[personal profile] 7rin
BY ROBIN HILBORN, Family Helper editor
Peter Selman (Mar. 15, 2011)

Year after year, the numbers are falling. International adoptions peaked in 2004 at over 45,000 and fell to about 30,000 in 2009, a decrease of one-third in six years.

The current decline looks set to continue in 2010 and onward, Dr. Peter Selman of Britain's Newcastle University told Family Helper (www.familyhelper.net).

Dr. Selman is an authority on international adoption statistics. His new survey of intercountry adoption in the 21st century will appear as a chapter in Intercountry Adoption: Policies, Practices and Outcomes, edited by Judith Gibbons and Karen Rotabi (Ashgate 2011, forthcoming).

International adoption is complex: in 2009 around 30,000 children left their birth country and moved to a new country often thousands of miles away. China still leads as a source country, sending about 5,000 children to adoptive homes abroad in 2009 (see Table 1 below). U.S. families adopted the most children from other countries: 12,753 in fiscal year 2009 (see Table 2 below).
For decades, until 2004, the numbers had gone steadily upward. In his article "The rise and fall of intercountry adoption in the 21st century" (pdf), (International Social Work, September 2009), Dr. Selman charted how intercountry adoption (ICA) developed over ten years—1998 to 2007—in 22 countries.

He found remarkable changes. Ever since the first children left South Korea in 1953 the numbers rose yearly, to over 45,000 worldwide in 2004. But although the number of applicants in receiving countries kept growing, the global number of adoptions started falling: by 17% between 2004 and 2007.

Dr. Selman sent Family Helper the following tables and graphs, which update these figures to 2009, and chart the rise and fall of ICA in the first decade of the new millennium.

Read the rest over at Family Helper.
[personal profile] 7rin
Adoption aids barren wives
@ The Sun-Herald (Sydney, NSW:1953-1954)

FACT'S New York News Bureau

More than half of supposedly sterile couples can be successfully treated without surgery, Mount Sinai Hospital, New York, reports.

A common cause of sterility is blocking of the wife's Fallopian tubes, preventing a union of the male and female reproductive cells.

Treatments using carbon dioxide gas frequently open these sensitive passages and makes conception possible, the hospital says.

Dr. I. C. Rubin, who perfected the technique, described it to the International College of Surgeons and reported a large percentage of success.

The American Society for the Prevention of Sterility advises examination for both wife and husband.

It is popularly believed that in most cases the wife is unable to bear children.

But a study of nearly 900 sterility cases disclosed that the impaired fertility of the husband was to blame.

Male sterility may require surgical treatment but fertility may be restored by reduction of nervous tensions, proper diet and adequate rest.

The same treatment aids barren women affected by emotional stress, overwork and vitamin deficiencies.

An effective psychological treatment, used in the past by family doctors, is being widely adopted.

Often a barren couple consulting their physician in a small town would be advised to adopt a baby-to fill the void.

The adopted infant, coddled and pressed to the foster parent's breast, often produced physiological changes in the body of the woman, resulting in natural conception.

Today, when diagnosis fails to disclose the cause of deficiency in a childless couple, therapists advise: "Adopt a child and see what happens."

Portal 2

Jul. 6th, 2011 04:51 am
[personal profile] 7rin
Adoptive parents are selfish idiots part infinity

Recently a new computer game Portal 2 was released. It contains taunting that the protagonist is
fat, stupid, and adopted.
This seems unnecessary, thoughtless and hurtful all round. I don’t think we should be teaching kids that these are okay things to say to people but one set of adoptive parents managed to make it all about themselves. According to Neal Stapel the adopted father of a ten year old adoptee says
that this was "literally the worst thing I could have probably heard."
Really? Mate you have lived a charmed life if that’s the worst thing that has ever passed through your delicate ear canals. The report then goes on to say ...

Ymail

Jul. 2nd, 2011 04:28 pm
[personal profile] 7rin
Hello 7rin,
You have received a message from another user!
From: deadlikeme

Message: ''The a'rents went to bmom's flat to have a look at the goods going, and walked out with me. So no, I wasn't chosen, and I was abandoned''

Yes, you WERE chosen. If you weren't chosen, you would still be with your bmom, foster care or wherever else because your mother/father wouldn't have CHOSEN to take you home.

If you were abandoned, you would have been left on the door step of a church, foster care, garbage can, etc.

Sincere question- have you had therapy with your issues? you seem to be holding a LOT of resentment. There will come a time when you have to accept that life is life and you are going to have to deal with what life handed you. You may not like it, but that's reality. **** happens, people happen, make decisions and change.

What can you learn from your experience? what have you learned from your experience?
Wanna read my reply )
[personal profile] 7rin
Brodzinsky, D.M. & Schechter, M.D. (eds) (1990) The Psychology of Adoption. New York; Oxford University Press.

ChapterTitleAuthor/sPage
I - Theoretical Perspectives on Adoption Adjustment
1A Stress and Coping Model of Adoption AdjustmentDavid M. Brodzinsky3
2Biological Perspectives of Adoptee AdjustmentRemi J. Cadoret25
3Adoption from the Inside Out: A Psychoanalytical PerspectivePaul M. Brinich42
4The Meaning of the SearchMarshall D. Schechter and Doris Bertocci62
II - Research on Adoption
5Outcomes in Adoption: Lessons from Longitudinal StudiesMichael Bohman and Sören Sigvardsson93
6Contrasting Adoption, Foster Care, and Residential RearingJohn Triseliotis and Malcolm Hill107
7Acknowledgement or Rejection of Differences?Kenneth Kaye121
8Adoption and Identity FormationJanet L. Hoopes144
9Adopted Adolescents in Residential Treatment: The Role of the FamilyHarold D. Grotevant and Ruth G. McRoy167
10Adjustment in Interracial Adoptees: An OverviewArnold R. Silverman and William Feigelman187
11Adoption Disruption: Rates and CorrelatesTrudy Festinger201
III - Clinical Issues in Adoption
12Family Treatment After Adoption: Common ThemesAnn Hartman and Joan Laird221
13Brief Solution-Focussed Therapy with Adoptive FamiliesJudith Schaffer and Christina Lindstrom240
14The Residential Treatment of Severely Disturbed Adolescent AdopteesWells Goodrich, Carol S. Fullerton, Brian T. Yates, and Linda Beth Berman253
IV - Social Policy and Casework Issues in Adoption
15History, Values, and Placement Policy Issues in AdoptionElizabeth S. Cole and Kathryn S. Donley273
16Surrendering an Infant for Adoption: The Birthmother ExperienceAnne B. Brodzinsky295
17Open AdoptionAnnette Baran and Reuben Pannor316
18Foster Parent Adoption: The Legal FrameworkAndre P. Derdeyn332
[personal profile] 7rin
<quote>
Earlier this week, I posted "Adoption versus Abduction" on HuffPost, and in no time, comments racked up from adoptees, fast to point out how satisfied they were with their adoptive parents and families. There were also adoptive parents on the board, eager to share their own feelings of contentment, calling adoption a gift and a blessing.

I once assumed my own adoption had been a gift and a blessing too. In fact, the term, "gift from God," was bandied about more than my own name. My adoptive mother, with a tumor growing in her spine, trusted that if she were truly meant to die, God wouldn't have given her a baby. For three years she had what some called a miraculous recovery and was able to leave her bed and walk intermittently. The tumor continued to grow however, and my adoptive mother suffered through many surgeries only to die when I was seven.
</quote>

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jennifer-lauck/adoption-myth-buster-what_b_822175.html
[personal profile] 7rin
How do I go about getting letters from parents for an adoption project?
I am working on a project and need letters written by and to birth moms, by and to adoptive moms, etc. Basically any letters involving adoption written by those affected. Does anyone know how or where I would go to find letters like this or who i could ask? I'm looking for only positive letters or at least a positive ending.
Thanks!
6 hours ago - 4 days left to answer.

