Bio connections
Jan. 12th, 2010 12:33 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
7rinAdoptees who reunited with their first/birth moms?
My dad had the ability to search for me, and actively chose not to; my mom couldn't remember what my aparents were called, and thought we'd moved out of the area (I actually spent almost every weekend just over the road from my bmom and older sis that she kept 'cause my adad's mom lived in the flats opposite them). My sis wanted to search, but only had the same info. to go on as my mom, and so didn't have a clue where to start.
My mom I got in touch with through a PM on FB, and my dad... he had me turn up all of a sudden on his doorstep. Turning up out-of-the-blue on your dad's doorstep 37 years after you were born may not be the best idea, but it worked out well for me. :)
In the fantasies growing up, my dad was an unknown quantity. I knew that he'd obviously existed, or else I wouldn't exist, but that was as far as my knowledge of him went. My mom however, I'd heard dribs and drabs and stories about, and so she obviously existed more in reality for me.
Moms are s'posed to be the ones that fight to the death to defend you, while dads are off out doing the hunting. Moms are the ones who pick you up when you fall, and the ones that make all the pain go away. Moms are the ones that instinctively understand their kid, and can (at least until puberty kicks in ;)) read their kids like a book. This is all what we're force fed in the West growing up. This is what makes it hurt so god damned much knowing that YOUR MOM obviously couldn't've loved you very much, because she abandoned you. This is why it hurts.
I was talking about the adoption crap I'm currently going through with one of my lecturers at college the other day, and she asked me what really gnawed about my dad. Simple, I explained, he didn't fight for me. She made a comment along the lines of "same as your mom," which I had to point out nooooooo... she didn't just not fight for me, she's the one who abandoned me! I think there was probably something of an indignant screech creeping in by the time I'd got to the end of the correction. <g>
My dad had the ability to search for me, and actively chose not to; my mom couldn't remember what my aparents were called, and thought we'd moved out of the area (I actually spent almost every weekend just over the road from my bmom and older sis that she kept 'cause my adad's mom lived in the flats opposite them). My sis wanted to search, but only had the same info. to go on as my mom, and so didn't have a clue where to start.
My mom I got in touch with through a PM on FB, and my dad... he had me turn up all of a sudden on his doorstep. Turning up out-of-the-blue on your dad's doorstep 37 years after you were born may not be the best idea, but it worked out well for me. :)
In the fantasies growing up, my dad was an unknown quantity. I knew that he'd obviously existed, or else I wouldn't exist, but that was as far as my knowledge of him went. My mom however, I'd heard dribs and drabs and stories about, and so she obviously existed more in reality for me.
Moms are s'posed to be the ones that fight to the death to defend you, while dads are off out doing the hunting. Moms are the ones who pick you up when you fall, and the ones that make all the pain go away. Moms are the ones that instinctively understand their kid, and can (at least until puberty kicks in ;)) read their kids like a book. This is all what we're force fed in the West growing up. This is what makes it hurt so god damned much knowing that YOUR MOM obviously couldn't've loved you very much, because she abandoned you. This is why it hurts.
I was talking about the adoption crap I'm currently going through with one of my lecturers at college the other day, and she asked me what really gnawed about my dad. Simple, I explained, he didn't fight for me. She made a comment along the lines of "same as your mom," which I had to point out nooooooo... she didn't just not fight for me, she's the one who abandoned me! I think there was probably something of an indignant screech creeping in by the time I'd got to the end of the correction. <g>
