[personal profile] 7rin
Also known as the DOUBLE STANDARDS of hypocritical system.

One way to snap out of Pimms induced tipsiness is to hear your child scream in pain. I know this, because this weekend I snapped out of Pimms induced tipsiness after hearing my daughter scream in pain.

What happened? In short, Mini accidentally fell over onto Dollop's leg and after 4.5 hours in A&E she has emerged with a plaster cast from her toes to her thigh for her broken leg. My poor baby girl.

What's absolutely disgusting about this post @ http://www.theboysbehaviour.co.uk/2013/07/pimms-and-getting-plastered.html is that there are so very very many kids who would get snatched from THEIR OWN families because of an incident like this - especially since the post indicates the adopter is under the influence of alcohol at the time of the accident.

The sad part is that I actually like The Boys's Behaviour poster, and know that they do actually strive to do the best for the kids being raised. However, as mentioned at the start of this post, it does demonstrate the hypocrisy of the current system. :(
[personal profile] 7rin
Prepared by Patrick Dowd (.pdf file)
Office of the Family & Children’s Ombudsman

Governor Gregoire:

We are pleased to submit the Report on Severe Abuse of Adopted Children. This report is a joint project of the Children’s Administration and the Office of the Family and Children’s Ombudsman and examines ways to improve our adoption system, protect children and strengthen families.

To assist our work, we convened a multi-disciplinary group of professionals within the child welfare and adoption system. The report’s objective analysis of adoption issues and corresponding recommendations resulted from the efforts and collective knowledge of this workgroup. We appreciate the contributions of each member and the dedication they brought to this project.

The report recommendations address each phase of the adoption process from assessing and training prospective adoptive parents, to support services for adopted children and their families. In order to implement the majority of these recommendations, it is essential that CA develop a detailed work plan identifying a strategy and timeframe to carry out these reforms.

While cases of severe abuse and neglect of adopted children are not unique to Washington State, our state is in the forefront of efforts to strengthen the adoption process to address this issue. Thank you for your leadership and commitment to excellence in our child welfare system.

Mary Meinig & Denise Revels Robinson

Click here to read the rest of the report.
[personal profile] 7rin

APPPAH is a public-benefit educational and scientific organization offering information, inspiration, and support to medical professionals, expecting parents and all persons interested in expanding horizons of birth psychology. Come explore, learn, and work with us!

The Association for Prenatal & Perinatal Psychology and Health

The "prenatal" in our title refers to the period of about nine months including conception and the whole of gestation, while "perinatal" refers to the very short but crucial period of hours involving labor, birth, and establishment of breastfeeding. We believe that both these prenatal and perinatal experiences are formative for both babies and parents, and tend to establish patterns of intimacy and sociality for life. At stake here is quality of life--the quality of personal relationships and the quality of society itself. Ultimately, we like to point out, "Womb ecology becomes world ecology.

These pages are made possible by the APPPAH COMMUNITY which has been generating news, research, conferences, books and journals since 1983. You are invited to enrich your personal growth, parenting wisdom, or professional skills by joining the APPPAH Community, accessing our resources, and signing up for our conferences.

APPPAH task forces publish The APPPAH Newsletter and the Journal of Prenatal and Perinatal Psychology and Health, hold regional and international conferences, promote research, serve the public with valuable directories and resources, work to enhance the pregnancy experience and prevent birth trauma. APPPAH members have been at the forefront in recognizing the multiple traumas of modern pregnancy and birth and developing practical therapeutic methods to deal with them.
[personal profile] 7rin
It is entirely possible to have an abortion and not feel guilt because you knew it was the right thing to do: http://www.imnotsorry.net/

A site where women can share their positive experiences with abortion. The stories posted on this site may contain graphic descriptions of medical procedures, as well as attitudes that may not be in current vogue. We welcome visitors of all opinions as long as they are respectful of our views.

Seek Help!

Oct. 1st, 2012 08:09 pm
[personal profile] 7rin
Adoption Truth
Two Kinds Of Help

So, we've all been there. We've all heard it at some point or another . . .

When you dare to talk about adoption outside society's accepted views of rainbows and sunshine, you will be told, more than likely many, MANY times, that you need to seek help. That you are somehow sick and unhealthy for your views and opinions and should seek counseling so you can just be "happy" and accept adoption like everyone else does.

It's ironic, to me, when someone makes such a suggestion because I have actually sought help twice in my life.

