This Emotional Life - How do you feel about adoption?

[7rin]

I'm gonna try to tidy this up to make it more readable, but I suspect if the thread continues, it's gonna wind up being dumped in comments too because I'm gonna run outta character spaces.

How do you feel about adoption?

Jennifer Randazzo Good.

Gloria Orange-Barnett The gift of a safe and loving home to a child in need is truly a gift to oneself.

Lynn Early Brown It is truly a blessing...I was adopted as an infant and my husband and I have adopted both our children thru foster-to-adopt! It is amazing and a gift from God!

Liz Larson-Shidler The best alternative.

Linda Wallin Thrilled! My son comes home from India today with his new son!

Angela Jensen Dunigan We are in the process of my husband adopting my daughter, which will legalize what has already existed for the past nearly 6 years - their father-daughter relationship. I love that she will now have our name too. She's 13 and I can think of no more critical an age for her to have this security of a loving, legal father. I also have loved ones with children whom they adopted at birth. I'm a fan of adoption.

Elaine Penn it tears families apart -- it takes away your heritage, blood kin and anyone who is similar to you.... it's switching around babies and babies DO KNOW that they are not with their mother... it's human-induced trauma to satisfy adults... God put a baby in one womb, humans switch them around like 3-Card Monte

Timothy B. Morgan Totally awesome

DeNeice Kenehan I feel like The adoptive parents should be honest with adopted children, At a very young age when the children will simply feel they are special

We have a member of our family who in their late 50s adopted an infant and never wanted to tell the child the truth. Their adopted son is now 11 years old and beginning to show ethnicity differences

I see this as extremely selfish narcissism

Jennifer Hughes-Magoulis I have several friends who were adopted as children and a few friends who have adopted as well as foster. It is a wonderful thing. As a child I often wished that I was adopted.... as an adult, I keep hoping they'll tell me I was... lol!

Greg Hayes It's either adopt or release them into the wild.

Jeanine Knapp The circle of life. We all belong to each other.

Samara Willmer being ripped away from my mother at birth has felt like my soul being ripped in half. I have had 3 breakdowns and have been unable to ever hold down a full time job. For 22 years of my adult life I have been on disability benefits because I suffer with immense emotional pain and problems, depression, anxiety and fatigue. There are times that I truly wish I had never been born.

Trinwithasevennota-t Gill Gartshore Lloyd <= points at picture. That's what I think about adoption. Why? Because I live it every single day of my life, IRREVOCABLY legally severed from MY OWN genealogical kin, and grafted on to a family of strangers!

http://adoptingback.com/ is the best idea in the world, and it's why I've also created http://epetitions.direct.gov.uk/petitions/38120 because adoptees want to be able to get back THEIR OWN genealogical heritage, instead of pretending that they were born to a set of strangers.

Adoption is a violation of a child's right to THEIR OWN family.

Adoption is entirely unnecessary, and is only there so the adopters can have our "ownership" papers written in their names instead. Sorry, but an infertile couple will still be infertile, no matter what lies our birth certificates tell.
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Tamara Healton Keller I fantasize about being able to add two sibling toddler girls when the youngest of our three sons turns five.
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Janet Castillo I am all for it!
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Kim Miles Bennett It's like being a perpetual child. You suffer a loss so great at such a young age, that your mind is forever trying to reconcile. Your adoptive family can be great - as mine is - but my soul has suffered a great wound almost from the moment of my birth.

It's also like living a double life - your "real" adopted life and the life of your origin. This is especially so if you are blessed enough to have a reunion with your First Family. I found myself loving both of my mothers so deeply, but feeling guilt and betrayal to each.
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Kim Miles Bennett http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0963648004

The Primal Wound: Understanding the Adopted Child:Amazon:Books
www.amazon.com
Amazon:The Primal Wound: Understanding the Adopted Child
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Kathleen Dannielle Lodge I think adoption is wonderful
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Brenda Burba Patterson As a first mother, I was given no other option but adoption at 17 years of age. In 1967 with no family support (or any other support) and the stigma of society which looked down their noses at unwed mothers, I LOST my son to adoption because I was told that it was the selfless thing to do. Now, 45 years later and in reunion with my son for just over 2 years we are experiencing healing from having been separated all those years ago. The emotional trauma of separating mother and child is very REAL and it is very important that adoptive parents understand this part of the adoptee's need to know where they came from, aka the truth. Families should fight to keep children within their own circles -- only as a last resort, do I support adoption.
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Kim Miles Bennett “Adoption Loss is the only trauma in the world where the victims are expected by the whole of society to be grateful” - The Reverend Keith C. Griffith, MBE
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Claire Hitchon Release them into the wild!!!!! You're not talking about adopting dogs here!! You remove a babe from its energetic home, sever the cord of life creating the primal wound, a trauma that never leaves us. It makes one feel like they don't exist. It creates a life of not belonging anywhere, trying to fit in places that you'll never fit in. It causes a grief so deep many of us are never able to get past it. It creates a lost soul wandering around with no family, no name, no heritage, no medical information that perhaps could have made their life so much healthier, no one that "gets" the pain and trauma that occurred ..a sadness that never ends, grief that doesn't resolve, many times abuse in their " homes".....a sense of unworthiness ...if their own mother gave them away they can't matter to anyone...making it impossible to trust and love...I could go on and on....To tell you the truth ..I would have rather been released into the wild..it would have been easier. Im not an angry adoptee. I'm one who thinks it's time we...the adoptee.....speak the truth..It's time the reality is heard and perhaps this generation of people seeking to adopt will take the time to listen and educate themselves for the benefit of future generation of forgotten adoptees.
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Ruth R Wisner Until I found my birthmother I felt like a square peg in a round hole. Although I was lucky enough to have loving, caring people adopt me, I didn't look anything like them. When we did family trees in school, I felt like I was living a lie. Meeting my mother let me feel like I was finally allowed to read the missing chapter in the book of my life. And I had it good. Other stories are not so fairytale happily-ever-after.
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Jennie McGee Hall All records should be open to adoptees! We are not property.
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Danielle Hoyt I was 15 when I had a child. She was adopted by a wonderful family who had been on an adoption list for years. They named her after me: she just turned 7! She's a fantastic child and I love getting updates.
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Ellen DeLacy All for it, provided both parties are agreeably consentual (sp). I was adopted and met my entire birth family. My birth parents made some decisions that in my case worked for me. I love my bio-siblings and extended family. I do wish I had known them sooner, however, I am thrilled that I got to, and continue to cultivate our relationships.
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Ellen DeLacy And I'd like to add, my adoptive parents may not have been perfect, (who is?), but I am thankful that they adopted me. I was blessed.
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Emelin Losier No Jennifer Hughes-Magoulis. You never want to hear your adopted. You don't want to hear everything you ever knew was not real and a total fabrication. My parents got to pretend they made me, it's even documented as such on my fake birth certificate. Which the government makes the parents do. It's really a bill of sale. So my parents told me I was adopted at 36 years of age. I have PTSD now. My family and myself have suffered because of this lie. Being adopted is the same as your mother being dead. Yet as a small tiny infant you have no voice to to express yourself or understand why your mother isn't there. However everyone around you is celebrating this event. Adoption is pain. It is losing a parent, your history yourself. It is not being able to give you children medical information. Not being able to feel real and a part of this society.Being adopted I get a different set of civil rights. I get a falsified birth certificate which states my parents gave birth to me. That actually didn't happen, normally falsified government documents woudl outrage people. However when it comes to adoptee's, people close their ears. They only want to hear happy happy sunshine and rainbows. When more often than not, it is more painful than any words could ever describe. Adoption is gut wrenching pain and constant anxiety. For fear of the unknown. Live with no history for a day. Good luck. Being adopted is not fo the faint of heart. You Jennifer with your flippant callous remark as many of you will make. Your not cut out to be adopted, you wouldn't survive. Because it all boils down too the reality .of a small tiny infant expected to survive without it's natural mothers nourishment and love. When we wean our pets we give the mother more respect. Why can't we treat our own species with the same kindness and compassion? Financial security will never replace the loss of a mother.
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Jean Schantz As an adoptee, I see adoption as the result of a culture of shame.
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Suzy Reid Adoption is a reality for children abandoned or made orphaned by war/death of both parents, etc. If relatives aren't available or willing, we leave children to a life of foster care and that is not always positive. My husband and I have always considered adoption.
My mother worked in foster care as a case worker and I've been to Senate Sub-Committee hearings on foster care and the issues created from aging-out of the system or abusive foster parents (Bonita Jacks in MD about four years ago). Foster care is the last thing children need, and there are a lot of foster kids in this country.
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Carol Edmunds Being adopted means feeling greif as your first ever real emotion and it stays with you all your life, being told to be gratful all your life, you were chosen, at least you were saved, my mother never hurt me and would never have hurt me, my adopted life has hurt me more than words can say and you will ever know or understand, if you did you would not write the words *wonderful* but not one of you will hear us because you own another women's child or want to.
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DeNeice Kenehan Perhaps my sweet friend Debra Munn may share her adoption experience and feelings.
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Claudia Corrigan D'Arcy I was 19 and pregnant in 1987. I trusted the adoption agency, believed the message, and relinquished my son. Adoption was supposed to be about allowing me to continue my life "as if" I had not given birth. It was supposed to be " better" for my son with parents that were ready. We both lucked out and had good lives and everything worked just as it should. I found him in 2004, met him in 2007, we rejoiced and he calls me mom. Tht piece of paper did nothing to erase what was in our hearts. But still, the perfect adoption happily ever after....and so 25 years later...I spend all my time working to restore adoptee rights in this country and fight the adoption industry. Relinquishing my son was the biggest most life altering event and eclipses everything else. It was regrettable, damaging and my biggest mistake. Parents and children are not interchangable. DNA matters and do potion should be the last possible recourse...life as a birthmother is something I would not wish upon my worse enemy.
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Kim Miles Bennett I'd love if you saw this, Heather Milburn!
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Jean Roth How would a person be against it? It's saving the life of a person or animal!!
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Anna Kirk the concept of adoption is good but the reality is far from the disney 'happy ever after'. I had an awful adoption experience, it mars every aspect of your life, yet people expect you to be grateful!!!!!! More should be done to keep children within their bio families and shame on all the American states that refuse adoptees access to their birth histories.
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Linda Pohlmann I hate being adopted!
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Priscilla Stone Sharp Babies belong with their mothers and fathers, if not with their mothers or fathers, if not with their grandparents, if not with their extended family. Relinquishment to strangers should be the last resort, if the child is in peril or is truly an orphan and no one in the family is able or willing to take them in. And then it must be done in such a way that the child retains his/her original identity, family history, heritage, and the knowledge of the identity of those to whom he or she is blood related. No woman who is pregnant, just given birth or under medication should be asked to sign a relinquishment for adoption or any other paper that will affect forever after the well-being of her infant, herself and their extended family. There should be no pre-matching or contact with prospective adopters before birth, and no money should change hands, especially not to an adoption broker.
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Sandy Brown I adopted my son at 8 years old and he taught me so much! His paternal grandmother always stayed in touch and I still keep in touch with his dad.
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Patti Dunham Ruppert We know many happily adopted friends!!!
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Alanna Horsley It's a wonderful gift to the child, parent, family & friends, anyone who is part of the child's life. Beautiful for all and the world. I believe we should make a choice to adopt instead of having a paternal child.
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Datyah Zerach Hoehne We cannot talk about adoption without looking at preventing unwanted pregnancies. We need to stop looking at the reality of adoption with the distorted vision of glassy-eyed adoptive parents. The infant is the one party "involved" in the institution and practice of adoption (adoption has shaped their actual life) who is truly vulnerable and could not be an adult decision-maker at the time, and therefore should be given full decision-making rights upon emancipation -- at minimum. The responsibilities of biological parents do not end at the child's birth, yet this type of termination is what we expect. More to the point, we should not be encouraging women to bring their closest living relative into the world with the sole intention of separating from them -- for "the good of all." This norm must shift. WHY wasn't the pregnancy responsibly prevented in the first place? WHAT ARE THE BARRIERS? This cultural myth is absurd and a paradigm of ownership akin to human trafficking that does NOT serve the ONE party that adoption is supposed to serve -- the child's needs as a child and AS a unique individual with a unique, living heritage. Should we ever choose to respect and listen to anyone involved besides the adoptive parents... I'm a middle-aged adult adoptee, a survivor of the closed adoption practices of the 1960s for infants --- STILL THE PRACTICED NORM TODAY! -- who is repulsed by how the common, uninformed opinion considers adoption as a viable alternative to abortion. It is surely not, closed or otherwise. An infant adoptee dropped into the abyss of closed adoption -- which is how most adoptions are ACTUALLY practiced -- will not only want to know what biological relatives looked like and were like, but has other BASIC developmental needs throughout childhood and even adulthood that can only be met by having access to those biologically related to them. A radical thought only because no one cares what adult adoptees think, and they should. It has been their life.
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Kristen Schor No matter how loving and providing your adoptive parents may be...being adopted means feeling that the very first person in your entire life didn't, couldn't or wouldn't love you.
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Scott Whenrey I am an adoptee and I need to add my 2 cents here...NOT ALL Adoptees are giving to a loving, wonderful family! I was relinquished at birth to a woman that I am sure wanted to love and give me a new home...Problem was; the man that she was married to and adopted me with started MOLESTING me at the age of 3. Her older biological son and her older foster child as well; Began molesting me up until I was about 13..She had been divorced by that time and remarried an alcoholic who BEAT me senseless every chance he got! I HATED being adopted...LOVED my Adoptive mother BUT Suffered because of her choices.....NOT every adoptee is given a wonderful life. I SURVIVED all of this BUT Believe me, I have TRAUMA...As if being adopted isn't trauma enough!
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Sarah Pape Did Jean Roth just put adoptees in the category of animals???? Disgusting. It's not the same.
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Gaye Tannenbaum Most human adoptions have nothing to do with saving a life yet virtually all of them involve some sort of enforced secrecy, whether it's sealed records in a stepparent adoption or hiding the adoption itself.

To Jennifer Hughes-Magoulis who wishes she were adopted: Are you dissatisfied with the parents who raised you? Do you fantasize about who would be your birth parents? Be careful what you wish for.

The reality for you as an adoptee is that your original identity would have been erased along with your family of origin - parents, grandparents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins - your whole family tree. You would be treated as a perpetual child - not mature enough to handle the truth. Your ethnicity would be a mystery, maybe even a lie if you could more easily marketed as something you're not. I know several biracial adoptees whose adoptive parents were told they were Greek or Sicilian. I know several adoptees who were marketed as 100% Jewish despite having no Jewish ancestry.