Additional Details
I'm assuming you are referring to the adopted child. And I did not 'leave them out' This is only one of several projects and for this particular project I am focusing on the parents.
6 hours ago
I am very sorry for the hurt and negative feelings. I am a birth mother. My choice was to protect my son because his biological father was an incredibly dangerous man and would have made his life a miserable and awful experience. I know there are many people in the adoption community with many different experiences. I also know that not all of them are bad. Yes it hurts, yes its hard, of course I wish my son was with my every minute of every day. I am simply looking for those that have had positive experiences. Again, i am sorry for those of you that have not.
4 hours ago
Wow, what a massive disappointment that all anyone that responded has something negative to say to or about me. You don't even know me or what my project is. I cannot go in to detail about my project as it is something I don't want taken and abused by others. I would have, of course, discussed in full detail to anyone that decided to contribute letters exactly what the intent was and obtain permission first. This was supposed to be a loving helpful thing, thanks to all of those that are stone hearted for showing the awful side of people and adoption. There are amazing people and amazing experiences out there and i will find them, not with the help of Yahoo Answers obviously. I will be deleting this post but wanted to issue a personal thank you to those of you that jumped to conclusions and answered with a black heart. May god bless you and heal your hearts so that you might be open to a brighter side of life.
2 hours ago

My answer )
[personal profile] 7rin
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20110522212301AAoSxH3

Posted by Therest Coldness http://answers.yahoo.com/activity?show=IYN0jDZ8aa

We ADOPTED a little girl but now regretting/unsure?

my wife and I adopted a little beautiful girl. she is a sweetheart and four years old. We decided to adopt because we were having problems with fertility for a few months and thought this would be easier.

finally my wife gave birth to our, biological baby boy. We. love him probably even though I know its mean to say. The girl we adopted we have had for only a year adoption-wise.

Now we are regretting the adoption and want to return her to maybe a family who has no children.
We still have the paperwork so we can return the signed paperwork and her to the adoption agency? would they take her back?

We would visit her once in awhile and explain that this is not her fault.
We finally have our baby biological child!!!!!!!!

please advice!
[personal profile] 7rin
It's entirely possible to help someone parent without snatching their child away from them: Each One Help One @ http://www.values.com/your-inspirational-stories/1306-EACH-ONE-HELP-ONE

This is how the adoption industry finds out the best ways to convince people to abandon their kids:
The National Council for Adoption: Mothers, Money, Marketing, and Madness
* Part 1 @ http://www.divinecaroline.com/22095/39669-national-council-adoption-mothers-money
* Part 2 @ http://www.divinecaroline.com/22095/39676-national-council-adoption--mothers--money-

My aparents have had to watch as their kid goes through all of the agony and trauma that comes with being adopted. They have had absolutely no help in dealing with any of this - as all good parents do, they winged it. It's testament to their brilliance that I'm even remotely sane (hush you lot at the back! :p) and a functioning member of society.

Adoption screws kids up. It's not a fact that the adoption mongers like seeing said in public, but it's true. Not every kid, obviously - some on here are happy to've been adopted, but a surprisingly high percentage of us grow up deeply screwed up.

I was abandoned to adoption at seven months old. I honestly and truly wish that I'd been aborted instead of abandoned to adoption, so please be prepared for the fact that any kid you adopt could grow up to be as screwed up as me (I'm almost 40, so legally "grown up" in pretty much everywhere).

I didn't have a bad adoption - my afamily are the best I could ever have chosen... but if I'd been able to choose, and I'd known then what I know now, I'd've chosen to be aborted before birth instead, 'cause at least that way the lifetime of agony I've gone through would've been over in minutes, instead of the decades that I've been suffering for now.

Please bear in mind that the US Passport agency requires that a birth certificate is filed within one year of birth. You may be causing unnecessary headaches for the person, and they may be denied a passport (as many adopted people frequently are!) - the rules differ state to state.

Actually, if you adopt, the kid still won't be your own. You need to be able to deal with the fact that being a parent to an adoptee is NOT the same as being a parent to your own child. It will not elicit the same feelings in you, and your gut reactions will be off because there is no genetic similarity to recognise. Yes, you'll learn it all in time, and if you're a good a'rent, you won't even take out your frustration at not having your own child on the child you adopt instead.

I suggest you read the links and blurb mentioned in the Best Answer (as chosen by voters) @ http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20101114222810AAiOtS3 since that answers your question most thoroughly, and then read back through a few months worth of resolved questions in here http://answers.yahoo.com/dir/index?sid=2115500138

Comprehend that lot, and you'll be about ready to adopt. :)
[personal profile] 7rin
Me 08 September 2009 at 01:19
I would like to be able to talk to you...

Mom 08 September 2009 at 10:45
I'd like to talk to you but how do you know me? What would you like to talk about? What is your birthdate, where were you born, what are your parents names?

Mom 08 September 2009 at 11:38
Please don't be offended by my asking questions but if you are who I'm hoping you are, I'll love to be able to talk and maybe meet up

Me 08 September 2009 at 15:06
I'd like to be able to talk to you because I think you may be able to help me fill in some of the missing blanks in my life.

I was born {date} in {place}, but I don't know what time I was born at as I don't know anyone who was there at the time. My parents, {their names}, lived in {village name} on the day they had me.

I'm not offended in the slightest - and even if we turn out not to be who we think we may be, asking and answering questions is essential to us finding this out.

My middle names used to be {mid-name#1 mid-name#2}, but my parents dropped these names when they had me to save us all having to spend so much time in the form filling that Life(tm) throws at us. :)

Mom 08 September 2009 at 17:26
I still have a few questions. I know who you are but who do you think I am, how did you find me? At the mo I am happy but scared stiff. Will be online about 10pm. have accepted you as a friend

Me 08 September 2009 at 18:16
Thank you for the friending.

Well if my resources are correct, then you're my mom. While my resources are relatively reliable, I do accept their fallibility, and so was pretty much hoping you'd say something along the lines of knowing who I am, as I think it pretty much confirms my hunch. Not only that, but your picture was the first picture I'd ever seen in my life of someone who looks like me - well, other than my Daughter's picture anyway.

I won't be online again now until I get back in at about 11pm. If that's too late for you then we can always talk another day. Heck, even PMs like this are more than we've had in a long time, and I suspect we're both going to have some weird emotions and feelings to deal with, so I can't see that taking it slow'll hurt. Not that I'm sure I'll manage to not jump in with both feet (at least in the immediate future) if you do confirm that you're my mom.

Either way, thank you for replying (and yes, I waffle - sorry :)).

Mom 08 September 2009 at 20:06
Yes, I am your mom!!!

...

http://www.adultadoptees.org/forum/index.php?topic=22832.msg225493#msg225493
[personal profile] 7rin
Issues Facing Adult Adoptees
@ http://www.enotalone.com/article/10075.html

Often when people hear the word "adoption," they think of an infertile, childless couple delightedly gazing into the eyes of their recently adopted newborn baby. They are thrilled to finally be parents, and are totally involved in meeting the immediate needs of the child. But what about the years that follow? Do the effects of adoption stop the moment that a child comes home to the new parents?

Read more... )
[personal profile] 7rin
Family Rights Group @ http://www.frg.org.uk/

Stopping the adoption process @ http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Parents/Adoptionfosteringandchildrenincare/AdoptionAndFostering/DG_10021336

Contact Ian Josephs @ http://www.forced-adoption.com/

You may be able to get publicly funded legal advice and representation in court. A solicitor will be able to advise you. Find a solicitor through the Community Legal Service Directory @ http://www.communitylegaladvice.org.uk/

Fassit was founded in 2005. A non-governmental voluntary organisation independent of Local Authority Social Services Departments. Fassit provides a website containing information and advice for families with children experiencing frustration in working with Social Services in Child protection Proceedings @ http://www.fassit.co.uk/

Christopher Booker @ The Telegraph @ http://www.telegraph.co.uk/comment/columnists/christopherbooker/

Justice for my children @ http://www.justice-for-my-children.co.uk/

Parents Against Injustice (PAIN) @ http://www.parentsagainstinjustice.org.uk/

Home - the centre for separated families @ http://www.separatedfamilies.info/

National Youth Advocacy Service (NYAS) is a UK charity providing children's rights and socio-legal services. We offer information, advice, advocacy and legal representation to children and young people up to the age of 25, through a network of advocates throughout England and Wales. NYAS is also a community Legal Service @ http://www.nyas.net/

GOOD LUCK!
[personal profile] 7rin
A letter of recommendation for adoption:
Best Answer - Chosen by Voters @ http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20101116132918AAdtKRv

Here is a sample letter:

I have been asked by my very good friends to recommend them for adoption, so obviously I am already biased :)

I know nothing about adoption, but I think that my very good friends would be very good at adoption. They are very good at everything else they do from climbing Mt Everest (only last year) to working with the crud-infected youth from our neighborhood (for a few days before they just got righteously disgusted!). They also throw really great parties and like to kick it in the ‘hood. They know all the in-vogue terms for pot, grass, weed, spliff, etc. (I’ve learned so much from these very learned people – they should be held up as icons of … you know, people). In any case they will be very hip when they’re adoptling reaches the teen years – AND the kid will have responsible parents to party with! Like O.M.G.!!! How cool is that????