The first was when I was sixteen and pregnant and trusted my adoption counselor to help me make the best decision for myself and my unborn child. At that time, I never imagined that their counseling was the same counseling they offered every pregnant mother who walked through their doors.

It was not about my own personal situation. It wasn't about me or my child. It was about how best to convince me to see adoption as a loving, selfless option so I would give up my child to the waiting couple who was willing to pay to adopt him.

I could have been Jane Doe from Anywhere, U.S.A. It didn't matter. The counseling would have been the same. Just as it still is to this very day for any vulnerable, pregnant mother trusting her counselor to help her make the right decision for herself and her baby.
Read the rest of the post over at Adoption Truth.
[personal profile] 7rin
Love is not a pie

Context is everything

"Adoption is the right choice for some people. It isn't all evil."

Taken by itself, the above statement is one with which I do not disagree. I understand that each adoptive situation has its own unique set of circumstances, and in some of those circumstances adoption may be the best available option, though not necessarily a painless one.

So why was I triggered when I read the statement earlier this morning? Why did feelings ranging from anger to despondency flush through my body?

I was tweaked because the statement appeared as an anonymous comment at the end of a long blog post in which a mother who relinquished wrote of her person experience of pain and trauma resulting from adoption. In that context, it was hard for me to interpret the statement as anything but a dismissal—as one more case of a message falling on deaf ears. "Did he/she even read the post?" I thought.

Sadly, such dismissal is depressingly familiar to me. I am weary—oh so weary—of people telling adoptees and original parents what our feeling about adoption should be, shutting their ears to our descriptions of our actual experiences.
Read the rest of the post over at Love is not a pie.
[personal profile] 7rin
Lifton, B.J. (1994) Journey of the Adopted Self: A Quest for Wholeness. New York: Basic Books. pp259-260
During a trip to Hawwaii, I met a therapist who had been invited to work with a group of adoptees who were in various stages of search and reunion. The adoption experience was new to him, but he was no stranger to grief and loss and pain. He was an empathic man, and he seemed puzzled. He said that the adoptees in his group, and the ones he has begun to see in his private practice, seemed traumatized. They do not shed their symptoms like his other patients. Their trauma seems deeper, as if it were very early - almost as if it were cellular.

Trauma is earlier for adoptees than for most other people, I told him. It begins at birth, with separation from the mother. And it's more persistent because adoptees have no pre-traumatic self. And then I explained what I meant by this.

We know that when adoptive parents have been traumatized by not being able to conceive a child, they already have adult selves that can absorb and work through the shock. So too, the birth mother may have been young when she was traumatized by her unwanted pregnancy, but she had a self to fall back on as she continued her life. But the adoptee, who experienced separation and loss early in life, usually at birth, has no previous self - no pre-traumatic self - from which to draw strength.
[personal profile] 7rin
Quoting kamio over at AAAFC

It doesn't matter to me whether I am better off adopted, or if my life with my bmother would have been crap. It does not shift the deep longing and pain inside.

This is what non-adoptees don't understand. You cannot apply logic to emotions. They can tell me over and over that it's best to be in a stable environment, etc.

Does that cancel out the anxiety, depression, fear of abanonment, interpreting everything as rejection, the poor self-esteem, bad impulse control? Hell no! They are embedded deep within my psyche, from childhood.

And because of their assumptions about why adoption is better etc, this leaves no room to understand the emotional issues, or create therapies for it. Because that would mean rethinking adoption.
[personal profile] 7rin
The following is going to be a catalogue of shit said to - or about - adoptees in public(ish - relatively) places. Feel free to use in evidence. :}

Headline: Kate's adoptive family scrimped to give her idyllic childhood... yet she was still desperate to find the parents who gave her up - no matter who it hurt
  • Kate Hilpern discovered she was adopted aged five
  • At 18 she tracked down her birth family - but found her mother had died at 19, two years after giving Kate up for adoption
  • Mother-of-two says being cut off from birth family had damaging effects on her identity and self-esteem
  • Kate now campaigns for adoptive children to retain contact with biological family
By Kate Hilpern
PUBLISHED: 23:48, 15 May 2012 | UPDATED: 11:57, 16 May 2012

Read more... )

And now for those oh-so wonderful and supportive comments...