If you would rather be treated as a second class citizen whose state falsified "birth record" is considered invalid as proof of US citizenship - go for it!
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Carol Edmunds Jean Roth a person or a animal ? You compare a child's life to rescuing a puppy ? My life to rescuing a puppy ? All the adoptees whos mothers were coersed and are still being coersed into giving up there children for profit to rescuing a puppy ? HUMAN life to rescuing a puppy...I am not a puppy. I Was Not abused nor was going to be she was forced to give me up for no reason as are many children and you can never be sure the child you take will not leave a women in despair or even dead to fill your needs.
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Cryptic Omega How do I feel about adoption? I'm an adoptee. I wish I'd been aborted. Where's that dumpster all the adoptive parents and those who aren't a part of the adoption triad are always talking about? You know, the one us adoptees are always told we should be grateful we weren't thrown in instead of being adopted? Morons. Tell ya what, I've a proposal to make. A piece of legislation to pass on the federal level. Let's put all individuals on equal ground. From now on, everyone will have their birth certificates sealed. No one will be allowed to speak with anyone they are related to from the moment they are born. If you've already grown past your childhood, then the government will give you a few grand and then you go about your way. But, you must cease all contact with anyone you are biologically related to. Oh, you shouldn't think about them nor talk about them either. Because, I mean, you're alive right? Be thankful you weren't tossed in a dumpster. Be thankful to never ever see a familiar face your entire life. Be thankful to wonder about your own identity, to feel like you never really know who you are. To, having been removed from your natural teachers, be raised by strangers who have no experience in dealing with your genetics. To be denied the right to honor your ancestors, to never be able to prepare for or avoid medical issues. To always feel like an outsider and to always be in fear of losing friends and family if you ever choose to express how you really feel about adoption. How do I feel about adoption? It's the only trauma where people are expected to be grateful. I'm not. If I had been aborted instead of carried to term by the woman who didn't want me anyway, I wouldn't even be here to feel as I do. Or, maybe she really wanted to keep me, but was coerced into giving me up. Maybe I was stolen. I don't know, and society doesn't seem to want me to know. God forbid I contact my biological family! How dare I, the baby all those laws and rules were supposed to protect, grow up and want to know my history. Don't like my opinion? I don't care. Too many times I see adoptees dealing with morons telling us how to feel and act. If you really don't like my opinion, then stop adoption. Or, get used to our unhappiness. Accept it, even if it disgusts you, just as society has forced us to accept the conditions of our torture.
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Nafisa Mitrecic I cant believe someone would actually say she wished she was adopted and hopes her parents will tell her she was!?? Are you kidding me? Although I was adopted by a decent family I found it to have been a horrible experience. Living with the constant feeling that you dont belong and wondering about your "real" family has caused pain and scars that affect me to this day. Mine was an interacial adoption so my parents werent able to keep it from me. I noticed that I wasnt like everyone else at a very early age. The only people that think adoption is a "loving option" are the parents looking to fulfill their selfish needs. Adoptive parents figure if they cant have children for whatever reason that its best for them to rip a child from a parent or family who may just need a little support. I am not total against adoption, I am however 100% against interacial adoptions. I feel adoptive parents should understand what they are doing and that every effort and then some should be made to keep a child with their family.
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Sheryl Carter I am the 42 year old product of a traditional closed adoption. While grateful for the life I have, and for the upbringing I was given, there are voids in my background, both emotional and biological, that will never be filled until I'm granted access to the truth about who I am and from where I came. These voids keep growing with every year. They've affected how I relate to my adoptive family, my friends, and even the family I've raised. I don't blame my adoption for the problems I've had in my relationships, but nobody will be able to convince me that it hasn't had a considerable factor in the way I handle them.
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Sue Schaefer it has completely destroyed my life. i suffer from a string of mental health issues including ptsd from the horrific abuse and neglect i had to endure growing up with abusive "parents" who only cared about themselves. my birth mother refuses to see me, her career and image is much too important. im all alone in this world. adoption is never about the child, its about the parents needs, both birth and adoptive. everyone is so busy patting each other on the backs for being such wonderful people for 'doing the right thing' that nobody notices the devastation the child goes through from being ripped away from their mothers/families.
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Nicole Kirkland I'm adopted, I want to adopt
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Nafisa Mitrecic @ Sue Schaefer you are so right! It is ABSOLUTELY NEVER about the child!
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Cheryl Ahlquist Anderson Adoption is a social experiment gone wrong. Our identities are erased, our birth certificates are altered and we have been told to accept strangers as our families. You can't erase a person's identity without causing a wound on their heart so great it will never be repaired. As adults we are punished and told we can not have access to our files, even though the adoption is about us. It is a cruel experience to be adopted. (note I am not referring to children who were adopted due to parental abuse or orphans, nor am I taking anything away from the wonderful adoptive parents out there)
10 hours ago · Like · 21

Cara Galka Adoption is great. (I'm adopted.) I firmly believe that I have had a better life than I would have had otherwise. Anyone who can open their hearts to love a child they did not create as their own flesh and blood is a hero. (My Parents.)
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Lisa Fucci Ortiz My dream to give a child a home.
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Rebecca Lane My eldest is adopted! I love it.
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Victoria Ann Baker-Willford I feel sad.
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Heather Milburn Thanks Kim Miles Bennett... it appears I am late to the party...LOL

As another adoptee... its VERY hard when so many others base adoption lies on the happiness of the adoptee when rarely are they adoptees themselves. They just want to tell us how we SHOULD feel. Ok... so maybe some adoptees don't experience what some of us do... it seems FAR too common among adoptees to feel this God awful, ripped apart inside feeling and then we are expected to be happy about it.

If you gave birth to a child and did the old switcheroo by giving them a different mom... you don't think that baby is going to know the difference? Even when science and medicine have proven babys can identify their mothers and NEED them?

"Adoption Loss is the only trauma in the world where the victims are expected by the whole of society to be grateful" - The Reverend Keith C. Griffith, MBE
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Heather Milburn AND like others have mentioned... WHY would people assume an adopted home would be so much better than their natural home??? MANY of us were abused in our adoptive homes. They are human too you know and JUST as prone to abuse as the biologicals. Saves lives???? Are you kidding me????

How many adoptees have died at the hands of the adopters???

How many adoptees have died from genetic secrets??? We have no warning. My kids and I have struggled for YEARS with genetic problems with NO CLUE as to what was wrong with us. And yes...many have DIED b/c of this.
10 hours ago · Like · 18

Heather Milburn http://networkedblogs.com/HOIbh
The Myth of the Happy Adoptee
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10 hours ago · Unlike · 10

Sue Schaefer i believe it is more likely to be abused by an adoptive parent, than a natural. adoption moms dont have the maternal instinct that comes from actually having a baby
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Lorna Larson So, what I'm hearing is that the old system of orphanages is preferable to having the child be adopted into a home with "decent/acceptable/ok" people. It seems like a really hopeless situation... if the birth parents are unwilling/unable to care for the child, but it's inappropriate for another family/parent who has the desire/resources to raise a child to do so, then the only solution is to allow the children to raise themselves or be in a government institution? Or is really what the issue is that there needs to be more education and resources for adoptive parents and adoptees about how to navigate life when dealt this hand? More laws to protect the individual child and more education in society at large about the issues of children who are not fortunate enough to have living parents who are willing/able to care for their kids?
9 hours ago · Like · 3

Cyndi Elliott To all of you who are scarred and angry or traumatized by your adoption...most all of you appear to be in closed adoptions. Because of the adoptee rights movement most domestic adoptions now are open, and less stigmatized, and much less often coerced. Do you think you would feel the same negative feelings if you had been told the truth from the beginning, if you saw pictures and could know your birth mom, medical info etc.?
9 hours ago via mobile · Like

Lorna Larson It's clear that there are a lot of injustices to children who are in adoptive situations, regardless.
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Ellen Magod Hill You want to know how I feel about adoption - here goes, I am an Adult Adoptee who was relinqushed at birth. I am 53 years old - about a year ago I hired an investigator to find my Birthfamily because after 23 years of fruitlessly searching I couldn't stand it anymore. I reconnected with my Birthfamily in June of 2012. My Birthparents are both deceased & I have three full siblings that I am currently building relationships with. I could have done without all of the lies & secrets I had to deal with from my Aparents, mostly from my Afather. He caused me alot of pain both emotionally & mentally - I still do not know all of the secrets he has been keeping from me - He will be 80 this spring & not in great health. He laways played the grateful card - implying that I should be grateful for all that they had done for me & that if I wasn't I was an ungrateful child. I never fit in with them - They never felt that I was good enough for them & they constantly let me know it. I wasn't physically abused but I most certainly was abused emotionally & mentally. I think adoption wasn't very good for me & I'm sure I'm not the olny one - nor is my story the worst one out there. I had all of my material needs met - but none of my emotional ones - I never got any of that unconditional love that you are supposed to get from your parents - all I got was alot of judgement & criticism. My Aparents had two biological children both younger than me, both male - they got all of the support & unconditional love - I just kept getting compared to them & not measuring up.
9 hours ago · Like · 12

Issa Alidou If the adopter can give maximum love to the adoptee,then I think it is a good thing.
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Todd Johnson-Sears Try going through life not knowing who you are..try going through life knowing the people raising you are not your "real" parents. try living with an emotional void in your soul. You won't be able to do this..Why?? Because you're not us..You weren't adopted...You will never know what it's like...
9 hours ago · Like · 21

Datyah Zerach Hoehne Why are we not working to prevent unwanted pregnancies in the first place? It's not rocket science. Let's create a society where infant adoptions are rarely needed! How about that? WHO could complain about that? Prospective adoptive parents and most adoption agencies, that's who. If you can't emotionally take as your own and bond with an older child in foster care who needs a less selfish, less possessive, and truly no-agenda heart, then you shouldn't be seeking out other people's infants either -- because that is what that person will need as well from you. Folks, it's about the child's real needs, not the adoptive parents felt entitlement to "parent from infancy." As it stands now, human trafficking is all that infant adoptions are, and we have brainwashed ourselves into thinking someone is doing someone else a favor. TOTAL Nonsense!
9 hours ago · Like · 13

Sue Schaefer cyndi~ yeah, im sure seeing pictures of my real mommy would have completely erased the scars and pain of being abandoned and then handed over to monsters =/
9 hours ago · Like · 13

Bobby C Rodriguez How good it is thought that today we live in a society that protects a woman's right to terminate a pregnancy as opposed to suffering the trauma of giving up a child. .. http://www.shakesville.com/2009/03/breaking-silence-on-living-pro-lifers.html

Shakesville: Breaking the Silence: On Living Pro-Lifers' Choice for Women
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9 hours ago · Like · 1

Sue Schaefer my birth mother still wont see me and im 43 years old, i am an embarrassment to her. can you imagine living with that knowledge?
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Janine Cortese I am not against adoption in cases where the child absolutely can not be with the biological family. BUT, I am not for the mindset that adopting a newborn is the solution to infertility.
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Rita Garcia Sindelar No question that many states acted badly when it came to adoption, and there are still many ways that adoption practices could be improved. I am surprised, though, by the number of individuals here denouncing adoption entirely. Although I can read these comments and sympathize with the profound sense of loss many adoptees feel, there are birth parents who are entirely unequipped to raise children but who are under the impression that they can/should/want to attempt it. I speak from experience: I was kept, not surrendered. I took an objective look at my situation at an early age (7,8?) and saw that there was no one at the wheel. One parent absent, one mostly absent and disordered. We need to get over the romantic view that children are for everyone, and the idea that one's life would be dramatically better and more complete if only one's birth parents had kept them.
9 hours ago via mobile · Edited · Like · 1

Datyah Zerach Hoehne @Bobby C. Rodriguez, Are you being sarcastic? Our society does not protect a woman's right to terminate a pregnancy in spite of the decades-old, supreme court ruling of Roe v Wade. Right now, lots of people and places in the U.S. where access to abortion is near-impossible due to many states' legislatures' LEGAL and manipulative and ONGOING restrictions. The criminal fanaticsim of the religious right has been unchecked and abortion providers have been murdered in cold blood.
9 hours ago · Edited · Like · 5

Jennifer Jones Reed I am an adoptee; was adopted when I was 2 months old. For those first 2 months, I had no parent. I was in an orphanage. I didn't have my mother or father there to hold me when I was crying, to wipe away my tears. No mother or father to see my first smile.

With my adoption, I had a great upbringing, better than several people I know that are adopted as well. I had, & still have 2 great parents and 2 adoptive brothers. I was (& am) loved and never treated like anything other than their child or sister. However, my brothers were twins and had each other...I had no one. No one that I could look at and see my eyes, my smile, my nose...I was 18 when I found my Bmother, but 33 before I found my Bfathers family...and saw where my eyes, nose and mouth came from.

Being an adoptee is a reminder that you are disposable. That you can be just put aside and are second rate. All the right words are said...better life, better off, doing it out of love, their too young, blah, blah, blah. No matter what anyone says, it's the action that counts...the one person who is supposed to love you above all others, the person that carried you for 9 months, the person that felt your first kicks, that one person gives you away. How are you supposed to feel valued when the person who is supposed to be the center of YOUR world signs a piece of paper that steals your heritage, your family, your life?

Being adopted (especially as an infant) is like being born with amnesia...you have no sense of who you are, where you come from, who you get this or that from.

I can't say that I regret being adopted, as I said, I had a good life. But I do regret that I was denied the chance to know certain people and my history...where I come from. I know members of my family...but I don't have the connection or bond that cousins should have. I am left feeling like I don't know where I fit in.

People treat adoption as if it is the greatest thing in the world...that child will complete YOUR family, YOU want that child...does anyone think about how it will be for the CHILD? Then the adoptive family gets upset when the child has issues...not thinking what the adoption has done to the child. YOU get to complete your family, but in order for YOU to get YOUR child, that child had to endure some form of trauma.
9 hours ago · Like · 23

Leona Herrmann-Papafagos Sometimes it's better not to search for the can of worms you may uncover. My husband wanted me to look into his background for him, but in the end, the news was not pleasant as far as his birth parents. Although his adoptive family life growing up was rocky.. It was no different than many other kids growing up in the same dysfunction in a nuclear family. The grass is not always greener on the other side. Now he has my large intact family, through marriage, who loves him like his own, and we have two beautiful children together; his first blood relatives that he knows and loves. The rest doesn't matter anymore. His mystery siblings and bio-parents would have brought more heartache I feel. Thank goodness he can pick his friends.
9 hours ago via mobile · Like

Jaclyn Speights Some parents who adopt are very good, loving people, while others can be abusive in a variety of ways. But this is true of biological parents, too. I teach and treat all of my students like they are my own. I stand up for them and stay honest with them and in return they come to me with their problems because I earn their trust and they know I care when their parents/other teachers/peers push them away. Because of this characteristic I think I would be a good parent to any child. I want to adopt as many children as I can because there are so many parents (biological or not) that are just all together terrible. I wouldn't keep them from knowing that they were adopted or who their parents were and at the end of the day I would love them no matter what because that is just how I am. You can't adopt for selfish reasons.
9 hours ago via mobile · Like · 1

Elaine Penn adoptive parents are different parents, not better... adoptive family is a different family, not better... adoption is a permanent solution for a temporary problem...
9 hours ago · Like · 14

Carol Edmunds The issue is not i was a closed adoption i am a 60s baby my mother was NOT a abuser she was 16 that's it she got married 1 year after i was stolen had two more children.....so what did i do wrong to have been punished my entire life for her shame...51 and my a parents are dead my abrother killed himself..orphaned now no family bmum still to ashamed....and me ...still being punished i see the word adoption each day or hear it and people without a clue praising it like i was destined to be adopted being stolen from my mother WAS NOT RIGHT its destroyed me and her when i found her...go on blame me now...i was 6 weeks old i must be guilty..and by the way what happened to me STILL happens who says your need for a baby I REPEAT wont totally ruin two lives oh and yours no matter how much you love the child or make it feel guilty or grateful it will NEVER be yours EVER.
9 hours ago via mobile · Like · 12

Kelsey Spencer For me, my adoption was a success in that I was adopted by loving people who have proven themselves to be great and supportive parents. But sometimes I wish I had never been adopted because having been adopted means I was relinquished by my biological mother first, and my feelings on that are not of the happy sort. I'm all right with my adoption--it's my relinquishment and subsequent separation from the rest of my biological family that I have problems with, and I still have no idea why my life had to start out that way.
8 hours ago · Edited · Like · 7

Lucy Keme Its good for both parts, baby gets a home and parents can finally be parents
8 hours ago via mobile · Like

Kaye Bramblett Adoption should never be viewed as a "means to build a family", it should *always* be about the needs of the child, NOT the would-be-adoptive parents. My adoption was a disaster and left emotional scars that I still carry, a half-century later.
8 hours ago · Like · 11

Cynthia McCourt I think it is a wonderful concept but in reality, children who have not had tender loving care in the first 18 months of life tend to not bond with their adoptive parents. I'm not sure what the answer is to the issue of older orphans, especially those who have grown up "housed" in orphanages as in Romania and Russia.
8 hours ago · Like · 2

Janet Kain Bryan Adoption .....closed/open......the entire experience is so personal and individual. Try to imagine.....as a child......life is pretty normal........suddenly, your Mom and Dad say " we're not your biological Mom and Dad". Your life up to that point was not real and you are not who you think you are! It's been a lie and the only reason you've been told the truth is because some boy, not only told you, but teased you about it. You are the "adopted" one. And so begins a life of not knowing who you really are, and not being allowed to talk about it; the feeling of not belonging; the feeling of being a perpetual child. The guilt is horrendous because you love your Mom and Dad, but you wonder who your "other" Mom and Dad are.....but you feel guilt for wondering, so you try to bury the feelings....as a child! You cannot erase a person's identity and tell them who they "should" be without repercussions!! I am in my early 60's and have now realized why I have made certain choices in my life.....why I have always struggled with my identity and feelings of inadequacy ....I FINALLY love myself and feel gratitude for my life. Adoptees need help....from the beginning. Professional counselling should be made mandatory....for the AP~ absolutely.....for the adoptee~absolutely and as soon as possible! There needs to be more education and resources. The adoption process definitely has been handled very badly over the years. My AP have both passed away and I love them and miss them to this day.
7 hours ago · Like · 9

Cyndi Elliott Sue, my question, unlike your answer, was sincere. I included an actual relationship in the scenario, not just a photo. I am sorry your parents are monsters. Your birth mother won't see you, but she is ideal?

