[personal profile] 7rin
...although I'm only posting it here'cause Y!A is being an arse and throwing up an error every time I try to post it.

G'want then, I'll bite, since you've called me out...

So you're happy that your mom felt she couldn't raise you and so *had to* give you away to someone "better"? Bully for you - personally, I see a kid losing their mom as one of the greatest tragedies. Put it this way, if she'd died instead, would you still be celebrating your loss as something to pimp to all and sundry? I'm gonna guess at your answer being no - in which case, why is losing her to adoption any less awful?

As much as she wanted to keep me she put my happiness and comfort in front of her own, like a true mother would and contacted an adoption agency.
See, this is where you're confused, a true mother would've fought like a tiger to never have to leave you.

Because of my Birth Mother's sacrifice for me I was able to grow up in a family that had a mother and father.
Because of my friends' mom's abandonment, my friend had to grow up with aparents that divorced six months after the adoption went through, and then had to suffer sexual and mental abuse at the hands of the adad she was doomed to live with, as well as all the 'lodgers' that he invited to play with her too.

but you got a family who did and saying that you would have rather been aborted than been born is a selfish thing to say and it is a slap in the face to your adoptive family who raised you.
#1: I had a family (two, actually) that would have loved to have been able to love me, but the one side lost me 'cause their daughter/sibling/mom decided to abandon me, and the other side didn't even get to find out I existed until after I turned up on my dad's doorstep 'cause I was palmed off while he was away in the army.

#2: Well, since my amom (y'know, that magickul individual that helped raise me) understands entirely what I mean when I say it, I'd say that actually no, it's not a slap in the face. Then again, she also still believes that my best option at the time would've been for me to abort my (now 19 yr old) daughter ... but I wouldn't expect you to be able to understand any of it (maybe one day, when you've grown up a bit and seen just what life can do to people), especially if I told you that she is - and always has been - a doting granny whilst still managing to hold that opinion.

See, the difference between us (me and my amom) and you is that we deal with the practicalities and realities, whereas you pontificate in the rainbow farting unicorn fog.

The quotes you give are all anti-adoption quotes and those people never focus on the good that can come from adoption.
LOL. The quotes I give are from one book, and that one book was written by an ADOPTIVE PARENT! Nice try though.

I plan on adopting whether it be an infant or an older child and I plan on being a foster parent to help those children who weren't as lucky as me.
So? What d'yer want? A pat on the back for being a good little saviour? Not gonna happen.

So tell me, how can so many people be against adoption?
We've told you, time and again, but I'll repeat it here and now for the hard of reading: So many people can be against adoption because we've lived through the traumas of it.

I can understand how people would think abortion is a bad thing, but you rarely hear the good stories
I don't think abortion's a bad thing, and there are good stories out there, but I do think adoption's a bloody horrendously sad thing to have to happen to anyone.

Oh, and just so's you know, the world is crammed with "happy adoptee" stories, which is why the myths've been able to drag on for so long and are so difficult to get past, but the truth WILL out.

I'm not for adoption for anyone, at least not until it involves the supply of an adoption certificate that names all four (or more) parents; and that the adoptee is guaranteed access to that certificate for the entirety of their lives.

If we're gonna trade kids like we trade everything else in the world, at least make sure they’ve got a truthful paper-trail that THEY can follow whenever THEY wanna follow it.

If I hadn't seen so damn clearly what family is *meant to be*, then adoption wouldn't hurt so damn much!
[personal profile] 7rin
My answer to What adoption rant annoys you most? on Y!AAdoption:

LOL - I am such an In7orw3bz celebrity! ;)

Ok, I can't do hate most or fave most, but I can do frustrates most (especially reading through the answers on here thus far ).

First off, there's the obvious entitlement lark, and wanting to cut the child off from its bfam. even though the bfam. have done nothing to harm the kid (or than abandoning them, of course :p). The usual stuff that's already been listed.

And then there's the haters - those who believe that because those of us who got hurt want to shout (and scream and rant) about it so loudly, it must obviously mean that we ignore the fact that some people are actually ok with their being adopted... though how anyone can cheer that their parents were anything but loving, caring and there for them confuses the crap outta me. Istm that they must be the ones who're fucked up 'cause how can anyone celebrate lack of good parenting by their own parents, in whichever form that lack of takes, when the ideal is a kid raised by its own loving, caring parents that're there for them? *shrug*

Anywho, those of who've been hurt by adoption are NOT ignoring the fact that some people seem to be ok with it, we're just trying to get our voices heard so that people stop blundering into adoption for all the wrong reasons and in the wrong ways and so not fully understanding how to parent a child you don't recognise, and who doesn't recognise you.

Parenting an adopted kid is NOT the same as parenting your own - no matter what age they're adopted at - because adopted kids have already had a major trauma in their lives. APs ****NEED**** to know this, and they need to recognise their child's grief. Perhaps that's why those who say they're happy with their adoption do so; because the parents they grew up with instinctively understood and recognised the problems their kids had, and found ways to help them with that? I don't know, but I do know my aparents had absolutely no clue who I was, and consequently had no clue how to help me when I needed the help.

We're not angry about adoption because we had fantastic afamilies (though in my case, the brilliance of my afam. is what's made my pain worse, because I know what it is I've missed out on having), we're angry at adoption because we had to lose that which we knew. It doesn't matter whether we had "a better life" or not, because we still didn't have *OUR* lives. Had a different child been offered to our aparents before we were, then they would've grown up with our names and our lives. (<= fantastic last sentence is a paraphrase from a fantastic post on a fantastic message board I'm on - thank you to that fantastic person. :))

We're not shouting and screaming *JUST* because *WE ARE HURT*, we're shouting so that people'll learn from what we went through, and adjust the rules and regulations accordingly, because other than those who've been through it from some perspective or another, most people think adoption's all rainbow farting unicorns and sugar-coated snowdrops. It isn't. Not for all of us.

That's why we need to tell people, so we can help prevent other kids from having to suffer like what we've suffered. Put it this way, where would we be in the world if no-one wanted to help relieve the suffering of cancer patients? 'Cause that's all we are, adoption patients. We're a social problem that needs fixing.
[personal profile] 7rin
The following text was in response to an irate email I got from someone over on the Y!A Adoption board.

I'll give you their email to me first, but under the cut. My answer is something I don't feel like hiding.

Read more... )

My reply:

You're right, I can change my approach, but I won't.

You might be happy at knowing you've abandoned your kid, but I was that kid 37 years ago, and I'll scream it as loud as necessary that I got hurt by adoption.

If *I* can get hurt by adoption, even though I grew up in the ideal upper working class family with no divorce, no abuse, and no real big fallings out, and with more love than you can imagine, then anyone can get hurt by adoption.

I don't care whether people like the message I'm delivering or not. Nor do I care whether people like the way I deliver it.

I AM HURTING. I am hurting NOW!

I am hurting now *because* I *was* /abandoned/ to adoption.

I'm a mom, and can not understand how ANYONE could abandon their kid.

I can understand how contact can drift, but I can't comprehend how anyone who's made the decision to not have an abortion, can instead then palm their kid off on the nearest person that they can get away with palming it off on to, just because they can't be arsed to do the rest.

When you've made the decision that you're not gonna abort the child you're carrying, then you're implicitly agreeing to take on the responsibility for that child - which means looking after it yourself because only YOU can provide the love that that kid *needs*.

Anyone else is just a stop-gap until you can get your mom back, no matter kind and warm and loving and caring and giving those other people may be. THEY ARE NOT YOU!


September 2013

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