Effects of Adoption on Young Adoptees
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7rin_on_adoptionhttp://angela-krueger.suite101.com/effects-of-adoption-on-young-adoptees-a176032
How Adopted Kids and Teens Feel About Their Adoptions
Dec 2, 2009 Angela Krueger
ADOPTED KIDS AND TEENS ARE AFFECTED BY ADOPTION - SHYSIE FROM MORGUEFILE.COM
By understanding the effect adoption has on children and teens, adoptive parents can help their adoptee address adoption feelings through parental support and books.
As adoption has recently become more child-centred, adoptive parents are concerned about how adoption will affect kids in both the short and long terms. Although each adoption situation is different, there are some common issues that arise and adoptive parents need to know which resources are helpful for their adoptee.
Common Feelings Adopted Kids Have About Adoption
Adults who have not had any experience with adoption tend to think that an adoptive family is admirable for “rescuing” a child and the only complication may be that adoptees have some confusion over who their “real” parents are. However, the reality is that adopted kids and teens often have very complex feelings about their adoption and need help processing their thoughts and emotions. Common feelings experienced by adopted children and teens include:
Some kids may feel completely at ease with their adoption situation and not experience any of these feelings. Adoptive parents, however, have a responsibility to be aware of these issues and to provide opportunities for adopted kids and teens to express their feelings about adoption.
How Adoptive Parents Can Help Adoptees Understand Adoption
Adoptive parents usually have to initiate adoption talks with their adoptees and provide the necessary supports to assist in working through issues. To help adoptees process adoption-related feelings, adoptive parents can:
It is never too early to talk about adoption with kids, even if it is to simply get used to using positive adoption language. The more frequently adoption is talked about in the home, the more comfortable everyone is and the groundwork will be laid for addressing complex adoption issues.
Books That Discuss the Realities of Adoption
There are many children’s books and novels directed to teens that talk about adoption and portray adopted characters. As helpful as these books may be on gently introducing adoption language to adopted kids and teens, sometimes it is more relevant to read books that tackle adoption issues head on.
How It Feels to be Adopted by Jill Krementz (Knopf, 1988) and Why Was I Adopted? by Carole Livingston (Lyle Stuart, 2000) are both straightforward and fact-based books that are appropriate for children to read with their parents. Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew by Sherrie Eldridge (Dell Publishing, 1999) is a useful resource for adopted teens, as well as adoptive parents of children of all ages.
Adoption affects adopted children and teens in many ways, but if adoptive parents understand the complex feelings adoptees can have and seek ways to help their child, adoption can be a positive experience for the whole adoptive family. For further articles on adoption-related issues read Helping an Adopted Child Grieve and Attachment and Bonding in Adoption.
Copyright Angela Krueger. Contact the author to obtain permission for republication.
Angela Krueger - As an adoptive parent and PRIDE adoption trainer, Angela uses her insights to help others on their adoption journey.
How Adopted Kids and Teens Feel About Their Adoptions
Dec 2, 2009 Angela Krueger
ADOPTED KIDS AND TEENS ARE AFFECTED BY ADOPTION - SHYSIE FROM MORGUEFILE.COM
By understanding the effect adoption has on children and teens, adoptive parents can help their adoptee address adoption feelings through parental support and books.
As adoption has recently become more child-centred, adoptive parents are concerned about how adoption will affect kids in both the short and long terms. Although each adoption situation is different, there are some common issues that arise and adoptive parents need to know which resources are helpful for their adoptee.
Common Feelings Adopted Kids Have About Adoption
Adults who have not had any experience with adoption tend to think that an adoptive family is admirable for “rescuing” a child and the only complication may be that adoptees have some confusion over who their “real” parents are. However, the reality is that adopted kids and teens often have very complex feelings about their adoption and need help processing their thoughts and emotions. Common feelings experienced by adopted children and teens include:
- Sense of loss and grief over birth family
- Lack of control over life
- Fantasizing about what life might have been like
- Curiosity about birth heritage
- Anger toward adoptive parents and/or birth parents
- Feelings of abandonment
- Feeling unworthy of love and fear of getting emotionally close to someone
- Guilt
- Fear of rejection
Some kids may feel completely at ease with their adoption situation and not experience any of these feelings. Adoptive parents, however, have a responsibility to be aware of these issues and to provide opportunities for adopted kids and teens to express their feelings about adoption.
How Adoptive Parents Can Help Adoptees Understand Adoption
Adoptive parents usually have to initiate adoption talks with their adoptees and provide the necessary supports to assist in working through issues. To help adoptees process adoption-related feelings, adoptive parents can:
- Role play questions the child might have about adoption
- Seek early interventions to help with psychological, developmental, emotional, social and academic issues
- Discuss adoption openly and honestly in every day conversation
- Seek counseling for both the adopted child and adoptive family when complex adoption issues arise
It is never too early to talk about adoption with kids, even if it is to simply get used to using positive adoption language. The more frequently adoption is talked about in the home, the more comfortable everyone is and the groundwork will be laid for addressing complex adoption issues.
Books That Discuss the Realities of Adoption
There are many children’s books and novels directed to teens that talk about adoption and portray adopted characters. As helpful as these books may be on gently introducing adoption language to adopted kids and teens, sometimes it is more relevant to read books that tackle adoption issues head on.
How It Feels to be Adopted by Jill Krementz (Knopf, 1988) and Why Was I Adopted? by Carole Livingston (Lyle Stuart, 2000) are both straightforward and fact-based books that are appropriate for children to read with their parents. Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew by Sherrie Eldridge (Dell Publishing, 1999) is a useful resource for adopted teens, as well as adoptive parents of children of all ages.
Adoption affects adopted children and teens in many ways, but if adoptive parents understand the complex feelings adoptees can have and seek ways to help their child, adoption can be a positive experience for the whole adoptive family. For further articles on adoption-related issues read Helping an Adopted Child Grieve and Attachment and Bonding in Adoption.
Copyright Angela Krueger. Contact the author to obtain permission for republication.
Angela Krueger - As an adoptive parent and PRIDE adoption trainer, Angela uses her insights to help others on their adoption journey.