Open adoption is the *norm* now for domestic infant adoption, and it does not erase the problems and pain of adoption, but it is much more ethical, and it's thanks to adoptees who spoke up for their rights that it exists. The birth mom chooses the adoptive parents. An ongoing relationship is pursued. And it is in fact for the child, as an open relationship is not always the easiest thing for the adoptive and biological families.

There are many myths about adoptive kids, but there are some myths about adoptive parents too. That they are more likely to be abusive, has been proven time and again to be false, and the person who wrote that they there is no maternal instinct without birth has no sense of history, the animal kingdom, nursemaids or biology.

Alexa, you think transracial adoption is wrong but you also blame folks who are white for wanting to adopt a white baby.

I do not think that I "saved" my son from anything. I will never expect him to be "grateful" because he was adopted. I expect him to be confused at the least, and probably angry too. We're going to talk about it a lot.

I do not look at adoption as a way to fix infertility. My son has a picture of his birthmother holding him at birth. My son has a picture of his birthmom's 4 older children, and I really hope they meet in the future. As he is still too young to understand it is too soon to tell, but I talk about his birth mom everyday and talk to her often. Yes it's different, yes it's hard, but it's not all about the adoptive parents by any stretch. It's very INTENTIONAL parenting.

I am not someone who sees adoption as an alternative to abortion, I am pro choice. I see it as a choice that can be made with compassion and the best interests of the child at heart. Adoption *and* abortion are almost always results of economic stress, or lack of opportunity, or physical, or mental, illness. As a society we can work to change these conditions and make our families as intentional and loving as we can.
7 hours ago · Like · 4

Datyah Zerach Hoehne @Cyndi Elliott - Adoption is adoption by definition. None of it would have been this adoptee's first choice or last. Further, the statements you assert as if fact are not, I'm sorry. The adoptee rights movement has suceeded in overturning the barbaric practice of closed adoption as the norm? Really? Not. No one listens to us! Until every state allows those who were adopted access to their original birth certificate as a basic right, the actual practice of adoption in the present tense will not change. Most domestic adoptions are not open and end up being practiced as separations from the biological family. Here in Kansas, an open state whose policies force births and then seeks to keep families together, adoptive parents respond by seeking out infants from other states so that they don't have to deal with an open adoption. That's their legal right and it's seen as "a choice." It's completely unethical.
7 hours ago · Like · 6

Carol Edmunds Cynthia McCourt can you not read I was 6 weeks old I never bonded to my aparents nor did my abother who chose Alcohol to cover the pain and anger of being adopted and abused me as the object and reminder of his pain....i see people here totally ignoring any words if ADULT adoptee's capable if telling you the truth in a rational way and the irrational cravings of another person child's blinding them to the truth being told to you all
7 hours ago via mobile · Like · 7

Michele KS I'm an adoptee and I hate being adopted. I lost my mother and entire family at 5 days old, and I was never allowed to speak of it. I never bonded with my adoptive family, and my real family doesn't want me back. I belong nowhere.
7 hours ago · Like · 11

Sue Schaefer @cyndi elliot, my answer was as sincere as i could be considering it was a hypothetical question, which i found kinda absurd. and as for my birth mother "is she ideal?" im not sure i understand that question.it wouldnt matter if she was a crack head or a supreme court judge she is my mother and i crave to meet her, i crave to hear her voice, see her face, and her with-holding that from me is a new kind of torture.
7 hours ago · Edited · Like · 10

Cyndi Elliott Sue, I hope you do get to meet her, and the torture ends. My question was not meant to be absurd. It just seems that most complaints here are due to withheld information from either the adoptive parents or state.

Datyah, I am for adoptee rights. The right to your original birth certificate is a basic right that should not be denied. I understand the battle is not over but I do believe that open adoption would not be practiced today if adult adoptees had not spoken out.

Also, Datyah, I am aware of unethical adoption practices, and different state laws - Utah comes up often as unethical - not sure what you are saying about Kansas being an 'open state' because openness (as practiced by a-parents and b-parents in an adoption decision) is not a law, it is a choice -- and it is not legally enforceable. It's a decision between families based on trust and their preferences.

Maybe you mean Kansas is anti-abortion and has laws to keep families intact even when foster care has to intervene, as keeping families together has become the focus for child welfare agencies, but that is not the same as "openness".
6 hours ago · Like · 1

Kelsey Spencer We're not complaining, Cyndi--we're just being honest about our feelings on being adopted, and it just so happens that not all of our feelings are positive ones.
6 hours ago · Like · 11

Kaye Bramblett Well, I'm complaining, and I DO have access to all my birth information, other than the actual OBC, which remains tightly sealed by the "progressive" state of California. The facts are that I was taken away from my birth family without my consent, lost my birth identity without my consent, and was adopted by (abusive) people *without my consent*. Anyone who wishes s/he had been adopted, please consider all that. What *I* wished growing up was that the woman who gave birth to me had loved me enough to keep me and raise me herself. And before anyone tosses out the old "she loved you so much she gave you up" -- that's B.S. She kept her two older children and then had another one a few years after dumping me. Not all adoption experiences are positive and, again, the needs of the CHILD should be considered before the needs of anyone else.
6 hours ago · Like · 10

Matthew Leinonen I'm a bit confused? Who cares about the adoptees perspective? The only answer is really adoptees. Every one non-adopted appears extremely complacent with their ( not suggesting any brainwashing by the institutions of society) ideas and beliefs about adoption.
6 hours ago · Like · 11

Sue Schaefer its not just about the lack of information, *sheesh* how about not having anything in common with the people you live with, not having any similar habits, quirks, having cousins looking more like your 'mom' than you do and tell you that you arent really their cousin, school kids ask you why you were given away and why your parents are so old, having to be happy with what little you get cuz one should be "grateful", being afraid of your sexually maturing "brothers", not knowing if the person youre dating is related to you, not knowing your history, denying your heritage, and all the while your heart is screaming for your mother
6 hours ago · Like · 13

Cyndi Elliott Kelsey, I do not expect anyone's feelings to be all positive, at all! I was asking about specific complaints and if they were more about secrecy, or other issues. And if folks are complaining, like Kaye, that's obviously fine too! I am open to all truth - positive and negative. I went into this with my eyes open and I am not one of those people saying how "beautiful" it all is. (And I would never say "she loved you so much she gave you up.")

On a slightly different note, a friend of mine from childhood is an author/actress/comedian whose adoptive mother went in search of her birthmother for her, and succeeded, which I think is pretty unusual! That story, and other stories of her life not having to do with adoption, is in her book "A Woman Trapped in A Woman's Body". It's "comedy" but like all good comedy it also runs deep.

Adoption is complicated and in that complexity there is grief, always.
5 hours ago · Like · 2

Matthew Leinonen To be frank, the emotional and physical turmoil one would have to experience in order to be a qualification for being. place for foster care or adoption. Who could fathem remotely what this could do to an individual? And not to intentionally drag the system down; the truth is: children are sold legally to pretty much any one willing to pay. Could you imagine that? It doesn't get better there is a whole lot more where that came from, to also inclued all the social and later legalized right thinking (brain washing) via higher learning institutions such as social workers, the judicial system, health care etc. Pretty much the truth of the mater is its all recent doings in-order to generate revenue. Does anyone have an idea of how much of the monitarial gains go back to adoptees or society? Check this out: i went back to the agency and their willing to help in exchange for thousands of $s. Doesn't sound right does it? I researched state government and they support this due to it generates some revenue for itself also and gets kicked into general funds, raises, expenses and pensions and what not. No one cares! if people cared ...
5 hours ago · Like · 6

Drug free to the bone adoption =good ..... false birth certificates =not good ! blood is thicker than water ! my 2 children were stolen from me by so called adoptive parents. they were stolen because i believed (as was told) that i was signing guardianship to foster parents for medical reasons..a couple of months later i was informed that the adoption was final....i was duped ( and not real bright) by people who would prove to be emotionally abusive. after 30 years one of my girls found me and it has been great...that was 2 years ago... they now have me in their lives and never felt whole until finding me ! they were issued false birth certificates so i couldnt initiate contact because they completely changed the names...
5 hours ago · Like · 1

Kaye Bramblett Is "This Emotional Life" considering an episode on adoption? I hope so, but only if ALL voices are heard -- not just the rainbows and unicorns crowd. Thank you.
5 hours ago · Like · 11

Cyndi Elliott I hate rainbows and unicorns.
5 hours ago · Like · 8

Searching for Adoptee Donna Lynn My Sister I have to say adoption has been horrible for me....been searching for over 20 years for a sister that was "PLACED" don't like the word adoption. One day maybe all adoptive adults, real sister's, brothers or mother's-don't like the word birth family, will have access to the Original Birth Certificate. One day-I WILL FIND MY SISTER
5 hours ago · Like · 7

Carol Edmunds Kaye if they do they have to take into consideration that adopters are mother driven by instinct so they don't see past there own needs and want as in " I should be able to adopt its my right " instead of " I would like to care a for a adused abandoned neglected or orphaned child and help foster a child of any age" the child then should come with its full history, adoption deludes them into what they need so that big bucks pass hands, instead of the truth, the child will never be like them no matter how much they try to wipe its past, even rainbow farting unicorn adoptee's go searching there birth parents....so i will never accept adoption is the answer.
4 hours ago via mobile · Like · 5

Angela Oliver Senate Inquiry into forced adoption has revealed such heartache, lies and abusive behaviour by institutions. targeting single mothers.....predatory behaviour. We then babies were treated as commodities. .. well we cute bsbies grow up with complex issues. Adoption always begins with a loss. ..loss of our mother....its a primal wound. we need to support families not covet their children. ONLY ADOPTED PEOPLE....IN MY CASE STOLEN. ....KNOWS WHAT IT IS TO BE ADOPTED OR STOLEN! !!! WE LIVE AND BREATH IT EVERY DAY. You can read our trauma and that of our natural mothers on Australian Senate Web.....submission after submission of grief and loss and crimes.
3 hours ago via mobile · Edited · Like · 8

Kelsey Spencer Ah, okay...I think there may have been a bit of misunderstanding on my end. Thanks for clarifying, Cyndi....
4 hours ago · Like · 1

Kaye Bramblett I am continually appalled by the entitlement attitude displayed by some would-be adoptive parents. "I can't have my own child, so I deserve yours." Ummm -- no.
4 hours ago · Like · 13

Sarah Taylor how do i feel about adoption ... how would anyone feel about being purchased by some stranger to be a disappointing substitute for children she couldn't have herself. what of the child's right to her original family? what of stealing her very identity + forcing her to assume a new one with a new name, giving her no choice. children are not blank slates. nor should they be bought and sold.
4 hours ago · Unlike · 16

Cyndi Elliott Carol please don't speak for all adoptive mothers. I don't think it's a "right" to adopt. I am not pretending my son is biologically related and don't want or need him to be like me - no past is being 'wiped.'
4 hours ago · Like · 2

Renee Hill I am adopted and old enough for it to have been closed. I have fantastic parents, and those are the ones who raised me, not the ones who created me! I know people with not so great stories too but let's not lump all adoptive parents or all biological parents into one group. I have always known I was adopted and my parents facilitated my search for my biological parents. I met my birth father and have a relationship (imagine finding out about a daughter you had after 42 years!) with him and his family...my birth mother chose not to meet me...so much for maternal instinct, which my mother who raised me seems to have gotten right!
4 hours ago · Unlike · 2

Carol Edmunds So you don't want us to clump you together as one yet shut us down by saying because your story's don't match ours we should not express how we feel, um take a child why ???? And perfect adoption happy,,,hmm not really your parents if they are going to present you with another set,,if it was so great and so natural and the loss of your identity did not bother you...why the need to know...reason for adoption is ?....
4 hours ago via mobile · Unlike · 6

Angela Oliver Renee. ...research is very clear about why some natural mothers do not search its too painful for them. our inquiry revealed this and my own natural mother explained this to me. they were coerced and tricked into having their babies stolen. they were shamed into thinking they would never be good enough. It's never simple.
3 hours ago via mobile · Unlike · 6

Rosaline Christina McGreevy - How do I feel about adoption? I lost my mother the day I was born. Try and imagine what that does to a child and take it from there...
3 hours ago · Unlike · 13

Angela Oliver Hi again...my FB name is angela oliver but my real name is Angela Barra - I am an activist in Australia with Origins around forced adoption...I was not sure if I should share this 3 part doco on me as an adoptee.... but if you do choose to watch my story please be gentle.Scroll down to the end which is the first of the three and then scroll up xoxox https://open.abc.net.au/posts/tags/angela%20barra

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3 hours ago · Edited · Unlike · 4

Cheri Freeman Oh, my word! How do I feel about adoption? Sooooo MANY various opinions have been expressed, and I have "liked" MANY of them because I have identified with the pain and anger and lostness that the writers have expressed.

I understand that many birth mothers feel, later, that they have been coerced and lied to. And adoptive parents fall into three basic categories: good, evil, and confused.

All that having been said, I will now tell you MY take on the subject. But to do so means SOME of you will probably mock me, and some will completely misunderstand the point I'm trying to make. Anyway, here goes...

WAY back when, when time first began, when a child was born, the entire tribe or clan was excited and pleased about it because every life added to the strength and survivability of the tribe/clan. Therefore, if the mother died before the child was of an age to care for themselves, the tribe/clan took on the responsibility to raise the child to adulthood. Fast forward a few centuries... Lots more people around... Lives not quite as universally well respected as before... Still, when a child was born, it was cared for by the mother and/or father, or someone in the extended family. If this wasn't possible, then the child was apprenticed or learned to survive on the streets if old enough..More and more ended up on the streets as more and more were abandoned. Enter the first orphanages... Fast forward again... Orphanages become a financial drain on the economy of the community. Enter the practice of adoption of the "poor homeless waifs"... Fast forward again... People learn to expect there to be a supply of adoptable children... When the number of children available is smaller than the number of people wanting to adopt, evil people (disguised as do-gooders) begin to impose "fees" on the adoptions, which causes more evil people to begin regulating adoptions... Adoption has now gone from being for the good of the community to the good of the individual child, to the good of agencies set up as businesses... And as many have already said, adoption is no longer about the child but about the money to be earned from the adoption of the child. And where there is money, there is POWER, and where there is power there is the ABUSE of power. The situation has gone from being a means of caring for truly orphaned children to being about making money by severing the mother/child bond. THAT is why I hate adoption. We as a society have so devalued the bond of the mother and child that a few years later we are even able to advocate for the woman's RIGHT to murder her unborn child, excuse me, "abort the FETUS". (We don't even call it a child anymore!) Someone asked what I thought of adoption... There's MY two cents worth!
3 hours ago · Unlike · 5

Anne Terri IN MY OPINION - the comments that "now the norm is for open adoption" does not make this better. It is different not better for the child. The child has still been taken from its natural family and my thoughts are that this may cause more psychological damage because they can see the natural family and who knows what will develop over time. The adopter family may go through trauma, separation and hardship and the natural family may thrive. The child cannot go back and forward between them. It is too hard.

As a reunited adoptee from a 60s closed adoption I have struggled with the whole two families drama for 20 years and it never gets easier.

Infant adoption to create a family should NEVER be an option. The institution of adoption is to give to a child something they can never have. There are so many other options available that should be encouraged.

Church groups who promote adoption over parenting should be condemned.

Celebrities who adopt children as accessories or because pregnancy will interrupt their careers should be condemned.

Removal of a person's heritage, name and identity should be illegal.

A child who is taken into care to be parented by someone other than their natural family should have the right to their original Birth Certificate no matter what.
3 hours ago · Unlike · 13

Nafisa Mitrecic Oh I am so happy to have come across this post. I am so happy to see that is is not just me who has negative feels about their adoption. Some of the posts Ive read I feel like the person who posted it was in my head! Thank you much to all the adoptees who have posted so far and thank you to the adoptive parents who have only furthered and verified my feelings!
3 hours ago · Unlike · 13

Ricky Julian "Adoption Loss is the only trauma in the world where the victims are expected by the whole of society to be grateful" - The Reverend Keith C. Griffith, MBE
2 hours ago · Unlike · 12

Donnie Gayfield I think it's great if the adoptee fits the family.
2 hours ago · Like

Matthew Leinonen Adoption is legal? And slavery is not? Whats the difference? Not to long ago family helped each-other out. Now the family dynamics are almost outlawed and its the States prerogative to intervene and to do so with a self perpetuating revenue all toward bigger and more government. That is the cause.

