lisa. To hold her, love her, snuggle her, fix her hair, and feed her meals. She will grow up with our boys, who swoon over her. She will get kisses on her fat little cheeks from me. She will get time-outs from me too.

LP will know that I love her to the moon and back. But she will also know that she has a mommy who loves her endlessly too.

Little Princess has everything she needs. She has her family.
[personal profile] 7rin
July 12, 2011 @ 11:26am · Posted by Tara · Filed under Adult Adoptee, Birth/First parents, Talking about Adoption
From Guest Blogger Tamera Slack, birth mother and adoptee

Don’t refer to our children as “gifts”

Gifts are something you “create or buy” with the intention to give away. Read more... )

A Good Deed

Nov. 3rd, 2012 06:15 pm
[personal profile] 7rin
Perhaps the most valuable resource I ever happened across was the information on creating a Deed Poll FOR FREE @ gorge.org. Unfortunately, the site now appears to've vanished, thus I'm snagging the info. from Google's cache while it's still available, just in case the site never returns.

This is (a copy of the sources of - somewhat edited and reformatted) Google's cache of http://www.gorge.org/experiences/deedpoll.shtml and http://www.gorge.org/experiences/deedpoll-wording.shtml. It is a snapshot of the pages as they appeared on 24 Oct 2012.

Page One - The Explanatory Text )



Page Two - The Deed Poll Wording bit )
[personal profile] 7rin
‏@FamilyRightsGp

http://www.frg.org.uk/need-help-or-advice/advice-sheets

Information available as of the date of this post:

Advice sheets

The following Advice Sheets are available from Family Rights Group.
Click on them [over at the FRG site] to view online or download as a PDF.

A. INTRODUCTORY ADVICE SHEETS
1. Introduction to local authority children's services
2. Parental Responsibility
3. What is a family group conference?

B. SUPPORT SERVICES
4. Family support services
5. Family support services for asylum seeking families
6. Social care services for disabled parents
7. Social care services for disabled parents who are asylum seekers
8. What happens to your benefits when a child no longer lives with you

C. CHILD PROTECTION
9. Child protection procedures
10. Advocacy for families in local authority decision-making

D. LOOKED AFTER CHILDREN
11. Duties of local authority when children are in the care system
12. Immediate placement of looked after children with relatives or friends
13. Contact with children in accommodation
14. Contact with children in care
15. Care proceedings
16. Support for young people leaving the care system
17. Reuniting children with their families from local authority care

E. FAMILY AND FRIENDS CARE
18. DIY Residence Orders: information for family friends carers
19. DIY Special Guardianship Orders- information for family and friends carers
20. Special Guardianship - what does it mean for birth parents?
21. Support for relatives and friends who are caring for children
22. Family and friends care: becoming a foster carer

F. ADOPTION
23. Adoption
24. Open adoption

G. CHALLENGES
25. Challenging decisions and making complaints
26. Access to records
[personal profile] 7rin
by Heather Lowe

One of the things I hear most frequently from parents who have recently lost children to adoption is, "If ONLY I had known." People in a crisis pregnancy are especially prone to denial, and it's very hard to accurately imagine what adoption will be like. I am posting these items in an effort to share the things I wish I had known when I was considering adoption (and was stuck in major denial myself.)
Adoption might well be the best thing for you and your child, but in order to be a truly good thing, it needs to be a well-considered decision, and you need to hear the negative aspects as well as the positive.

This list will likely change and grow as input from other first parents is received. Please visit the guestbook on my website if you are a first parent wanting to add advice to this site.




Read more... )

Note: The terms "unwed" mother, "birthmom", "biological" parent make a parent appear to be less than the mother or father they are. These terms dehumanize and limit the parent's role to that of an incubator. Using the honest terms "mother", "single mother" or "natural mother" help the public to understand why real family members must not be separated to obtain babies for adoption.
[personal profile] 7rin
From Just Say Yes: Abortion...

Not all women think abortion is cool for themselves, but all women have the right to make this choice.