First, a charming snippet from Whenever Wherever, Somewhere in the Lone Star, 16/5/2012 21:39
this yearning for some stranger who gave you up because of a biological link is a slap in the face ... I have a few friends who are asian who do not share these issues. None of them have tried to find the biological parent. If I adopt, it will be an asian child. Can't be bothered with the rest of this nonsense. Call it silly or whatever, but either you are my child and I your mum, or not. I am not going to love and sacrifice for over 18 years for some child to come inform me as an adult that they want a relationship with the biological stranger parent.
This made me scratch my head... resident, somewhere in America, 16/5/2012 20:41
Further, you rarely find what you'll think you'll find. My sister in law found her "birth family" and they were a mess. I was not happy.
I'm left scratching my head at this one because the author doesn't tell us how the person whose life it actually involves felt about it - only that they, the poster was aggrieved by it.

Tiffany, USA, 16/5/2012 18:13 shares with us exactly who adoptees should call 'real' family (for the record, all of my families're 'real' - if they weren't, I wouldn't exist because my a'rents didn't give birth to me):
Why on earth would someone want to raise a child as their own, make the sacrifices good parents make and give their whole heart to a child who will someday bring an egg and sperm donor back into the picture, and for what reason?? My heart goes out to this woman's REAL parents, and shame on her for not having the sense to call them.that first.
Matilda, London, 16/5/2012 16:46 makes one of my favourite comments of all, proving the the blank slate theory
" The idea that you can uproot a baby from its birth family, place it with adoptive parents and give it a new identity with no ill-effects is ludicrous." ....................... I disagree with this statement. You can if the baby isn't too old and you never tell the child that it was adopted.
Dinah, Bath, 16/5/2012 16:21 shares the long-standing, old favourite:
I feel very saddened for anon, worcestershire, 16/5/2012 15:35 who feels that their a'rents happiness comes before their own, since no child should be responsible for their parents' happiness, and no child should owe ANY of their parents for doing their job as parents...
What a selfish girl to think of herself and what she wanted, I am adopted from about the same age and would never have wanted to upset my Mother and Father with such an action,they and they only deserved to organise and be at my wedding,they put so much into raising me and giving me a great upbringing,they were always there for me and never let me down their whole lives.I owe them everything.
Finally ('cause contrary to popular belief, I do have a life afk :p), Twinkle, Twinkle, 16/5/2012 15:34 reminds adoptees of their place - y'know, second best, abandoned, 'n' unwanted...
Red arrow me all you like on this but I am entitled to my opionion. I would not adopt a child if the rules changes allowing them access to their biological Mother. NO WAY. Why would a couple or single person who cant have a child provide all the love and care to be made to feel second best and a carer so to speak because the child had been given up for adoption. ADOPTION - Given away - no matter what the reasons or how you wrap it up.
[personal profile] 7rin
"Adoption Loss is the only trauma in the world where the victims are expected by the whole of society to be grateful" - The Reverend Keith C. Griffith, MBE
[personal profile] 7rin
Get your bargain basement baby from Ever-Lasting Adoptions...

In recognition of November as National Adoption Month and in an effort to help all of our prospective adoptive parents in these difficult economic times of today, we have made the decision to lower our fees for the BI-RACIAL THROUGH CAUCASIAN program to $5000 total and the FULL AFRICAN AMERICAN PROGRAM TO $3000.
[personal profile] 7rin

As an adoptee rights activist, one who doesn’t believe that adoptees are treated equally and who advocates and works towards restoring our equality as adopted adults I am often told by people who don’t know me, or my life story that they “assume I’ve had a really bad life.”

I MUST have had a bad life or else I wouldn’t be criticizing adoption to the degree that I do.

Ignorance I tell ya, its a witch!

Every single time someone who thinks adoption is “great” hears that me, an adoptee, is against adoption to the degree that I am, 9 times out of 10 the sentence following that is “oh, you must have had a really bad life.”


Because what else is the option for them? To question their own beliefs on adoption being overall “good” and potentially have a falling out of everything they’ve put their hope into? Adoption is NOT a band-aid for infertility, childless couples, building families, saving children, abortion alternatives, etc. Adoption needs to ALWAYS be about the child, and the child’s well being overall.