The how is simple. Society is condition to think and feel about everything. It pleases most though, not to be responsible for anything and leave it up to the powers that be.
2 hours ago via mobile · Unlike · 7

Matthew Leinonen The reason adoption is gross is because it fills the desires of everyone except the adopted person.

I had a penny for every time someone had something to say about how grateful i should be or the like.
about an hour ago via mobile · Unlike · 12

Ruth-Anne Lesar "selfish", my birthmom and dad kept ALL the medical, ancestral...info to themselves...Quebec, where I am from, has the most closed adoptee seraching rules.
about an hour ago · Like · 3

Renee Musgrove It claims to be about finding families for children genuinely in need. It is not. It is about finding babies for selfish infertiles who feel entitled to other people's children.

I am a reunited adoptee. I was adopted as an infant and never bonded with my adopters. I was nothing like them and always wanted to leave. I always felt lost. I always missed my real mom. I finally found her at age 50, and since returning to my original family, my life has come clearly into focus. I feel whole.

My adoptive parents always behaved as if there was something wrong with me. There wasn't. The problem was them. They weren't entitled to me.

I belonged with my family.

Every adoptee has to lose his or her mother in order to be available to an adoptive family. Why so many people seem to think that's no big deal is BEYOND me.
about an hour ago via mobile · Unlike · 8

Terr Wond there are adoptees that are returned. mind you not to the mom that lost a baby to lies but to a group home or jail. these adoptees don't go to school in jsil snd have no way to tell you what it is like to be a thing not a human adoption is soul murder
about an hour ago · Unlike · 4

Kelsey Spencer "Every adoptee has to lose his or her mother in order to be available to an adoptive family. Why so many people seem to think that's no big deal is BEYOND me." This, this, this! Well said, Renee! You'd think that we as normal and compassionate human beings would be aware of this concept on a much wider scale...it's so damn frustrating.
about an hour ago · Edited · Unlike · 9

Cyndi Elliott There's your answer, This Emotional Life. This is how adoptees feel about adoption: Pretty damn bad. Plenty of material for an interesting episode.
about an hour ago · Unlike · 12

Matthew Leinonen FYI Adopted person persona and stigmas are developed through deficits on society and are exploited to this day.

Believe it or not the gross exploited aspects of bastardom is relatively newer than one may imagine. I researched the negative connotation of bastard is about a 2nd to 3rd century combination of ancient hebrew and latin term that began in the Papacy to further its agenda to further marginalize more members of society.

The native western european term was unique to those of higher social status and being not of noble blood was undesired. Members of society around the first golden age found that bastards were easily exploited as due to certain social classes.

A big step in bastardom was early 20th century when institutions began to manipulate and pursue a profit for coordinating the arrangements for the selling of children for labor.

Post wwii adoption was reformed in higher learning institutions and the main focus of studies is to participate coordinated attempts in manipulative techniques to take babies from "unfit mothers."

Today its worse because most people believe everything they hear and don't say anything and don't or aren't willing to ask questions. Adoption is legal. It appears to be unethical and causes more harm than one could imagine.
about an hour ago via mobile · Unlike · 7

Matthew Leinonen As an adopted person addressing personal issues its a harsh reality. I looked up to my adad until he asked the adoption agency for a refund and then threatened to sue them. This came about because when i was 13 I got caught stealing. i am broken merchandise. That is one small glimpse into the pain and hurt.
about an hour ago via mobile · Unlike · 9

Angela Oliver Hugs to all my fellow individuals who are adoptees (or stolen). ((())) It is nice to know that we are not on our own xoxo
about an hour ago · Unlike · 8

Nicole Kirkland I really don't think biology matters that much except for medical reasons. It is kind of disappointing to read what these adoptees are saying about being adopted. Some couples cannot have children of their own, and they want children badly, they could pay thousands to try and conceive or they could adopt a child who needs a better home and care. Its true that there are a few issues involved especially when you adopt older kids but many of these kids would be in hopeless situations without an adoptive parent, many are waiting in the system now for a family
58 minutes ago · Like

Cryptic Omega Biology matters. Better doesn't mean affluent. Why do innocent babies and children have to give up their cultural and genetic heritage, and medical history, so adults who can't have kids can be happy? Adoptees often hear the line "Deal and move on," in various phrasing. How about we turn that around. Can't have kids? Tough. Deal and move on. From my own experience, I would turn in every cent I have ever earned to have never been taken away from my biological family. To see one face in all the years of my life that looked like me, to be able to have an identity, to feel like I belong for once, is worth more than whatever amount of money it cost to purchase me in order to make some couple who couldn't conceive on their own happy. Period.
49 minutes ago via mobile · Edited · Unlike · 10

Jean Schantz Nicole, are you implying that the adoptee should be indebted toward her adopters, footing the bill for a couple's desire to have children through the forfeiture of knowledge of her human origins?
42 minutes ago · Like · 7

Trinwithasevennota-t Gill Gartshore Lloyd Nicole Kirkland, if all these people who desperately wanted kids were willing to take kids from the foster system, that'd be fine, but they don't. Instead people pay LOTS to get womb-fresh newborns whose parents need little more than help keeping their families running. Take a look at the PRICE diffrerences between children and then tell me there's nothing wrong with adoption: http://7rin-on-adoption.dreamwidth.org/tag/adoptee:cost+of
39 minutes ago · Like · 7

Faythe Weiss Swanson I was adopted, so I am grateful for it. But am very curious about my birthparents! It would be interesting to see who I resemble!
35 minutes ago · Like · 2

Nafisa Mitrecic Nicole Kirkland you must not be an adoptee. Like mentioned in previous posts adoption is about the couple who cant have kids and their selfish want or need not at all about the child. In some cases I feel the couple should spend thousands and have their own child instead of adopting a child that is not biologically theirs and is just around to make them feel whole. Their are alot of issues and pain that comes with adopting no matter how great or affluent the adoptive parents were they can never take those feelings away and its not at all just older children that suffer from these feels and issues.
34 minutes ago · Unlike · 6

Robert Hopkins It was great. I was beaten and attacked by the kid they already bought who was 8 years older than me and got tiered of killing cats and dogs and if I cried as I bleed they would tell a 4 year old not to be a baby... God what great times.
14 minutes ago · Unlike · 2

Kelsey Spencer Are you adopted, Nicole? If not and then assuming that you grew up among your biological family members, then I say to you that you have no right to invalidate our feelings toward the concept of biology and its importance to many of us adoptees. Many of us have never known what it's like to even meet someone who is biologically related to us. On a personal level, simply interacting with someone who is biologically related to me is sometimes all that I want, but I have yet to have that experience in my life. For me it's just a dream at this point. Biology is hugely important, but it seems that some people who grow up with it have a tendency to take it for granted. That's fine and all, but those same people shouldn't tell adopted people that biology isn't very important or that it doesn't really matter that much. I hope no one takes offense to this analogy, but that's like telling an amputee who lost their leg in an accident that legs aren't that important. It's an insensitive gesture, to say the very least.
12 minutes ago · Unlike · 1



Michele KS From reading these comments it's easy to see that adoptive parents have a more positive view of adoption than adoptees or mothers. I think that says a lot about the failed social experiment that is infant adoption. Much better for the consumers than for the products or the manufacturers!
11 hours ago · Unlike · 16

Nafisa Mitrecic Robert Hopkins I am so sorry to hear that and so sad that this is so true for so many of us. Alot of time the adoptive families we are placed in just look better on paper but the things that happen behind closed door are horrifying especially when the adoptive family like my own have biological children. I was treated so much different and abused for their sheer enjoyment I swear. I was always wrong when it was me against their bio kids. *smh*
11 hours ago · Unlike · 12

Noa Aronovits i want to join!!!!
11 hours ago via mobile · Like · 2

Loretta Perea Risen I truly think people who are against adoption are attacking people who are adopted and happy. I was adopted, California. Found my mother and father. Have a natural child and adopted my adopted sister's grand daughter. I wanted to know my natural parents but my adoptive parents always made me feel very love and wanted, was it perfect no. Did I look like my parents, well people that did not know I was adopted said I looked like my dad, and that my adopted sister, no blood relation looked like me. My natural father came to meet me to tell me he could not possibly be my father, even though my natural mother was his high school sweetheart. My natural mother has met me we have a relationship, she does not feel she did the wrong thing. My daughter knows she is adopted, is she happy well she is a teenager and as far as I can tell she loves and hates me as he brother did at the same age. No we are not telling adoptees that don't think adoption is good to not tell us your feelings!!! Just like you should not tell adoptees that don't feel the same as you do we are wrong. Natural kids have parents who suck and natural kids have parents who are great. My daughter has told me she doesn't care to know her mom, but her mom comes to our house all the time, so maybe she already knows. Her real grand mother and her two half sisters are always here for bbq and holidays. Lets see what she says when she is 30! Btw the way I adopted my sister's grand daughter (my sister is also adopted) because I did not want her in the foster system my sister would not raise her, she had three other children. My daughter came to us at six months old, her mother my niece was having another baby. First we just had legal guardianship then after three years asked my niece if we could adopt her daughter. By this time she was going on her third, she said yes. Did I rip my daughter from my niece, maybe, I truly don't know, if thats what it seems to others maybe, to my niece well she does seem to think so. Does that mean I think all the adoptees that think it sucks is wrong, no. I feel in my heart in my case and my daughters it was a good adoption, but not everyones is!!!!
11 hours ago via mobile · Like · 1

Jackie Dawes Yes, but at least she was still in her family, still had her roots.............
10 hours ago · Unlike · 5

Loretta Perea Risen But I am also adopted and my sister is not my blood sister. I know my roots from my natural parents but the my great great grandmother a was adopted. So do I know my roots? My natural father and mother were hispanics and so are my adopted parents. My adopted parents I feel were more hispanic and raised us that way then my natural mother or father. In fact my half sisters and brothers probably don't even consider themselves hispanics or celebrate they cultural in any way. So was I raised wrong by my adoptive parents.
10 hours ago via mobile · Like

Loretta Perea Risen And she does not know her father's side and her father is in prison. That I will not volunteer until she truly wants to know her natural dad.
10 hours ago via mobile · Like

Jackie Dawes I'm a little unclear on what "more hispanic" means.
10 hours ago · Like · 3

Loretta Perea Risen Not sure how to explain/ let see if this works: my adoptive parents kept or practiced a lot of the hispanic Cultural and when I met my natural mothers family it was not the same.
9 hours ago via mobile · Like

Jackie Dawes Thank you Loretta. I understand now. And, I am glad you are content. Many blessings to you and your daughter.
9 hours ago · Unlike · 2

Loretta Perea Risen Then I did not state my post correctly or end it when some one says a positive it does not mean you disagree with the negative. I respect adoptees who think it sucks and I respect adoptees who don't, I will respect my daughter if she thinks it suck the same way I respect my natural son if he thinks I sucked as a mom. And I will respect my son-in-law who is adopted, my niece and several of my friends.
9 hours ago via mobile · Unlike · 2

Loretta Perea Risen I did not post to argue ones feelings, I posted cause I was stating my feelings cause that is what it asked.
9 hours ago via mobile · Like · 1

Andrea Bikfalvy My son is only 2. No one forced his mom to choose adoption. She handed him to me in the hospital. I handed him back to her the next morning so she could spend time with him. We spent time together with him. We talked, we hugged, we cried. She thanked me. I thanked her. A few days later, she came to spend time with him again. From the day he was born, I have nursed him. I wore him in a wrap against my heart and rarely ever set him down. He is happy and loved. He has lost a lot, and I am aware of that. I hope he one day meets his biological family and gets to know them. As far as I am concerned, he has two moms. He is 100% my son. He is 100% her son. He is loved. Adoption is a beautiful thing. I am sad that some people are so wounded by it. My friends have adopted children from orphanages. The outlook for those kids who aren't adopted is bleak, especially those with special needs. Those kids are blessed to have a family who loves them. Those families are blessed to have those children be a part of them.
9 hours ago · Like

Clayton B. Shaw Adoptees began trying to tell their stories decades ago. I am hopeful that now, with the Internet, we FINALLY can speak our truth as opposed to others speaking for us. I feel that the cost for one couple to pretend they had a child and for another couple to pretend they did not, was my life. Like every child told of their adoption I knew from my first memory that parents could go away because they HAD. Like someone with Stockholm Sydrome I spent the first decades of my life grateful to my adoptive family, telling others how great it was to be adopted. It wasn't until I started to learn my biological identity, the damage to my bfamily, the unnecessary severing of ties to my siblings and had my very first experience of truly fitting in, that I realized what a sham it had all been. I don't think my adoptive parents wanted to hurt me...I think they knew nothing and maybe wanted to know nothing. I don't think my bparents wanted to hurt me but they were young and ill informed of the consequences. With the enormous number of children in our foster care system, truly needing families, the fact that so many pray for an infant to be born unwanted I am sickened. That the wishes of so many are our living nightmare is daunting, but let us all speak the truth until this sad social experiment is finally put to rest and children who lose families are no longer anyone's wish or cause for joy.
8 hours ago · Edited · Unlike · 8

Tejas Angel many times the difference between biological families and adoptive families is $$$$$. If someone really wants to make a difference for a child then give the mother money to help keep that child with their biological family. A woman I know went on a mission trip to Haiti and "fell in love" with a little girl in an orphanage there. This woman is infertile and decided she wanted to adopt the girl and bring her to the USA. Sounds great right? child in 3rd world orphanage, nice white woman who really wants a baby? Couple of problems. the child had two siblings. "oh, I can't adopt THREE children" and the mother was living. the father was killed in the quake and the mom brought the kids to the orphanage cuz she couldn't afford to feed them. The woman who told me this story was NOT thrilled when I told her she was selfish and should instead either A) bring all three kids AND the mom here or send money to the mother every month.
9 hours ago · Edited · Unlike · 8

Reka Noemi Tatai in my opinion adoption is the only way to go if you want to have a child. There is absolutely no reason to procreate your own genes into this world. Take someone who already exists and HELP!
8 hours ago · Unlike · 1

Heather Rowles How could anyone read through all the posts by adoptees on here.....and still be spouting off about how infertiles "deserve" access to other peoples children? YOU ARE NOT ENTITLED to someone elses child....EVER!! Im a reunited adult adoptee, and I got the better life, I adore my adoptive parents but I HATE, LOATHE and DETEST the institution of adoption. FFS people, learn to listen to those who have been living the social experiment called adoption their entire lives. Otherwise, you just perpetuate the damage and hurt. Incidentally, I AM INFERTILE. I had just one liveborn child, then went on to loose 5 before having an hysterectomy to save my life.
7 hours ago · Unlike · 11

Angela Oliver Reka Noemi Tatai....there you have it ..in your own words "Take someone who already exists" have you read the comments above....are you intentionally trying to be provocative? are you really that oblivious to others feelings??? I am not sure if you are what they call a 'troll' or if you your comments are sincere??? If you’re a troll then you are an oxygen thief whose comments are meaningless…if not then I feel very sorry for you that you could be so careless and cavalier with your comments. I wonder how you feel about eugenics as well...... hmmmm I hope that you were not intentionally trying to cause harm to the people who have so bravely posted...I guess I should give you the benefit of the doubt given that I do not know you.
6 hours ago · Edited · Like · 4

Neither Here Nor There Adult adoptee in reunion with my first family for over 20 years. I blog about it here. www.PeachNeitherHereNorThere.blogspot.com
5 hours ago · Unlike · 1

Kelsey Spencer Well, Reka, if everyone in the world stopped having children naturally and adopted children instead, the world would eventually run out of enough children for everyone because people would no longer be having children naturally. That doesn't make much sense now does it?
4 hours ago · Edited · Like · 1

Ash Harmel I was adopted as an infant & all I can say is that no matter how wonderful & loving your adoptive parents might be, no matter how special they say you are, it feels not so great. I got the message from all of society my entire life that I should be grateful, that I was lucky. Most people will never understand how much you have lost when you are adopted or how challenging it was to grow up knowing you were given away & your biological family is out there somewhere, a giant mystery. As a child you wonder why not one relative cared to know you or how your new life was, why no one fought to keep you in their life. How difficult it is to know your parents tried to have children for ten years & you were their last resort. Even as a child I could see right through all the people telling me how special I was to be chosen. As if I was a Cabbage Patch Kid they picked straight from the shelf... as if they would have passed up another available Healthy, white, infant & waited for me instead? Most people understand that if a child does not have their mother or father in their life (even if their parent re-marries), that it will negatively impact that child in some way. Why people think signing adoption papers magically erases the experience of losing TWO parents I will never understand.
3 hours ago · Unlike · 12

Kelsey Spencer "Why people think signing adoption papers magically erases the experience of losing TWO parents I will never understand." Amen, Ash!
3 hours ago · Unlike · 6

Ash Harmel & people who keep saying to those abused by their adoptive parents, "Biological families are dysfunctional, too!" Obviously. But children who are adopted experience being abandoned by their entire family & literally GIVEN to abusers. People raised by their biological families do not grow up constantly hearing the message they are lucky or should be grateful they are being raised by their abusers. They are also not forced to call people who are completely unrelated to them mom, dad, brother, sister. This makes the experience of being abused by an adoptive family unique & presents extra psychological issues to work through.
3 hours ago · Unlike · 9

Michele KS @andreabik, if you are 100% his mom, and his real mom is 100% his mom, then your boy is actually 2 people, which is exactly how many adoptees feel.
about an hour ago · Unlike · 4

Trinwithasevennota-t Gill Gartshore Lloyd @ Loretta Perea Risen :: No-one's saying you can't be happy with your circumstances. What we're saying is that the world already knows your side, they already know that it's s'posed to be good and for the better. What no-one aside from us lot seems to care about is that in the vast majority of the cases, there is major fall-out from BEING AN ADOPTEE that the rest of the world doesn't know about, or doesn't want to acknowledge. Those of us who were abused (I wasn't one of them) still get told the same "be grateful/you could've been aborted/you could've been abused/etc." It's because of that aspect that those of us who're suffering NEED to get our voices heard.