I really hope they don’t want to use me as a babysitter all of the time, but you know I guess spending time with someone else’s kid is par for the course in adoption, so maybe I’ll try to humor them. (Whatever!)

But, yeah, you should really consider x and y as a great adoptive couple because, like they really think they know what they want, and like, yeah, it would be cool to have a baby that’s like a blank slate that you can kind of make into anyone you want them to be. Neat, huh?
[personal profile] 7rin
As asked by Niamh @ http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20110122103818AAWnO37
Birth mothers changing there minds?
Just out of curiosity does any one know of or is a birth mother who has gone through the adoption process or even a surrogacy plan and then gone on to change there minds before signing the baby over?
how did things turn out?
how where the adoptive parents?
and most importantly how are the children now?
[personal profile] 7rin
Trauma, Attachment, and Stress Disorders: Rethinking and Reworking Developmental Issues
@ http://www.healingresources.info/trauma_attachment_stress_disorders.htm

How does experience shape the brain and both cause and repair stress disorders? | How does early-life trauma impact development? | How does traumatic response differ from a normal stress reaction? | What are the common links between both high and low impact experiences that trigger traumatic responses? | What are signs and symptoms of developmental or relational trauma? | What overarching principles aid professionals with attachment and trauma issues? | What do professionals need to know when working with relational trauma? | Tips for therapists who have been trained in more traditional therapies

The rapid technological discoveries and advances in neuroscience that began in the 90’s have changed our perceptions about the origins of health, emotional and psychological stress, chronic physical illnesses and their healing. We now know that brain development is an experience-dependent social process that can override genetics. Knowledge of the brain's plasticity, immaturity at birth and capacity for life-long change, emphasizes the central role of early life experience in triggering stress disorders.

These stress disorders include PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome), depressive disorders, anxiety disorders, learning disabilities and chronic physical health problems. The new brain technology helps us understand the difference between normal stress responses that return to a state of regulation and traumatic stress responses that do not normalize. It also gives us reason to believe that neurological change from illness and disability to wellbeing is possible throughout life.

Read more... )
[personal profile] 7rin
Surrogate mother who kept baby despite agreement with man who inseminated her told she can keep child by high court
@ http://www.bailii.org/ew/cases/EWHC/Fam/2011/33.html

Introduction

In recent years the practice of surrogacy – whereby a woman gives birth to a child for others - has been accepted as a method of enabling childless couples to experience the joy and fulfilment of parenthood. But the risks of entering into a surrogacy agreement are very considerable. In particular, the natural process of carrying and giving birth to a baby creates an attachment which may be so strong that the surrogate mother finds herself unable to give up the child. Such cases call for careful and sensitive handling by the law.

In this country Parliament has passed a series of statutes governing surrogacy – see the Surrogacy Arrangements Act 1985, the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Act 1990 and most recently the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Act 2010. Amongst the guiding principles underpinning the legislation is the rule that no money or other benefit (other than expenses reasonably incurred) may be paid to the surrogate. Negotiating a surrogacy arrangement on a commercial basis is a criminal offence in this country. A number of agencies have been set up to facilitate surrogacy arrangements by making appropriate introductions, and providing advice and counselling to the parties. Those agencies have to be careful to ensure that the rules prohibiting commercial transactions are respected. Inevitably, however, the advent of the internet has facilitated the making of informal surrogacy arrangements between adults. In such cases, those entering the arrangement do not have the advantage of the advice, counselling and support that the established agencies provide.

This application concerns a baby girl called T, born 16th July 2010 and thus now aged some five months old. In 2009, T's mother ("the mother") met a couple ("Mr. and Mrs. W") over the internet and agreed informally that the mother would be inseminated by Mr. W and after the birth of the baby hand it to Mr. and Mrs. W. Pursuant to that agreement, the mother became pregnant by Mr. W, and received several thousand pounds from Mr. and Mrs. W. During the pregnancy, however, she changed her mind, and at T's birth she refused to hand over the baby as agreed. Mr. W subsequently applied for a residence order. That application was transferred to the High Court and heard by me in Birmingham on 15th to 17th December 2010.

Read the rest @ http://www.bailii.org/ew/cases/EWHC/Fam/2011/33.html
[personal profile] 7rin
This is a ghastly "Letter FROM a birthmother" to her newborn son found on an agency site:
My Dearest Matthew,