So for all of those people who “think” I’ve had a bad life, because I’m against adoption… this is for you.
[personal profile] 7rin


Also DO NOT contact anyone on here who's saying "mail mail me, I'll snatch your baby away from you"

Adoption or Parenting Not Always the Best Choice
@ http://thenotsodailyherald.wordpress.com/2010/07/27/adoption-or-parenting-not-always-the-best-option/

Abortion is a simple medical procedure which ends a pregnancy
@ http://www.positive.org/JustSayYes/abortion.html


It is entirely possible to have an abortion and not feel guilt because you knew it was the right thing to do: http://www.imnotsorry.net/


Abortion: There is a Consensus: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hsSQiazUvgo

Things I Wish I Knew When I Was Considering Adoption
@ http://www.exiledmothers.com/ adoption_facts/wish.html (close gap in URL)

What you should KNOW if you're considering adoption for your baby
@ http://www.cubirthparents.org/edd/index.php?id=1

Considering adoption? Don't feel you have any other options?
@ http://www.keepyourbaby.com/

Myths told the unmarried mother
@ http://gift-not-choice.tripod.com/myths-about-asfa.html

Adoption Truth
@ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QOZGwqHVnKs

Unplanned Pregnancy without Crisis
@ http://www.motherhelp.info/index.htm

Open adoption is almost never legally enforceable, and many parents have lost access to their children due to broken "open" adoption promises.
@ http://www.mercianeclectics.dsl.pipex.com/adoption/OpenAdoptionWall.htm
@ http://www.bringperihome.com/
@ http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100709095305AAjeM4z
@ http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100830162150AAi478W

Quotes taken from Nancy Verrier's book, Coming Home to Self
@ www.nancyverrier.com/self_book.php

For the adoptee every day is a challenge of trying to figure out how to be, although he probably doesn't understand the difficulty this presents for him. It has been true his whole life and, therefore, feels normal. However, it takes a great deal of energy and concentration. And it never feels quite right. He never quite fits. Therefore he feels as if /he/ is never quite right.
(pg 50)

Abandonment and neglect are reported to be the two most devastating experiences that children endure - even more devastating then sexual or physical abuse. That's why some neglected children do naughty things to get attention. Even though the attention is hurtful - being yelled at, hit, or otherwise harmed - it is better than neglect. /Anything/ is better than abandonment. Abandonment is a child's greatest fear. For adoptees, it is also reality, embedded in their implicit and unintegrated memory.
(pg 102)

It is sometimes difficult to spot grief in children. After all, it isn't as if the child sits in a puddle of tears his entire childhood. As one adoptee said, "Of course I played, laughed, sang. Do people think that if you're not sitting in a corner with your head on your knees, you are not sad? I had happy times, but the sadness was always there, even when I was having fun."
(pg 117)

_____Links supporting families to stay together_____

Single Mom @ http://www.singlemom.com/
Mentor Moms/MOPS/Teen MOPS (support!) @ http://www.mops.org/
Angel Food (food assistance) @ http://www.angelfoodministries.com/
Feeding America (food assistance) @ http://www.feedingamerica.org/
Co-Abode (housing assistance) @ http://www.coabode.com/
Safe Families (for emergency/crisis care) @ http://www.safe-families.org/
Teens @ http://www.teenbreaks.com/pregnancy/pregnancyhome.cfm
Adoption Crossroads® and Adoption Healing @ http://www.adoptioncrossroads.org
Adopted Child Syndrome @ http://www.amfor.net/acs
Origins-USA @ http://www.origins-usa.org
United Family Services @ http://www.unitedfamilyservices.org/
Family Assistance Foundation @ http://www.familyassistancefoundation.com/
Safelink Wireless @ http://www.safelinkwireless.com/

Finally, I suggest you take notice of the fact that adoption does NOT "save" kids:

Nor that APs will necessarily care for you like they pretend:
@ http://adoptiveparentsspeak.wordpress.com/
@ http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100106130510AA4Ekce

Good luck!
[personal profile] 7rin
BY ROBIN HILBORN, Family Helper editor
Peter Selman (Mar. 15, 2011)

Year after year, the numbers are falling. International adoptions peaked in 2004 at over 45,000 and fell to about 30,000 in 2009, a decrease of one-third in six years.

The current decline looks set to continue in 2010 and onward, Dr. Peter Selman of Britain's Newcastle University told Family Helper (www.familyhelper.net).

Dr. Selman is an authority on international adoption statistics. His new survey of intercountry adoption in the 21st century will appear as a chapter in Intercountry Adoption: Policies, Practices and Outcomes, edited by Judith Gibbons and Karen Rotabi (Ashgate 2011, forthcoming).

International adoption is complex: in 2009 around 30,000 children left their birth country and moved to a new country often thousands of miles away. China still leads as a source country, sending about 5,000 children to adoptive homes abroad in 2009 (see Table 1 below). U.S. families adopted the most children from other countries: 12,753 in fiscal year 2009 (see Table 2 below).
For decades, until 2004, the numbers had gone steadily upward. In his article "The rise and fall of intercountry adoption in the 21st century" (pdf), (International Social Work, September 2009), Dr. Selman charted how intercountry adoption (ICA) developed over ten years—1998 to 2007—in 22 countries.

