How much do people know?

[7rin]

The following's the question I asked over on the AAAFC General Discussion forum (on 26 February 2012). I'm reposting the question here in case anyone wants to share, 'n' also because it's an interesting thread to link to in its own right.

{quote}
I do wonder how many of the adoptees out there just lack the language available 'cause it's not acknowledged by the general population (i.e. adoption fucks you up), rather than so many people being said by others to be "happy" with their adoptions.

Ok, this is that new post that sprung out of my head when I was finishing typing ^^that.

How many people know how you actually REALLY feel about adoption and all that it entails?

F'r instance, would your amom's cousin describe you as "well our I's adopted daughter's turned out just fine, and isn't at all bothered by her adoption"? Or does everyone that's anyone know that "well, L's daughter was adopted, but she's entirely unhappy with the fact that it happened, and would counsel anyone contemplating the thought against it"?

Those of my families that're on FB probably can't help but be aware that I'm most definitely not a "happy adoptee", given how much I post on the subject. Not sure how much the rest of my families know of my opinion on the issue. I don't think amom's cousin'd describe me as "happy with adoption" any more, but icbw.
{/quote}

You ungrateful bastard!

[7rin]

The following is going to be a catalogue of shit said to - or about - adoptees in public(ish - relatively) places. Feel free to use in evidence. :}

Headline: Kate's adoptive family scrimped to give her idyllic childhood... yet she was still desperate to find the parents who gave her up - no matter who it hurt

• Kate Hilpern discovered she was adopted aged five
• At 18 she tracked down her birth family - but found her mother had died at 19, two years after giving Kate up for adoption
• Mother-of-two says being cut off from birth family had damaging effects on her identity and self-esteem
• Kate now campaigns for adoptive children to retain contact with biological family

By Kate Hilpern
PUBLISHED: 23:48, 15 May 2012 | UPDATED: 11:57, 16 May 2012

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( Read more... )

{/quote}

And now for those oh-so wonderful and supportive comments...

First, a charming snippet from Whenever Wherever, Somewhere in the Lone Star, 16/5/2012 21:39

this yearning for some stranger who gave you up because of a biological link is a slap in the face ... I have a few friends who are asian who do not share these issues. None of them have tried to find the biological parent. If I adopt, it will be an asian child. Can't be bothered with the rest of this nonsense. Call it silly or whatever, but either you are my child and I your mum, or not. I am not going to love and sacrifice for over 18 years for some child to come inform me as an adult that they want a relationship with the biological stranger parent.

This made me scratch my head... resident, somewhere in America, 16/5/2012 20:41

Further, you rarely find what you'll think you'll find. My sister in law found her "birth family" and they were a mess. I was not happy.

I'm left scratching my head at this one because the author doesn't tell us how the person whose life it actually involves felt about it - only that they, the poster was aggrieved by it.

Tiffany, USA, 16/5/2012 18:13 shares with us exactly who adoptees should call 'real' family (for the record, all of my families're 'real' - if they weren't, I wouldn't exist because my a'rents didn't give birth to me):

Why on earth would someone want to raise a child as their own, make the sacrifices good parents make and give their whole heart to a child who will someday bring an egg and sperm donor back into the picture, and for what reason?? My heart goes out to this woman's REAL parents, and shame on her for not having the sense to call them.that first.

Matilda, London, 16/5/2012 16:46 makes one of my favourite comments of all, proving the the blank slate theory

" The idea that you can uproot a baby from its birth family, place it with adoptive parents and give it a new identity with no ill-effects is ludicrous." ....................... I disagree with this statement. You can if the baby isn't too old and you never tell the child that it was adopted.

Dinah, Bath, 16/5/2012 16:21 shares the long-standing, old favourite:

Ungrateful.

I feel very saddened for anon, worcestershire, 16/5/2012 15:35 who feels that their a'rents happiness comes before their own, since no child should be responsible for their parents' happiness, and no child should owe ANY of their parents for doing their job as parents...

What a selfish girl to think of herself and what she wanted, I am adopted from about the same age and would never have wanted to upset my Mother and Father with such an action,they and they only deserved to organise and be at my wedding,they put so much into raising me and giving me a great upbringing,they were always there for me and never let me down their whole lives.I owe them everything.

Finally ('cause contrary to popular belief, I do have a life afk :p), Twinkle, Twinkle, 16/5/2012 15:34 reminds adoptees of their place - y'know, second best, abandoned, 'n' unwanted...

Red arrow me all you like on this but I am entitled to my opionion. I would not adopt a child if the rules changes allowing them access to their biological Mother. NO WAY. Why would a couple or single person who cant have a child provide all the love and care to be made to feel second best and a carer so to speak because the child had been given up for adoption. ADOPTION - Given away - no matter what the reasons or how you wrap it up.

Teen parents

[7rin]

Teenage Childbearing and Its Life Cycle Consequences
Exploiting a Natural Experiment
V. Joseph Hotz, Susan Williams McElroy and Seth G. Sanders
Abstract

We exploit a "natural experiment" associated with human reproduction to identify the causal effect of teen childbearing on the socioeconomic attainment of teen mothers. We exploit the fact that some women who become pregnant experience a miscarriage and do not have a live birth. Using miscarriages an instrumental variable, we estimate the effect of teen mothers not delaying their childbearing on their subsequent attainment. We find that many of the negative consequences of teenage childbearing are much smaller than those found in previous studies. For most outcomes, the adverse consequences of early childbearing are short-lived. Finally, for annual hours of work and earnings, we find that a teen mother would have lower levels of each at older ages if they had delayed their childbearing.

Received October 1, 2002.
Accepted July 1, 2004.
© 2005 by the Board of Regents of the University of Wisconsin System