I have a strong belief that we get to choose our family before we are born. That we live with God before we become a flesh and blood person and He offers us a number of people to be our families on earth. As a result of this belief, I wrote you a short story.

~~~~~

Once a small angel waited by the pool of life. Eager to jump in, he started to put his big toe into the warm comforting water.

"Matthew," God called, "Before you can be born, you must choose the family with which you will reside. Come… choose your new home from the Great Tree."

The Great Tree loomed above Matthew. Its beautiful golden branches made his step falter with awe. Angels flittered everywhere, hovering like hummingbirds under the wide canopy; they gently plucked the brown leaves.

Kneeling so that he could speak into Matthew's ear, God whispered, "One of those branches holds your family. All you need to do is choose the family you want. Touch a branch and it will show you all the joys and trials that you will have in that life." With that, God lifted the boy up to the tree and asked, "Which leaves would you like to look at first?"

Many hours later and after looking at many families, Matthew did not see any that he liked and so he asked God, "May we look at the very tippy top?"

Heavenly Father smiled a warm and comforting smile. "Those are the adopting families" He thought. He did not say a word but simply moved to the highest and most center part of the tree.

Matthew looked and looked, but he still didn't find any families that he was happy with. He was just about to give up when he saw one of the leaves sparkle. He reached out and touched the branch, and he knew that was his home. Excited, he turned his little head to God and exclaimed, "This is it! This is my family! They are the ones I want to be with! They are waiting for me!"

The Lord looked at the branch and smiled. It had two large leaves and one small one. "That is a very special family my son. You will not be able to go to them the traditional way." Upon seeing the crushed look on Matthews face, God continued, "You get to choose another mother, she will be your birth mother and she will be guided to your parents and you will end up in their arms as you have chosen to be."

After another long while, Matthew found someone, he believed, would be a great birthmother. Beaming he touched another branch and said, "This one! She will love me and she will want me to be happy with my family, I choose her." Again God smiled.

Thank you for choosing me. Much love always and forever ~

Your Birthmother,

Call me a cynic if you like, but I concur with those who've suggested it's nothing more than a plant by some advertising executive for an adoption agency. I sincerely hope so anyway.

Afam stuff

Jan. 14th, 2011 07:47 pm
[personal profile] 7rin
Ripped off?

My wife cannot have children so we decided to follow a young girl through her pregnancy? @ http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20110114080709AAnU2MF

Surrogacy

Jan. 14th, 2011 12:08 am
[personal profile] 7rin
I suggest you make yourself aware of all of the health implications before deciding whether it's worth the risk or not.

http://www.eggsploitation.com/resources.htm is a good place to start.

Note also the perpetuating cycle. IVF can cause infertility, which leads to more demand for available infants ('cause gawd ferbid people should love kids they can't pretend they're blank slates with 'cause the kid's too old).
[personal profile] 7rin
Thinking of Having Kids? Do this 11 step program first!
by My Smart Hands South Calgary on Tuesday, 11 May 2010 at 18:26

Lesson 1
1. Go to the grocery store.
2. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.
3. Go home.
4. Pick up the newspaper.
5. Read it for the last time.

Lessons 2 through to 11 )
[personal profile] 7rin
Bonilla-Silva, E. (2006) Racism without Racists: Color-Blind Racism and the Persistence of Racial Inequality in the United States (2nd ed). URL
[personal profile] 7rin
Ahn-Redding, H. & Simon, R.J. (2007) Intercountry Adoptees Tell Their Stories @ http://www.rowmanlittlefield.com/Catalog/SingleBook.shtml?command=Search&db=^DB/CATALOG.db&eqSKUdata=0739118560

Bahr, M. & Bahr, K.S. (2009) Toward More Family-Centered Family Sciences: Love, Sacrifice, and Transcendence London: Lexington Books. @ http://www.rowmanlittlefield.com/Catalog/SingleBook.shtml?command=Search&db=^DB/CATALOG.db&eqSKUdata=0739126733

Bell, D.C. (2010) The Dynamics of Connection: How Evolution and Biology Create Caregiving and Attachment. Place: Lexington Books. @ http://www.rowmanlittlefield.com/Catalog/SingleBook.shtml?command=Search&db=^DB/CATALOG.db&eqSKUdata=0739143522

Cornell, D. (2005) Between Women and Generations: Legacies of Dignity @ http://www.rowmanlittlefield.com/Catalog/SingleBook.shtml?command=Search&db=^DB/CATALOG.db&eqSKUdata=0742543706

Dubow, S. (2011) Ourselves unborn : a history of the fetus in modern America. Oxford: Oxford University Press. @ http://www.worldcat.org/title/ourselves-unborn-a-history-of-the-fetus-in-modern-america/oclc/608618101/editions?editionsView=true

Boocock, S.S. & Scott, K.A. (2005) Kids in Context: The Sociological Study of Children and Childhoods @ http://www.rowmanlittlefield.com/Catalog/SingleBook.shtml?command=Search&db=^DB/CATALOG.db&eqSKUdata=0742520242

Callero, P. (2009) The Myth of Individualism: How Social Forces Shape Our Lives @ http://www.rowmanlittlefield.com/Catalog/SingleBook.shtml?command=Search&db=^DB/CATALOG.db&eqSKUdata=0742599892

Gilman, C.P. (2002) Concerning Children @ http://www.rowmanlittlefield.com/Catalog/SingleBook.shtml?command=Search&db=^DB/CATALOG.db&eqSKUdata=0759103895

Hewlett, S.A. & Rankin, N. & West, C (eds.) (2002) Taking Parenting Public: The Case for a New Social Movement @ http://www.rowmanlittlefield.com/Catalog/SingleBook.shtml?command=Search&db=^DB/CATALOG.db&eqSKUdata=0742521109

Mezey, S.G. (2009) Gay Families and the Courts: The Quest for Equal Rights @ http://www.rowmanlittlefield.com/Catalog/SingleBook.shtml?command=Search&db=^DB/CATALOG.db&eqSKUdata=0742562182

Murphy, P.T. (1997) Wasted: The Plight of America's Unwanted Children @ http://www.rowmanlittlefield.com/Catalog/SingleBook.shtml?command=Search&db=^DB/CATALOG.db&eqSKUdata=1566633338

Quiroz, P.A. (2007) Adoption in a Color-Blind Society
Series: Perspectives on a Multiracial America
@ http://www.rowmanlittlefield.com/Catalog/SingleBook.shtml?command=Search&db=^DB/CATALOG.db&eqSKUdata=0742559416

Royce, E. (2008) Poverty and Power: The Problem of Structural Inequality @ http://www.rowmanlittlefield.com/Catalog/SingleBook.shtml?command=Search&db=^DB/CATALOG.db&eqSKUdata=0742564436

Simon, R.J. & Altstein, H (2000) Adoption across Borders: Serving the Children in Transracial and Intercountry Adoptions @ http://www.rowmanlittlefield.com/Catalog/SingleBook.shtml?command=Search&db=^DB/CATALOG.db&eqSKUdata=0847698335
[personal profile] 7rin
You may want to make sure you're not in a 'sealed record' state first:

Adoption Laws & Sealed Records @ http://www.ehow.com/about_4777255_adoption-laws-sealed-records.html

Adoption Records by State @ http://www.abcadoptions.com/adoptionrecords.htm
[personal profile] 7rin
Each One Help One
@ http://www.values.com/your-inspirational-stories/1306-EACH-ONE-HELP-ONE
My husband and I, grateful for our own circumstances, met a young woman and her baby son 16 years ago. They had a rented room, but not much support in their lives. We were childless. We moved to a bigger house and became a family. The woman was able to get off of public assistance, get some experience and get a job (...and now is a very experienced bookkeeper and office manager). Our young boy, now 16, was able to go to school and get a solid foundation that now supports him in high school. We got the best gift...the joy of a little boy running to us when we got home from work, a Christmas morning with a child, the hope for the future in his eyes. After five years of living together, the woman and the little boy got their own place and continued their growth and development. They have allowed us to remain in their lives. Kind of godparents, kind of grandparents. Four lives changed forever from a chance meeting and a willingness to be open to give. We made a choice - they made a choice - and everyone (including the resources of the government) benefited. Although we gave them a place to live, some financial assistance and some needed support, we GOT way more than we GAVE.


Orphan Foundation of America @ http://orphan.org/
[personal profile] 7rin
EITHER PARENT OR ABORT!

DO NOT ABANDON YOUR CHILD TO ADOPTION!

Seriously.

Do a web-search on 'Things I Wish I Knew When I Was Considering Adoption', and watch 'Adoption Truth' @ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QOZGwqHVnKs

Also note that open adoption is almost never legally enforceable, and many parents have lost access to their children due to broken "open adoption" promises:
@ http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100709095305AAjeM4z
@ http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100830162150AAi478W


Taken from Nancy Verrier's book, Coming Home to Self:

For the adoptee every day is a challenge of trying to figure out how to be, although he probably doesn't understand the difficulty this presents for him. It has been true his whole life and, therefore, feels normal. However, it takes a great deal of energy and concentration. And it never feels quite right. He never quite fits. Therefore he feels as if /he/ is never quite right.
(pg 50)

Abandonment and neglect are reported to be the two most devastating experiences that children endure - even more devastating then sexual or physical abuse. That's why some neglected children do naughty things to get attention. Even though the attention is hurtful - being yelled at, hit, or otherwise harmed - it is better than neglect. /Anything/ is better than abandonment. Abandonment is a child's greatest fear. For adoptees, it is also reality, embedded in their implicit and unintegrated memory.
(pg 102)

It is sometimes difficult to spot grief in children. After all, it isn't as if the child sits in a puddle of tears his entire childhood. As one adoptee said, "Of course I played, laughed, sang. Do people think that if you're not sitting in a corner with your head on your knees, you are not sad? I had happy times, but the sadness was always there, even when I was having fun."
(pg 117)

Unplanned Pregnancy without Crisis @ http://www.motherhelp.info/index.htm

Considering adoption? Don't feel you have any other options? @ http://www.keepyourbaby.com/

The National Abortion Federation website has a list of common questions and abortion myths on their site over at prochoice.org /Pregnant/common/index.html and /about_abortion/access/about_access.html#legislation

Abortion funding @ www.nnaf.org/help.html

Abortion: There is a Consensus: www.youtube.com/watch?v=hsSQiazUvgo

If you're not gonna abort your baby, then make damn sure you parent it.

