[personal profile] 7rin
http://www.the-broad-side.com/adoption-a-different-option

by Rebekah Kuschmider on September 12, 2013

For many years, anti-choice activists have suggested that adoption is the kinder option than abortion. They argue that babies deserve life and there are families who will adopt unwanted infants. Recently, conservative pundit S.E. Cupp intimated it that it was a moral obligation of pregnant women otherwise considering abortion to instead carry babies to term so that families seeking children could have the opportunity to be parents. It seems like a winning combination: unwanted baby, family who wants a baby, woman absolved of responsibility for the baby.

Adoption should be an option. Only, I’m not talking about the babies-to-be. I’m talking about the mothers-to-be.

I do not wish to minimize the strength of character it takes for a woman and an adoptive couple to reach terms that allow a baby to be given the best home possible. That’s an admirable course of action. For a woman who is not in circumstances to raise a child, finding an adoptive family for an unborn baby can be a blessing of invaluable magnitude. But why should the mother give up a baby whom, studies suggest, she would undoubtedly love? Why should the mother continue to live in circumstances that preclude raising a child when her circumstances could be changed by the act of adopting…her?

Anti-choice families who wish to see women carry, birth and raise babies should bring those women into their homes. They should treat them as they would treat their own pregnant daughter. Provide them with food, clothing and shelter. Enroll them on their insurance plan and get them the best prenatal care. Find a school for the women to attend if they need education, assist them in finding work if they need work. Give them a car. Give them emotional support. Take them to church and social events. Make them a part of the life that they lead – a forever life, not just the duration of the pregnancy.

After the baby is born, give mother and baby the same shower of love, support and material goods that they would a grandchild. They should offer assistance with childcare so the mother can work or attend school, maybe subsidize an apartment if they want to have their own place. They should read stories to and play tag with the child as he or she grows, and welcome mother and child beneath the Christmas tree and at the Thanksgiving table every year.

Make having a baby possible. Make raising a baby possible.

Too often I read about Crisis Pregnancy Centers that counsel against abortion and offer pregnant women rudimentary help. Cast-off baby goods. Diapers. A sheaf of papers they can use to apply for housing or medical aid. But how much of a difference does that ultimately make? Does it break the cycle of poverty? Elevate women to true self-sufficiency? Does it prevent the next unintended pregnancy? Or is it a band-aid on a larger issue, measures meant to make sure babies are born? But what happens after? What happens to mothers who raise their babies within our limited safety net? What happens to mothers who relinquish their babies to adoption?

Yes, adoption is an option and no one is saying it shouldn’t be. But as a student of the nature of unintended pregnancy, my conclusions after reading about who the women who seek abortion is that it isn’t their babies who need to be whisked off to a better life. It’s them.
[personal profile] 7rin
http://offbeatfamilies.com/2013/09/adopting-a-teenager#comment-133879

On September 11th, 2013 at 8:07 PM
Krista said
I was unofficially adopted at 18 by one if my teachers my senior year and her husband. They didn't have any children of their own yet (biological or otherwise) so I was it. The most important thing they did for me was make me feel wanted. I ate dinner with them and was welcomed to their family parties, get togethers, and outings. They spoke of me as their own and bought me things that parents buy kids – clothes and little surprises here and there. They took the time to know my likes and dislikes and they engaged me in conversation. When they had a baby three years later, they involved me in her life (and now, 9 1/2 years later, I am someone's beloved Sissy!). They gave me boundaries and rules while I lived with them. They tried to understand my dreams and encourage me in pursuing them. They encouraged me to maintain contact with my grandma, to whom I was very close. And they loved me, regardless of what I did or said in my hurt and pain that came with needing new parents at 18.

Reply to this comment over @ http://offbeatfamilies.com/2013/09/adopting-a-teenager#comment-133879
[personal profile] 7rin
Also known as the DOUBLE STANDARDS of hypocritical system.

{quote}
One way to snap out of Pimms induced tipsiness is to hear your child scream in pain. I know this, because this weekend I snapped out of Pimms induced tipsiness after hearing my daughter scream in pain.

What happened? In short, Mini accidentally fell over onto Dollop's leg and after 4.5 hours in A&E she has emerged with a plaster cast from her toes to her thigh for her broken leg. My poor baby girl.
{/quote}

What's absolutely disgusting about this post @ http://www.theboysbehaviour.co.uk/2013/07/pimms-and-getting-plastered.html is that there are so very very many kids who would get snatched from THEIR OWN families because of an incident like this - especially since the post indicates the adopter is under the influence of alcohol at the time of the accident.

The sad part is that I actually like The Boys's Behaviour poster, and know that they do actually strive to do the best for the kids being raised. However, as mentioned at the start of this post, it does demonstrate the hypocrisy of the current system. :(
[personal profile] 7rin
Living through today
Some days are good days. And some days you just have to live through. This is my journey through life as a birthmother.


Tuesday, January 8, 2013
How I try to make a small difference

My it's been a long time since I have posted here! My excuse is the holidays. Truth is we are just so very busy and I have been present in the moment with our boys and at work. Thus, the blog took a backseat.