Additionally, even those of us who were raised in an awesome afam like you and me were don't always want to stay legally tied to those families. Surely it's enough that we;re emotionally tied to them? Our GENEALOGICAL descendants shouldn't be tracing THEIR genealogy back to a family they're not descended from though? 'Cause that's what happens with adoption. OUR records are falsified to pretend that we come from elsewhere. No matter how much I love my afam., we don't share blood, which is what the BIRTH certificate is supposed to be indicating.

Hence some of why http://adoptingback.com/ is so popular.
11 minutes ago · Edited · Like · Remove Preview

Trinwithasevennota-t Gill Gartshore Lloyd See, this is most've the problem - people struggle to accept that many of us are fighting to change the legal parts. Get the legal parts sorted properly and end the LEGAL FALSIFICATION of identity, and the rest - the everyday living it part - will start to slowly fall into place as well.
3 minutes ago · Like



Renee Musgrove @Ash Harmel , when I was about 12, I asked my adoptive mother why she expected love from me. I remember it like it was yesterday. She screamed something along the lines of, "Because I'm your mother!!! I keep a roof over your head and feed you and take you to the doctor when you're sick!" I didn't respond, but I remember thinking, "No, you're not my mother. You're just pretending to be."

These days, I think about that concept a lot: Someone pretending to be a parent and then DEMANDING love in exchange for it. It's like adopters go into the whole thing counting on some twisted version of Stockholm Syndrome. And some adopters get "lucky" and things go well for them. But some kids don't succumb. What happens to those kids? We behave as if there's something wrong with them.

For a moment, just think of this game, but replace the baby with an adult. Let's say there's this woman. Tiffany. Instead of saying that all her life she's dreamed of being a mommy, we'll say all her life Tiffany's dreamed of being married. It's the same story we've all had to hear a million times--Oh The Poor Unfulfilled Mommy-Without-A-Baby--but instead, it's Oh The Poor Unfulfilled Wife-Without-A-Husband. Poor Tiffany, that's all she's ever wanted. To be married. To care for her husband and love him and give him everything a husband could want. She tries and tries to find a man to marry, but she fails. Time and time again, she fails.

We all feel so sorry for her. Let's have a fund raiser at church! Let's raise money to buy Tiffany a husband! Surely some other wife is unable to care for hers properly! Maybe in Ethiopia! I bet there are tens of thousands of poor husbands in Ethiopia who aren't being fed properly, who don't have a decent home or car, who can't afford to go to school! Surely some loving, selfless wife in Ethiopia will be willing to give up her husband so he can have a better life with Tiffany. TIFFANY DESERVES A HUSBAND!

And so poor Assefa's wife hands him over to Tiffany and she marries him and takes him home with her. But Assefa doesn't really like her. He certainly doesn't love her. He tries, but he just can't. Tiffany's so different than his first wife. She's not someone he ever would have chosen. She doesn't smell right. She doesn't sound right. The food she gives him tastes weird and wrong. And even though she cares for him and irons his shirts and gives him money and pays for his school and tells everyone how happy there are--they have nothing in common, and he really just misses his first wife.

And so he tries to leave, but Tiffany waves around her marriage license around and screams that he belongs to her now and that he's required to love her and be happy.

Who would you question in this story? Is there something wrong with Assefa? Or is there maybe something wrong with Tiffany?

And yes, I'm purposefully being hyperbolic and provocative, but I think it's food for thought.
a few seconds ago · Edited · Like



Loretta Perea Risen @adoption suck you read only the words you chose to disagree with, i did not say my adoption was wonderful, i said it was not perfect and I don't know how my daughter will feel. Again, I am not arguing that adoptees that think adoption sucks are wrong you that they should mot post their feeling. This blog was how do you feel about adoption. Which means you state you feelings, you are not telling anyone their feeling are wrong.
7 hours ago via mobile · Like

Loretta Perea Risen Sorry, typos / not arguing with adoptees that think adoption sucks or that they should not post their feelings. This blog was how do you feel about adoption, which means you state your feelings, i don't argue with what people feel, no one can tell anyone your feelings are wrong. Please again my blog says it was not perfect, so do not be angry at me because you chose to read what you want, you do not know my whole story, I am only stating at 59 years old what I feel.
7 hours ago via mobile · Like · 2

Cyndi Elliott Nicely done, Adoption Army. I agree with your proposals.

I do not agree with all adoptive mothers who dare post here being called selfish entitled sociopaths. When everyone told me to "just adopt", I told them there was nothing simple about it and resented their one-sided view. I never felt entitled to a child. I felt open domestic adoption was the only road for me. I never demanded a white child.

So while I hear you all loud and clear, the anger and name calling isn't helping your cause. I will leave it to my son to tell me I am not a real mother, not you strangers. Apparently he is going to be one angry kid, who pretty much hates me, so I will prepare for that.

Your personal stories are effective and by their nature accurate but generalizations and attacks are not.

http://www.adoptionbirthmothers.com/the-solutions-2

The Solutions To Fix Adoption in America |
www.adoptionbirthmothers.com
What ARE the solutions to Domestic Voluntary Infant Adoption in this country? He...
See More
7 hours ago · Like

Cyndi Elliott And this is for all you sociopaths/adoptive mothers: http://www.adoptivefamilies.com/articles.php?aid=195

Talking Tips | Adoption Information from Adoptive Families Magazine: Domestic, International, Foster
www.adoptivefamilies.com
Talking Tips. Researching adoption? Adoptive Families magazine has domestic, int...
See More
7 hours ago · Like

Mary Ann Walker Hubbell In addition to 'like', facebook needs to add "bullshit". Unlike just doesn't do it.
5 hours ago · Unlike · 4

Matthew Leinonen I don't think there is no better way to emotional slap an adopted person in the face and invalidate their experience: An adopted person has been abandoned, given up, rejected, orphaned & etc... What ever the reason it doesn't feel great and is an emotional roller-coaster ride.

unsolicited ideas or opinions are not appreciated and are often regurgitated propaganda. I don't want or need to hear it. I know what society has taught and its not acceptable or tolerable and i do and will bite back.

Please consider buttoning ones cake hole before telling an adopted person how they should think or feel about adoption or being adopted.
5 hours ago via mobile · Like · 9

Matthew Leinonen i don't consider myself as hostile; much rather a survivor and educator for non itchy ears
5 hours ago via mobile · Unlike · 5

Datyah Zerach Hoehne Things that aren't inevitable:
1. Unwanted pregnancies brought to full term;
2. Adoption.
"The 15 Ways to Fix Adoption" article that was posted injects new meaning into the phrase "blind spot." Birthmother writes, "People ask me what ARE the solutions to Domestic Voluntary Infant Adoption in this country. I have a few ideas about where we can start." She mentions NOTHING about: contraception; birth control; abortion; a woman's right to determine her reproductive future in ALL ways that DON'T bring an involuntary third party into her unwanted pregnancy; sex education?!
5 hours ago · Like · 6

Loretta Perea Risen Matthew no one is telling you how to feel. Then blog was how do you feel about adoption? When you post you are posting your feelings and if it isn't what you feel they are not attacking you. No one can argue with someones feeling, hello!!!
4 hours ago via mobile · Like · 1

Buck Wheat I feel adoption is social engineering and human trafficking. Children are bought and sold like chattel and 'ownership' documents are falsified. It is a barbaric practice that continues because of the sense of entitlement and because it is profitable.
3 hours ago · Unlike · 8

Eileen Dineen Burke @datyah I agree that this country needs better access to birth control and legal abortions. The way I read the "how to fix adoption" post was that it is a given that adoption will continue in this country, so how do we fix it? I don't think it's enough to advocate for birth control (not 100 % effective) or abortion rights. Mistakes will always happen. Women may not realize or be in denial about being pregnant until it is too late for abortion. Rape will continue to happen. Of course, best case is not to get pregnant in the first place, but if it does happen and a woman is considering adoption, these are some of the things that need to happen to make it more ethical.
3 hours ago via mobile · Unlike · 4

Trinwithasevennota-t Gill Gartshore Lloyd @ Loretta Perea Risen :: Your actual words were "I truly think people who are against adoption are attacking people who are adopted and happy." The point of my replies was to tell you that's not what's happening. I'm not the one misreading.
2 hours ago · Like · 4

Kali Coultas How do I feel about adoption? As an adult adoptee, I don't believe in adoption or any form of it. Children are not commodities and shouldn't be treated like them. Adoption erases our heritage... falsifies our birth records... puts prices on our heads according to our ages and races... and denies us of many rights. Rights shouldn't be fought for... they shouldn't be denied to certain people...THEY ARE RIGHTS. Not laws... RIGHTS. Yet here we are... fighting for our rights...and being laughed at and shushed by the adoption industry and the VERY people the industry was created for...the adoptors. If adoption was about the child, our records would never be sealed...we wouldn't be sold...returned... our names would remain, our heritage would remain, our records would remain, and for those of us who TRULY couldn't be raised by our natural parents for whatever reason... our replacement parents would honor our loss, respect who we are when we come to them, and NEVER try and take that away from us so that "they" can FINALLY have a child to call their own... making it about them when it should ALWAYS be about the adoptee. What do I think about adoption? It sucks. Nothing but lies.
about an hour ago via mobile · Unlike · 4

Kali Coultas @ matthew...I think I love you o.o
about an hour ago via mobile · Like



Datyah Zerach Hoehne @eileen burke - Nope. The issue is social, one of awareness, and can always be influenced. Have some vision and stop the excuses, none of them hold water. Listen to legions of adoptees' life experiences, fully integrate that into the adoption concept, and stop the madness. Ah, should we ever start to value the deepest, most basic needs of human beings, most of which are psychological....You imply the understanding and will to change just isn't there, and not that my assertion is unrealistic. Just like the equation of adoption, the way that society handles unwanted pregnancies is highly socialized, manipulated, messed with, etc, a reflection of whatever level of understanding is at work. We have successfully invented as technology all kinds of birth control, and that's why we have abortion, it's one of the many stop gaps along the way to prevent the further harm of birthing a real person we can't care for nor want. Women can take control of their reproductive futures, stop harming themselves and innocent others. Bringing an unwanted pregnancy to full term for the sole purpose of adoption is always a DECISION OF SOME KIND AT SOME LEVEL(subconscious, cultural, etc) and often with many decision-makers involved indirectly in the background. Who is most affected by adoption? Obviously, the adoptee. Let's bring awareness and attitudes more in accord with the life experience of legions of adult adoptees. You state: "Of course, best case is not to get pregnant in the first place." I'm not naive and wouldn't assert that, and it's not what I'm talking about. Secondly, "Rape will continue to happen?" What are you talking about?! Rape is one of the reasons why we are suppose to be making abortion available when needed. Thirdly, "Women may not realize or be in denial about being pregnant until it is too late for abortion." What you allude to is extreme and only happens when the woman has been beaten down in all ways by so many indirect and direct forces at work against her. Which fits my point, not yours, that adoption happens only because so much else that has gone before has failed and EASILY SHOULD NOT HAVE had the culture's expressed values been different
15 hours ago · Unlike · 2

Stacy Mandella If it weren't for adoption your patents may have chosen abortion, and Luke,some countries they kill the children or put them in ill-run orphanages. I understand it must be horrible to wonder why you were given up for adoption but it is a lot better than the other options. A lot of these posts are self-pity.
6 hours ago via mobile · Like

Stacy Mandella Let's say the birth mother gave birth and said " I don't want this baby" and the nurse said " well, what are you going to do with it, drop it off on the side of the road?" Thank God for the adoption option. How many times have you read about newborns being found wrapped in blankets with the umbilical cord still attached? The anger of being adopted is understandable but what would you have preferred?
6 hours ago via mobile · Like

Kelsey Spencer Well, it's good to know that people who were raised by their biological parents have no self-pity at all. Thanks for the lesson, Stacy! Not. Way to be judgmental and insensitive.
5 hours ago · Unlike · 3

Renee Musgrove @Stacy Mandella , you're so full of crap. Newborn adoptees are not, never have been, and never will be in any danger. The demand for healthy infants FAR outweighs the supply. Adopters are one step away from fighting gladiator-style for them. They are lined up around the BLOCK. If my adopters hadn't written out that check, another family would have about 30 seconds later.