Abortion is a simple medical procedure which ends a pregnancy. Throughout history, around the world, and in many religions, women have used abortion as a part of our healthcare. Other options for an unplanned pregnancy include adoption or keeping the child.

Read more... )
[personal profile] 7rin
Originally found @ The Not-so-daily Herald, which has since been deleted, so re-snagged from Pearl Jam Community.

Adoption or Parenting Not Always the Best Choice

Despite the claims of protesters, adoption or parenting may not be the best choice. There’s recent evidence that refutes the protesters’ claims to “Wait another six months and you’ll grow to love the child” or “Give your baby up for adoption. You don’t have to kill it.” In an excerpt from Kornfield and Geller, the authors write the following:

Kost, Landry, and Darroch (1998) found many negative consequences for mothers and children of carrying such a pregnancy to term, including late presentation for prenatal care, a decrease in health promotion behaviors during pregnancy, continued alcohol and nicotine use during pregnancy, premature delivery, low-birth-weight infants, infants that are small for gestational age, inconsistent or no presentation for well- baby care, and a lack of breastfeeding. An unwanted pregnancy increases the likelihood that the infant’s health will be compromised (odds ratio, 1.3; Kost et al., 1998) and it also shows poor outcomes for maternal fetal bonding should the birth mother keep and raise the child (Barber, Axinn, & Thornton, 1999). These authors also point out that poor mother–child relationships are not specific to the unwanted child; all of the children in the family suffer when the mother has given birth to a child as a result of an unwanted pregnancy. Many mothers with unwanted pregnancies deliver low or very low birth weight infants (Kost et al., 1998), which has been associated with higher levels of maternal psychological distress including depression, anxiety, and obsessive compulsive behaviors (Singer et al., 1999).

Read more... )

Source:

MENTAL HEALTH OUTCOMES OF ABORTION AND ITS ALTERNATIVES: Implications for Future Policy

Sara Levine Kornfield, MS*, and Pamela A. Geller, PhD

Drexel University, Department of Psychology, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Received 4 August 2009; revised 5 December 2009; accepted 10 December 2009

Elsevier Publications
[personal profile] 7rin
From: http://www.expressandstar.com/news/2012/09/24/stafford-childrens-social-worker-jailed-for-machete-attack/
September 24, 2012 4:59 pm

A children’s social worker “tooled up” with a machete started a violent brawl that left two people injured, a judge heard.

Leroy Forde turned up at a house in Stafford with the machete and a golf club after being accused of an affair.

Householder Mr Darren Chevelleau opened the door to see Forde holding the machete and fearing he was about to be attacked, made a grab for it.

The fracas spilled from the house in Friars Street to a nearby car park. Mr Chevelleau suffered a cut to his fingers that needed stitches and his partner Mandy Ormrod sustained cuts to her left wrist and knee.

The defendant ran off when he heard police sirens and was arrested,covered in blood, at his home, said Miss Fiona Cortese, prosecuting.

Forde, aged 33, of Alliance Street, Stafford, admitted charges of unlawful wounding, possessing the machete and common assault on Ms Ormrod. He was jailed for a total of 397 days.

Mr Chris Clark, defending, said Forde had held a responsible job “working with vulnerable children for social services.” He was suspended after the incident.
[personal profile] 7rin
(All bolding = my emphasis; all italics = my comment)

From: http://detroit.cbslocal.com/2012/09/13/parents-to-sue-mich-dhs-for-adoption-fraud/
September 13, 2012 6:39 AM

DETROIT (WWJ) - Some Michigan parents are planning to file a federal lawsuit in Detroit Thursday, claiming that the state and adoption agency officials withheld crucial details about the physical and mental disabilities in the children they adopted.

WWJ Legal Analyst and Talkradio 1270 morning show host Charlie Langton said the parents claim their civil rights have been violated.

“There’s a claim that the civil rights of the parents are being trampled upon by the state because of the state’s failure to disclose information. Who is in the best position to gather information about a child when the child is put up for adoption? It is the state. And if the state is not taking on the responsibility of gathering that information and disclosing that information, that becomes a civil rights violation, that’s a federal issue,” said Langton.