He found remarkable changes. Ever since the first children left South Korea in 1953 the numbers rose yearly, to over 45,000 worldwide in 2004. But although the number of applicants in receiving countries kept growing, the global number of adoptions started falling: by 17% between 2004 and 2007.

Dr. Selman sent Family Helper the following tables and graphs, which update these figures to 2009, and chart the rise and fall of ICA in the first decade of the new millennium.

Read the rest over at Family Helper.
[personal profile] 7rin
Adoption aids barren wives
@ The Sun-Herald (Sydney, NSW:1953-1954)

FACT'S New York News Bureau

More than half of supposedly sterile couples can be successfully treated without surgery, Mount Sinai Hospital, New York, reports.

A common cause of sterility is blocking of the wife's Fallopian tubes, preventing a union of the male and female reproductive cells.

Treatments using carbon dioxide gas frequently open these sensitive passages and makes conception possible, the hospital says.

Dr. I. C. Rubin, who perfected the technique, described it to the International College of Surgeons and reported a large percentage of success.

The American Society for the Prevention of Sterility advises examination for both wife and husband.

It is popularly believed that in most cases the wife is unable to bear children.

But a study of nearly 900 sterility cases disclosed that the impaired fertility of the husband was to blame.

Male sterility may require surgical treatment but fertility may be restored by reduction of nervous tensions, proper diet and adequate rest.

The same treatment aids barren women affected by emotional stress, overwork and vitamin deficiencies.

An effective psychological treatment, used in the past by family doctors, is being widely adopted.

Often a barren couple consulting their physician in a small town would be advised to adopt a baby-to fill the void.

The adopted infant, coddled and pressed to the foster parent's breast, often produced physiological changes in the body of the woman, resulting in natural conception.

Today, when diagnosis fails to disclose the cause of deficiency in a childless couple, therapists advise: "Adopt a child and see what happens."

Portal 2

Jul. 6th, 2011 04:51 am
[personal profile] 7rin
Adoptive parents are selfish idiots part infinity

Recently a new computer game Portal 2 was released. It contains taunting that the protagonist is
fat, stupid, and adopted.
This seems unnecessary, thoughtless and hurtful all round. I don’t think we should be teaching kids that these are okay things to say to people but one set of adoptive parents managed to make it all about themselves. According to Neal Stapel the adopted father of a ten year old adoptee says
that this was "literally the worst thing I could have probably heard."
Really? Mate you have lived a charmed life if that’s the worst thing that has ever passed through your delicate ear canals. The report then goes on to say ...
[personal profile] 7rin
James, O. (2008) The Selfish Capitalist: Origins of Affluenza. London: Vermillion. (pp.18-20)

Bold & underline = my emphasis

Contrary to decades of claims that early experiences have no special influence on subsequent emotional well-being and personality, it is finally becoming apparent that negative experiences during the first five years do cause more damage than those in subsequent years. Many thousands of studies suggest this ...
Studies of adoptees suggest that the older the child when adopted, the greater the damage. While intellectual deficits can often be largely reversed by stimulating adoptive environments, lasting psychopathology is found in significant proportions even where the adoptive nurture is first rate. Causal links have been demonstrated between adult personality disorder and maltreatment before the age of two; one study has shown this to be the strongest single predictor of dissociation at age nineteen, after allowing for quality of subsequent care and other factors. On top of this, it now seems clear that psychoanalyst John Bowlby was essentially correct in his claim that the period from six months to three years is a sensitive time for forming a secure pattern of attachment.
Many studies of animals have shown that early experience has a greater effect on the brain but it is only recently that evidence of this has been provided in humans. For example, lasting damage to cortisol levels and persistently atypical brainwave patterns have been demonstrated in children whose mothers were depressed when they were infants, regardless of whether the mother recovered from the depression. The very size of brain structures can be affected by early care: for example, the volume of the hippocampal region of the brain is 5 per cent less in women who were sexually abused as children. The earlier that abuse is suffered, the greater the reduction in intracranial volume. It is increasingly apparent that patterns of neurotransmitters and hormone levels are often an effect of past and present psychological processes, rather than physiology or genetics.
[personal profile] 7rin
Sants, H.J. (1964) Genealogical Bewilderment in Children with Substitute Parents. British Journal of Medical Psychology 37(?). pp.133-141

"In 1964, H.J. Sants ... coined the phrase 'genealogical bewilderment'"

O'Shaughnessy, T. (1994). Adoption, social work and social theory: Making the connections. Brookfield, VT: Ashgate Publishing. (p.119)

Adoption, blood kinship, stigma, and the Adoption Reform Movement: A historical perspective @ http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_qa3757/is_200201/ai_n9059070/pg_10/
[personal profile] 7rin
You know what'd be much much MUCH kinder? If you moved to Russia and learned his language instead.