Sources:
http://help.yahoo.com/l/uk/yahoo/answers/moderation/moderation-490539.html
Scroll all the way down to #7
___________quote___________
Regardless of your personal beliefs, if a question does not violate the Community Guidelines or Terms of Service, you should not report it. While this is a controversial topic, it is a legitimate question and the procedure is legal for all ages.
[personal profile] 7rin
In Illinois.

My answer:

http://maps.google.co.uk/maps/place?um=1&ie=UTF-8&q=Last+Call+Lounge+-+Chicago&fb=1&gl=uk&hq=Last+Call+Lounge+-&hnear=Chicago,+IL,+USA&cid=12068279807713368630

http://community.livejournal.com/adoptedintheuk/4464.html

http://sonofasurrogate.tripod.com/

http://abcnews.go.com/Health/sperm-donors-admit-fathering-hundreds-children-call-regulation/story?id=11431918

My Daddy’s Name is Donor: A New Study of Young Adults Conceived through Sperm Donation @ http://familyscholars.org/my-daddys-name-is-donor-2/

**15 major findings

01) Young adults conceived through sperm donation (or "donor offspring") experience profound struggles with their origins and identities.

02) Family relationships for donor offspring are more often characterized by confusion, tension, and loss.

03) Donor offspring often worry about the implications of interacting with - and possibly forming intimate relationships with - unknown, blood-related family members.

04) Donor offspring are more likely to have experienced divorce or multiple family transitions in their families of origin.

05) Donor offspring are more likely than those raised by their biological parents to struggle with serious, negative outcomes such as delinquency, substance abuse, and depression, even when controlling for socio-economic and other factors.

06) Donor offspring born to heterosexual married couples, single mothers, or lesbian couples share many similarities.

07) At the same time, there appear to be notable differences between donor offspring born to heterosexual married couples, single mothers, and lesbian couples.

08) Donor offspring broadly affirm a right to know the truth about their origins.

09) About half of donor offspring have concerns about or serious objections to donor conception itself, even when parents tell the children the truth about their origins.

10) Openness alone does not appear to resolve the complex risks that are associated with being conceived through sperm donation.

11) While a majority of donor offspring support a right to know the truth about their origins, significant majorities also support, at least in the abstract, a strikingly libertarian approach to reproductive technologies in general.

12) Adults conceived through sperm donation are far more likely than others to become sperm or egg donors or surrogates themselves.

13) Those donor offspring who do not support the practice of donor conception are more than three times as likely to say they do not feel they can express their views in public.

14) Donor conception is not "just like" adoption.

15) Today's grown donor offspring present a striking portrait of racial, ethnic, and religious diversity.
[personal profile] 7rin
Schnitzer, G. and Ewigman, B.G. (2005) Child Deaths Resulting From Inflicted Injuries: Household Risk Factors and Perpetrator Characteristics. Pediatrics 116(5) pp.e687-e693. Available at: http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/cgi/content/full/116/5/e687 [Accessed 16 Dec 2010]

Abstract
Objective. To determine the role of household composition as an independent risk factor for fatal inflicted injuries among young children and describe perpetrator characteristics.

Design, Setting, and Population. A population-based, case-control study of all children <5 years of age who died in Missouri between January 1, 1992, and December 31, 1999. Missouri Child Fatality Review Program data were analyzed. Cases all involved children with injuries inflicted by a parent or caregiver. Two age-matched controls per case child were selected randomly from children who died of natural causes.

Main Outcome Measure. Inflicted-injury death. Household composition of case and control children was compared by using multivariate logistic regression. We hypothesized that children residing in households with adults unrelated to them are at higher risk of inflicted-injury death than children residing in households with 2 biological parents.

Results. We identified 149 inflicted-injury deaths in our population during the 8-year study period. Children residing in households with unrelated adults were nearly 50 times as likely to die of inflicted injuries than children residing with 2 biological parents (adjusted odds ratio: 47.6; 95% confidence interval: 10.4–218). Children in households with a single parent and no other adults in residence had no increased risk of inflicted-injury death (adjusted odds ratio: 0.9; 95% confidence interval: 0.6–1.9). Perpetrators were identified in 132 (88.6%) of the cases. The majority of known perpetrators were male (71.2%), and most were the child's father (34.9%) or the boyfriend of the child's mother (24.2%). In households with unrelated adults, most perpetrators (83.9%) were the unrelated adult household member, and only 2 (6.5%) perpetrators were the biological parent of the child.

Conclusions. Young children who reside in households with unrelated adults are at exceptionally high risk for inflicted-injury death. Most perpetrators are male, and most are residents of the decedent child's household at the time of injury.

Keywords: inflicted injury • child abuse • fatality • risk factors • case-control study
[personal profile] 7rin
James, O. (2008) The Selfish Capitalist: Origins of Affluenza. London: Vermillion. (pp.18-20)

Bold & underline = my emphasis

<Quote>
Contrary to decades of claims that early experiences have no special influence on subsequent emotional well-being and personality, it is finally becoming apparent that negative experiences during the first five years do cause more damage than those in subsequent years. Many thousands of studies suggest this ...
...
Studies of adoptees suggest that the older the child when adopted, the greater the damage. While intellectual deficits can often be largely reversed by stimulating adoptive environments, lasting psychopathology is found in significant proportions even where the adoptive nurture is first rate. Causal links have been demonstrated between adult personality disorder and maltreatment before the age of two; one study has shown this to be the strongest single predictor of dissociation at age nineteen, after allowing for quality of subsequent care and other factors. On top of this, it now seems clear that psychoanalyst John Bowlby was essentially correct in his claim that the period from six months to three years is a sensitive time for forming a secure pattern of attachment.
...
Many studies of animals have shown that early experience has a greater effect on the brain but it is only recently that evidence of this has been provided in humans. For example, lasting damage to cortisol levels and persistently atypical brainwave patterns have been demonstrated in children whose mothers were depressed when they were infants, regardless of whether the mother recovered from the depression. The very size of brain structures can be affected by early care: for example, the volume of the hippocampal region of the brain is 5 per cent less in women who were sexually abused as children. The earlier that abuse is suffered, the greater the reduction in intracranial volume. It is increasingly apparent that patterns of neurotransmitters and hormone levels are often an effect of past and present psychological processes, rather than physiology or genetics.
</Quote>
[personal profile] 7rin
Sants, H.J. (1964) Genealogical Bewilderment in Children with Substitute Parents. British Journal of Medical Psychology 37(?). pp.133-141

"In 1964, H.J. Sants ... coined the phrase 'genealogical bewilderment'"

O'Shaughnessy, T. (1994). Adoption, social work and social theory: Making the connections. Brookfield, VT: Ashgate Publishing. (p.119)

Adoption, blood kinship, stigma, and the Adoption Reform Movement: A historical perspective @ http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_qa3757/is_200201/ai_n9059070/pg_10/
[personal profile] 7rin
As posted by Lizzy Brew in You know you're an adoptee when ...


Pathological Grief, suffered by mothers separated from their baby, in Submission of Dr G Rickarby, consultant psychiatrist, to the NSW Parliamentary Inquiry - highly recommended read for those wanting to understand the experience of the loss of their 'birthmother':

"Pathological grief refers to distinct and major failure of (the normal grieving) process. After loss of the baby, the first stage of shock, numbness and disbelief may persist because the mother cannot face the finality of loss of her baby and the feelings of rage, guilt, depression that might overwhelm her. The numbness and disbelief are protective against this emotional second stage of grief. This may persist for a long time and may be associated with naive beliefs that the baby will be returned or some `nice' social worker will appear to help the return.

Many find the next stage, which they enter after they accept finality of the loss, produces such anger and despair they revert to the first stage, and I have seen this see-saw between the two occur over two or three decades, and associated with decompensation in Major Depression.

Others stay in the second stage of major feelings: they cannot accept the implications of their loss and thus cannot mourn. This arrest is not understood and people readily become irritated with them as they return to the issues of their arrested grief. At The Inquiry there will be many with this type of damage and their presentations will represent for them the first attempts to look at implications of their loss in the social world. Such damage is to be seen in the context that when a mother loses a child from babyhood to middle age, and the loss is untimely and has other bad outcome features, the most stable and mentally healthy person becomes similarly afflicted.
Others are stuck in the stage of mourning, going back again and again to the same issues where they cannot get satisfactory answers."
[personal profile] 7rin
...although I'm only posting it here'cause Y!A is being an arse and throwing up an error every time I try to post it.

G'want then, I'll bite, since you've called me out...

So you're happy that your mom felt she couldn't raise you and so *had to* give you away to someone "better"? Bully for you - personally, I see a kid losing their mom as one of the greatest tragedies. Put it this way, if she'd died instead, would you still be celebrating your loss as something to pimp to all and sundry? I'm gonna guess at your answer being no - in which case, why is losing her to adoption any less awful?

As much as she wanted to keep me she put my happiness and comfort in front of her own, like a true mother would and contacted an adoption agency.