Lansing-area attorneys David and Stephen Kallman told the Detroit Free Press officials from the Department of Human Services and adoption agencies routinely withheld medical records and information about financial subsidies for special-needs children, misled prospective adoptive parents about their rights and stonewalled their attempts to seek assistance.

At the time of adoption, they were presented to parents as healthy babies. But in reality, the lawsuit claims many of the children had significant mental and physical health issues after being born to mothers who were addicted to drugs and alcohol — something the parents claim they were never informed of. Other children were handicapped or had diseases – something the parents claim the state also failed to mention.

Some parents claim their adopted children, most of whom were removed from homes of their biological parent or parents by court order, tortured pets, attacked family members and set fires.

The lawsuit also claims that several light-skinned ethnic minority children were “passed” as Caucasian for the sole purpose of depriving them [is that "them" the kids or their buyers?] of federal and state assistance to which they were entitled.

“It would be in the best interest of everybody if the state would disclose whatever information the state knew about these children before they adopted. I mean, disclosure is the name of the game in so many things. We have disclosure laws when you buy a car or a house, so why shouldn’t we have disclosure laws when you adopt a child,” said Langton. [Absolutely, which is why ALL records should be OPEN to ALL adoptees!]

If disclosure laws were in place, Langton said he thinks the number of adoptions would actually increase.

You have to know what you’re buying, what you’re getting. I don’t want to make it on so impersonal terms here, but we’re talking about the life of a child, that if the parents are doing something good for the children, they should know what they’re getting so they can plan ahead accordingly… I think the state has a duty to go out there and investigate the background of this particular child and the family as well. It would help not only people in Michigan, but across the whole country,” said Langton.

Families included in the lawsuit are seeking as much as $13 million.
[personal profile] 7rin
By GINA KOLATA
Published: September 5, 2012

Among the many mysteries of human biology is why complex diseases like diabetes, high blood pressure and psychiatric disorders are so difficult to predict and, often, to treat. An equally perplexing puzzle is why one individual gets a disease like cancer or depression, while an identical twin remains perfectly healthy.

Now scientists have discovered a vital clue to unraveling these riddles. The human genome is packed with at least four million gene switches that reside in bits of DNA that once were dismissed as “junk” but that turn out to play critical roles in controlling how cells, organs and other tissues behave. The discovery, considered a major medical and scientific breakthrough, has enormous implications for human health because many complex diseases appear to be caused by tiny changes in hundreds of gene switches.

The findings, which are the fruit of an immense federal project involving 440 scientists from 32 laboratories around the world, will have immediate applications for understanding how alterations in the non-gene parts of DNA contribute to human diseases, which may in turn lead to new drugs. They can also help explain how the environment can affect disease risk. In the case of identical twins, small changes in environmental exposure can slightly alter gene switches, with the result that one twin gets a disease and the other does not.

Read more... )

A version of this article appeared in print on September 6, 2012, on page A1 of the New York edition with the headline: Study Discovers Road Map of DNA; A Key to Biology.
[personal profile] 7rin
UPDATED: 11:30, 5 November 2011

You could say I’ve lived a lie all my life.

One in which my wife and the Prime Minister are complicit. They call me Michael and apologise for my appalling manners by explaining I’m a dour Aberdonian.

They excuse my waist-busting appetite, saying my father was a fish merchant and that’s why I’m a gannet.

The deception doesn’t stop with them. Michael is the name on my passport, bank card and driving licence.

But if I’m honest, it is an assumed identity. I was not born Michael, but Graeme.

I call Aberdeen my home, but that’s not where I’m from. And the man who brought me up was, indeed, in the fish trade, but he’s not the man who fathered me. I have no idea who that is.

I was born to a single mother in an Edinburgh hospital ward in 1967 and then taken into care. After four months, I was adopted by a child- less couple, into whose home I arrived just before Christmas.

Read more... )
[personal profile] 7rin
Do we need a law against incest?