International Adoption, Fraud, and "Orphans" @ http://www.momlogic.com/2010/07/international_adoption_fraud_and_orphans.php
Western parents who adopt from the developing world often believe they're in the midst of a double blessing: expanding their families by bringing home deeply wanted children and at the same time offering those children - orphans! - a happier, better life than they ever could have led in their own impoverished countries. There's nothing wrong with this belief - these parents' hearts are in the right place - but a recent article suggests that in many cases, the facts of international adoption aren't what they seem.

Child trafficking disguised as adoption @ http://www.wnd.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=54648#ixzz1NiHwnavt
__Children not commodities of international trade__

Of all the ways children are trafficked, however, one of the most undetected remains through international adoption, which has been on the rise for years, from 6,472 in 1992 to 22,728 in 2005 in the U.S. alone.

While parents around the globe are presented with opportunities to rescue orphans from impoverished backgrounds, many adoptions are inadvertently masking and perpetuating the dark world of child trafficking. Prospective parents must beware that just because visas are issued doesn't mean the child is not a victim of the adoptive market. Child trafficking is not just a sexual and labor trade – it's pro-adoption, too!

See also:

Re-evaluating Adoption: Validating the Local @ http://dissidentvoice.org/2008/02/re-evaluating-adoption-validating-the-local/

The Baby Trade @ http://www.againstchildtrafficking.org/2010/12/the-baby-trade/

Child Laundering as Exploitation: Applying AntiTrafficking Norms to Intercountry Adoption Under the Coming Hague Regime @ http://works.bepress.com/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1005&context=david_smolin

It's entirely possible to help someone parent without snatching their child away from them: Each One Help One @ http://www.values.com/your-inspirational-stories/1306-EACH-ONE-HELP-ONE

My aparents have had to watch as their kid goes through all of the agony and trauma that comes with being adopted. They have had absolutely no help in dealing with any of this - as all good parents do, they winged it. It's testament to their brilliance that I'm even remotely sane (hush you lot at the back! :p) and a functioning member of society.

Adoption screws kids up. It's not a fact that the adoption mongers like seeing said in public, but it's true. Not every kid, obviously - some on here are happy to've been adopted, but a surprisingly high percentage of us grow up deeply screwed up.

I was abandoned to adoption at seven months old. I honestly and truly wish that I'd been aborted instead of abandoned to adoption, so please be prepared for the fact that any kid you adopt could grow up to be as screwed up as me (I'm almost 40, so legally "grown up" in pretty much everywhere).

Actually, if you adopt, the kid still won't be your own. You need to be able to deal with the fact that being a parent to an adoptee is NOT the same as being a parent to your own child. It will not elicit the same feelings in you, and your gut reactions will be off because there is no genetic similarity to recognise. Yes, you'll learn it all in time, and if you're a good a'rent, you won't even take out your frustration at the kid not being your own child on the child you adopt instead.

I suggest you read the links and blurb mentioned in the Best Answer (as chosen by voters) @ http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20101114222810AAiOtS3 and then read back through a few months worth of resolved questions here in Y!A adoption.

Comprehend that lot, and you'll be about ready to adopt. :)
[personal profile] 7rin
Turski, D. (2002) Why "Birthmother" means "Breeder" [online]. Available at: http://foundandlostsupport.com/birthmothermeansbreeder.html [Accessed 07 December 2010]

I had never heard the term "birthmother" until I reunited with my son. When the social worker who located me referred to me as his "birthmother," my first reaction was to instinctively recoil in distaste. What is a "birthmother?" It occurred to me that perhaps she had merely applied this ridiculous sounding term in an attempt at political correctness, so I ignored it. However, when my son's adoptive mother ...  )

Putting a child up for adoption? @ http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100910110801AALw7r3

As asked by H******:

"Where did this term originate?

"Putting a child up for adoption"

Put up where?