Oh, and if you want to talk about self-pity, lets talk about adopters and their paaain. If self-pity were cheeseburgers, you could feed this planet and five others on the self-pity of infertile "mommies."
2 hours ago · Edited · Unlike · 4

Stacy Mandella The point is; the biological parent(s) gave the child up, what would,some of those parents resorted to if they wetent able to have the child adopted out. Of course you would like to stay together as nature intended but the biological parent chose not to. So, not being able to stay together what would you prefer other than adoption. Adoptees seem so angry about be adopted, what choice did you as an infant have?
4 hours ago via mobile · Like

Stacy Mandella Renee, you are very angry about the amount of adopters there seems to be. What would you have preferred over adoption? I know you would prefer to be with the biological parent but they chose to give you up. Would you prefer abortion, an orphanage?
4 hours ago via mobile · Like

Kelsey Spencer "What choice did you as an infant have?" That's the point of the anger that some of us feel, yes. We had no choice in the matter...if we did, we would have stayed in our biological families. We're frustrated with the things that we can't control in life. This phenomenon is not unique to adoptees--it's something that all people go through, in fact. And you do know that kids in orphanages get adopted, right? It's as if you're saying that orphans have no way of getting adopted. I myself was in an orphanage and adopted out of it, so I'm here to prove you wrong if for whatever reason you do believe that orphans can't be adopted.
3 hours ago · Edited · Unlike · 2

Stacy Mandella I agree in the " what choice did you have" but to be so angry about being adopted and angry that so many adopters are lined up isn't right either. I ask you, AGAIN, what would you have preferred? AGAIN don't say " to stay with the biological parent" because that didn't happen. What would you have preferred??!!
3 hours ago via mobile · Like

Stacy Mandella Yes, kids in orphanages do get adopted but its a facility oppossed to a private home. Sometimes, the kids are in orphanages for a few years and are mistreated. Foster homes are also pretty bad too. Some adoptees/adopters may not have been happy with their match but there are some happy adoption stories where some people are grateful to have been adopted by a wonderful family. I understand the loss of identity but again all the anger from this site doesn't seem right. I would have expected more anger toward the biological parent than the adoptors. In most cases, if it wasn't for the biological parent giving up the child then there would be no/less adoptors.
3 hours ago via mobile · Like

Kelsey Spencer I personally am not angry about having been adopted. I'm glad that I was because I'm learning that if I had not, I would have grown up in an orphanage until I was eighteen or so and then I would have been thrown out into the real world with little education and no training for any type of work. I probably would have had little chance to succeed in life or live independently like most people in society. So, to answer your question, I prefer having been adopted than to having grown up in an orphanage. But you're missing the point...it saddens me deeply that I had to end up in an orphanage in the first place and I wish my life hadn't had to start out that way. Please don't respond to this by saying something like "Okay, stop with the self-pity already" because I'm willing to bet that you would feel a deep sadness for yourself if your life had started out similarly to the way mine had to.
3 hours ago · Unlike · 1

Kelsey Spencer The anger isn't right or wrong...it's natural because to lose one's identity after having been relinquished by one's biological family for whatever reason is not natural. I'd like to emphasize again that, for me, I'm thankful that I was adopted. I was adopted by two supportive and loving parents who have always been and are still there for me. But my thankfulness for having been adopted does not take away the sadness that I feel about having to be put up for adoption in the first place.
3 hours ago · Unlike · 2

Stacy Mandella The anger and sadness is understandable. I find it sad for a child to wonder why their parents didn't want them. I still feel that some of the comments hold anger toward adopters, which is NOT understandable. Misplaced anger and blame is what it appears to be.
3 hours ago via mobile · Like

Stacy Mandella I have heard many times about how adopting is not a good idea because you don't know what kind of genetic issues or problems that may come with the child. I would certainly tell someone that was thinking about homework to come to a site like this to get a feel of both the adoptor and adoptees point of views. After reading a lot of these comments, I would not won't to be part of adoption, I don't think either side ever really wins. I would imagine that the adoptors have moments where they think this child isn't really mine, much like Renee felt about her adoptive mother.
3 hours ago via mobile · Like

Stacy Mandella ***thinking about adoption, to do their homework
3 hours ago via mobile · Like

Jean Schantz Stacy, attempting to turn this into an either/or situation is falsely reducing options and creating a fallacy. The question asked what people thought of adoption--not whether or not they would have liked to have grown up in an orphanage.
3 hours ago · Unlike · 4

Kelsey Spencer For me, it's the adoptive parents who pretend that there's no difference between raising a biological child and raising a child whom they adopted that frustrate me. The adoptive parents who also seem to see nothing but rainbows and sunshine when looking at adoption itself frustrate me, too. They don't acknowledge what their adopted child has been through by being relinquished and separated from their biological family. I agree--adoptive parents should do their homework if they do decide to adopt. They need to learn that adopting a child is not just a beautiful thing to do and that adopting a child comes with its own set of unique issues.
3 hours ago · Unlike · 3

Kelsey Spencer (And don't get me started on the adoptive parents who don't even tell their children that they are adopted, leaving those children to grow up and find out by chance that they were adopted. That is nothing short of emotional and psychological abuse and I cannot understand nor respect adoptive parents who refuse to tell their children that they were adopted.)
3 hours ago · Edited · Unlike · 6

Renee Musgrove "AGAIN don't say " to stay with the biological parent" because that didn't happen. What would you have preferred??!!"

Aaand neither did abortion.

So I guess what it comes down to is that @Stacy Mandella is allowed to cherry-pick all he/she likes but no one else may.

You do know, of course, that many of us are reunited and know our stories. There's nothing misplaced about our anger. Adoption is about supply and demand. Young, vulnerable women facing unplanned pregnancies are pushed to relinquish via every sophisticated and coercive marketing technique available. And why? Because babies are worth a lot of money. Adoption in this country is a four billion dollar a year business. Address the out-of-control demand, eliminate the profit, and funnel $$/support towards family preservation instead of destruction and adoption rates drop exponentially. We've already seen it in other countries. Read up on Australia. Since adoption reform, there are less than 300 adoptions per year--and that number INCLUDES in-family and stepparent adoption.

Stop behaving as if babies are at risk. Most of us were not. Adoption is about finding babies for adults who want, not about finding homes for babies who need. If it weren't, adults wouldn't be ADVERTISING for children while 100K+ kids wait in foster care.
2 hours ago · Edited · Unlike · 5

Kelsey Spencer I'd like to add, too, Stacy, that a lot of adoptees are angry with the adoption industry itself rather than adoptive parents themselves.
3 hours ago · Unlike · 3

Stacy Mandella There was more to my point than orphanages. There were also posts linger and more involved than mine. My comments are in line with other posts. I am free to state my view on them and my view is that a lot of adoptees seem angry at adoptors. Adoption does not seem to be anything I would want to do after coming to this site. It's a good thing that there are adoptors out there. Some of us don't want to adopt anymore than some of you want to be adopted.
3 hours ago via mobile · Like

Kelsey Spencer Wow, Renee, you commented just at the right time. My point has been well illustrated!
3 hours ago · Like

Kelsey Spencer "It's a good thing that there are adoptors out there." It's unfortunate that people have to be adopted at all.
2 hours ago · Edited · Like · 2

Kelsey Spencer "Adoption does not seem to be anything I would want to do after coming to this site. It's a good thing that there are adoptors out there." I feel like you're slapping us in the face with this comment, Stacy. "Well, I wouldn't want to adopt people like you--good thing there are other people out there who are willing to save children from those orphanages by adopting them, 'cause I'm not anymore!" And the fact that you will not know what your adopted child will be like is a given issue in adoption, along with the fact that adoptive parents will have to face the fact that they are not indeed their adopted child's real parents. If a person can't face those facts then he should not adopt at all.
2 hours ago · Edited · Unlike · 2

Renee Musgrove @Kelsey Spencer, I don't take that as a slap in the face at all. It's not about me. I wish every potential adopter would have that lightbulb moment. People need to understand that there's no such thing as "AS IF BORN TO," that every adoption begins with tragedy, that every adoptee experiences a loss, and that there's absolutely no way to determine how and to what degree that loss will impact a child. One less adopter makes me want to celebrate. One down, a million to go.
2 hours ago · Edited · Like · 5

Kelsey Spencer Oh, no, I definitely agree with you, Renee. And I'm not saying that I'm upset to see Stacy go as a potential adopter...but the way she said that bothered me. I think it's the principle of the thing. "Oh, I'm so glad I came here to learn that you are the last people I'd want to associate with. I was going to give you a chance but you've lost me." Well, forget you, too, Stacy. Seems like she's misplacing her own anger onto us adoptees.
2 hours ago · Edited · Like · 2

Renee Musgrove Sounds like there's some self-pity mixed in with that misplaced anger, too. Schnort.
2 hours ago · Like · 3

Kelsey Spencer Right? Oy.
2 hours ago · Like · 1

Nancie C. Mathis The black and white, either/or thinking that a surrendered baby *must* be unwanted leaves me speechless. Fraud IS NOT justification for trafficking newborns.
2 hours ago · Like · 3

Datyah Zerach Hoehne @Stacy Mandella - To ask if I would prefer to have been aborted is ridiculous. It's an egocentric question. The world is bigger than my one physical existence and worth creating with more thought. The answer to your wonderings shown at your first response way back there... is the less harmful option of abortion. If the biological parent is going to terminate, then terminate responsibly. I repeat, "Ah, should we ever start to value the deepest, most basic needs of human beings, most of which are psychological...."
2 hours ago · Like · 1

Kelsey Spencer Would I prefer to have been aborted? Sure, why not--I wouldn't have known the difference anyway. In fact, I wouldn't have known anything at all. It really is a ridiculous question and I wish people would stop asking it.
2 hours ago · Edited · Like · 2

Frances Guido Scalise No adoptee chose to be adopted, but many mothers didn't freely "choose" surrender, either. Adoptive parents lie to justify their acquisition of another woman's child. They would not have adopted if they could have had their own natural children. A little honesty and respect on all sides wiold be appropriate.
about an hour ago · Like · 3

Renee Musgrove Playing the either-or game with adoption and abortion is ridiculous. The opposite of abortion is pregnancy. The opposite of adoption is parenting.

Besides that, there are plenty of women who don't have access to abortion. Unless one lives in a major metropolitan area, abortion is likely to be beyond a poor woman's reach, and not just because of financial considerations. Every state but Oregon now has restrictions of one kind or another. Abortion is neither cheap nor easily accessible, and when a woman has to travel hundreds of miles, pay for a hotel room, miss work, etc., behaving as if it's an option for everyone is ridiculous.

As I was born prior to 1973, my mom didn't have the option. Which was a shame. I don't want to wish my life away--I'm happy to be here--but speaking realistically, I should been aborted. No woman should have to grow and bear a child she doesn't wish to grow and bear, and I don't exclude my own mom from that truth. If I had never existed, the sun would have continued to rise, and the world would have continued to spin, and loads of other people--some a lot like me, most likely--would still have been born. And my mother would have suffered much less.
about an hour ago · Like · 1

Susan Perry I had loving adoptive parents, but I have always resented having my original birth certificate sealed, and I find it absolutely ridiculous and intolerable that I cannot secure it as an adult. I found my original mother, and we don't have continuing contact, but I at least had some basic questions answered about my own personal history. To deny adults such a basic right is ludicrous, and the fact that lobbies profiting from adoption work so hard to defeat adoptee rights bills shows that something is very wrong with adoption as an institution. You can read more about adoptee rights at my blog here: http://nanadays.blogspot.com.

Family Ties
nanadays.blogspot.com
Family Ties is an adoption blog promoting adoption reform and equal access to original birth certificates for adopted adults.
about an hour ago · Like · 3

Chris Bischof I'm a reunited adoptee. I knew I was adopted from such an early age that I don't recall not knowing. Till the age of 7, I lived on Long Island with my adoptive parents. Up the street lived my friend Michael who was the same age. Not adopted.

One day, when we were about five, he seemed panicked and afraid to go home. He showed me welts on his legs and told me his father had whipped him with a belt. He began shaking and crying as he talked about being beaten. For what, I could not imagine?

I was stunned. It was inconceivable to me that a parent would do this. Never had I experienced such cruelty. Not then, nor after. Never in my life with my adoptive parents. The worst I can say is that we had most of the usual dramas that touch almost everyone as they grow up. But none were long-lasting or scarring.

Looking back, the only change I'd make would have been to arrange to meet my birth mother, who, by the time I learned her identity, had been dead more than 20 years. I think it would have been best for me to meet her when I was about 30. However, as I later learned, she died when I was 27. Cerebral hemorrhage. Gone.
about an hour ago · Like · 1

Datyah Zerach Hoehne @Renee Musgrove - I'm not playing one off the other. It's all about genuine human needs, civilized parenting, not separation, not some survival mode. Good god, There SHOULD be universal access to abortion. Period. As you yourself imply. Revolutionary, apparently, as it would interrupt the stream of infant adoptions. Abortion should be considered the norm for the unhappy event of an unwanted preg., not adoption. Consider why adoptees haven't had rights. Maybe because women haven't?
about an hour ago · Like · 2

Stacy Mandella I had no intentions of adopting in the first place, after reading how the adopters are angry at the whole adoption thing, I wouldn't enter that life on purpose. Renee, your mother had a choice and she gave you up. When I was 19 and pregnant my father said I had to give it up or I would be kicked out of the house. I went through the entire procedure, even leaving the hospital after three days while my son stayed for five. Well, I ended up taking him out of the hospital and staying in a shelter and an asotment of other places. It's been 27 wonderful years that I have been so thankful that I didn't end up going through with it. So Renee, your mother had a choice and gave you up, you should be happy for adoptions and not take your anger out on it. If I ever adopted I would have hoped to get person that isn't as angry as you and the adoption option. If the kids weren't given up by their biological parents there wouldn't be anything to adopt.
about an hour ago via mobile · Like · 1

Stacy Mandella ** how the adoptees not adopters
about an hour ago via mobile · Like

Datyah Zerach Hoehne Yes, my mother should have had the support and decision-making power to determine her own reproductive future also, but also did not . Needs to change. Can. I'm addressing how people bring adoption into the equation of unwanted pregnancies as an excuse to deny access to abortion when things have progressed to that unhappy juncture where one is needed, and I'm sick of hearing that crap.
about an hour ago · Like · 3

Kelsey Spencer Wow, your comments get more dismissive by the minute, Stacy. We have every right to the feelings that we feel. You have no right to tell us how we should feel.
about an hour ago · Like · 1

Kelsey Spencer If we felt happy you wouldn't be saying anything at all. Again, there is nothing wrong with feeling anger about something. We are not wrong to feel anger, so stop insinuating that we are.
about an hour ago · Like · 1

Stacy Mandella Renee, not sure how you think I cherry picked anything. In my saying " not to pick staying with the biological parent " as an option I meant evidently that didnt happen so what would you like the alternative to have been? She gave you up, she could have aborted, abandoned, abused to because of resentment if she kept you. The fact that you were adopted doesn't mean that you should hate the industry, instead be grateful it was an option.
about an hour ago via mobile · Like

Kelsey Spencer That's another thing that frustrates us--people who aren't adopted telling adopted people to be grateful. "Be grateful you weren't aborted! Be grateful you have the life that you do and that you've been given the opportunities that you have!" No one tells non-adopted people to be grateful that they weren't aborted, so why do we need to hear it? Oh, yeah, because adoption is the most beautiful thing in the world and we're the lucky ones to have experienced it. I almost forgot. /sarcasm
about an hour ago · Edited · Like · 1

Kelsey Spencer You're continually backing us into a corner with your question, Stacy. You ask "Would you have preferred to be aborted?" with the expectation that we'll say, "No, of course not!" It's like you're hoping that we'll go on to say, "You know what, you're right! I should be happy that I was adopted! I should be happy that the adoption industry exists! I should forget my anger!" You're trying to make us answer the question the way you want us to and that's unfair.
about an hour ago · Edited · Like

Stacy Mandella It's hard to understand anger at an option available to you because of your biological parent. It's as if you guys are saying " my mother didn't want and I'm mad because you do." I would be angry at my biological parents for giving me up, not at being adopted. It's like getting shot and blaming the doctors for helping you instead of being mad at the shooter. You have all banned together, its like a mob mentality here. I understand that the adoptees can relate to each other but some appear very angry and that type of person isn't good for anybody's health. People are different, your coping skills are different and some people are just angry people no matter what their life has been like. ( Renee)
2 hours ago via mobile · Like

Frances Guido Scalise Chris, You have fallen into the trap of "adoption is better" because you might have been abused by your natural parents...Yikes ! This is the same old, same old....It's great your adoptive parents loved you. I surrendered one child and had 3 subsequent children who were wanted , loved, and WERE NOT ABUSED. In fact, they had every opportunity....including college educations without debt. The child I lost was loved and wanted and would not have been abused by me either and would have had all those same opportunities. I am so sick of the image of the Adopter SAVIORS...Single mothers in the BSE were not poverty stricken, alcoholic, drug addicted, promiscuous sluts...and many, if not most, of their children would have been raised well...The mothers would have married eventually and the family would have "lived happily ever after" with no child "left behind."
about an hour ago · Edited · Unlike · 2

Renee Musgrove No, @Stacy Mandella , in her place and time, my mother really had no options. It's really unfair to pretend that she--and many other women like her--did.

When I was very young, my son's father/my first husband and I separated while I was pregnant, and the first words out of my adoptive mother's mouth were, "You'll have to put that baby up for adoption." I didn't, of course. Knowing the realities of adoption first-hand, I would never have considered it. And yes, I was young and scared and and broke and alone, and yes, it was hard being a single mom with no help. But my son turned 30 last week, and I've never regretted a minute of it.

Neither my story nor yours affects the fact that adoption is corrupt and deeply destructive.

And the fact that you and I recognized that we had options doesn't mean every woman does.