The European human rights court has upheld a German ruling against sibling incest, but some questions remain unanswered

Paul Behrens 15 April 2012

The European court of human rights is no stranger to controversy. Last Thursday, however, Strasbourg played it safe and did the expected. The court ruled it was all right to have a law against incest.

The man who brought the case was Patrick Stübing – a young German, who was separated from his family as a little child. When he was in his 20s, he looked for and found his biological mother. He also found his sister, with whom he fell in love. After their mother's death, the siblings began a sexual relationship, which produced four children.

It is not the only case in which biological siblings met only later in life and began sexual relations. One of the theories to explain the phenomenon is that the absence overcomes the "Westermarck effect" that usually applies: kids who grow up together tend to become desensitised to mutual sexual attraction.

Read more... )
[personal profile] 7rin
Genetic sexual attraction

You're 40, happily married - and then you meet your long-lost brother and fall passionately in love. This isn't fiction; in the age of the sperm donor, it's a growing reality: 50% of reunions between siblings, or parents and offspring, separated at birth result in obsessive emotions. Last month, a former police officer was convicted of incest with his half-sister - but should we criminalise a bond hardwired into our psychology? Alix Kirsta talks to those who have suffered the torment of 'genetic sexual attraction'

The Guardian, Saturday 17 May 2003

At first, Ivor Lytton's emotional predicament seems unremarkable, no different from the woes that make up any agony aunt's weekly column. On Sunday October 4 1998, Lytton, an Edinburgh public relations consultant, met the love of his life. The meeting took place at a dinner party at a fashionable country inn. Rita Meadows, who lives in South Africa, was on holiday in Scotland. Describing their meeting, Lytton's words overflow with sentiment. "From the moment we met, I was smitten, and continued to be drawn to her like a magnet. As I got to know her, I felt she had given me a life transmission. She put a smile in my heart and a spring in my step." Each October for the past four years, he has sent her a card to commemorate the date of their meeting.

What Lytton didn't know was that the consequences of that love would plunge him into the most devastating crisis of his life. Read more... )
[personal profile] 7rin
Forbidden love of the brother and sister
Last updated at 15:43 01 March 2007

Had it stopped at an appropriate point, the story of Patrick Stuebing and Susan Karolewski could have been poignant and moving.

Separated by adoption in their native East Germany, the siblings met for the first time in 2000 when Patrick tracked down his birth mother and the younger sister he had never met.

If their mother, Ana Marie, were alive today, however, she would, in all likelihood, be wishing her estranged son had never found his way home.

Because for the past seven years, brother and sister have been lovers. In that time they have had four children together - two of whom are mentally and physically disabled and all of whom are now in care.

Read more... )
[personal profile] 7rin
The following is going to be a catalogue of shit said to - or about - adoptees in public(ish - relatively) places. Feel free to use in evidence. :}

Headline: Kate's adoptive family scrimped to give her idyllic childhood... yet she was still desperate to find the parents who gave her up - no matter who it hurt
  • Kate Hilpern discovered she was adopted aged five
  • At 18 she tracked down her birth family - but found her mother had died at 19, two years after giving Kate up for adoption
  • Mother-of-two says being cut off from birth family had damaging effects on her identity and self-esteem
  • Kate now campaigns for adoptive children to retain contact with biological family
By Kate Hilpern
PUBLISHED: 23:48, 15 May 2012 | UPDATED: 11:57, 16 May 2012

{quote}
Read more... )
{/quote}

And now for those oh-so wonderful and supportive comments...

First, a charming snippet from Whenever Wherever, Somewhere in the Lone Star, 16/5/2012 21:39
this yearning for some stranger who gave you up because of a biological link is a slap in the face ... I have a few friends who are asian who do not share these issues. None of them have tried to find the biological parent. If I adopt, it will be an asian child. Can't be bothered with the rest of this nonsense. Call it silly or whatever, but either you are my child and I your mum, or not. I am not going to love and sacrifice for over 18 years for some child to come inform me as an adult that they want a relationship with the biological stranger parent.
This made me scratch my head... resident, somewhere in America, 16/5/2012 20:41
Further, you rarely find what you'll think you'll find. My sister in law found her "birth family" and they were a mess. I was not happy.
I'm left scratching my head at this one because the author doesn't tell us how the person whose life it actually involves felt about it - only that they, the poster was aggrieved by it.