... and answered by gypsywinter (amongst others):

"Well people and children have been "put up" for sale and slavery for quite awhile in this country. Slaves were 'put up' on platforms to be viewed Read more... )
[personal profile] 7rin
These notes refer to the Adoption and Children Act 2002 (c.38) which received Royal Assent on 7th November 2002

Section 112: Acquisition of parental responsibility by step-parent


Section 112 inserts section 4A into the Children Act 1989 to enable a step-parent to acquire parental responsibility for a child of his spouse. This may be acquired either by agreement between the step-parent and the parents who have parental responsibility for the child, or by order of the court. This measure is intended to provide an alternative to adoption where a step-parent wishes to acquire parental responsibility for his or her step-child. It has the advantage of not removing parental responsibility from the other birth parent and does not legally separate the child from membership of the family of the other birth parent.

Fostering in the UK @ http://www.baaf.org.uk/info/lpp/fostering/index.shtml

Special guardianship @ http://www.fassit.co.uk/special_guardianship_orders.htm

The Special Guardianship Regulations 2005 @ http://www.legislation.gov.uk/uksi/2005/1109/made

Private fostering in the UK @ http://www.baaf.org.uk/info/lpp/pf/index.shtml

Residence orders @ http://www.childrenslegalcentre.com/Resources/CLC/Documents/PDF%20N-Z/Residence%20leaflet.pdf

What are the effects of a residence order?
A residence order will automatically give parental responsibility to the person or persons who have the residence order in their favour. Residence orders are often used when a child lives with their grandparent as a way for them to obtain parental responsibility for their grandchild.

Parental Responsibility @ http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Parents/ParentsRights/DG_4002954

Supported Lodgings Scheme (UK) @
[personal profile] 7rin
Some highly publicized cases:
Kirchner v Warburton
Schmidt v DeBoer
He v Baker
Baby Peri (present)
Baby Emma (present)
Baby Vanessa (present)
Vaugh v. Wyrembeck v. Vaughn (present)

The shameful secrecy of the adoption system (UK SWers & SS)

Straight from the horses mouth, as it were...

Can adoptive parents legally cut off communication entirely in a SEMI-OPEN adoption?

My husband and I are thinking of adopting a baby. The birth parents want a semi-open adoption, which we are willing to do. We agreed to send pictures and updates twice per year, and the birth parents are free to send us whatever communication they'd like. They do not know our full names, our state of residence, etc.

My question is, if at some point down the road, we no longer want to keep the adoption semi-open and want to make it a closed adoption, can we do that or can the birth parents then sue us for breach of contract?
[personal profile] 7rin
"The child shall be registered immediately after birth and shall have the right from birth to a name, the right to acquire a nationality and as far as possible, the right to know and be cared for by his or her parents."
The UN Convention on the Rights of the Child - Article 8 (old link)

Why should children only get limited rights to associate with their parents?
[personal profile] 7rin

Family Rights Group

Stopping the adoption process
If your child is in the process of being adopted and you don't want this to happen, it is important for you to get legal advice as soon as possible.

You may be able to get publicly funded legal advice and representation in court. A solicitor will be able to advise you.

Contact Ian Josephs @ http://www.forced-adoption.com/

Find a solicitor through the Community Legal Service Directory

Retaining your parental rights
One of two things must happen before a court can take away your rights as a parent, so that your child can be adopted; either you must agree, or the court must decide to go ahead without your agreement.
Each case is different, and the court will only go ahead with the making of an adoption order if they feel it is necessary. This could include, for example, where there are concerns for the safety of the child. The court will send you the evidence they have been given and you should discuss it with your solicitor as soon as you can.

The court will also ask an independent social worker agency (also known as a children's guardian) to visit you. Their job is to:
  • safeguard your child's interests on behalf of the court, so they will want to know why you do not want your child to be adopted
  • report your views to the court, because it is very important for the court to know how you feel about your child's future
You can go to the court yourself if you want to, to explain why you are not willing to agree to your child's adoption. An adoption order cannot be made unless the court is sure that being adopted would be in your child's best interests, and they will have to take account of your views in deciding this.

Fassit was founded in 2005. A non-governmental voluntary organisation independent of Local Authority Social Services Departments. Fassit provides a website containing information and advice for families with children experiencing frustration in working with Social Services in Child protection Proceedings.

[personal profile] 7rin
Taken from Nancy Verrier's book, Coming Home to Self.