See, this is where you're confused, a true mother would've fought like a tiger to never have to leave you.

Because of my Birth Mother's sacrifice for me I was able to grow up in a family that had a mother and father.
Because of my friends' mom's abandonment, my friend had to grow up with aparents that divorced six months after the adoption went through, and then had to suffer sexual and mental abuse at the hands of the adad she was doomed to live with, as well as all the 'lodgers' that he invited to play with her too.

but you got a family who did and saying that you would have rather been aborted than been born is a selfish thing to say and it is a slap in the face to your adoptive family who raised you.
#1: I had a family (two, actually) that would have loved to have been able to love me, but the one side lost me 'cause their daughter/sibling/mom decided to abandon me, and the other side didn't even get to find out I existed until after I turned up on my dad's doorstep 'cause I was palmed off while he was away in the army.

#2: Well, since my amom (y'know, that magickul individual that helped raise me) understands entirely what I mean when I say it, I'd say that actually no, it's not a slap in the face. Then again, she also still believes that my best option at the time would've been for me to abort my (now 19 yr old) daughter ... but I wouldn't expect you to be able to understand any of it (maybe one day, when you've grown up a bit and seen just what life can do to people), especially if I told you that she is - and always has been - a doting granny whilst still managing to hold that opinion.

See, the difference between us (me and my amom) and you is that we deal with the practicalities and realities, whereas you pontificate in the rainbow farting unicorn fog.

The quotes you give are all anti-adoption quotes and those people never focus on the good that can come from adoption.
LOL. The quotes I give are from one book, and that one book was written by an ADOPTIVE PARENT! Nice try though.

I plan on adopting whether it be an infant or an older child and I plan on being a foster parent to help those children who weren't as lucky as me.
So? What d'yer want? A pat on the back for being a good little saviour? Not gonna happen.

So tell me, how can so many people be against adoption?
We've told you, time and again, but I'll repeat it here and now for the hard of reading: So many people can be against adoption because we've lived through the traumas of it.

I can understand how people would think abortion is a bad thing, but you rarely hear the good stories
I don't think abortion's a bad thing, and there are good stories out there, but I do think adoption's a bloody horrendously sad thing to have to happen to anyone.

Oh, and just so's you know, the world is crammed with "happy adoptee" stories, which is why the myths've been able to drag on for so long and are so difficult to get past, but the truth WILL out.

I'm not for adoption for anyone, at least not until it involves the supply of an adoption certificate that names all four (or more) parents; and that the adoptee is guaranteed access to that certificate for the entirety of their lives.

If we're gonna trade kids like we trade everything else in the world, at least make sure they’ve got a truthful paper-trail that THEY can follow whenever THEY wanna follow it.

If I hadn't seen so damn clearly what family is *meant to be*, then adoption wouldn't hurt so damn much!
[personal profile] 7rin
EITHER PARENT OR ABORT!

DO NOT ABANDON YOUR CHILD TO ADOPTION!
_________________________

Things I Wish I Knew When I Was Considering Adoption
@ http://www.exiledmothers.com/adoption_facts/wish.html
What you should KNOW if you're considering adoption for your baby
@ http://www.cubirthparents.org/edd/index.php?id=1
Considering adoption? Don't feel you have any other options?
@ http://www.keepyourbaby.com/
Myths told the unmarried mother
@ http://gift-not-choice.tripod.com/myths-about-asfa.html
Adoption Truth
@ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QOZGwqHVnKs
Unplanned Pregnancy without Crisis
@ http://www.motherhelp.info/index.htm
_________________________

_____Open adoption_____

Open adoption is almost never legally enforceable, and many parents have lost access to their children due to broken "open" adoption promises.
@ www.mercianeclectics.dsl.pipex.com/adoption/OpenAdoptionWall.htm
@ www.bringperihome.com/
@ uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100709095305AAjeM4z
@ uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100830162150AAi478W
_________________________

Quotes taken from Nancy Verrier's book, Coming Home to Self
@ http://www.nancyverrier.com/self_book.php

For the adoptee every day is a challenge of trying to figure out how to be, although he probably doesn't understand the difficulty this presents for him. It has been true his whole life and, therefore, feels normal. However, it takes a great deal of energy and concentration. And it never feels quite right. He never quite fits. Therefore he feels as if /he/ is never quite right.
(pg 50)

Abandonment and neglect are reported to be the two most devastating experiences that children endure - even more devastating then sexual or physical abuse. That's why some neglected children do naughty things to get attention. Even though the attention is hurtful - being yelled at, hit, or otherwise harmed - it is better than neglect. /Anything/ is better than abandonment. Abandonment is a child's greatest fear. For adoptees, it is also reality, embedded in their implicit and unintegrated memory.
(pg 102)

It is sometimes difficult to spot grief in children. After all, it isn't as if the child sits in a puddle of tears his entire childhood. As one adoptee said, "Of course I played, laughed, sang. Do people think that if you're not sitting in a corner with your head on your knees, you are not sad? I had happy times, but the sadness was always there, even when I was having fun."
(pg 117)
_________________________

If you know you don't want it now, then do the decent thing and get a bloody abortion!

Breaking the Silence: On Living Pro-Lifers' Choice for Women
@ http://shakespearessister.blogspot.com/2009/03/breaking-silence-on-living-pro-lifers.html
_________________________

_____Links supporting families to stay together_____

Single Mom @ www.singlemom.com/
Mentor Moms/MOPS/Teen MOPS (support!) @ www.mops.org/
Angel Food (food assistance) @ www.angelfoodministries.com/
Feeding America (food assistance) @ www.feedingamerica.org/
Co-Abode (housing assistance) @ www.coabode.com/
Safe Families (for emergency/crisis care) @ www.safe-families.org/
Teens @ www.teenbreaks.com/pregnancy/pregnancyhome.cfm
Adoption Crossroads® and Adoption Healing @ www.adoptioncrossroads.org
Adopted Child Syndrome @ www.amfor.net/acs
Origins-USA @ www.origins-usa.org
United Family Services @ www.unitedfamilyservices.org/
Family Assistance Foundation @ www.familyassistancefoundation.com/
Safelink Wireless @ www.safelinkwireless.com/
_________________________

Planned Parenthood has a low-income program - call 1-800-230-PLAN (1-800-230-7526) to find your nearest clinic.

Abortion funding @ www.nnaf.org/help.html

Find out if your state Medicaid programme covers abortion @ http://www.ourbodiesourselves.org/book/companion.asp?id=20&compID=64

It is entirely possible to have an abortion and not feel guilt because you knew it was the right thing to do @ http://www.imnotsorry.net/

Abortion: There is a Consensus @ www.youtube.com/watch?v=hsSQiazUvgo
[personal profile] 7rin
You can try, but sadly, you won't necessarily succeed: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/04/13/AR2010041302445_3.html

http://adoption.about.com/cs/adoptionrights/a/putative_list.htm is the most important part: you absolutely need to get your name down - like, yesterday - on your local putative father's registry, so make sure this is the first thing you do.

Try the following:
http://www.dad.info/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fathers'_rights_movement_by_country

Also, you may find http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20090921111952AAr2VDL and http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20091031204232AAtbGBd to be useful.

Good luck!
[personal profile] 7rin
You know what'd be much much MUCH kinder? If you moved to Russia and learned his language instead.

International Adoption, Fraud, and "Orphans" @ http://www.momlogic.com/2010/07/international_adoption_fraud_and_orphans.php
<quote>
Western parents who adopt from the developing world often believe they're in the midst of a double blessing: expanding their families by bringing home deeply wanted children and at the same time offering those children - orphans! - a happier, better life than they ever could have led in their own impoverished countries. There's nothing wrong with this belief - these parents' hearts are in the right place - but a recent article suggests that in many cases, the facts of international adoption aren't what they seem.
</quote>

Child trafficking disguised as adoption @ http://www.wnd.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=54648#ixzz1NiHwnavt
<quote>
__Children not commodities of international trade__

Of all the ways children are trafficked, however, one of the most undetected remains through international adoption, which has been on the rise for years, from 6,472 in 1992 to 22,728 in 2005 in the U.S. alone.

While parents around the globe are presented with opportunities to rescue orphans from impoverished backgrounds, many adoptions are inadvertently masking and perpetuating the dark world of child trafficking. Prospective parents must beware that just because visas are issued doesn't mean the child is not a victim of the adoptive market. Child trafficking is not just a sexual and labor trade – it's pro-adoption, too!
</quote>

See also:

Re-evaluating Adoption: Validating the Local @ http://dissidentvoice.org/2008/02/re-evaluating-adoption-validating-the-local/

The Baby Trade @ http://www.againstchildtrafficking.org/2010/12/the-baby-trade/

Child Laundering as Exploitation: Applying AntiTrafficking Norms to Intercountry Adoption Under the Coming Hague Regime @ http://works.bepress.com/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1005&context=david_smolin
http://www.google.co.uk/search?q=+site:www.adoptionarticlesdirectory.com+international+adoptees

It's entirely possible to help someone parent without snatching their child away from them: Each One Help One @ http://www.values.com/your-inspirational-stories/1306-EACH-ONE-HELP-ONE

My aparents have had to watch as their kid goes through all of the agony and trauma that comes with being adopted. They have had absolutely no help in dealing with any of this - as all good parents do, they winged it. It's testament to their brilliance that I'm even remotely sane (hush you lot at the back! :p) and a functioning member of society.