Tiffany, USA, 16/5/2012 18:13 shares with us exactly who adoptees should call 'real' family (for the record, all of my families're 'real' - if they weren't, I wouldn't exist because my a'rents didn't give birth to me):
Why on earth would someone want to raise a child as their own, make the sacrifices good parents make and give their whole heart to a child who will someday bring an egg and sperm donor back into the picture, and for what reason?? My heart goes out to this woman's REAL parents, and shame on her for not having the sense to call them.that first.
Matilda, London, 16/5/2012 16:46 makes one of my favourite comments of all, proving the the blank slate theory
" The idea that you can uproot a baby from its birth family, place it with adoptive parents and give it a new identity with no ill-effects is ludicrous." ....................... I disagree with this statement. You can if the baby isn't too old and you never tell the child that it was adopted.
Dinah, Bath, 16/5/2012 16:21 shares the long-standing, old favourite:
Ungrateful.
I feel very saddened for anon, worcestershire, 16/5/2012 15:35 who feels that their a'rents happiness comes before their own, since no child should be responsible for their parents' happiness, and no child should owe ANY of their parents for doing their job as parents...
What a selfish girl to think of herself and what she wanted, I am adopted from about the same age and would never have wanted to upset my Mother and Father with such an action,they and they only deserved to organise and be at my wedding,they put so much into raising me and giving me a great upbringing,they were always there for me and never let me down their whole lives.I owe them everything.
Finally ('cause contrary to popular belief, I do have a life afk :p), Twinkle, Twinkle, 16/5/2012 15:34 reminds adoptees of their place - y'know, second best, abandoned, 'n' unwanted...
Red arrow me all you like on this but I am entitled to my opionion. I would not adopt a child if the rules changes allowing them access to their biological Mother. NO WAY. Why would a couple or single person who cant have a child provide all the love and care to be made to feel second best and a carer so to speak because the child had been given up for adoption. ADOPTION - Given away - no matter what the reasons or how you wrap it up.
[personal profile] 7rin
http://www.adoptioncrossroads.org/SmilingAdoptees.html

Happy Adoptees
By Julie A. Rist


I am not the happy and grateful adoptee that you want me to be. Don’t get me wrong. I was happy and grateful for almost 45 years – or so I believed. Had you asked me then how I felt about being adopted, you might have heard something like, “Great! I am so grateful to my (adoptive) parents for all they did and, no, I am not interested in finding my ‘real’ family. My adoptive family is my ‘real’ family, thankyouverymuch, and they are a wonderful family. I’ve had a wonderful life. Of course, I am grateful to my natural mother for giving me life. Oh, you’re adopting? How wonderful!”

I enthusiastically expressed that view all those years because I needed to convince myself that my life was normal and right and that I was okay. I did it because everyone else wanted me to feel that way, too. And I thought I would die if I ever looked deeper.

Happy children

You’ve seen adopted children who seem to be perfectly happy, too. They smile and have fun just like those whose families are intact. They act happy and, occasionally, they are.

Yes, adopted children smile and laugh. Did you stop smiling after you lost a loved one? Didn’t you still laugh when someone said something funny? Weren’t you still capable of having some fun?

Did you ever smile and act happy to hide your grief?

Of course you did. But even when you smiled, those close to you knew it didn’t mean you were happy. Those close to you accepted and expected your pain and sadness. They did not expect you to be happy about your loss. They gave you something most adoptees do not get: acknowledgement of, empathy for, and permission to express your grief.

What grief?

Read more... )
[personal profile] 7rin
Adoption Loss is the only trauma in the world where the victims are expected by the whole of society to be grateful - The Reverend Keith C. Griffith MBEPlease sign the petition I've created:
Allow adult adoptees to be repatriated into THEIR OWN families
@
http://epetitions.direct.gov.uk/petitions/38120



Posts within this community are under-going over-haul in an effort to make the information contained within them easier to find.