For the adoptee every day is a challenge of trying to figure out how to be, although he probably doesn't understand the difficulty this presents for him. It has been true his whole life and, therefore, feels normal. However, it takes a great deal of energy and concentration. And it never feels quite right. He never quite fits. Therefore he feels as if /he/ is never quite right.
(pg 50)

Abandonment and neglect are reported to be the two most devastating experiences that children endure - even more devastating then sexual or physical abuse. That's why some neglected children do naughty things to get attention. Even though the attention is hurtful - being yelled at, hit, or otherwise harmed - it is better than neglect. /Anything/ is better than abandonment. Abandonment is a child's greatest fear. For adoptees, it is also reality, embedded in their implicit and unintegrated memory.
(pg 102)

It is sometimes difficult to spot grief in children. After all, it isn't as if the child sits in a puddle of tears his entire childhood. As one adoptee said, "Of course I played, laughed, sang. Do people think that if you're not sitting in a corner with your head on your knees, you are not sad? I had happy times, but the sadness was always there, even when I was having fun."
(pg 117)

[personal profile] 7rin
How an adoption is recorded
Since 1927, all adoptions granted by the courts in England and Wales, and some overseas adoptions, are recorded in the Adopted Children Register. The register is not open to public search or inspection, but adopted persons and parents can apply to receive adoption certificates.

If a child is born and adopted in England or Wales
Registering an adoption can take up to six weeks, from the time the court issues the adoption order to the General Register Office updating the Adopted Children Register. This replaces the original birth record, which is marked 'adopted'.

You then receive a free short adoption certificate. If you would like more short copies or a full certificate you need to order them. You can do this online or by telephone.

1970s English Adoption Certificate )

DIY Deed Poll

Birth certificates after adoption


If you are aged 18 or over and have been adopted in England, Wales or Northern Ireland you can apply for a copy of your original birth certificate.

If all the birth details are known you should apply to the Superintendent Registrar in the district where your birth was registered. There is a fee for this.

If adopted before 12 November 1975, you will have to see an experienced counsellor before you can get information from the original birth certificate.

If adopted on or after 12 November 1975, you can choose whether or not you would like to see a counsellor before getting information about your birth certificate.

You can also obtain a copy of the adoption certificate issued after the adoption order was granted.

See also:


Aug. 19th, 2009 08:07 pm
[personal profile] 7rin
The women who choose not to be mothers: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-10786279

Abortion is a simple medical procedure which ends a pregnancy.
Throughout history, around the world, and in many religions, women have used abortion as a part of our healthcare.

Not all women think abortion is cool for themselves, but all women have the right to make this choice.


There are several groups listed under Women's Healthcare in the Resources which can help you find a safe abortion clinic, pregnancy test, or help with money for an abortion.

If you choose a clinic on your own, watch out for bogus clinics like Crisis Pregnancy Centers. These clinics seem like real health clinics, but aren't. They are actually run by anti-abortion groups and will try to scare you out of having an abortion. These bogus clinics are listed in the yellow pages under Abortion Alternatives. Real clinics are listed as Abortion Services.

NEVER have an illegal abortion -- like one done in someone's home or by swallowing poisons! Abortion is safe when done in a legal clinic or hospital.



434 West 33rd St.
New York, NY 10001


Medicaid Coverage of Abortion and Other Reproductive Health Services @ http://www.ourbodiesourselves.org/book/companion.asp?id=20&compID=64
[personal profile] 7rin
The following quotes are taken from this Y! Answers page.

Read more... )

The Adoption History Project
Before 1945, “fostering” referred to numerous arrangements in which children were cared for in homes other than their own. The point of the term was to contrast institutional care with family placements. The case for foster care was articulated by nineteenth-century child-savers, including Charles Loring Brace, publicized by the orphan trains, and advanced by states that experimented with placing-out children rather than consigning them to orphanages.
Statistics on the Effects of Adoption

ADOPTEES: Your analogies, please? How does it feel to grow up adopted?
  • Growing up blindfolded
  • Round peg in a square hole
  • Like being a lamp placed under a basket
  • Running original Amiga 500 [or 600, 1000, 1200, 2000, 3000, 4000] software on a Windows Amiga Emulator [WinUAE]
  • Like being a puzzle with all the edges missing, and most of the center too
  • Like being a book without the first chapters
  • Like being stranded on an island in a sea of people
  • Not having chapter 1 - and lacking the language skills to figure it out
  • Like being onstage - but having memorized the lines for a different play and trying to improvise to be in the play I WAS in
  • Given the parts for several different appliances, told it was one, and expected to somehow piece it together and make it work
  • Being a red brick in a white wall
  • Like being in a room with the light shut off, and I'm stumbling around for the light to turn it on


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