Adoption screws kids up. It's not a fact that the adoption mongers like seeing said in public, but it's true. Not every kid, obviously - some on here are happy to've been adopted, but a surprisingly high percentage of us grow up deeply screwed up.

I was abandoned to adoption at seven months old. I honestly and truly wish that I'd been aborted instead of abandoned to adoption, so please be prepared for the fact that any kid you adopt could grow up to be as screwed up as me (I'm almost 40, so legally "grown up" in pretty much everywhere).

Actually, if you adopt, the kid still won't be your own. You need to be able to deal with the fact that being a parent to an adoptee is NOT the same as being a parent to your own child. It will not elicit the same feelings in you, and your gut reactions will be off because there is no genetic similarity to recognise. Yes, you'll learn it all in time, and if you're a good a'rent, you won't even take out your frustration at the kid not being your own child on the child you adopt instead.

I suggest you read the links and blurb mentioned in the Best Answer (as chosen by voters) @ http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20101114222810AAiOtS3 and then read back through a few months worth of resolved questions here in Y!A adoption.

Comprehend that lot, and you'll be about ready to adopt. :)
[personal profile] 7rin
Woman ends 4-year DMV fight for license
Birth certificate omission prevented renewal
Monday, 19 Jul 2010

NORFOLK, Va. (WAVY) - A Norfolk woman couldn't get a drivers license because of a small omission on her birth certificate.

Without a valid, state-issued ID. or drivers license, Jessica Cross could not retire. She said she tried everything to get her license renewed, but had no luck.

"There's times I cry. I say to myself, 'I'm adopted and I'm a nobody,'" said Cross.
[personal profile] 7rin
Thenotsodailyherald's Blog (2010) Adoption or Parenting Not Always the Best Choice [online]. Available at: http://thenotsodailyherald.wordpress.com/2010/07/27/adoption-or-parenting-not-always-the-best-option/ [Accessed 07 December 2010]

<Quote>
Despite the claims of protesters, adoption or parenting may not be the best choice. There’s recent evidence that refutes the protesters’ claims to “Wait another six months and you’ll grow to love the child” or “Give your baby up for adoption. You don’t have to kill it.” In an excerpt from Kornfield and Geller, the authors write the following: ...  )



Van Mechelen, R. (1992) Abortion [online]. Longview; Washington. Available at: http://www.backlash.com/book/abort.html [Accessed 07 December 2010]

<Quote>
Suffragists, it may be remarked, were more than a little ambivalent about birth control.
-- Reay Tannahill, Sex in History

In cases of unplanned pregnancy, the law favors women. The choice to abort or not is theirs, the fathers have no say. The choice to keep the children or not is usually theirs, the fathers have no say. But if they keep the children, one way or another men are expected to pay.

This is one of the realities of sex discrimination against men: "A woman who finds herself inadvertently pregnant can decide, without so much as talking with the man involved, to destroy the child. Or, again, she can bear the child and make him pay." (Manhood Redux, C.H. Freedman, pp 169 - 170)

Many argue it's the woman's body, and any issues regarding child bearing are her concern, not his.Read more... )
[personal profile] 7rin
Turski, D. (2002) Why "Birthmother" means "Breeder" [online]. Available at: http://foundandlostsupport.com/birthmothermeansbreeder.html [Accessed 07 December 2010]

<Quote>
I had never heard the term "birthmother" until I reunited with my son. When the social worker who located me referred to me as his "birthmother," my first reaction was to instinctively recoil in distaste. What is a "birthmother?" It occurred to me that perhaps she had merely applied this ridiculous sounding term in an attempt at political correctness, so I ignored it. However, when my son's adoptive mother ...  )



Putting a child up for adoption? @ http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100910110801AALw7r3

As asked by H******:

"Where did this term originate?

"Putting a child up for adoption"

Put up where?
"

... and answered by gypsywinter (amongst others):

"Well people and children have been "put up" for sale and slavery for quite awhile in this country. Slaves were 'put up' on platforms to be viewed Read more... )
[personal profile] 7rin
Do you have to pay to adopt a child?

Yes, more massively than handing over any amount of money can make up for.

My aparents have had to watch as their kid goes through all of the agony and trauma that comes with being adopted. They have had absolutely no help in dealing with any of this - as all good parents do, they winged it. It's testament to their brilliance that I'm even remotely sane (hush you lot at the back! :p) and a functioning member of society.

Adoption screws kids up. It's not a fact that the adoption mongers like seeing said in public, but it's true. Not every kid, obviously - some on here are happy to've been adopted, but a surprisingly high percentage of us grow up deeply screwed up.

I was abandoned to adoption at seven months old. I honestly and truly wish that I'd been aborted instead of abandoned to adoption, so please be prepared for the fact that any kid you adopt could grow up (I'm 37, so definitely and legally a "grown up" in pretty much everywhere) to be as screwed up as me.

I didn't have a bad adoption - my afamily are the best I could ever have chosen... but if I'd been able to choose, and I'd known then what I know now, I'd've chosen to be aborted before birth instead, 'cause at least that way the lifetime of agony I've gone through would've been over in minutes, instead of the decades that I've been suffering for now.

Please bear in mind that the US Passport agency requires that a birth certificate is filed within one year of birth. You may be causing unnecessary headaches for the person, and they may be denied a passport (as many adopted people frequently are!) - the rules differ state to state.

Please read back through a few months worth of resolved questions in here http://answers.yahoo.com/dir/index?sid=2115500138 and then go read through all of the books and links listed at http://7rin-on-adoption.dreamwidth.org/tag/recommended+reading

Comprehend that lot, and you'll be about ready to adopt. :)
[personal profile] 7rin
DO NOT ABANDON YOUR CHILD TO ADOPTION!

Things I Wish I Knew When I Was Considering Adoption
@ www.exiledmothers.com/ adoption_facts/wish.html (close gap in URL)

What you should KNOW if you're considering adoption for your baby
@ http://www.cubirthparents.org/edd/index.php?id=1

Considering adoption? Don't feel you have any other options?
@ http://www.keepyourbaby.com/

Myths told the unmarried mother
@ http://gift-not-choice.tripod.com/myths-about-asfa.html

Adoption Truth
@ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QOZGwqHVnKs

Unplanned Pregnancy without Crisis
@ http://www.motherhelp.info/index.htm

Open adoption is almost never legally enforceable, and many parents have lost access to their children due to broken "open" adoption promises.
@ www.mercianeclectics.dsl.pipex.com/adoption/OpenAdoptionWall.htm
@ www.bringperihome.com/
@ http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100709095305AAjeM4z
@ http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100830162150AAi478W


Quotes taken from Nancy Verrier's book, Coming Home to Self
@ http://www.nancyverrier.com/self_book.php

For the adoptee every day is a challenge of trying to figure out how to be, although he probably doesn't understand the difficulty this presents for him. It has been true his whole life and, therefore, feels normal. However, it takes a great deal of energy and concentration. And it never feels quite right. He never quite fits. Therefore he feels as if /he/ is never quite right.
(pg 50)

Abandonment and neglect are reported to be the two most devastating experiences that children endure - even more devastating then sexual or physical abuse. That's why some neglected children do naughty things to get attention. Even though the attention is hurtful - being yelled at, hit, or otherwise harmed - it is better than neglect. /Anything/ is better than abandonment. Abandonment is a child's greatest fear. For adoptees, it is also reality, embedded in their implicit and unintegrated memory.
(pg 102)

It is sometimes difficult to spot grief in children. After all, it isn't as if the child sits in a puddle of tears his entire childhood. As one adoptee said, "Of course I played, laughed, sang. Do people think that if you're not sitting in a corner with your head on your knees, you are not sad? I had happy times, but the sadness was always there, even when I was having fun."
(pg 117)


Adoption screws kids up. It's not a fact that the adoption mongers like seeing said in public, but it's true. Not every kid, obviously - some on here are happy to've been adopted, but a surprisingly high percentage of us grow up deeply screwed up.

I was abandoned to adoption at seven months old. I honestly and truly wish that I'd been aborted instead of abandoned to adoption, so please be prepared for the fact that any kid you adopt could grow up to be as screwed up as me (I'm almost 40, so legally "grown up" in pretty much everywhere).

I didn't have a bad adoption - my afamily are the best I could ever have chosen... but if I'd been able to choose, and I'd known then what I know now, I'd've chosen to be aborted before birth instead, 'cause at least that way the lifetime of agony I've gone through would've been over in minutes, instead of the decades that I've been suffering for now.


_____Links supporting families to stay together_____

Single Mom @ www.singlemom.com/
Mentor Moms/MOPS/Teen MOPS (support!) @ www.mops.org/
Angel Food (food assistance) @ www.angelfoodministries.com/
Feeding America (food assistance) @ www.feedingamerica.org/
Co-Abode (housing assistance) @ www.coabode.com/
Safe Families (for emergency/crisis care) @ www.safe-families.org/
Teens @ www.teenbreaks.com/pregnancy/pregnancyhome.cfm
Adoption Crossroads® and Adoption Healing @ www.adoptioncrossroads.org
Adopted Child Syndrome @ www.amfor.net/acs
Origins-USA @ www.origins-usa.org
United Family Services @ www.unitedfamilyservices.org/
Family Assistance Foundation @ www.familyassistancefoundation.com/
Safelink Wireless @ www.safelinkwireless.com/

Also, I suggest you take notice of the fact that adoption does NOT "save" kids:
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080229225608AA9mqS9
http://lubbockonline.com/crime-and-courts/2010-12-22/lubbock-man-arrested-sexually-assaulting-adoptive-daughters


Finally, I strongly suggest you take a nose at what APs say when they think they're in a place of safety about what they REALLY think of their adopted kids and their families:
http://adoptiveparentsspeak.wordpress.com/