I think so often "I should blog about that", but the moment passes and I don't sit down and get it done. And since blogging is just for me, I don't feel obligated like I do with being available to the children I am parenting and the job I work at.

However, yesterday I told myself that I would find 10 minutes today to talk about something that makes me very happy. It is the small way that I feel like I make a difference in the life of a child, specifically a child that has been able to stay with her family rather than be adopted.

First of all, the potential adoptive parents of this particular little girl are wonderful people. I met them. I liked them. I am even FB friends with the mother. They seem to be genuinely good parents. I enjoyed their company. If we lived closer I believe we would be friends.

But the little girl that they were going to adopt was never placed for adoption. Her mother decided that she just couldn't do it. Sadly I think that she saw my long-suffering as a birth mother and she knew that she didn't want the same fate. I also think that her mother's heart kicked in and she knew that while it would be hard, she could parent this child, just as she had the two teenage boys she was raising.

Yes, I'm talking about my Little Princess. Little Princess (LP for short) is the little girl who I have cared for every weekend since she was 4 months old. Her mother works on weekends as the sole provider for herself and her 3 children. So any hours she can get, she takes. Including weekend shifts.

The truth is, had LP been adopted by the lovely adoptive couple, she would never have a want. She would not need daycare, or weekend care. She would be raised by a very successful work from home mother and successful father. All of her needs and wants would have been met.

But LP doesn't know that. The truth is LP is happy. She has a mommy, two brothers, a daddy (who is crummy, but she doesn't know that yet), and she also has her Lisa and all of Lisa's boys.

If LP was my child, she would have more clothes. She would have plenty of toys. We would never wonder if we were going to run out of diapers before payday. But that does not mean that I should be her mother.

Just because I have more and can give more, doesn't mean I deserve to be her mother.

What it does mean to me is, because I have more and can give more, I should. So when I buy diapers, I buy a big box and give half to her momma. When we go shopping, sometimes I buy her clothes that I send home with her. And when the day comes that she wants to stay overnight at Lisa's house, I will keep her as often as I can. Because I do have the time to give. What is one more in my crazy world of boys?!? And the blessing I get, one more little one to love and to be loved by.

But I am not her mommy. I am also not their provider. I am LP and her momma's SUPPORTER. I love them both.

Because when I say that I believe that families should be preserved if at all possible, then I should do what I can to make sure that happens.

LP is the starfish I was able to save.

Her life will not be perfect. I won't be able to protect her from some of the realities of low income. But you know what she will have, HER MOMMY and HER FAMILY.

She will be able to look at her momma's hair and know that is why she has unruly curls. She will know her two full brothers. When she is only 5 feet tall, she will know that is because mommy and grandma are the same size. She is with 'her people' as my sweet grandma used to call her family.

And when her momma is at work, she will have her Lisa. To hold her, love her, snuggle her, fix her hair, and feed her meals. She will grow up with our boys, who swoon over her. She will get kisses on her fat little cheeks from me. She will get time-outs from me too.

LP will know that I love her to the moon and back. But she will also know that she has a mommy who loves her endlessly too.

Little Princess has everything she needs. She has her family.
[personal profile] 7rin
July 12, 2011 @ 11:26am · Posted by Tara · Filed under Adult Adoptee, Birth/First parents, Talking about Adoption
From Guest Blogger Tamera Slack, birth mother and adoptee

Don’t refer to our children as “gifts”

Gifts are something you “create or buy” with the intention to give away. Read more... )
[personal profile] 7rin
Love is not a pie
FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 28, 2012
Tweaked

Context is everything

"Adoption is the right choice for some people. It isn't all evil."

Taken by itself, the above statement is one with which I do not disagree. I understand that each adoptive situation has its own unique set of circumstances, and in some of those circumstances adoption may be the best available option, though not necessarily a painless one.

So why was I triggered when I read the statement earlier this morning? Why did feelings ranging from anger to despondency flush through my body?

I was tweaked because the statement appeared as an anonymous comment at the end of a long blog post in which a mother who relinquished wrote of her person experience of pain and trauma resulting from adoption. In that context, it was hard for me to interpret the statement as anything but a dismissal—as one more case of a message falling on deaf ears. "Did he/she even read the post?" I thought.

Sadly, such dismissal is depressingly familiar to me. I am weary—oh so weary—of people telling adoptees and original parents what our feeling about adoption should be, shutting their ears to our descriptions of our actual experiences.
Read the rest of the post over at Love is not a pie.

Portal 2

Jul. 6th, 2011 04:51 am
[personal profile] 7rin
Adoptive parents are selfish idiots part infinity

Recently a new computer game Portal 2 was released. It contains taunting that the protagonist is
fat, stupid, and adopted.
This seems unnecessary, thoughtless and hurtful all round. I don’t think we should be teaching kids that these are okay things to say to people but one set of adoptive parents managed to make it all about themselves. According to Neal Stapel the adopted father of a ten year old adoptee says
that this was "literally the worst thing I could have probably heard."
Really? Mate you have lived a charmed life if that’s the worst thing that has ever passed through your delicate ear canals. The report then goes on to say ...

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