What I said earlier is true: You're full of crap.
about an hour ago · Edited · Like · 1

Kelsey Spencer That's what I am saddened by, Stacy--the fact that my biological mother gave me up. We're angry at a choice that was made without our say. Yes, of course it was, we were infants who couldn't even speak yet. Of course we're angry.
about an hour ago · Edited · Like

Kelsey Spencer You would be, too. Are you angry about the things that you can't control in your life? If you are, then you should be able to come close to understanding us.
about an hour ago · Like

Sandra Wilson-Carter I find it insulting that you believe women who relinquished their children had a choice. The majority never had a choice or it would have never happened ... It's an industry and when the supply got scarce in the USA the business just went to foreign countries...
about an hour ago via mobile · Like · 2

Stacy Mandella No, I don't expect you to lose your anger. I don't understand the anger towards adoptors. They did not kidnap you, they had the opportunity to adopt you AFTER your parents gave you up. I didn't say you should be happy that you were adopted, I did say you should be happy the adoption industry does exist. What would have happened if it didn't?? In order to make the industry go away parents would have to stop giving their babies up. You can be angry, I know I would be but not at the agency that takes care of unwanted children.
about an hour ago via mobile · Like

Kelsey Spencer "In order to make the industry go away parents would have to stop giving their babies up." This right here is exactly what we want, Stacy.
about an hour ago · Like

Stacy Mandella Years back it was different but these,days they do have a choice to give their children up and they choose to give them up. Renee, you are the angriest of the bunch, and like I said some people are angry no matter what their life is/was like.
about an hour ago via mobile · Like

Kelsey Spencer "Renee, you are the angriest of the bunch, and like I said some people are angry no matter what their life is/was like." What a condescending thing to say--and to a random stranger on the Internet whom you don't even know in real life, no less.
about an hour ago · Edited · Like

Renee Musgrove Adoption agencies do not exist to help children. They exist to turn a profit.

And when women refuse to give up their children for adoption, adoption doesn't end. What changes is that those who profit simply start stealing babies outright. History has proven this again and again. Check the news for the stories out of Spain and Australia, among others. Read up on international adoption. We won't reform adoption via the suppliers. We must go after the demand. The industry is supported and enabled by adopter dollars. That's what must change.

I don't care whether or not you think I'm angry, @Stacy Mandella. I think you're ignorant and judgmental.
about an hour ago · Edited · Like · 2

Stacy Mandella We are all in charge of our own happiness and if you feel being adopted is your right to hold onto anger than you do need therapy and if you're getting therapy then get more. There are people who have endured sexual and physical abuse at the hands of their own family and seem to cope and not let their anger rule their lives. As an adoptee I would stay out of these sites because you feed off each other and in a sense give each other the right to be angry and stay angry. Theres worse things in life than being adopted, count your blessings.
P.S. and direct your anger where it belongs. :))))))
about an hour ago via mobile · Like

Stacy Mandella And you Renee, are a very angry adoptee.
about an hour ago via mobile · Like

Kelsey Spencer Oh, wow. The therapy kick. Because you don't have any anger or sadness or issues that you have to work through in your life at all! I'm so happy that both you and your life are perfect, Stacy! Get over yourself and get out of here.
about an hour ago · Edited · Like

Stacy Mandella No, not everybody has issued that are ongoing and need therapy. We all have bad days and bumps in the road but not to the point of requiring therapy. My life isn't perfect but I sure am glad I'm not adopted, you guys are a breed of your own that I am glad not to be a part of.
about an hour ago via mobile · Like

Stacy Mandella This place is good proof that misery loves company.
about an hour ago via mobile · Like

Kelsey Spencer Wow. Because it's only people who are adopted who go into therapy! Learn to open your damn mind already.
about an hour ago · Like

Stacy Mandella Get real, I didn't say that. I said " not everybody". My mind is open you guys all seem to have tunnel vision and won't look at this from all sides, maybe if you viewed all sides it might give you a piece of mind, a better understanding.
about an hour ago via mobile · Like

Kelsey Spencer And your comments are good proof that you like to provoke people with your words in order to reinforce your belief that those people are angry. Good for you.
about an hour ago · Like

Kelsey Spencer Yeaaaah, we're the ones with tunnel vision. Right. Okay. Good riddance.
about an hour ago · Like

Stacy Mandella Oh you guys are angry, that's all I've heard on here.we are angry, don't take that from us, we have the right to be, etc... I haven't read any books on psychology, no need to be a psychologist to see the anger on here. I am not provoking, I am just stating my side of the view on adoption.
about an hour ago via mobile · Like

Stacy Mandella I'm saying I'm glad I'm not adopted if it means being angry like most of you are. I feel for the adoptors of most of you.
about an hour ago via mobile · Like

Stacy Mandella Next time I hear someone say they were adopted I will think that they are like you guys, angry and bitter. You sure know how to represent adoptees.
about an hour ago via mobile · Like

Stacy Mandella I am not saying how great it is, I am saying its a great option. Do you have a better plan?
about an hour ago via mobile · Like

Kelsey Spencer "Next time I hear someone say they were adopted I will think that they are like you guys, angry and bitter. You sure know how to represent adoptees." And you sure know how to generalize! What a great attitude to have when learning personal things about other people. While you're glad not to be an adoptee, I'm glad I've never met you in real life.
about an hour ago · Edited · Like · 1

Stacy Mandella Same here Kelsey, I would not want to listen to your " poor me, I was adopted" crap.
about an hour ago via mobile · Like

Kelsey Spencer See, that's another thing. I never talk about being adopted in real life. If I never told you I was adopted, you would never know. But you won't listen to that, either, so I'm going to stop trying to justify myself with you.
about an hour ago · Edited · Like · 1

Frances Guido Scalise Sandra, you are correct when you say that most mothers didn't have a choice...most were uninformed, unsupported and/or coerced by their parents, their significants others, the adoption agencies, society....I've heard of a few mothers who really didn't want a baby but the majority of those after Roe v/Wade "chose" abortion and never carried to term. This is the area Adoptees need to inform themselves about. Read anything Karen Wilson Buterbaugh has written. Read Ann Fessler's THE GIRLS WHO WENT AWAY. I believe we will get OBC and most adoptees will be able to know who their original parents are...If they choose to reunite, please, I beg, do so with an open mind. Most of what they were told about their origins is probably untrue.
about an hour ago · Edited · Like · 1

Sandra Wilson-Carter Yes embrace and help women who become pregnant without support. Treat them as human beings as Mary was treated when she have birth to baby Jesus!!! It's no ones place to Judge ever!!! Stacy honey why are you engaging in the conversation. What part of the triad do you represent ??
about an hour ago via mobile · Like · 1

Stacy Mandella Sandra, honey, I posted on my wall a picture of a girl trying to find her birth parents and clicked on you know you're adopted when... link and saw this place. Happy now?
about an hour ago via mobile · Like

Stacy Mandella We are talking about adoption not religion by the way.
about an hour ago via mobile · Like

Kelsey Spencer You might as well take that picture of the girl down from your wall since you no longer want to associate with adoptees. I can't imagine you wanting to outright support them now. I'm just sayin'.
about an hour ago · Edited · Like · 2

Frances Guido Scalise My church has the Gabriel Project which helps women through pregnancy and does not coerce them into surrendering their children to adoption. Many of the social stigmas against unwed mothers are gone. Now, the adoption agencies are "recruiting" mothers here and internationally. The more we support ALL mothers regardless of marital status, the sooner we will eliminate infant adoption except in the most dire circumstances and even then being adopted within one's original family would be the preferable option. Older children lanquish in foster care because they are too old and adopters cannot "pretend" they were born to them. These children have original identities and know their original parents. If adopters were really as altruistic as they pretend to be, we wouldn't have so many older kids waiting. JMHO here.
about an hour ago · Edited · Like · 3

Sandra Wilson-Carter Bless your heart Stacy ..
58 minutes ago via mobile · Like

Sandra Wilson-Carter And Stacy you didn't answer my question so I guess that means you aren't part of the Triad and as others have stated you are a troll. Go away !!
55 minutes ago via mobile · Like · 1

Kali Coultas Wow stacy.... you're really involved in all this "angry adoptee pointing fingers" a bit too much for being a 'happy non angry and non judgemental' person If I see someone who is sad, upset, hurting, or wounded from an event in their life...I certainly don't kick them when they're down. I extend a hand, help them up, validate their REAL feelings and give them the safety to heal and grow from their trauma.... what you're doing is more like picking on the crying kid at school... KUDOS!!! What a lesson you've taught her!!! loll. IDK how you're effected by adoption, or if you even are... but until you can bare your connection to it before the faces of strangers and talk about how you feel on the subject without pointing fingers at others and diminishing their feelings because they're not the same as yours....then I invite everyone to ignore your posts.... those who cannot stand in truth of their beliefs without bringing down others for validation....aren't worthy of being heard or respected.
40 minutes ago via mobile · Like · 1

Kali Coultas I don't understand the people who get so outright angry at adoptees who don't believe in adoption. Whats it matter to you if I don't believe in adoption. Who cares? It doesn't effect YOUR adoption ANY.
37 minutes ago via mobile · Like · 2

Kali Coultas one more thing while i'm on my soapbox.. loll I'm perfectly comfortable in my anti-adoption views... I don't need validation from any PAP, adoptive parent, natural parent or adoptee to know that my feelings are valid and have a place to be heard and felt. WHY WHY WHY do so many others NEED adoptees to feel HAPPY in order to find validation in what they've taken part in... I just don't get it. God, I need to start blogging again...
35 minutes ago via mobile · Like · 3

Kali Coultas @ renae ( hope I spelled your name right I can't be bothered to scroll up and see my bad ) I don't think you sound angry..infact, I think you were judged on the informative FACTS you posted about agencies, and the manipulation involved in adoptions these days. Posting about facts that are happening...doesn't make you angry...it makes you informed...and not afraid to face the ugly truths in this industry... good job
30 minutes ago via mobile · Like

Kali Coultas Whats funny also, is I have spent SO MUCH TIME learning about the other "sides" in adoption, that I could argue stacys argument better then she is just for pure entertainment purposes...
28 minutes ago via mobile · Like

Stacy Mandella Ungrateful, adoptee, potato, potahto
22 minutes ago via mobile · Like

Renee Musgrove @Kali Coultas, it's typical narrow-minded, ignorant apologist rhetoric. As an activist, I hear it all the time. It doesn't bother me.

But yes, it always strikes me as VERY strange how abusive, angry and nasty non-adoptees get with adoptees who refuse to toe the party line of agencies. It is truly bizarre. I don't get the slightest bit pissy with other adoptees who don't share my viewpoint. And I'm an adoptee!

Why do they care?

Maybe therapy would help them get to the bottom of that.
17 minutes ago · Like

Kali Coultas @ Renee Musgrove when I was into activism...angry ungrateful judgemental paps and ap's like stacy were a dime a dozen... they seemed to foam at the mouth with every fact I through in their direction..... best to you ty for your work
51 minutes ago via mobile · Like · 1

Trinwithasevennota-t Gill Gartshore Lloyd 1. https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=133841263433033

2. If ANYONE thinks that getting adoptions to happen like this https://www.facebook.com/notes/justice-for-grayson/rachels-statement-to-sheriffs-dept-for-kidnapping-report/127354994081660 is anything resembling what adoption's SUPPOSED to be about, then you're sick and/or can't read.

Timeline Photos
By: Justice for Grayson
22 minutes ago · Like · Remove Preview

Gaye Tannenbaum I'm not quite sure what Stacy's argument is beyond "you're angry and you need to get over it". Now it appears that she had the chance to "make an adoption plan" but ended up keeping her baby despite having no support from family. So now she seems to believe that any relinquishment for adoption was entirely voluntary AND evidence that the mother does not care about the child. There is also a reference to considering adopting but being glad she didn't - wouldn't want to take on a child with "issues". It makes for some interesting psychology. I wonder what the rest of the story is.
21 minutes ago · Like · 4

Nancie C. Mathis You're awesome, Renee
Monday at 8:11pm · Like · 5

Nancie C. Mathis I saw her comment about that, Gaye. I WISH I had a shelter to go to. I had nowhere to go except a damned cornfield. Whether or not papers were signed by targeted women who were perfectly capable of raising their own child, society still condoned, allowed, and sometimes assisted in the illegal means of acquiring a newborn through extortion from his or her mother -even resulting in blatant baby selling.
Monday at 8:32pm · Edited · Like · 6

Nancie C. Mathis That's it exactly, 7rin.
Monday at 8:30pm · Unlike · 3

Angela Oliver Stacy is just ignorant to the whole baby scoop research. perhaps if she read the submissions and research in Australia and findings she would have a greater depth of understanding and could then argue from an more globally informed position. The intra and inter adoption debate has also been thrown in together as well. There is a plethora of resesrch on the effects on a newborns brain if removed from their mothet snd the flight or fight system etc.....its all there to be read. come back then stacy and comment otherwise you look ill informed and out of your depth. No disrespect. Otherwise let us who know...do. Yep im an Adoptee I'm reunited with both natural families and love my adopted family. But ADOPTION HARMS..IT SUCKS..ps watch my doco and you will see I'm quite reasonable lol. big hugs adoptees xo
Monday at 8:57pm via mobile · Edited · Like · 6

Gaye Tannenbaum Stacy seems to think that we are angry with OUR adopters and transfer our anger to the system. That's far too simplistic.

We are angry at the system irrespective of our feelings for our adoptive parents and for our original parents as well. Our personal experiences are so varied - the only thing we have in common is our adopted status.

We hate the adoption system when it needlessly separates a child from his family of origin in order to "fill an order" for a healthy newborn. We hate the adoption system for erasing our identities, families and culture; for falsifying our records and placing legal, financial and emotional roadblocks between us and the truth; for luring more women into becoming unwitting gestational carriers with the unenforceable promise of "open" adoption; for separating siblings; for trampling fathers' rights; for portraying our mothers as selfless paragons, degenerate crack whores and emotionally fragile flowers -- all at the same time!
Monday at 9:18pm · Like · 11

Karen Beebe Wilson Buterbaugh There is a lot of historical information about the Baby Scoop Era here: www.babyscoopera.com

Baby Scoop Era Research Initiative
babyscoopera.com
Baby Scoop Era Research Initiative -
Monday at 10:07pm · Like · 5

Datyah Zerach Hoehne Wow. What's Stacy's direct personal experience with adoption? Any? Seems very interested in the topic.
Monday at 11:51pm · Like · 2

Datyah Zerach Hoehne Gaye Tannenbaum- SO VERY WELL SAID! TY! i'm adding i hate the adoption system BECAUSE of how... the need to search and the search etc. steals vital developmental time as young, emancipated adults, reroutes our energy away from other developmental ne...See More
Monday at 11:52pm · Like · 4

Heather Rowles @Stacey Mandella: My mother was thrown into a home for unwed mothers, she was NOT allowed to leave. She had no money, only 2 dresses to her name. The day I was born she was strapped screaming to a delivery table where I was forcibly removed from her body....she screamed the whole time to be allowed to see me. She was refused consent to do so, until after she had signed the relinquishment papers.....then she got 2 hours under armed guard so that she didnt "steal me". This is all confirmed to be fact and the Australian government will formally apologise for those facts, and for the fact of 250,000 other forced adoptions during the BSE on the 21st of March this year. My mothers only crime was to be unmarried and pregnant at the age of 18. She and I were reunited when I was 34. She NEVER got over losing me, nor I her. I lost her a second time, to death, when I was 38. Just 4 short years together. When I met her, I discovered that I looked JUST LIKE HER. I also inherited cervical cancer, a 3cm tumor was removed just 6 weeks after I was reunited with her, and cardio myopathy.....a condition I knew that I had, but didnt know was, in my case, genetic. I lost her to cardio myopathy and I myself would be dead several times over without reunion.

Where the hell do you get off telling people how the should feel about the facts of their own lives? Forced adoption destroyed my mother and nearly killed me. It came very close to leaving MY daughter without her mother.

If YOU dont like how WE feel about the facts of OUR lives. Tough shit. Guess what? YOU dont get to have an opinion. YOU have no idea what it is like to be US. YOUR opinion is INVALID.
Yesterday at 12:23am · Like · 7

Susan Perry Gaye, you summed up my distaste for the adoption system in one eloquent sentence: "We hate the adoption system for falsifying our records and placing legal, financial and emotional roadblocks between us and the truth." So well stated. As I have said many times, I have no animosity for my original mother or my adoptive parents -- it is the unethical and misguided system. Why is this concept so difficult for so many people to understand?
Yesterday at 1:06am · Like · 5

Datyah Zerach Hoehne Yeah, Jeanette, I reported her. I just picked one of her million comments , click the x in the upper right, and then click report. What a predator. Enjoying taking advantage of vulnerable people. That's why she is at this site I now see.
Yesterday at 3:45am · Like · 5

Datyah Zerach Hoehne Harassment.
Yesterday at 3:47am · Edited · Like · 1

Datyah Zerach Hoehne Everyone has been incredibly patient -- to even engage at all with her.. Clearly she's in pain of some sort. But to go on and try to emotionally harm others -- makes it different.. The constant needling and not even genuinely interested in the topic.
Yesterday at 4:12am · Like · 2

Datyah Zerach Hoehne So, this is for whoever wants it. Otherwise, disregard.
Yesterday at 4:13am · Edited · Like · 1

Datyah Zerach Hoehne Report a Violation...How to Address Abuse...What do I do if someone is attacking others in a public forum...Report an abusive post to Facebook for review.