Good luck!
[personal profile] 7rin
Why a girl? Is it because you want her to do girly stuff? Sorry love, but while you might be able to get away with it with much of the female population, we don't all turn out like that - I be a case in point. I describe as medically female, because my body is, and there's no point in messing about with what ain't actually broke. I've never been a little girl though.

I'm also one of them "bitter adoptees" that people like to rant about. I actually love my afam very much, and it's because they are such a fantastic family that knowing that I didn't know *any* of that about myself hurt so much. So I give you warning; as an AP, you're never gonna be able to win. Even if you're good, you can still lose.

I was abandoned to adoption at 7mths old, and would like to give you a word of caution - not to put you off being willing to help a child who honestly and truly needs help, but to make you aware that adoption isn't always the rainbow farting unicorns as depicted in the media.

Please be prepared for the fact that any kid you adopt could grow up to be as screwed up as me. I didn't have a bad adoption - my afamily are the best I could ever have chosen... but if I'd been able to choose, I'd've chosen to be aborted before birth instead, 'cause at least that way the lifetime of agony I've gone through would've been over in minutes, instead of the decades I've been suffering for now.

I've been in reunion with my bfam for a while now, and even that's proving to be completely agonising.

Taken from Nancy Verrier's book, Coming Home to Self: http://www.nancyverrier.com/self_book.php


For the adoptee every day is a challenge of trying to figure out how to be, although he probably doesn't understand the difficulty this presents for him. It has been true his whole life and, therefore, feels normal. However, it takes a great deal of energy and concentration. And it never feels quite right. He never quite fits. Therefore he feels as if /he/ is never quite right.
(pg 50)


Abandonment and neglect are reported to be the two most devastating experiences that children endure - even more devastating then sexual or physical abuse. That's why some neglected children do naughty things to get attention. Even though the attention is hurtful - being yelled at, hit, or otherwise harmed - it is better than neglect. /Anything/ is better than abandonment. Abandonment is a child's greatest fear. For adoptees, it is also reality, embedded in their implicit and unintegrated memory.
(pg 102)


It is sometimes difficult to spot grief in children. After all, it isn't as if the child sits in a puddle of tears his entire childhood. As one adoptee said, "Of course I played, laughed, sang. Do people think that if you're not sitting in a corner with your head on your knees, you are not sad? I had happy times, but the sadness was always there, even when I was having fun."
(pg 117)


Please read back through a few months worth of resolved questions in here http://answers.yahoo.com/dir/index?sid=2115500138 and then go read through all of the books and links listed at http://7rin-on-adoption.dreamwidth.org/tag/recommended+reading

Comprehend that lot, and you'll be about ready to adopt. :)
[personal profile] 7rin
Hang on a minute... there's all these women being told that they should abandon their kids to adoption 'cause they're poor, so why in the world should someone asking for donations be allowed to adopt? Surely that's contrary to why people are being encouraged to abandon their kids in the first place?

I think, given the right case worker, and given the right incentives (e.g. money), pretty much anyone could get away with being able to adopt someone from somewhere, somehow. That doesn't mean you should though.
[personal profile] 7rin
You don't, not while mothers are *STILL* being brainwashed into abandoning their kids because those kids deserve two parents (those being preferentially middle-class upwards, Good Christian Soldiers, he's got a Good(tm) steady job, she's a stay-at-home mom who bakes cookies with the kids).

~ OR ~

Hang on a minute... there's all these women being told that they should abandon their kids to adoption because all kids deserve two parents, so why in the world should a single person, male or female, be allowed to adopt? Surely that's contrary to why people are being encouraged to abandon their kids in the first place?

Sadly though, yes, if you've got enough money, you can buy almost anything.

It's entirely possible to help someone parent without snatching their child away from them: Each One Help One @ http://www.values.com/your-inspirational-stories/1306-EACH-ONE-HELP-ONE

This is how the adoption industry finds out the best ways to convince people to abandon their kids:
The National Council for Adoption: Mothers, Money, Marketing, and Madness
* Part 1 @ http://www.divinecaroline.com/22095/39669-national-council-adoption-mothers-money
* Part 2 @ http://www.divinecaroline.com/22095/39676-national-council-adoption--mothers--money-

My aparents have had to watch as their kid goes through all of the agony and trauma that comes with being adopted. They have had absolutely no help in dealing with any of this - as all good parents do, they winged it. It's testament to their brilliance that I'm even remotely sane (hush you lot at the back! :p) and a functioning member of society.

Adoption screws kids up. It's not a fact that the adoption mongers like seeing said in public, but it's true. Not every kid, obviously - some on here are happy to've been adopted, but a surprisingly high percentage of us grow up deeply screwed up.

I was abandoned to adoption at seven months old. I honestly and truly wish that I'd been aborted instead of abandoned to adoption, so please be prepared for the fact that any kid you adopt could grow up to be as screwed up as me (I'm almost 40, so legally "grown up" in pretty much everywhere).

I didn't have a bad adoption - my afamily are the best I could ever have chosen... but if I'd been able to choose, and I'd known then what I know now, I'd've chosen to be aborted before birth instead, 'cause at least that way the lifetime of agony I've gone through would've been over in minutes, instead of the decades that I've been suffering for now.

Please bear in mind that the US Passport agency requires that a birth certificate is filed within one year of birth. You may be causing unnecessary headaches for the person, and they may be denied a passport (as many adopted people frequently are!) - the rules differ state to state.

Actually, if you adopt, the kid still won't be your own. You need to be able to deal with the fact that being a parent to an adoptee is NOT the same as being a parent to your own child. It will not elicit the same feelings in you, and your gut reactions will be off because there is no genetic similarity to recognise. Yes, you'll learn it all in time, and if you're a good a'rent, you won't even take out your frustration at not having your own child on the child you adopt instead.

I suggest you read the links and blurb mentioned in the Best Answer (as chosen by voters) @ http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20101114222810AAiOtS3 since that answers your question most thoroughly, and then read back through a few months worth of resolved questions in here http://answers.yahoo.com/dir/index?sid=2115500138

Comprehend that lot, and you'll be about ready to adopt. :)
[personal profile] 7rin
I suggest you start at http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100823193059AAxG6Px

I usually suggest people start at http://brainchildmag.com/essays/summer2010_friedman.asp

Many women adopt who can not call themselves mothers by the way they behaved to their children. Please, no-one take offence at that, I just mean to me personally because there're so many people who've adopted and then abused - and some have even killed - their adopted kids: http://nobodyisforgotten.blogspot.com/

Moms are there because you can go running to them with a problem - dads and brothers and sisters and nans and granddads and aunts and uncles and cousins are there so you can go out and play and laugh and have fun.

I was gonna say that my opinion on that was nothing to do with being adopted, but seriously, it's probably got a lot to do with it because I grew up in a loving, caring, nurturing adoptive family from when I was seven months old, instead of growing up with my abusive biological mom.

Oh, and you don't get to bond when you adopt - you might get to communicate and share, but bonds rarely happen. Go look up "genetic mirroring".

You're never gonna be able to "win" 'cause adoption screws kids up one way or another, but you need to be able to learn to understand what your kid's going through.

My aparents have had to watch as their kid goes through all of the agony and trauma that comes with being adopted. They have had absolutely no help in dealing with any of this - as all good parents do, they winged it. It's testament to their brilliance that I'm even remotely sane (hush you lot at the back! :p) and a functioning member of society.

Adoption screws kids up. It's not a fact that the adoption mongers like seeing said in public, but it's true. Not every kid, obviously - some on here are happy to've been adopted, but a surprisingly high percentage of us grow up deeply screwed up.

Taken from Nancy Verrier's book, Coming Home to Self: http://www.nancyverrier.com/self_book.php

For the adoptee every day is a challenge of trying to figure out how to be, although he probably doesn't understand the difficulty this presents for him. It has been true his whole life and, therefore, feels normal. However, it takes a great deal of energy and concentration. And it never feels quite right. He never quite fits. Therefore he feels as if /he/ is never quite right.
(pg 50)

Abandonment and neglect are reported to be the two most devastating experiences that children endure - even more devastating then sexual or physical abuse. That's why some neglected children do naughty things to get attention. Even though the attention is hurtful - being yelled at, hit, or otherwise harmed - it is better than neglect. /Anything/ is better than abandonment. Abandonment is a child's greatest fear. For adoptees, it is also reality, embedded in their implicit and unintegrated memory.
(pg 102)

It is sometimes difficult to spot grief in children. After all, it isn't as if the child sits in a puddle of tears his entire childhood. As one adoptee said, "Of course I played, laughed, sang. Do people think that if you're not sitting in a corner with your head on your knees, you are not sad? I had happy times, but the sadness was always there, even when I was having fun."
(pg 117)

Please read back through a few months worth of resolved questions in here http://answers.yahoo.com/dir/index?sid=2115500138 - comprehend that lot, and you'll be about ready to adopt. :)

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