Sadly, the process of over-hauling is likely to cause those visiting from previously posted links to either encounter information they are not expecting to find, or possibly even dead links. I apologise to any visitor who encounters such difficulties, and ask that they refer to the community tag reference page in order to more easily find the information they were originally seeking.

During the course of time, the administrative staff of this community have been saddened to find that some of the valuable information that has been previously linked is no longer available from whence it originally came (perhaps it got surprise adopted? ;)), thus, as a ward against the loss of valuable information, many posts will now be replicated in full. If you are the original author of such works and oppose its replication on this site, please contact the administrative team on 7rin dot on dot adoption at gmail dot com.

The administrative staff of this community thank you for your time.
[personal profile] 7rin
Adoption Issues From a Strengths Perspective
By Deborah H. Siegel, PhD, LICSW, DCSW, ACSW
Social Work Today - July/August 2008 Issue - Vol. 8 No. 4 P. 34

Birth parents, adoptive parents, and adoptees face predictable crises given the life-changing nature of this event. Idealized or deficit approaches don't work, but a strengths perspective does.

Sam is a bright, energetic, enthusiastic 12-year-old boy. His mom and dad, Mary and Mack, love him dearly and are earnest, skilled parents who conscientiously create a nurturing home. Sam thrives; he has a best friend next door, gets Bs in school, attends weekly religious school and prayer services, walks his dog every day after school, and enjoys riding his bike and playing his electric guitar. He and his parents often go on hikes, attend sporting events, and take day trips as a family or with friends. It appears that Sam is doing well because he is adopted.

This description accurately summarizes Sam's life, and so does this: Sam was born with cocaine, marijuana, and alcohol in his tiny body. Sam's birth father, incarcerated shortly after Sam was conceived, has never seen him. The state child welfare agency removed Sam from his mother's custody shortly after birth, and in the first two years of life, Sam lived in four different foster homes before he was legally freed for adoption. Sam's behavior is often impulsive, hyperactive, and inattentive. His classmates tend to steer clear of him because he bumps into them, grabs their things, or blurts out rude comments (e.g., "You're stupid!"). Homework is a daily struggle, as Sam finds it hard to sit still and stay on task. He often forgets, loses, or partially completes his assignments. Lately, his behavior at home has been especially irritable; when his parents prompt him to do a task he doesn't like, he yells, "You're not the boss of me!" and stomps away. He's spending more time alone in his room. It appears that Sam is struggling because he is adopted.

Read more... )

- Deborah H. Siegel, PhD, LICSW, DCSW, ACSW, is a professor in the School of Social Work at Rhode Island College, a clinician specializing in adoption issues, an adoption researcher, and an adoptive parent.
[personal profile] 7rin
http://changingminds.org/explanations/theories/yale_attitude_change.htm

Description
A Yale University multi-year, multi-project research into persuasive communication showed (amongst other things):

Who (source of communication):
  • The speaker should be credible and attractive to the audience.

Says what (nature of communication):
  • Messages should not appear to be designed to persuade.
  • Present two-sided arguments (refuting the ‘wrong’ argument, of course).
  • If two people are speaking one after the other, it is best to go first (primacy effect).
  • If two people are speaking with a delay between them, it is best to go last (recency effect).

To whom (the nature of the audience)
  • Distract them during the persuasion
  • Lower intelligence and moderate self-esteem helps.
  • The best age range is 18-25.

Example
Watch politicians. They do this wonderfully well. They look great. They talk through the other side's argument, making it first seem reasonable then highlighting all their problems. It all seems to be just common sense spoken by a really nice person...

So what?
Using it
So use the advice. And note the point about 'not appearing to be designed to persuade'. People with new understanding about persuasion can get too enthusiastic about using it, quickly getting to the point where the other people know what they are doing.

See also
Persuasion

References
Hovland, Janis and Kelley (1953)

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