How do I report a post?

1. Use your mouse to find the X or the arrow menu in the right corner of the post you'd like to report
2. Click Report post or SPAM
3. Click File a more detailed report to submit a report to Facebook

OR:
1. Go to their timeline
2. Click the button
3. Choose Report/Mitch Block
Yesterday at 4:13am · Like · 4

Angela Jensen Dunigan I was one of yhe very first commenters on this thread and shared how my husband is in the process of adopting my daughter and how I have adopted loved ones and am a fan of adoption. I have not read every single post since then, but I have read many of them between my original post and now and I've been doing quite a bit of thinking about this. I've experienced a number of reactions to what I've read but the bottom line is that I feel expanded. I still believe my situation warrants my daughter's adoption and "half adptions" like this haven't been dicussed (that I've seen). Since the day my ex-husband moved away I've known she will have pain. The best I can do is share all I can, and allow her the space to express it and hopefully heal from it. In the meantime, I want for her to have a second legal, involved parent. But I didn't really come here to defend or explain my decision. I really wanted to come and say thank you to all the adoptees and natural mothers who have shared their experiences. I've heard you. I didn't really want to at first but I couldn't stop thinking about what I'd read. I don't think you want or need my "I'm sorry you've been hurt" and fear that sounds condescending and so I will just say I've heard you and am thankful for you using your voice. I've learned something very valuable here.
Yesterday at 2:10pm · Like · 10

Steph Harmel Thank you Angela for having an open mind to adoptees' experiences. Whether a half-adoption or not does not matter, if the child's birth records are falsified & the original is sealed from her forever. This is still a violation of her rights & she should be able to have a "legally" involved parent without her rights also being violated or records being falsified.
Yesterday at 2:30pm · Edited · Like · 3

Eileen Dineen Burke @datyah you misunderstood my post. I am not asserting that adoption is inevitable. I was simply pointing out how I read the author's post. My point in including victims of rape was not to imply they should not have access to abortion, but to say that victims of rape have no way of avoiding pregnancy in the first place. I don't think denial in unplanned pregnancies is all that rare, especially in very young women in ultra religious families. I disagree with you in that entirely. Personally, I am very pro choice, but it is naive to think that all women with unplanned pregnancies can be convinced to be pro choice as well. I also think it is naive to believe that all unplanned pregnancies can be avoided or terminated simply by educating society of the dangers of adoption. We will have to disagree on that. I think our efforts should be placed in educating women on the resources available to them so adoption doesn't enter the picture. We also need, as a society, to listen to adult adoptee experiences, to stop perpetuating lies and myths about adoption
23 hours ago via mobile · Like · 1

Amy Bean I'm an adult adoptee. My adoption was wonderful. I love my parents, and do not have a void or painful whole in my life. I grew up knowing I was adopted and my parents have always been supportive of me searching out my biological family, if I wanted. I have not had a deep desire to do this. Curiosity, maybe. Desire, not so much. Anti-adoption voices are loud, because they have to be, in order to overwhelm the majority of positive voices and stories. I am starting to believe that people with problems, who were adopted, like to blame those problems on adoption. As for people who were the tragic victim of abuse, while I am deeply sorrow that you suffered, the truth is that abuse happens in all families and is not somehow related to adoption. In fact, your chances at being abused in an adopted home is statiscally lower than if you are raised in a biological home.
23 hours ago · Like

Amy Bean As for the falsification of records issue. As an adoptee, I am grateful that my parents (the ones who raised me) are the people on my birth certificate. It is a form of permanence and creates a sense of belonging. I don't begrudge birthparents' retaining privacy, and I don't think that just because you are born, you are suddenly entitled to a wide variety of rights - such as information about your birthparents. Biological parents are not forced to provide their children with their medical information, so why should virtual strangers. (Yes, I consider my birthmother a stranger as I have never met her. I am grateful for her love and sacrifice, but that does not create a relationship between us).
23 hours ago · Like

Jean Schantz Amy, you can feel however you want, but in the US, each and every right you possess is by virtue of being born, and by being born human. That includes the right to privacy, and since every other citizen is entitled to their own certificate of birth, adoptees are treated as if we are NOT created equally because we are denied a copy of that factual, public record. I do agree with you that personal medical records should remain private. However, many parents are willing to voluntarily share that information with those who need to know, especially offspring. It's quite difficult to request voluntary disclosure when you don't know the name of the person you need to ask.
22 hours ago · Like · 2

Eileen Dineen Burke @Amy I take issue with your simple response to adopted children who are abused vs non adopted. Of course abuse happens in biological homes. The difference is that adopted children are raise by families other than their bio family because the adoptive home is supposed to be better. The fact that abuse can and does occur in adoptive homes completely debunks the myth that infants will have a better life, it only proves that the life will be different.
22 hours ago via mobile · Like · 5

Amy Bean Eileen, I think you make a good point, and I don't think that adoption is meant to automatically provide a better life - but to provide a different life with a better chance of nurturing your child in the way you want your child nurtured and raised. As a birthmother, I did not look at adoption as the be all and end all of greatness. I did see it as a way to provide certain things (such as a two-parent home, parents who were ready and wanting to be parents, time and attention that I did not have at the time, financial security, etc.) that at the time, I was not able, ready, OR wanting to give. I am fully aware that the adoptive family could experience a tragic death, a divorce, financial ruin, or any number of things that could have a negative impact. But that is life. That risk would exist whether I chose to keep or to place. I just wanted to add my 2 cents to this conversation because so many comments were negative. I thought it would be nice for anyone perusing this site to know both sides of the coin. I only found this posting when I stumbled across an anti-adoption page advertising it and encouraging people to comment on it. So, I thought I would comment as well.
21 hours ago · Like · 1

Nafisa Mitrecic @ Amy, you say: "I am starting to believe that people with problems, who were adopted, like to blame those problems on adoption" I believe people like you with your fairytale stories of how wonderful adoption is have just as many problems and are just in extreme denial! Many of the issues or "problems" as you say are a direct result of being adopted. I would like to know where you get your facts from when you say: "In fact, your chances at being abused in an adopted home is statiscally lower than if you are raised in a biological home." Im not sure I believe it.
20 hours ago · Like · 2

Amy Bean OK, I guess my comment warranted that response, but I do get so frustrated that everyone who has a negative experience holds it out as being the norm. My positive experience is as valid as another person's negative experience, and is actually more common. Also, how much of the negative experience is from adoption istelf, verses some element of the adoptees life experience (parents, family, friends, school, mental illness, physical illness, etc.). Sometimes I think problems that are unrelated to adoption (such as abuse) get related to adoption (such as "I was adopted and abused therfore adoption is bad" when in reality it is the abuse that is bad, not the adoption). I have plenty of issues, but none that stem from adoption, and no more or less than the average person. As for statistics regarding abuse..."Of the...perpetrators who were parents, 87.6 percent were the biological parents, 4.1 percent were stepparents and 0.7 percent were adoptive parents. The remaining 7.6 percent were of unknown parental relationship." http://www.acf.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/cb/cm11.pdf#page=80
19 hours ago · Like

Angela Oliver @Amy Bean. Thank you for sharing your view. If you don't mind I will also follow with the following points: Adoptees who are anti adoption may also have a positive adoption experience - they are talking about the insitution of adption and their rights being denied. You may not care about the records and birth certificate and cooerction that is a function of the system...but many do. I for one am an activist and the role I take does not offend or threaten my other friends who are also adoptees who have not gone the road I have. These same adoptees I grew up with however support me 100% for the fight for rights. As I said earlier in posts there is a plethora of research on the issues adoptees face correlated to their adoption specifically regarding oxytocin. If you go the website I suggested on the Australian Senate site you will see so much evidence ..scientific etc etc You will also see from your reserach that adopted children are over respresented in mental illness and male adoptees in prison etc etc it is all there and I hope you are so interested that you will read some of this as I am sure as an adoptee you care? As for what happened to my natural mother - yes I do care !! I am from her and having met her I found out the horrendous things that were done to her. First and foremost she wanted me, she demanded me back and was denied. Lily Arthur was put in jail in Qld for being pregnant her documentary "gone to a good home' will give you a lot of information. I could go on and on. I have a wonderful relationship with my adoptive family (extended) natural mother and natural fathers side...this did not come easy. Nevertheless I have always suffered anxiety even as a child. if you read our submissions you will see why. All the best Amy.
18 hours ago · Like · 3

Angela Oliver ps as for your research...that only supports why more money has to be invested in family centred intensive support. Further, as well researched, abuse can go unreported in higher socio economic groups so they are not always represented in the system. In addition, we know that those of a lower social economic status are over represented. So does this mean we should take all the children from the poor and give them to the rich..well some in the adoption scoop arena would say yes...this notion is what absolutely terrifies me ...so effective parenting is then equated to $$$ where we know this is not the case but it is so much more complex. We need empathy and we need to stop stigmatising people especially women (single woman) and support them. Holistic intensive family support from a whole of government approach. This is for internal...as for overseas adoption..that is another story but similarly the rich vs the poor. I am sometimes deeply embarrassed by our western values.
18 hours ago · Like · 3

Angela Oliver This study is unique in that it conducted an analysis of a data set
prepared as part of a national prevention program which targeted the general population of all youth, not just at-risk children. The nature of the data and the fact that it was collected in a manner that did not selectively screen for risk factors related to abuse
make the data of potential use to those seeking to understand the abuse experiences of youth from all regions of Canada and across socioeconomic, gender, cultural, and regional differences. There are many grateful adoptees who would not report abuse as children for fear of being discarded.....this may not resonate with you but it certainly does with many and so much more research will be occuring because adoptees are now just starting to come out and speak. I do this so that it does not happen again. http://www.redcross.ca/cmslib/general/final%20report.pdf
18 hours ago · Edited · Like · 2

Angela Oliver oops...sorry for hogging...leave it to others now xxoxo
18 hours ago · Like

Amy Bean Hey Angela, thanks for your reasoned and thoughtful response. I will take a look at the information you reference. I know I am a very rare bird when it comes to the birth records issue.
17 hours ago · Like · 2

Angela Oliver Thanks Amy. We can all come off savage on fb lol..I just wish for more harmony within our cohort but alas it is so emotive that it is difficult to navigate. It is okay to be a rare bird...its just that it is such a trigger for so many (records). Ethnicity was changed for some adoptees so they would better fit in their adopted families etc etc. Not sure if you are in the US (I am in Australia) but Dan Rathers team did a documentary on forced adoption in America and they sent a flim crew to Australia as well for our Inquiry ..I am in this with my natural mother. Dan Rathers 'Adopted or Abducted'. You may find the transcipt if you google and there are promos as well. Otherwise I think it is availabel on Itunes in the US. Take care and I hope that we can collectively build bridges of understanding and empathy.
16 hours ago · Like · 1

Angela Oliver behind the scenes on adopted or abducted. T S Herbert is in my opinion an amazing producer with a long list of credentials (CNN etc) and is based in New York. He was very kind to us and I still keep in touch with him. We have our National Apology here in Australia on March 21 by the Federal Government for Forced Adoption so we are ahead in that respect. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b9L487UyalU

Dan Rather Reports, "Behind the Scenes" of Adopted or Abducted?
www.youtube.com
The newest in our "Behind the Scenes" series. This week we hear from the produce...
See More
16 hours ago · Edited · Like · 1

Cyndi Elliott Interesting 3-part series just came out online: http://www.chicagonow.com/portrait-of-an-adoption/2013/02/birth-mothers-agony-adoption-truth

A First Mother’s Agony, Part 1: Choice, Coercion, and An Unheard Protest
www.chicagonow.com
Introduction by Carrie Goldman, Host of Portrait of an Adoption During the month...
See More
15 hours ago · Like · 3

Angela Oliver Cyndi Ellliott...thank you so much. I have read this and shared it. I have also messaged National Adoption Awareness Week whose patron is Deborah Lee Furness (Hugh Jackmans wife) I hope they share this as well but I have my doubts as they seem to have a pro adoption agenda...but perhaps I am too cynical lol.
15 hours ago · Like · 2

Cyndi Elliott Great! I am heartened by what is happening in your country.

If I had found this 30 Days Of Adoption Stories series a few days ago, I would have just copied and pasted the series curator's thoughts on commenting on these adoption stories: "Whereas it is perfectly acceptable...for someone to write a comment about his or her own negative experience, it is not okay to project that negative experience onto others in the form of sweeping cruel judgments..."
15 hours ago · Like · 3

Amy Bean Angela - the forced adoptions in Australia sound horrible. I am not pro forced adoption. However, I am still pro-adoption. The two experiences are very different. I also looked up adoptee and oxytocin, but only see a connection in that oxytocin is scientifically seen to increase in children from birth to age three who are loved and nurtured. I did see that there is no increase in oxytocin in children who experienced separation/hardship in early years and were later adopted, the key being later. I'm not sure I found the specific site you were describing, but I did read about the testimony given about the Australian forced adoptions. I am also aware of the baby scoop era in America. Things are different now than they were then. Yes, bad people can still take advantage...but that is not a reason to end something that is itself, beneficial. And the truth is adoption now is not the same as it was 30 years ago. I was the product of adoption 30 years ago, and I experienced adoption in this day and age. Strong, intelligent, loving women can choose adoption as a positive choice. These women are not brainwashed, coerced, tricked or stupid. In fact, we often have to convince everyone around us - doctors, counselors, social workers, hospital staff - that we KNOW what we are choosing and that YES we still want to choose this. Early on, we have to explain to people why we are not choosing abortion. Adoption is a well thought out choice.
12 hours ago · Like · 1

Angela Oliver HI Amy thank you for engaging I am sorry you didnt see all the evidence with respect to oxytocin but there is a significant amount there - this hormone released by the birthmother (natural mother) facilitates attachment between mother and child. Therefore adoptive babies miss this ...adopted babies also know their mothers smell, hearing etc and their adoptive mothers do not match and babies know this hence the primal wound. In terms of forced adoption I wish I could say that it does not occur today but Amy it does and that is why I continue to be a voice. The word choice always amuses me because there is a difference to choice vs informed choice and for opportunities for woman to raise their children. There is still a stigma and living below the poverty line with stigma coupled with indsidious/covert rhetoric can have a great influence on ones decision. I just read the link that Cyndi posted above and was moved but not surprised. I worked with vulnerable woman (parenting) here and see the issues they face and it is quite disturbing. I am also aware that adoption is big business in the USA and there are people in this country who would advocate for it as well...its not often an adoptee or relinquishing mother however that is behind this movement. We also must remember the rights of the child and to be honest with you whilst I have a loving family I would have chosen to be aborted rather than adopted...despite all the love I have - sad to say and probably confronting for many . I thank you again for being considerate and for engaging with me despite our differences. Ps..the senate website had evidence as well re: oxytocin, etc etc. so I can post the link private if you are interested. Take care
10 hours ago · Edited · Like · 1

Angela Oliver Ps..I promise to get off this site so I stop hogging...but I forgot to say Amy that I never advocate for children to remain in families where they are at risk of harm so if the parents (including fathers who often get left out of these discussions) are not willing or able to protect or care for their child/children then. So in these cases There interventions are required what I do say that the changing of names and records is fraud and is a breach of an individuals rights. The severed ties with all kin is culturally not appropriate either. I also know, having worked in the field for so long, that adoption can be a permanent solution when in fact we should always workd towards reunfication. I therefore like guardianship and feel this model and relative legislation should be shaped to fit the needs of the child. sorry for hogging....need to leave it to others to have a voice
10 hours ago · Edited · Like · 1

Kelsey Spencer Amy, did you see the link that was posted above? http://www.chicagonow.com/portrait-of-an-adoption/2013/02/birth-mothers-agony-adoption-truth This is one woman's story illustrating the fact that some (notice I say "some" and not "all") biological mothers are still coerced into giving up their babies for adoption. I urge you to read it.
10 hours ago · Unlike · 4

Steph Harmel @ Amy... I think you are confused in thinking that anti-adoption = not allowing children in need to be provided with safe, nurturing families to raise them. No one here is advocating that.
3 hours ago · Unlike · 2